MONUMENT AU PHANTOME
"Any sign of him, Hope?"
"No, sir. Not tonight."
It looms over me. Almost smiling.
"I'll stay out here a few minutes more."
"Yes, sir. Do you need your coat?"
"No. I never do."
I never do.
I kneel, saying my nightly prayer.
It had been so long since I had felt anything, much less the chill of a Metropolis winter. The city was locked in a frosty fog, a crystal landscape of steel and diamonds, lost in the reflection of the bay.
I never get warm, either.
Lionel often asked why I had built such a thing.
"A monstrosity, Lex! What will people think?"
I never cared for what "people" thought about anything.
"I simply don't care, Father."
He didn't know me. Never would. Not the way I was known once. By one person.
It sat at the edge of Grand Central Park, my gilded God, and my lost horizon. Sometimes the sun would rise over it and I swore the entire city glowed like a gem.sometimes I would glance upon it in a heavy rain, watching it glisten and dance in the wind, watching it stand strong and steadfast, guarding me.
Damning me.
It was that year, that place.that place where my memory fails me.often lying to me..making me some sort of hero when I know all I was a Judas with a forked tongue and sweaty hands and darting eyes and betrayal tattooed about me like a fucking leopard..yes, like a leopard the lies marked me..and yet.
I remembered his voice.
"It's not your fault."
"But-"
"I shouldn't have lied. I always knew that it would hurt me someday. Hurt you someday. I knew it would come to this."
"But where will you go?"
"Away. I have to."
"Are you coming back?"
Silence.
I knew they were close. No, fuck..not this memory.
"Mercy, another shot, please!"
"Yes, sir."
Not that day. Not the day he left. Not his father lying sprawled out on cracked mud, hand clutching that rifle with all his might. Not his mother screaming until her lungs gave out.
"Hurry up, Mercy!"
Mercy. Mercy. God have mercy on my evil soul.
Stop.
The memory is real now and I am watching it all over again; the screams and the shots, the futile rally by his loved ones.
"You're an alien, Clark?"
"Promise you'll never tell, Lex. Promise."
"I love you."
I loved him enough to sell him out. To expose him. To call in every federal agency and secret ops this side of Kabul.
I loved him but hated him. We'd been together four years and he hadn't told me one truth. I only found it out when that bitch Lana Lang slipped up.
"You told her! Why her! I'm the one you loved! Fucked! Held!"
"Lana was my best friend, Lex. I had to tell someone."
"Your best friend, huh? And what was I? The bald rich fool you just loved to blow?"
"Don't be crude, Lex. I told you now, didn't I? I do trust you."
"Fuck you, Clark, with your selective truths. You have no idea what you have done."
But he did. He had to have known what I would do.
"You slept with her!"
"I'm sorry."
"It's not your fault."
"She was so lonely."
"Mercy!"
"Bastard. I loved you."
"She was hurting. I-I-I.wanted to help her."
"I love you."
"You've killed me, Clark. You've killed everything good in me."
Everything's my fault and everyday I wish I would die. Maybe there, in hell, I could pay for my crimes.
"No one will ever love you more, Lex. Don't ever forget that."
For so long afterward, I purged myself of the memories of that day. I threw myself into the company, actually forming a semblance of a relationship with Lionel. I naturally grew more and more powerful..yet.
My heart wasted away with every breath, with every movement.
"Another, Mercy!"
"Mr. Luthor, I'm not sure that's such a good idea."
"I don't want good."
The last time. Like the first. He vanished beneath the waters. His eyes so vital, his arm extended out to me.
"Come with me, Lex. I promise you won't drown."
They were only about two miles away. Burned down half of Smallville to find him. Tortured those who wouldn't talk. Her eyes screamed the loudest. Pity they broke her neck before she could scream.
The water looked so deep. Too much grey, not enough blue.
"Come with me, Lex. I'll never let them hurt you."
"Go on, Clark. I'm what you should fear, not them."
"It meant nothing, Lex. It was a mistake! Please believe me!"
Then..
"Another, Mercy!"
"Mr. Luthor, stop!"
He fucked that tramp. I shot him.
"Damn you! Another!"
His body was moving ever so quickly towards the falls, past the bridge of our first kiss, down and down and down.
I shot him.
"Please, Lex.don't let me go!"
"I have to. You have to."
And then there was the sparkle of sunlight upon the green water, green water like his eyes and for just a fraction of a second I felt him inside me, and he was laughing and we loved one another and it wasn't cold or hot or frightening.
But then he was gone.
"Where is he, Luthor?"
"Another! More!"
"Where is he, Luthor? Tell us or else!"
Cold Colt Kryptonite.
"Or else what, Mercy? You'll quit? I own you."
"I'll never tell."
"Please stop hurting, Lex."
"We'll find him."
"You own me?"
"Always love me, Clark. Always."
"It's not your fault."
Not enough to kill.
"Please, Mercy.please."
"Tell us."
"Tell me the truth."
"Or what."
"We're ruined, Clark. Dead."
".kill me."
"What?"
No one knows. No one cares. No one. No one. Clark. God. Clark.
"Mr. Luthor?"
"Yes?"
"We really must stop playing this particular game.I don't think it's a fitting way to remember him."
"Remember him?"
"Clark Kent."
"Ahh.yes."
"Do you need Doctor Kelley, sir?"
"No. Get out. Please."
Mercy packed up the gun and the bullets and locked them away in the mahogany box near the television. She shook her head ever so slightly as she silently walked out, closing the door behind her.
Lex Luthor crawled over to the double-paned window, blood dripping over the tiles.
He looked out onto the plaza, people milling around, holiday gifts in their hands. Reds and greens and blues and hues of love and connection.
Once upon a time he'd had a connection.
They moved around his statue, his monument. Most citizens thought it was some kind of Greek symbol.Apollo or Adonis.
Of course, in a way, it was both.
God. Lex still prayed .though the unbearable silence drove him to play his little game more and more often.
Her could hear faint screams of joy from the monument. It had become a kind of meeting place. Lex Luthor's latest contribution to the revitalization of Metropolis. In the summer months, the fanciful jets of water sprayed mist eight feet high; the gilt and pageantry and craftsmanship did not go unnoticed by passerby.
Nor by other visitors.
Lex struggled not to cry. A familiar form loomed over him. His.
"Lex.you have to stop hurting."
The voice was lower. Scratchier. Drier.
"Clark.please.I need you."
"I love my statue. Is that how you saw me?"
Once the voice had flowed like that stream in Kansas.
"Yes."
"I love you, Lex."
Carolers sang a hymn in the plaza. Lex raised his hand. A gloved one reached down to meet his.
"Clark.is it.am I?"
The skin warm. Still slightly tanned. Black coat. Eyes sunken.
"No."
Toothsome smile. A trace of green there. But a friendly green.
"What are you? Are you."
A strong, gloved hand caressed Lex's wet cheek.
Outside, the statue was illuminated by dozens of colored lights.
"I'll never leave you."
People make mistakes. Destroy one another. In certain cases, however, there lies room for redemption.
It was freezing cold and blistering hot all at once.
"Never?"
"I'll haunt you.and love you.forever."
Lex readied himself for the kiss.
END
"Any sign of him, Hope?"
"No, sir. Not tonight."
It looms over me. Almost smiling.
"I'll stay out here a few minutes more."
"Yes, sir. Do you need your coat?"
"No. I never do."
I never do.
I kneel, saying my nightly prayer.
It had been so long since I had felt anything, much less the chill of a Metropolis winter. The city was locked in a frosty fog, a crystal landscape of steel and diamonds, lost in the reflection of the bay.
I never get warm, either.
Lionel often asked why I had built such a thing.
"A monstrosity, Lex! What will people think?"
I never cared for what "people" thought about anything.
"I simply don't care, Father."
He didn't know me. Never would. Not the way I was known once. By one person.
It sat at the edge of Grand Central Park, my gilded God, and my lost horizon. Sometimes the sun would rise over it and I swore the entire city glowed like a gem.sometimes I would glance upon it in a heavy rain, watching it glisten and dance in the wind, watching it stand strong and steadfast, guarding me.
Damning me.
It was that year, that place.that place where my memory fails me.often lying to me..making me some sort of hero when I know all I was a Judas with a forked tongue and sweaty hands and darting eyes and betrayal tattooed about me like a fucking leopard..yes, like a leopard the lies marked me..and yet.
I remembered his voice.
"It's not your fault."
"But-"
"I shouldn't have lied. I always knew that it would hurt me someday. Hurt you someday. I knew it would come to this."
"But where will you go?"
"Away. I have to."
"Are you coming back?"
Silence.
I knew they were close. No, fuck..not this memory.
"Mercy, another shot, please!"
"Yes, sir."
Not that day. Not the day he left. Not his father lying sprawled out on cracked mud, hand clutching that rifle with all his might. Not his mother screaming until her lungs gave out.
"Hurry up, Mercy!"
Mercy. Mercy. God have mercy on my evil soul.
Stop.
The memory is real now and I am watching it all over again; the screams and the shots, the futile rally by his loved ones.
"You're an alien, Clark?"
"Promise you'll never tell, Lex. Promise."
"I love you."
I loved him enough to sell him out. To expose him. To call in every federal agency and secret ops this side of Kabul.
I loved him but hated him. We'd been together four years and he hadn't told me one truth. I only found it out when that bitch Lana Lang slipped up.
"You told her! Why her! I'm the one you loved! Fucked! Held!"
"Lana was my best friend, Lex. I had to tell someone."
"Your best friend, huh? And what was I? The bald rich fool you just loved to blow?"
"Don't be crude, Lex. I told you now, didn't I? I do trust you."
"Fuck you, Clark, with your selective truths. You have no idea what you have done."
But he did. He had to have known what I would do.
"You slept with her!"
"I'm sorry."
"It's not your fault."
"She was so lonely."
"Mercy!"
"Bastard. I loved you."
"She was hurting. I-I-I.wanted to help her."
"I love you."
"You've killed me, Clark. You've killed everything good in me."
Everything's my fault and everyday I wish I would die. Maybe there, in hell, I could pay for my crimes.
"No one will ever love you more, Lex. Don't ever forget that."
For so long afterward, I purged myself of the memories of that day. I threw myself into the company, actually forming a semblance of a relationship with Lionel. I naturally grew more and more powerful..yet.
My heart wasted away with every breath, with every movement.
"Another, Mercy!"
"Mr. Luthor, I'm not sure that's such a good idea."
"I don't want good."
The last time. Like the first. He vanished beneath the waters. His eyes so vital, his arm extended out to me.
"Come with me, Lex. I promise you won't drown."
They were only about two miles away. Burned down half of Smallville to find him. Tortured those who wouldn't talk. Her eyes screamed the loudest. Pity they broke her neck before she could scream.
The water looked so deep. Too much grey, not enough blue.
"Come with me, Lex. I'll never let them hurt you."
"Go on, Clark. I'm what you should fear, not them."
"It meant nothing, Lex. It was a mistake! Please believe me!"
Then..
"Another, Mercy!"
"Mr. Luthor, stop!"
He fucked that tramp. I shot him.
"Damn you! Another!"
His body was moving ever so quickly towards the falls, past the bridge of our first kiss, down and down and down.
I shot him.
"Please, Lex.don't let me go!"
"I have to. You have to."
And then there was the sparkle of sunlight upon the green water, green water like his eyes and for just a fraction of a second I felt him inside me, and he was laughing and we loved one another and it wasn't cold or hot or frightening.
But then he was gone.
"Where is he, Luthor?"
"Another! More!"
"Where is he, Luthor? Tell us or else!"
Cold Colt Kryptonite.
"Or else what, Mercy? You'll quit? I own you."
"I'll never tell."
"Please stop hurting, Lex."
"We'll find him."
"You own me?"
"Always love me, Clark. Always."
"It's not your fault."
Not enough to kill.
"Please, Mercy.please."
"Tell us."
"Tell me the truth."
"Or what."
"We're ruined, Clark. Dead."
".kill me."
"What?"
No one knows. No one cares. No one. No one. Clark. God. Clark.
"Mr. Luthor?"
"Yes?"
"We really must stop playing this particular game.I don't think it's a fitting way to remember him."
"Remember him?"
"Clark Kent."
"Ahh.yes."
"Do you need Doctor Kelley, sir?"
"No. Get out. Please."
Mercy packed up the gun and the bullets and locked them away in the mahogany box near the television. She shook her head ever so slightly as she silently walked out, closing the door behind her.
Lex Luthor crawled over to the double-paned window, blood dripping over the tiles.
He looked out onto the plaza, people milling around, holiday gifts in their hands. Reds and greens and blues and hues of love and connection.
Once upon a time he'd had a connection.
They moved around his statue, his monument. Most citizens thought it was some kind of Greek symbol.Apollo or Adonis.
Of course, in a way, it was both.
God. Lex still prayed .though the unbearable silence drove him to play his little game more and more often.
Her could hear faint screams of joy from the monument. It had become a kind of meeting place. Lex Luthor's latest contribution to the revitalization of Metropolis. In the summer months, the fanciful jets of water sprayed mist eight feet high; the gilt and pageantry and craftsmanship did not go unnoticed by passerby.
Nor by other visitors.
Lex struggled not to cry. A familiar form loomed over him. His.
"Lex.you have to stop hurting."
The voice was lower. Scratchier. Drier.
"Clark.please.I need you."
"I love my statue. Is that how you saw me?"
Once the voice had flowed like that stream in Kansas.
"Yes."
"I love you, Lex."
Carolers sang a hymn in the plaza. Lex raised his hand. A gloved one reached down to meet his.
"Clark.is it.am I?"
The skin warm. Still slightly tanned. Black coat. Eyes sunken.
"No."
Toothsome smile. A trace of green there. But a friendly green.
"What are you? Are you."
A strong, gloved hand caressed Lex's wet cheek.
Outside, the statue was illuminated by dozens of colored lights.
"I'll never leave you."
People make mistakes. Destroy one another. In certain cases, however, there lies room for redemption.
It was freezing cold and blistering hot all at once.
"Never?"
"I'll haunt you.and love you.forever."
Lex readied himself for the kiss.
END