This is a redo of an older fic of mine.
I do not own Twilight.
"Alice, would you be a dear and fetch my fan?" I ask my maid with a sigh, sitting carefully on the edge of my rocking chair.
"Yes'm." The young woman runs up the stairs to my chambers.
"Mrs. Black, someone in uniform is at the door," my butler Seth announces quietly from the doorway of my sitting room.
"Bring him in." It must be news about the war. I sit back in my chair, knitting the socks I would be sending in Jacob's next care package.
"Um, Mrs. Jacob Black?" A soldier in a well-worn southern officer's uniform, with shaggy blond hair and blue eyes hesitates in the doorway.
I rise as he doffs his cap, shaking the hair out of his eyes. "Major Jasper Whitlock, ma'am. I'm here to fulfill my promise to a comrade of mine."
"Who?" My hand flies to my throat. My Jacob, or Rose's Michael or Edward. I can't bear to lose them, any of them.
"Edward Williamson, ma'am," Major Whitlock says, head bowed.
I sit back abruptly in my chair, with much emotion, and little grace. This could only mean one thing.
"Williamson died in battle two weeks ago, ma'am, of a bullet wound in the stomach. He knew what was comin' for 'im, and wrote a letter for me to give to you." He hands it to me, but I cannot open it.
I am numb, completely numb as the tears stream silently down my cheeks.
"Mrs. Black, I'm so sorry." Major Whitlock pauses, stricken. "If it's any consolation, ma'am, he died a hero. He saved my life."
Dead. My Edward (for that's what he was, despite my surname) is gone. I'll never see him again. My thoughts flash back to five years earlier, on the fateful day that changed my life for good.
"Bella, I'm joining the army." Edward said solemnly, one May night on the veranda. "There is possibility of a war soon, and I want to help."
"Oh Edward, before we are married?" I couldn't imagine him leaving.
"You see Bella, that's just it. I can't marry you. Not now, not ever." His voice was flat, his face blank.
"Wh- what?" I couldn't form a complete thought, let alone a full sentence.
"Bella, I couldn't leave you, not knowing if I was going to come back or not. You shouldn't have to wait for your future that may never come, or for me."
"Edward, you can't do this to me. I don't want a future without you." My voice was teary, and my vision blurred.
"I'm sorry Bella." He kissed me on the forehead, and left, never to return.
Two months later, I found myself betrothed to William Jacob Black II, Jacob rather. We had been friends for ages, since he was a boy in breeches, and I was a girl in knee-length skirts. My parents were delighted, as was Billy, Jacob's father. I just missed Edward. We were married after a six month betrothal, and our daughter Victoria was born less than a year later.
Then the war started, and my Jacob joined up as well, and I was left with almost nothing. We had freed our household slaves long ago, after old Mr. Black's death, so I hired the staff. When the war broke out, everyone but my maid, our butler, and the cook left us. Most went north. I cannot say I blame them, seeing how well the war is going, that is to say, not very. So it is just young Tori and I at home with what little staff we have left.
I love my Jacob dearly, and Tori is my life's pride, but it isn't the same. My love for Jacob is one of friendship, loyalty, compassion, determination even. However, it isn't the love I still feel for Edward. That love is a fiery, passionate thing that could not be squelched by time or distance, no matter what he said that night when he left, leaving a wound in my heart that never healed.
Now my Edward is gone forever.
After gathering as much mental strength as I can muster, I open the letter Major Whitlock gave me. He has returned to the stables, to care for his horse, as well as to give me some much-needed privacy.
Edward's dear, familiar script is wobbly in distress, but I can still decipher it.
My dearest Isabella,
When you read this, I will have left this earth. I have Jasper's word that he will give this to you, and I would trust him with my life. I already have trusted him with my life, I suppose. Care for him, because his family has been lost. He was like my brother, and now, I hope for both of your sakes, like yours as well.
Don't cry for me, Bella. My sorry self isn't worth the tears, not yours. I am in a better place, but even heaven will be a lonely place without you.
Forgive me, my sweet Bella. I didn't realize what my leaving you would mean. I hear you married Black, and have a daughter. I must admit that, in my darker hours, I wish it had been me.
Michael and Rose must carry on the Williamson name, I suppose.
Bella, my dear, beautiful Bella, I never stopped loving you, I hope you know that. Every spare moment I had was filled with thoughts of you.
I have loved you forever, as long as I have known you. The few years we shared aren't enough, the short span of our courtship not even a tick of the clock. We should have had forever.
I'm sorry I never-
That is it. "What did he regret?" I ask quietly, not realizing Major Whitlock had returned.
"Mrs. Black, he asked me to give you this, saying it would explain everything."
He pulls a leather pouch out of his inner coat pocket, and hands it to me. I open it with trembling fingers, fumbling the button open. I tipped the contents out onto my lap.
Out falls a photo case, a watch, a bronze identification tag… and a wedding band, engraved My Bella.
With that, another wound is added to my soul, never to heal.
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