Title: Pieces Of Passion
Author: Lioness
Rating: PG-13
Category: UC/Drama
Legal Stuff: Roswell doesn't belong to me. It belongs to Jason Katmis Productions and The WB.
____________________________________________________________________________________
I sat in the back booth at the empty Crashdown. The pain shot through me as I saw Max Evans walked in, hand in hand with Liz Parker. It's not that I didn't want them to be happy...it's just that I wanted to be happy too.
Ever since Nasedo died I've had the opportunity to explore my human side. Realize that I'm not alien alone. In doing that I discovered that I wanted to be happy. Happy in any way. Maybe that way wasn't being with Max, but since I didn't know what my true happiness was...I wanted him more than ever. Seeing him with her hurt me. But he didn't have to know that.
Christmas was over. The new year, begun. My Christmas was lovely. I'd never really celebrated it before. And I had a wonderful time with Valenti's and Amy DeLuca. And I could always feel Kyle's eyes on the back of my neck. He was sweet, but he wasn't what I wanted. I knew he wasn't that true happiness I was longing for.
So there I sat, watching Max and Liz hang all over each other. She was playing with the straw in the Coke she had gotten. God, they were together and she was flirting with him. I doubt they knew I was there, even with me staring at them like they were from another planet. Well...I was half right.
Just as I glanced away from their happy little duo I saw Max's eyes flash over to me, just noticing that I was there. I could see them out of the corner of my eye. They were both looking at me and whispering back and forth. I picked at my cold fries.
I stiffened as I saw them both walk over to my booth.
"Hey, Tess." Liz greeted. The tone in her voice indicated that Max had instructed her to say hello first.
I looked up at them both. I gave them my best 'I'm happy for you...really. No matter how much emotional turmoil *I'm* going through, it's important that you're happy' smile. "Hi, Liz...Max." Even I noticed I said his name softer.
"What are you doing here? The Crashdown is closed." She said defensively. I was on her home turf, literally.
"I helped close up. It was a madhouse in here and Maria was desperate. I guess she didn't want to disturb you for most anything. I would...thank her for that. I was around she asked, I obliged. " I said quickly. I swallowed at their skeptical looks.
They gave each other a look. I suppose they accepted this story that seemed so fake, but was in fact, true.
"What are you still doing here?" Liz continued to interrogate.
"I hadn't gotten any food. I was still eating. We only closed twenty minutes ago." I said harshly. I was getting tired of the third degree. "I guess I'll be going then." I stood up and pushed past them both. I walked out of the cafe` and walked quickly down the pavement. Then I realized I'd left my purse sitting there. "Damnit..." I mumbled, turning around. In turning around so quickly, I almost ran into Max.
"Max!" I stated *so* smartly in surprise.
He gave me this weird quick smile. "You left your purse in the, the, there."
"Your precious Liz let you walk out of her sight to go return something to *me*?" I asked, taking my bag as roughly as I'd spoken to him. "I'll see you Monday at school." I turned back around and began to walk away from him, tears of regret began to spill down my face. I regretted saying those things to him. Saying those things to Liz. Agreeing to help Maria, almost sure I would meet up with them.
"Tess."
I stopped in my tracks. The simple sound of my name stopped me. But it wasn't just my name. It was my name being said by him...he had this tone in his voice...
I could hear his steps walking toward me, the soles of his shoes sticking ever so slightly to the pavement from the days earlier rain. I didn't turn around -I couldn't let him see me crying.
"Tess," He said again, "I know you're hurt."
I spun around, almost slipping. "No shit I'm hurt! I come to this devil of a town looking for the love of my life and what do I get? I get you and the love of *your* life sitting in front of me. God, Max, you don't know what that feels like." The tears kept coming, but this time they were of anger. Tears I had cried a thousand times before. "And you know what? I'm tired of it. Ever since I've come here all I've gotten are looks of hatred from every soul who knows what I really am. But you know what? I know what you really are. Just because you can't see it. Just because you don't want to see it...I still know what you are and you can't deny that." I turned back around, but I didn't move. It was if I couldn't move. Or maybe that I didn't want to move. That maybe I wanted to hear what he had to say.
"Tess, I can understand where you're coming from. It really makes sense to me. But you have to understand...I love Liz. I can say I'm only friends with her, but there's no backing down from it. I love her. And...and I want to be friends with you. And maybe someday, someday soon, you and Liz could look past your differences and be friends too."
"How-" I said softly. I sniffed and spoke up. "How can we look past our differences when our difference is in her arms looking into her eyes, loving her?"
He stepped closer. I could feel warmth coming off of his body. I held my head up as a subliminal message that I didn't need him. But the angry tears only told him that I couldn't live without him. I turned around, and he was right there, closer than ever. Face to face.
"I don't know what to say." He said, looking down, just past my eyes into my cheek.
I made eye contact for the first time that entire night. "You don't know what to say because I'm right. There is no way any relationship between us will work. I know that, but it doesn't stop me from feeling. I don't know what you want me to do. You want me to go to home and make myself and nice little fake Roswell life with, with, Kyle? Make myself a life with *him* and be happy and have a faux normality. It would sure look nice to everyone. So we can all be so happy. Wake up, Max, that's not who we are."
He stood still, looking away from me, but still close. He didn't say anything. I took this time to make a move. It was gutsy, and it was wrong, but I couldn't help myself. I gently touched the left side of his face. His eyes drifted back to me at the touch. "Max, we were made for each other. The perfect match." I reached up and kissed him. And to my surprise, he kissed me back. But still, it was him to pull away. He even backed up a few steps.
"Liz and I-"
"I'm sorry." I interrupted. "I've heard you talk about Liz over and over again. I don't need to hear it again. I'm sorry I kissed you. I'll leave you and Liz alone from now on. I"m sorry." I turned around for the sixth time that night.
And once again, Max stopped me.
"Liz protested my going after you."
I stood still. What did he mean by that? Only one way to discover the answer. "What do you mean?"
"I saw your bag there and I grabbed it. Liz told me to wait and you'd pick it up tomorrow. But I came."
"Why?" I asked softly, my back still to him.
"Because you care. You try." He paused. "You hurt."
A tear slipped down my cheek. But for once this wasn't a tear or anger, or bitterness. I cried because I realized that he knew how I felt. I turned back around. He was standing there. He extended his hand to me. I took it. "Come."
And I went with him, not knowing what to expect.
He and I walked to where his Jeep was parked outside of the Crashdown. I glanced inside the building. Liz was nowhere in sight. I climbed in next to him. And we drove.
We drove away from Roswell. Away from Liz. Away from everything that was holding us back. I don't know if that's what he was thinking while we drove, but that's how I felt.
As we drove, Max and I talked. We didn't talk about anything important. We discussed TV, movies, music, things like that. We swapped stupid jokes. It was a dream come true. Max Evans was enjoying my company.
It was dark out, but I recognized where we were going. I glanced over at him. "We're going to the pod chamber."
He smiled, but kept his eyes on the road. "It's our common bond."
I smiled too. And for once I felt like I belonged. Maybe not with Max, though it could still be a distant dream, but I felt like I belonged...somewhere. And that was worth everything.
Finally, after what seemed like hours we got to the pod chamber. We got out of the Jeep and made our way into the hidden entrance. Once we got in, we didn't know what to do. My curiosity overcame me. "What are we doing here? You bring me back my purse, leaving Liz behind and we just drive away? Why?"
He didn't smile. But he didn't frown. He kept that placid look on his face. His eyes closed briefly as if he were thinking up an answer. "Liz doesn't own me. I can go and do without her permission. And she trusts-"
"But she doesn't trust me." I interrupted. "She doesn't trust me as far as she could throw me. And I think that even though she trusts you, she's sitting at home afraid because you ran off with me. And she doesn't know what I'm going to do."
Max walked over to a little dent in to stone, big enough to make into a small seat. He sat down. He patted the small area next to him. I walked over and sat down next to him. "You really have to calm down." He said.
I exhaled the breath I had been holding in ever since we got there.
He let out a small laugh. "I thought this would be better place for us to talk. Not yelling on a sidewalk."
I smiled in return. "Yeah, you're right, but I sort of thought that after I kissed you, you would rather just write me off as 'that girl who you're forced to talk to since she's part of your species'."
There was that laugh again, but he didn't say anything. It was like he was expecting me to say something. He was sitting so close. I could smell the light sent of some sort of cologne. I swallowed. "Is this some sort of test?"
Once again he laughed. "No. I just wanted you to know that I do trust you. And even thought Liz doesn't, or most anyone else doesn't, I do."
"That's nice to hear."
Then out of nowhere he kissed me. He kissed me and I kissed back. Gently he pushed me off of the ledge and I was lying on the floor. He continued to kiss me. It was like a dream. You know how when you dream, sometimes you know you dreamed, but you can't remember what the dream was? That's what happened that night.
I remember waking up.
I was lying on the ground in the pod chamber. My T-Shirt was lying over my chest, but when I sat up, I realized that there was nothing under the T-Shirt. I looked around me. I saw Max sitting on the ledge. Before I spoke I made sure to pull my shirt on. "Max?"
He looked at me. The look on his face -it was a combination of sadness and regret. "Tess."
Hey said my name, but it wasn't the way he said it before. This time is wiser. Now he was wise enough to realize that he could love me.
"Max."
My voice was wiser too. I was wise enough to realize that he would never love me again.
We drove back to the Crashdown where he let me off. We didn't say a word the entire time.
*
Two Days Later
*
I sat in the back booth in the busy Crashdown. I had spent the past days dwelling in that night I could barely remember. I caught bits and pieces of passion through the memory retrieval techniques I had learned. I got up to leave. As I paid Maria for my food, I turned to leave, almost running into Max Evans. I had spent two days avoiding him, but there he was. He silently took my arm and we walked outside the cafe`.
"What is it?" I asked.
"Tess, I need to talk to you about the other night. It was-"
"A mistake. It was completely out of character for you. You love Liz and there is no way we can ever be together because of the bond you have with her. It was wrong and it can never happen again."
He looked at me, bewildered. "You took the words right out of my mouth."
"I told you. We were made for each other." I gently touched his face and then a walked away. I didn't see him again until the next day. Things were as they were supposed to be.
He and Liz were all over each other as usual. But as walked away that day, I felt something. I felt him smile at me.
End...
Author: Lioness
Rating: PG-13
Category: UC/Drama
Legal Stuff: Roswell doesn't belong to me. It belongs to Jason Katmis Productions and The WB.
____________________________________________________________________________________
I sat in the back booth at the empty Crashdown. The pain shot through me as I saw Max Evans walked in, hand in hand with Liz Parker. It's not that I didn't want them to be happy...it's just that I wanted to be happy too.
Ever since Nasedo died I've had the opportunity to explore my human side. Realize that I'm not alien alone. In doing that I discovered that I wanted to be happy. Happy in any way. Maybe that way wasn't being with Max, but since I didn't know what my true happiness was...I wanted him more than ever. Seeing him with her hurt me. But he didn't have to know that.
Christmas was over. The new year, begun. My Christmas was lovely. I'd never really celebrated it before. And I had a wonderful time with Valenti's and Amy DeLuca. And I could always feel Kyle's eyes on the back of my neck. He was sweet, but he wasn't what I wanted. I knew he wasn't that true happiness I was longing for.
So there I sat, watching Max and Liz hang all over each other. She was playing with the straw in the Coke she had gotten. God, they were together and she was flirting with him. I doubt they knew I was there, even with me staring at them like they were from another planet. Well...I was half right.
Just as I glanced away from their happy little duo I saw Max's eyes flash over to me, just noticing that I was there. I could see them out of the corner of my eye. They were both looking at me and whispering back and forth. I picked at my cold fries.
I stiffened as I saw them both walk over to my booth.
"Hey, Tess." Liz greeted. The tone in her voice indicated that Max had instructed her to say hello first.
I looked up at them both. I gave them my best 'I'm happy for you...really. No matter how much emotional turmoil *I'm* going through, it's important that you're happy' smile. "Hi, Liz...Max." Even I noticed I said his name softer.
"What are you doing here? The Crashdown is closed." She said defensively. I was on her home turf, literally.
"I helped close up. It was a madhouse in here and Maria was desperate. I guess she didn't want to disturb you for most anything. I would...thank her for that. I was around she asked, I obliged. " I said quickly. I swallowed at their skeptical looks.
They gave each other a look. I suppose they accepted this story that seemed so fake, but was in fact, true.
"What are you still doing here?" Liz continued to interrogate.
"I hadn't gotten any food. I was still eating. We only closed twenty minutes ago." I said harshly. I was getting tired of the third degree. "I guess I'll be going then." I stood up and pushed past them both. I walked out of the cafe` and walked quickly down the pavement. Then I realized I'd left my purse sitting there. "Damnit..." I mumbled, turning around. In turning around so quickly, I almost ran into Max.
"Max!" I stated *so* smartly in surprise.
He gave me this weird quick smile. "You left your purse in the, the, there."
"Your precious Liz let you walk out of her sight to go return something to *me*?" I asked, taking my bag as roughly as I'd spoken to him. "I'll see you Monday at school." I turned back around and began to walk away from him, tears of regret began to spill down my face. I regretted saying those things to him. Saying those things to Liz. Agreeing to help Maria, almost sure I would meet up with them.
"Tess."
I stopped in my tracks. The simple sound of my name stopped me. But it wasn't just my name. It was my name being said by him...he had this tone in his voice...
I could hear his steps walking toward me, the soles of his shoes sticking ever so slightly to the pavement from the days earlier rain. I didn't turn around -I couldn't let him see me crying.
"Tess," He said again, "I know you're hurt."
I spun around, almost slipping. "No shit I'm hurt! I come to this devil of a town looking for the love of my life and what do I get? I get you and the love of *your* life sitting in front of me. God, Max, you don't know what that feels like." The tears kept coming, but this time they were of anger. Tears I had cried a thousand times before. "And you know what? I'm tired of it. Ever since I've come here all I've gotten are looks of hatred from every soul who knows what I really am. But you know what? I know what you really are. Just because you can't see it. Just because you don't want to see it...I still know what you are and you can't deny that." I turned back around, but I didn't move. It was if I couldn't move. Or maybe that I didn't want to move. That maybe I wanted to hear what he had to say.
"Tess, I can understand where you're coming from. It really makes sense to me. But you have to understand...I love Liz. I can say I'm only friends with her, but there's no backing down from it. I love her. And...and I want to be friends with you. And maybe someday, someday soon, you and Liz could look past your differences and be friends too."
"How-" I said softly. I sniffed and spoke up. "How can we look past our differences when our difference is in her arms looking into her eyes, loving her?"
He stepped closer. I could feel warmth coming off of his body. I held my head up as a subliminal message that I didn't need him. But the angry tears only told him that I couldn't live without him. I turned around, and he was right there, closer than ever. Face to face.
"I don't know what to say." He said, looking down, just past my eyes into my cheek.
I made eye contact for the first time that entire night. "You don't know what to say because I'm right. There is no way any relationship between us will work. I know that, but it doesn't stop me from feeling. I don't know what you want me to do. You want me to go to home and make myself and nice little fake Roswell life with, with, Kyle? Make myself a life with *him* and be happy and have a faux normality. It would sure look nice to everyone. So we can all be so happy. Wake up, Max, that's not who we are."
He stood still, looking away from me, but still close. He didn't say anything. I took this time to make a move. It was gutsy, and it was wrong, but I couldn't help myself. I gently touched the left side of his face. His eyes drifted back to me at the touch. "Max, we were made for each other. The perfect match." I reached up and kissed him. And to my surprise, he kissed me back. But still, it was him to pull away. He even backed up a few steps.
"Liz and I-"
"I'm sorry." I interrupted. "I've heard you talk about Liz over and over again. I don't need to hear it again. I'm sorry I kissed you. I'll leave you and Liz alone from now on. I"m sorry." I turned around for the sixth time that night.
And once again, Max stopped me.
"Liz protested my going after you."
I stood still. What did he mean by that? Only one way to discover the answer. "What do you mean?"
"I saw your bag there and I grabbed it. Liz told me to wait and you'd pick it up tomorrow. But I came."
"Why?" I asked softly, my back still to him.
"Because you care. You try." He paused. "You hurt."
A tear slipped down my cheek. But for once this wasn't a tear or anger, or bitterness. I cried because I realized that he knew how I felt. I turned back around. He was standing there. He extended his hand to me. I took it. "Come."
And I went with him, not knowing what to expect.
He and I walked to where his Jeep was parked outside of the Crashdown. I glanced inside the building. Liz was nowhere in sight. I climbed in next to him. And we drove.
We drove away from Roswell. Away from Liz. Away from everything that was holding us back. I don't know if that's what he was thinking while we drove, but that's how I felt.
As we drove, Max and I talked. We didn't talk about anything important. We discussed TV, movies, music, things like that. We swapped stupid jokes. It was a dream come true. Max Evans was enjoying my company.
It was dark out, but I recognized where we were going. I glanced over at him. "We're going to the pod chamber."
He smiled, but kept his eyes on the road. "It's our common bond."
I smiled too. And for once I felt like I belonged. Maybe not with Max, though it could still be a distant dream, but I felt like I belonged...somewhere. And that was worth everything.
Finally, after what seemed like hours we got to the pod chamber. We got out of the Jeep and made our way into the hidden entrance. Once we got in, we didn't know what to do. My curiosity overcame me. "What are we doing here? You bring me back my purse, leaving Liz behind and we just drive away? Why?"
He didn't smile. But he didn't frown. He kept that placid look on his face. His eyes closed briefly as if he were thinking up an answer. "Liz doesn't own me. I can go and do without her permission. And she trusts-"
"But she doesn't trust me." I interrupted. "She doesn't trust me as far as she could throw me. And I think that even though she trusts you, she's sitting at home afraid because you ran off with me. And she doesn't know what I'm going to do."
Max walked over to a little dent in to stone, big enough to make into a small seat. He sat down. He patted the small area next to him. I walked over and sat down next to him. "You really have to calm down." He said.
I exhaled the breath I had been holding in ever since we got there.
He let out a small laugh. "I thought this would be better place for us to talk. Not yelling on a sidewalk."
I smiled in return. "Yeah, you're right, but I sort of thought that after I kissed you, you would rather just write me off as 'that girl who you're forced to talk to since she's part of your species'."
There was that laugh again, but he didn't say anything. It was like he was expecting me to say something. He was sitting so close. I could smell the light sent of some sort of cologne. I swallowed. "Is this some sort of test?"
Once again he laughed. "No. I just wanted you to know that I do trust you. And even thought Liz doesn't, or most anyone else doesn't, I do."
"That's nice to hear."
Then out of nowhere he kissed me. He kissed me and I kissed back. Gently he pushed me off of the ledge and I was lying on the floor. He continued to kiss me. It was like a dream. You know how when you dream, sometimes you know you dreamed, but you can't remember what the dream was? That's what happened that night.
I remember waking up.
I was lying on the ground in the pod chamber. My T-Shirt was lying over my chest, but when I sat up, I realized that there was nothing under the T-Shirt. I looked around me. I saw Max sitting on the ledge. Before I spoke I made sure to pull my shirt on. "Max?"
He looked at me. The look on his face -it was a combination of sadness and regret. "Tess."
Hey said my name, but it wasn't the way he said it before. This time is wiser. Now he was wise enough to realize that he could love me.
"Max."
My voice was wiser too. I was wise enough to realize that he would never love me again.
We drove back to the Crashdown where he let me off. We didn't say a word the entire time.
*
Two Days Later
*
I sat in the back booth in the busy Crashdown. I had spent the past days dwelling in that night I could barely remember. I caught bits and pieces of passion through the memory retrieval techniques I had learned. I got up to leave. As I paid Maria for my food, I turned to leave, almost running into Max Evans. I had spent two days avoiding him, but there he was. He silently took my arm and we walked outside the cafe`.
"What is it?" I asked.
"Tess, I need to talk to you about the other night. It was-"
"A mistake. It was completely out of character for you. You love Liz and there is no way we can ever be together because of the bond you have with her. It was wrong and it can never happen again."
He looked at me, bewildered. "You took the words right out of my mouth."
"I told you. We were made for each other." I gently touched his face and then a walked away. I didn't see him again until the next day. Things were as they were supposed to be.
He and Liz were all over each other as usual. But as walked away that day, I felt something. I felt him smile at me.
End...