Defenses Down
Kitty Invictus
Author's note: This takes place durring a few events from "Home part one", then starts to go differently. I'm not sure if other events will be included, but we'll see as I go. This will be my first BSG fic, I hope it turns out well.
XXX XXX XXX
Chapter one: Three Images, Three Possesions
"This is Starbuck do you read me?"
There was no way to describe how happy I was when I heard her voice. Although it was scratchy there was no mistaking it was her. "Is anybody getting this." I smiled broadly at her impatience. "Hello?" She continued. "Hello?"
I was so overjoyed that I couldn't help but start in a dead run towards the hatch she'd be coming through. I had been aboard the Astral Queen for almost a week. We had waited there for her for almost that long.
I couldn't help but think of the horrible way I had acted before she left. I wish I had realized what had made me say those things before I said them. No, that understanding had come to me after she was gone. I had been jealous plain and simple. How had I not seen it then.
I had known that my feelings towards Kara were complicated, but I had never let it get to me. I had always tried to keep it under control. I cared for her and I had as long as I had known her. When she and my brother had been together, I thought of her like a sister. Since his death though, my feelings had become much more complex, much more confusing.
There were now three images of her that would be ingrained in my mind for the rest of my life.
The first was at Zak's funeral. She had been ready to fall apart. That was the only time I have ever seen tears in her eyes. On that day more than two years ago, the invincible Starbuck had flinched when those shots were fired. That had been Kara. Not Starbuck. My heart had gone out to her that day.
The second was her in that dress during the colonial day celebrations. I had hoped maybe the dress had been for me. I knew it was selfish, but after our conversation earlier and she basically told me to ask her to dance.That had been all Starbuck, nothing but show. She had looked so beautiful. Then she went and slept with Baltar.
The third and final image that haunted me the most, was the way she had looked at me after I practically called her a whore then punched her. That had been a mix of her two personalities. Danger and vulnerability all mixed in to one. The rage behind her eyes and the betrayal. That look had plagued my thoughts ever since
Now after weeks of beating myself up, I had an opportunity to make things right. I promised myself I would talk to her. I had to at least apologize. And maybe if I could work up the nerve, maybe just maybe, I'd try to tell her how I felt.
I got to a hallway parallel to the one leading to the hatch and realized I had made a wrong turn. By the time I caught up with the others, she was already turning the corner.
I walked quickly past the others and noticed that Kara smiled when she saw me. We walked up, grasped each-other and held on for dear life at least for a few seconds. As the hug ended, we started to pull apart but I leaned in and kissed her without thinking. After that she pulled away a little and looked at me for a fraction of a second.
"Good to see you too captain?" She gave me a questioning look. I paused for a second and realized everyone else was watching. She didn't push me away though. She still had her hands on my shoulders.
I swallowed down what I wanted to say and went with the first thing that came to mind. "Remind me to send you to the brig later."
"Yeah well," she responded sarcastically. Even as she turned to the president, I couldn't help but look at her. She looked back at me. "Lee there's something I need to tell you-" Before she could finish, It walked in.
My mind was clouded by rage for the machine that had shot my father. The next few minutes were tense and filled with anger. My gun pushing into it's face, Helo's gun pointed at the base of my skull and Kara's hand on my arm. Kara's hand not Starbuck's. That was what stopped me from shooting the frakking thing.
Thought's raced through my mind as President Roslin told us to put our guns down. I thought I knew at that point that she had no intention of keeping the toaster alive.
It was my turn to feel betrayal. How could Kara bring this thing back with her knowing what it was? One of those things had tried to kill my father, and Kara had brought it there so it could try where the other one had failed.
Once we lowered our weapons, I was happy to hear the president order it out the airlock. I explained to Helo that she had shot my father but he didn't look as sympathetic as he could have.
I snapped at Kara when she asked if my father was okay, but I didn't regret it. Helo pleaded with Kara to tell us that it had saved them. She didn't say a word in it's defense. That made me feel a little better. She just pulled out the arrow and showed it to the president.
XXX XXX XXX
My mission was done. I brought back the arrow of Apollo. In this situation, it really was an ironic name. My Apollo was only standing a few meters away as I held up the golden arrow. I couldn't believe everything that had just happened.
I couldn't accept that I had missed so much. Lee rarely got that emotional, so I knew he wasn't kidding. The hurt in his eyes when he stood in front of me was so painful to see. For a few seconds, he refused to look at me. I knew it was Lee I was seeing not Apollo.
"It's great to see you again Kara. Thanks for brining in the trash." He said hurtfully. That's what Lee did when he was hurting. The same thing I do, hurt someone else. And his words did hurt a little.
But I didn't feel for Sharon what Helo felt. The only reason I cared at all what happened to that thing was for Helo's sake. I wondered if Lee knew that. Or did he blame me for Sharon being there. I didn't want her there anymore than he did.
Her kind had created those farms. They had cut into me and they were going to hook me up to one of those machines. They were going to use me like some precious commodity. They thought I had a destiny.
Once everyone else had left, I remembered that I had left a few things on the heavy raider. I went back on board and got them. I had never owned much stuff. Being in the colonial fleet was a minimalist life. But there were three things that I couldn't bring myself to leave on Caprica.
One was my fathers jacket. When I was a child, his jacket had half belonged to me anyway. I had worn it on so many occasions even though it had been extremely oversized. It was comfort, to me. My father would pass me his jacket when he got home and I would wear it until he needed it again.
The second was my cassette of his music. When my mother decided that I needed to be taught a lesson, she would yell and insult and even hurt me, but if I could go and listen to my father's music, it would all be better. I had very distinct memories of nursing broken fingers while closing my eyes and letting the music flow over me.
The third was Sam's pyramid ball. It was a piece of Anders. I promised myself again and again, I'd go back for him. I had to. He had been so much to me on Caprica. I couldn't get him out of my head. He had given me the ball saying that it belonged to me now. He said I had won it fair and square in our one on one matches.
I put on my father's jacket and put the cassette in the pocket. I took Sam's... no my ball and left. I wandered around for a bit. I had forgotten to ask where I was going to be bunking on the ship.
After a while I found the mess hall. One of the crew serving food there told me where to go. There was a guard station where the prison guards would have slept. There were six racks there.
None of them seemed to have any belongings in them so I chose one close to the door. I left my stuff there and went to leave. I turned back and looked at the the other five racks. I wondered who would be sleeping in them that night. Would one of them be for Apollo?
Back in flight school we had always bunked together. And then when the holocaust happened, I had again found myself living in the same barracks as him. Somehow it just seemed strange to sleep in a rack without other pilots around, especially him. As far as I knew the only pilots with me were Helo and Apollo.
I made my way back to the mess hall for some food. I was glad to see I didn't know anyone there. It gave me a chance to go over things in my head.
When I first got back and saw Lee, all I could think was how happy I was to see him. He had become such a fixture in my life. I had practically ran up and hugged him. I couldn't believe he was there with this mini fleet. That was going to need some explaining.
He had kissed me. I had forgotten that detail. It had taken me completely by surprise. That too was going to need some explaining.
Before I left, we fought. It pissed me off that we hadn't resolved the issue before I left. It was all his fault anyway.
I had worn that dress for him. To make him see, I could be a girl. He danced with me for a bit. I had thought that maybe we could go somewhere after that and talk. I had wanted to tell him how I felt. Not that I was completely sure what I felt.
But he had turned me down. He had left early, I couldn't remember why. I stuck around a little longer and had a few more drinks. I ended up sleeping with Baltar. Wow that had been a mistake. I'm sure I had said Lee's name in the middle of it too.
I looked down at my food. Some sort of tasteless meat and some vegetables. With the limited food that we had as a fleet, a meal that tasted satisfying was very expensive. I poked at it with my fork.
My mind went back to Lee, my CAG, Apollo, son of Zeus. To me he was two separate people. Apollo my fellow pilot and my boss, and Lee, the man that managed to confuse me more than anyone I had ever met.
Luckily, before my thoughts could turn to Anders, Helo came into the mess hall and spotted me. I called him over.
"Starbuck." he said. "Where have you been?"
"Oh around." I was vague on purpose. "And you?"
"I talked to some of the crew, and went to go see Sharon." He said. I could tell that this was hard for him. He had fallen in love with a machine. How would I feel if I were in that position?
"So," I questioned. "What did the crew have to say." I figured he would know by now what had happened while I was gone. I had explained everything to him, up to when I left.
"Well apparently, once you took off with the Cylon Raider, Adama sent Boomer and Racetrack to do your mission in a raptor." He smiled. He also sent Tigh and Apollo to arrest President Roslin for suborning mutiny abroad his ship. Apollo sided with her and held a gun to Tigh's head."
I was surprised by this. By the books Apollo holding a gun to the XO's head. One more thing on my list of things that were going to need explaining.
"Roslin gave up and they put her in the Brig. They took Captain Apollo to CIC so Adama could decide what to do with him. While he was there, Racetrack and Boomer got back. They came into CIC and Boomer just pulled out a gun and shot Commander Adama.
Tigh took over command at that point. Cylons appeared so everyone jumped. Only Galactica went somewhere else. They somehow managed to get back to the fleet. No one I talked to know how. Then there were cylons on board, so they ordered the rest of the fleet to back off."
Four things that needed explaining.
"The killed off the cylons, once again no one here knows how. Then Tigh's commanding skilled failed horribly and some civilians ended up dead. that's when Lee broke Roslin out of the brig."
Five things that needed explaining
"She played the religious card and convinced a third of the fleet to jump back here to wait for you. End of story. Kara, you're kind of a hero to some of these people. Getting the arrow and everything." All through Helo's explanation, I barely touched my food. I had missed so much. And now I had a list of questions to ask Lee. He had been through some pretty bad stuff. But so much had happened to me too. I didn't know if I was ready to share that with anyone yet so maybe neither was he.