Arlen Mowerthon 2006
By Joe
Summary: Hank and his friends prepare for the Arlen Mowerthon 2006. However, he is in the shadow of more powerful competitors.
Author Notes: I do not own King of the Hill, its characters, or any other copyrighted material. I do, however, own my original characters, Phil, Tyler, and Joe.
Chapter 1
Hank was in his garage tuning his red riding mower. He wanted to ensure it ran top speed for the Arlen Mowerthon 2006. It had been a number of years since Arlen had been selected to hold a lawn mower race. Hank competed in one years before, but he had trouble racing because of his diminished glute. This year, though, he was more prepared and felt that his chances of winning were greater.
Dale entered the garage at that moment. "Fixing your mower, Hank?"
"Yep, I sure am, Dale. You know, this mower could go 7 miles per hour tops before I tuned this. Now, I estimate it can go at about 30 miles per hour," said Hank, still turning his wrench.
"Wow, Hank," Dale said. "How did you manage to get up to such an impressive speed?"
"Well, I had to replace some parts in the engine and did some more work here and there to give it greater horsepower. I also rearranged the gears to set each one faster. I also had to remove the cutting deck, too. It was extra weight that had to be sacrificed."
"Sounds like a hard job," Dale said.
"Oh believe me, it was," Hank said. "I knew it would be a pain in the neck to go through all that work, but I knew it would be worth it. I think that this year, I can win the Mowerthon trophy. And Dale, if it's okay with you and the guys, I'd like you to be my pit crew."
"I'd be honored, Hank," said Dale. He paused. "Just as long as I get to ride it during the race."
Hank sighed, "Sure, Dale, but just once. You may not be used to its handling."
Then, Bill and Boomhauer entered the garage. "Hey guys, Hank wants us to be part of our pit crew!" Instantly, a burst of excitement came from the two.
"Settle down, guys," Hank said. "All right, each of you will get to ride the mower once, and only once during the race. After that, I will do the rest."
Dale turned to Bill. "Bill, how many laps do the drivers have to make this year?"
Bill took out the Arlen Mowerthon 2006 brochure. He read, "Contestants must make 5 complete laps in order to qualify for the trophy."
Dale looked Hank square in the eye. "Sounds fair to me," he said. He shook Hank's hand. "You've got a deal."
"Y'know, dang-ol who-we-competing-'gainst?" Boomhauer slurred.
"I don't know. Our only competition is one guy with a two-man pit crew," said Hank. He then laughed. "But whoever they are, I really doubt they're any threat to us!" The guys laughed their heads off at the comment.
Meanwhile, miles away, three teenagers were in a garage. The garage belonged to one of them, whose name was Phil Harris, Jr. He was 6'6" and weighed well over 310 pounds. He was wide, big-boned, and had a lot of muscle. However, he also had some fat as well. Phil had dark brown hair and wore rectangular glasses. Phil wore dark-red plaid shirts and blue jeans with big western belt buckles. Phil also wore tough leather boots. Phil worked with a lot of diesel engines as a hobby, so he considered himself to be a diesel mechanic. Without a doubt, that was the kind of job Phil dreamed of getting when he got older.
Phil's friends, Tyler and Joe, were quite interesting characters as well. Tyler was a few inches shorter than Phil at 6'2" and usually wore dark green shirts and brown pants. Tyler had shaggy brown hair and was slightly on the skinny side, though he wasn't really skinny. He had a girlfriend named Ellie, and he was a big-time liberal. The other person, Joe, was very short at only 5'3". He was of average build, though he considered himself skinny. He weighed 130 pounds, but he wanted to gain weight so that he would weigh 150 pounds. Joe was a stock market nerd and followed the ups and downs of the stock market indices day by day. He wore red neckties with white shirts and black pants and carried a briefcase full of stock quotes.
"Phil, are you sure this mower's going to work?" Joe asked, while having his laptop perched on his lap. Joe was checking the stock quotes as he talked to Phil.
"Oh yes, definitely," Phil said. "With the modifications I made, my black, diesel-powered mower can now travel a marvelous 40 miles per hour."
"Forty miles per hour! That's insane, Phil!" smiled Tyler.
"You know it!" Phil grinned.
"So, what's the point of making the mower so much faster?" Joe asked.
"You see, Joe, there's a lawn mower race in Arlen, Texas. It's called the Arlen Mowerthon 2006. I've never had the time to participate in a lawn mower race until recently. I don't want to miss the opportunity, so I decided to register for the race. I signed you guys as my pit crew."
"Awesome!" exclaimed Tyler.
"Gee, thanks, Phil!" said Joe.
"Anytime," Phil said. Phil then started the mower to demonstrate to his friends. It started with a loud noise. VRROOWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!! Tyler and Joe seemed very annoyed and irritated by the noise, but Phil acted as though he didn't even notice it. Phil then switched gears on the mower, which made the mower proceed forward. Instead of going at a nice, steady speed of 5 miles per hour, the mower took off down the driveway at 20 miles per hour! Phil had only switched to the first gear, and already, the mower was going half speed. Tyler and Joe looked amazed, and Phil acted like he was having the time of his life. Phil then got into the street and turned the mower around toward Tyler and Joe. The two got out of the way, and then, Phil put the mower in park. "You guys want to go for a ride?" he bellowed over the engine's noise. Tyler and Joe nodded. Phil then shut off the mower and attached a trailer with two chairs in it. Tyler and Joe sat in the chairs. Then, Phil started the mower again, and then, he put the mower in reverse and turned it so it could head down the driveway. Then, Phil put the mower on the first gear, and then, they took off down the road again.
"This mower's awesome, Phil!" Joe exclaimed as Phil turned onto the street.
"Hold on, we're going to gear 2!" Phil yelled. He shifted to gear 2, and then, the mower went 25 miles per hour. "How about gear 3?" Tyler and Joe eagerly nodded. Phil then went to gear 3, and the mower went 30 miles per hour. On impulse, Phil shifted all the way to gear 5, where the mower went 40 miles per hour! The trailer in the back started rattling. Phil had not designed it to go at such a high speed. Tyler and Joe bounced around, and finally, the trailer snapped off, while Phil blazed off on his mower.
"Phil! Phil, come back!" called Tyler.
Phil turned around and looked. "Huh?" he asked. But Phil didn't see where he was going, and his mower rammed into a mailbox. There was a tremendous explosion, and smoke and flames were everywhere. Tyler and Joe walked over to accompany Phil. Fortunately, he was okay and didn't suffer from any injuries. His tractor, though, was another story. "I've gotta fix that," he admitted.