This has been a challenge to me, not only because is M-rated, but also because of its lenght. As you may know, English is not my mother tongue. I'm pretty sure there has been typos and grammar and idiomatic mistakes, so please forgive me and I really you have no problems to read and understand it.

As usual, reviews and comments welcome and appreciated. Enjoy :)

I opened my eyes and smiled. Today was the day I had been waiting for a long time and didn't want to spend one more second under the sheets of my bed.

The family was going to spend the whole August in London because it was Lady Sybill's first season. Together with her older sisters, she would have to attend plenty of events. Obviously, my presence was required to assist them.

Fortunately, that would be my only task since Grantham House had its own staff. That meant a larger amount of free time to visit the enormous city and enjoy what it had to offer.

Bates would be there too. His Lordship would attend some business in the capital and would need his services. The prospect of being with him for a whole month in the capital of the country was kind of bittersweet.

It had been months since we had almost kissed. I was sure that, after that night, it wouldn't be long until he finally confessed he loved me. But that didn't happen; our relationship didn't change. He kept treating me so kindly, offering me smiles whenever our eyes met, but that was all. That non existing kiss left me in heaven, but it seemed it hadn't had any effect in him.

So, on one hand, I couldn't wait to spend a whole month with him, far from the restrictions of Downton; but on the other hand, I knew nothing would happen between us there.

What I didn't know is that my fate was going to change sooner than what I expected.

Our wagon in the train that took us to London was so crowded that there was barely room to move. Mr. Bates and I couldn't get themselves some seats so we had to stand the whole journey. Suddenly, the train lurched and I almost fell. In a swift movement, he grabbed me and held me close for support. He didn't move his large, warm hand from my back the rest of the journey and I could have sworn that his thumb caressed me from time to time.

After that, I started paying more attention and noticed other small but significant details; how he held my elbow every time we crossed the streets; how he stood closely to me when we were waiting in the queue for that play, or that time, in Carnaby street when I caught him looking at me while we were doing some shopping.

Every moment was like a ray of hope, but sadly, it always vanished as fast as it came.

The hardest was at nights, after dinner, when we went out to sit in the backyard. It had become a habit for both of us; to be away from the hectic activities of the House for an hour or so. We talked about our days, shared confidences, laughed… And every night I fell more and more for him, hopelessly longing for him loving me back and suffering because he didn't.

The night before his four-days departure, he was more silent than the usual during dinner, barely lifting his eyes from his plate. I knew I would miss him a lot. Despite everything, I loved every minute at his side.

His silence continued in the backyard, but his demeanour had changed. Now he was nervous and restless; He gazed absently and couldn't stop fidgeting with his hands. I never knew how to help him in these situations, so the only thing I could do was sitting beside him and wait.

After minutes in silence, only broken by the sound of crickets and the wind among the tree leaves, he took my hand softly in his. I looked at him. He still wore that troubled look on his face.

- What's wrong? – I asked

He didn't answer, his eyes focused on my hand. I really wanted to know what was going on but then he started to caress each of my fingers and intertwine with his. His touch left me breathless and my heart started to race.

- John? – I whispered

Finally, he looked at me and a little smile appeared on his troubled face.

- I know where Vera is –

I held my breath trying to process what he had just said. For a moment, it all seemed so confusing that I couldn't form any coherent words in my brain. He registered my bewilderment as he sat closer to me and cupped my cheek with his other hand.

- I'm going to talk to her and ask her for the divorce – his smile was genuine now – I can't stand it anymore; keeping inside how I really feel –

Words still didn't want to come out of my mouth. God, I was behaving like a foolish little girl in front of him. I just wanted the earth to open and swallow me up but he just kept talking – What I'm trying to say Anna, is that I won't wait anymore to be with you. That… if you still want to be with me.

And suddenly it all made sense. He loved me; he wanted to give us a chance – Oh my God John, yes – I cried, placing my hand over his and kissing his palm. – I dream of nothing else –

He took both of my hands and kissed them – It could take a while, you know –

- I don't care, I don't care. For you, I would wait the rest of my life –

He chuckled and slid his arm around my waist to pull me closer – It won't be that long, I promise. And when it's done, I'll be able to say the things I've been yearning to tell you; that I should have told you a long time ago –

He pressed his forehead against mine and his voice turned into a whisper – I'll be able to tell you how much I love you, Anna; I'll be able to kiss those lips – he caressed them with his thumb. My breath lodged at my throat and my heart raced unevenly.

I closed my eyes as he lifted my chin with his fingers and kissed my cheek, his lips lingering over my skin a little bit longer than a chaste, friendly kiss would have done.

And when I opened my eyes again, he had gone.

Those four days he was away were like a torture. His kiss and hands on me pervaded my heart and mind days and nights.

I couldn't concentrate in my tasks either. I dropped pins, was unable to fasten the ladies' dresses and once, their hairdos had to be redone because of my constant distraction. Mary asked me several times if I was alright. Even Lady Sybill suggested me to lie down, thinking I was ill of something. If she only knew…

Finally, that Thursday arrived, but God wanted to torture me a little bit more and I couldn't see him until dinner.

Sitting at the table side by side, as usual, I was a bundle of nerves while he exuded an aura of calm. How could he do it? I could hardly stay sat on my chair and he was there, eating in silence as if nothing happened.

But when I finished and was about to stand up he took my hand softly under table.

- I need to discuss a few things with his Lordship. It won't take long. Can we talk later? – He whispered.

I looked at him and nodded; blushing at the sight of that little smile on his face.

- Good. Meet me in the backyard in half an hour –

And before I could say anything else he left.

Twenty minutes I was already sitting at our bench in the farthest spot of the back yard, shaking from head to toes with lots of unwelcome thoughts piling up in my head.

Maybe he hadn't found his wife; maybe he had found her but she had refused to give him the divorce; maybe….

It was so frustrating because I couldn't make them stop. They did when I heard him approaching.

We looked at each other; me sitting on the bench, him standing near the tree.

- Hi – I whispered, smiling slightly

- Hi – he said, smiling me back

Then, silence again. I couldn't take with this annoying habit of him anymore.

- You said you wanted to talk so what is… –

- I know, I know; it's just…. I don't know where to start –

My heart wrenched; this couldn't end well. Swallowing hard and putting on my bravest façade, I stood up – Well, John, whatever it is go ahead with it –

A part of me didn't want him to talk. I wasn't sure I couldn't handle if he hadn't got his divorce. In a way, his silence kept hope alive. I saw him rummaging in his pocket looking for something. It was a piece of paper which was handed to me.

- What, what is this? –

- Read it, please –

I unfolded it and started to read. I couldn't get to the middle of the text as my eyes were already filled with tears. – Oh John, tell me it is true –

- It is, Anna – he said approaching. – It's over –

I looked at him and he was smiling widely, his eyes moist with emotion. I took a handkerchief from my pocket and dried my eyes, being able then to spot his signature at the bottom of the paper, making his divorce status official to the world.

- Yes. I talked to Vera. Our meeting was nicer than I thought. She agreed that it was pointless to remain married when there was nothing between us.

I beamed at him. He enveloped me in his arms – And now, I'm free Anna. Free to be with you –

And what I had been waiting for years finally happened. He looked at me and slowly, bent his head to brush his lips against mine.

I knew what it was like; to be kissed. When I was fourteen, I fancied a boy who lived in a nearby farm. It was an awful experience. But those sloppy, fumbling kisses couldn't compare to what John made me feel.

He looked at me; his eyes and smile filled with love and said - I love you, Anna –

- I love you too, John – I said, pressing my lips back against his, wanting more.

His kisses were slow, as if he wanted to freeze that moment. After a few minutes, he changed the pace and combined gentle kisses with harder and deeper ones. This brought a whole set of sensations to my brain and my body too. I felt my blood rushing and my heart pounding but also I felt parts in me that stirred with an unfamiliar ache.

His embrace became tighter too. I could feel the tension in his body, his restrained desire as our mouths parted slightly and I felt the wetness of his tongue.

The intensity and heat of our kisses increased considerably after that and I felt one of his hands roaming my hip up to my waist. I loved the contrast between his delicate caresses and the vigour of his mouth and tongue, all of it sending a rush of pleasure through my body.

I gasped as I felt one of his hands cupping my breast. He looked at me as fearing he had crossed the line but I smiled faintly and covered his hand with mine encouraging him to resume his caresses there.

- Oh Anna – he whispered hoarsely kissing my throat and neck hungrily – If you knew how I think about you sometimes. If you knew the things I imagine about the two of us; especially at nights –

I shuddered at the thought of him thinking about me that way and, in an unexpected burst of boldness, I confessed - I know exactly John. Because I think those things too -

He groaned and his mouth met mine again, catching my lower lip briefly between his. I felt his hand leaving my breast. He then slid both of them down my back until he cupped my bottom, pulling me to him. Definitely it was a night of discoveries as I, with my body moulded along his, learnt for the first time how desire shown itself in a man's body.

My mind was in an emotional turmoil. I was scared, excited, nervous, thrilled, overjoyed… I only was sure of one thing; I did not want to stop.

And we wouldn't if it hadn't been for that noise coming from the house. We both froze in panic and tried to compose ourselves. We had risked enough, so to not arouse any suspicions, we decided I would come back first and he, 10 minutes later.

I kissed him briefly and headed back to the house after making him promise that he would come to my room later in the night.

I had been pacing back and forth across the room for ten minutes after everyone had gone to bed. Just a few servants worked in that house, so there was no separation between men and women quarters. I was so nervous that I was still in my black maid uniform.

Anticipation was eating me. Had it been a good idea to ask him to come? Would he come? What we were supposed to do? Was I ready?

Those thoughts stopped when I heard his knocks at my door. I opened it and there he was, in his undershirt and pants and his hair slightly mussed, more handsome than ever.

We embraced each other the second later the door was locked. I felt his lips on the top of my head; my forehead, my nose, my cheek, my jaw and finally, my lips; his kisses igniting again the passion from our previous encounter.

- We shouldn't be doing this, Anna – he whispered as his mouth left mine to catch some breath

- I know – my brain said as my mouth was busy kissing him.

We kissed for several minutes until my hands slipped under his shirt. He read my thoughts as he drew it over his head and dropped it onto the floor. I slid my hands up over his chest and spread my fingers out through his chest hair.

He then took both my hands and kissed them before moving behind me.

- You're a sweet little temptress – he whispered sliding his arm around my waist and drawing me close. I felt his fingers deftly undoing the buttons at the back of my uniform.

- Me? I wasn't the one who left me waiting endless months. I told you I…– a low unrestrained moan clouded my words as he kissed between my naked shoulder blades. '

- Terribly sorry – he said as he pushed the attire over my shoulders, helping me to step out as it dropped to the floor. Then, he gathered my loose hair in his hands and pushed it aside, exposing my neck. I felt his lips across my shoulder, neck and behind my ear. I sighed and leant back against him feeling the softness and warmth of his skin.

- "You're so beautiful" – he whispered.

The feeling of his breathing and his deep voice through my body made my knees buckle. His hand moved over my stomach, my waist and over my breasts. I moaned at the special attention he was giving to them, caressing them over my corset. I could hear his breathing growing faster.

A sound of frustration came out of my mouth as his body left mine but then, I heard him unfastening the buckle of his belt. It went to the floor next to us and my heart leapt as he removed his trousers.

He took me in his arms again and pulled me close, the feeling of his excitement obvious between us – Oh God – I breathed.

After a few seconds, he moved his hands up to the front and, at an agonizing pace, started untying my corset laces, soon joining the rest of our clothes on the floor.

He was pressed against me again, with one arm possessively around my waist – so perfect – he murmured; his voice deep and dark. He cupped one of my breasts and stroked my nipple – so utterly perfect –

He released my waist then and covered my other breast. He kneaded them softly in his palms and I whimpered wantonly. He chuckled and leant over, catching my earlobe between his teeth and sucking it briefly.

I couldn't take it anymore and turned around to kiss him hungrily. The feeling of my breasts rubbing against his chest was heavenly.

- Has this been part of your dreams too? – I asked slyly while he guided me to the bed and we both laid down. He chuckled while his hand stroked my upper arm sending shivers all over me.

– Those dreams will never be able to compete with this, my darling Anna – And then, he kissed me and moved his large hand over my breast again; his thumb moving in slow circles over my nipple and making me gasp.

- This moment will replace all of them – he whispered as he slid his hand slowly downwards caressing my stomach and the inner part of my thighs.

I closed my eyes and heard him groan at the warm and moist feeling between my legs and his fingers. His mouth was on my breast again; his tongue making me whimper with delight. He sucked and kissed while his fingers caressed me over my undergarments. The pleasure was getting so intense that my mind became blank focusing only on the feeling of his touches.

I cried out when I felt his fingers slipping beneath the fabric. His touch sent shivers all over me. He let them explore over my smooth folds, caressing, teasing…

Out of the blue, he slipped one of them inside me and withdrew it, repeating this process in a maddening rhythm. I moaned his name over and over again as tension built. He was really enjoying this delightful torture.

I barely could hear him spoke – Are you close? – Without letting me answer, he shifted beside me, kissed my temple and resumed his gentle strokes between my legs.

I felt it all over me, from my head, through my spine and down to my toes, like an electric wave. In one second I was desperately aching for relief and the next one I was left shuddering in pleasure as I convulsed. When it was over, John took me gently in his arms and held me until my breathing and heart rate returned to normal.

- Oh John, that was… that was… I never felt something like that! – he looked at me and smiled gently as he removed some strands of hair from my damp forehead. – Oh God! I hope no one has hear me. I…. I just couldn't help it. I didn't want to make such a… -

- Shhh, everything is ok, Anna. You were perfect – he assured and he kissed the top of my head.

We held each other for a few minutes, enjoying the contact of our bodies. I realised something then. I wanted to make him feel good too, but I didn't know how to do it. I knew he sensed my insecurity so he closed his hand over mine and taught me.

After several minutes, he removed my hand sharply, all flushed and breathing hard – Anna, stop please – And he sat at the other side of the bed turning his back to me.

- But why? – I asked confused - Did I do something wrong? –

- No, no Anna, don't say that – he assured quickly returning to my side and cupping my face – You did nothing wrong, that's why we have to stop. I don't want you to do anything you may regret later. –

We both fell silent, aware for the first time of what we have done and what we could have been about to do.

- What… what if I didn't want to stop – I confessed in a tiny, trembling voice

He kissed me softly trying to convince me – No, Anna, it wouldn't be right. I couldn't dishonour you that way -

- But… who says you would dishonour me? John – I took his face in hands making him to look at me – We love each other. We don't need anything else to make it perfect -

He groaned but didn't make an attempt to put distance between us. Instead, he pulled me closer – Anna, my darling. That's why we must stop, to keep it perfect. I promise you, one day, when we… -

I kissed him desperately, not wanting to hear future promises. I wanted him now, so I wrapped my arms around his neck, pressed my breasts against his chest and pulled him down with me on the bed.

- Let's pretend there is no one else in the world – I started to say – Let's pretend no one cares –

He groaned and kissed me hard, obviously aroused – But there's a world outside, Anna; a world full of rules which shouldn't be broken – I could sense that his resolve was starting to crumble. I just needed one last push. I placed his hand on my breast.

- Our world is Downton, John. – I whispered softly and kissed him – For a whole month, we are away from where we really belong and we are free. No one will know. Please –

He looked at me and caressed my cheek and hair. Breathing deeply he leant over and whispered – alright –

We kissed for a few minutes, softly, deeply; his hands caressing my back making me relax. Then, he positioned his big body over mine.

- Are you sure? Anna please, tell me now, it's not to late to… – he whispered.

I shook my head and tried to smile at him – Shhh, I'm sure –

He kissed me softly and shifted forward slowly, so slowly until he was all the way inside.

- You ok? – He asked and I nodded. I have heard how much it hurt the first time, but it didn't. There had been a brief moment of discomfort, but that was all. He bent over and kissed me leisurely - You have no idea how good you feel –

He kissed me while rocking me back and forth slowly, entering and leaving only a little each time. We trembled and moaned as the pleasure began to increase again, enveloping us.

I looked at his face; there was a shade of desire in his eyes I had never seen before. I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him lustfully.

Highly aroused, he drew back and entered me with a thrust. I moaned wantonly at the feeling of him deep inside me. He thrust over and over again, taking me to heaven.

- I love you, Anna. You hear me? I love you – he said flushed, before kissing me.

- I love you too –

He shifted and started rocking in steady motions, harder and harder, our skins covered in a thin film of sweat. I moaned and squirmed as he increased the pace, panting my name every now and then, kissing me hungrily and entangling his fingers with mine.

I heard him whimper and felt his body trembling as he reached his peak.

- Oh God Anna! –

His body convulsed in a final moan and then collapsed over mine. He held himself inside me for a minute and I savoured his weight as I wrapped my arms and legs around him. When he rolled off me, John held me close and kissed my neck hundreds of times.

- I love you Anna – he whispered when his breath returned to normal – I love you, I love you –

- I love you too – I said kissing his check and draping my leg over his.

He lifted his head and caressed my arm.

- How do you feel? –

I smiled and kissed his chest – Never been better –

He pulled me in his arms possessively – Really? Don't you regret what we have just done?

I could sense he was feeling guilty and caressed his face – Listen to me John. I will never regret what has happened tonight. I know it wasn't right; I know we should have waited; the consequences of this… -

I kissed him softly and slowly, letting my tongue flick against his bottom lip – But above all, I love you with all my heart. No matter what happens from now; I belong to you -

He kissed me back and I rested my head in his broad chest.

I smiled widely because what I had just said was true. Wedded or not, I belonged entirely to John Edward Bates