Okay, here it goes. I was very, very depressed after the finale of Angel. Not because they're probably all dead but because it was so incredibly lame. And I swore I'd never type a letter for a B/A fic. Alas, here is a new one. I just recently got the BtVS season 4 and 5 tapes on sale and re-watched the episodes. This is what happened. Sorry if it's a little rough, but I'm out of practice in this fandom.

FIC: Because You're Mine (1/2)

Author: Jill

Disclaimer: Nope, not mine. And no, I'm still not making any money. It's sad, really. If any of the lines in this fic look familiar, it's because they are taken from either one of the episodes mentioned below.

Rating: R – just to be sure

Spoilers: The whole BTVS, AtS-Canon to be certain.

Summary: That's how I wish "Listening To Fear" and "Into the Woods" might have happened.

Archive: want, take, have ... just let me know where it goes

Feedback: hell, yes, I'd love to know what you think, so send it to connemara.scarletst-online.de

The music was too loud. She knew it was way too loud, but for once she didn't care. She needed it, craved it even. She didn't even know why. Was it to silence her own wild thoughts? As if anything could. The cacophony in her head was slowly driving her mad. It was just too much. And the radio didn't help, but at least she didn't have to listen to her mother slowly losing her mind.

She mechanically cleaned the plates, rinsed them off, then put them away to dry. She hated doing that kind of work, but tonight it helped. It was like slaying, like kick, punch, stake, just a lot less violent.

Unfortunately it didn't help. Before she could stop them, Buffy felt hot tears leaking from her eyes, the pressure inside of her so huge, she couldn't contain them anymore. She felt them run down her cheeks, felt the rivers forming on her skin. Her body started to shake, started to quiver all over.

Oh God. She was losing it. They were all depending on her, Dawn, her mom, her friends, the world, and she was falling apart. This couldn't be happening. She had to keep it together or everything would be lost. Desperately trying to gain back some of her hard won self-control, she never heard the kitchen door opening, and almost jumped out of her skin when two big hands came to rest on her shoulders.

Cool hands. Familiar hands.

"Angel?" She said his name like a question, the way she always had, even though she wasn't really surprised. Why, she couldn't say.

He didn't take his hands away, and she didn't turn around. She didn't have to.

"I thought you could maybe use a pair of arms holding you."

And then she was in them. Without further talk, she turned and sank right into them, letting them hold her, soothe her, calm her, and her tears ran, and she was shaking all over, but she didn't care. Because those two arms were around her. She had no idea why he was here, how he knew or what it meant, but she didn't care.

For once, she didn't care.

The music was still blaring from the radio, the plates were still soaking in the water, her Mom still had a brain tumor and Glory was still somewhere out there, and Buffy couldn't remember ever having felt more safe in her life.

It seemed like ages before either of them found their voice. It was Buffy who spoke first. "What ... are you doing here?" She raised her head from his shoulder and looked up at him. "Not that I'm complaining or anything, but I'm still a bit curious."

His eyes were dark and serious, and Buffy noticed a weariness in them she had never seen before. "Xander called me."

"Xander?" She couldn't help sounding incredulous. Xander Harris was the last person she'd ever thought would ask for Angel's help.

"He said you were in pretty bad shape and in need of a friend."

No, it wasn't just weariness. He was tired, shadows were underneath his eyes, and considering the fact that he was a vampire and technically couldn't change, that was saying something. Before she could question the move, she reached up and cupped his cheek. "You don't look too hot yourself."

His lips turned into a half-smile that was achingly familiar. "I have a lot on my mind. Maybe it's enough to tell you that Darla's back."

Her eyes widened. "Darla? The last time I checked she was dust on the floor in the Bronze."

He sighed and his smile slipped. "Yeah, well, things have been a little crazy in my world."

"Sounds like it." She suddenly became aware of the fact that her palm was still lying against his cheek and quickly pulled it back, and in the same moment stepped out of his embrace. The loss of his touch was almost a physical pain, but Buffy ruthlessly pushed the feeling away.

They looked at each other for a moment, then Angel cleared his throat. "So, how's your mom? Xander said she's sick."

Strange, all of a sudden nothing seemed as terrible anymore as it had been just a few short minutes ago. "She's scheduled for surgery the day after tomorrow. She has a brain tumor."

"I'm so sorry, Buffy." His voice was quiet, accepting, and he didn't try to tell her that everything would be alright. As much as she wanted to hear it, she knew it was worth nothing because nobody could predict the outcome of the operation. His presence made it easier to bear, though. "How do you feel?"

And when was the last time anyone had asked that question. How long had it been that she didn't need to pretend. "Bad. As if ... I'm going to lose her. It's irrational, I know, but I'm quivering with fear the moment I stop moving or doing something or talking or ..." Her voice died, her throat feeling all choked up.

"I wish I could say something to make it better, but," he shook his head ruefully. "What I can say, though, is that you're strong. A lot stronger you usually give yourself credit for. You're going to get through this, whatever happens."

He didn't know about Dawn, Buffy suddenly realized, or he wouldn't say that with such conviction. Or maybe he did, but he certainly didn't know about her little sister being the key. She was about to explain, when she noticed something, and her brows quirked almost involuntarily. "What's with the leather pants?"

For a moment he seemed confused, then a grin appeared once again. "Long story. Don't ask."

"Has it to do with Darla coming back?"

"Okay, maybe not that long. Anyway, I'm here because of you, not the other way around."

That was when she heard it. "What was that?" she asked, reaching for the radio to turn it off.

"Someone-" Angel started when they both heard it.

"BUFFY!"

"Dawn!"

They sprinted up the stairs, into her mother's room, finding Joyce trying to wipe some slimy substance from her face while Dawn stared at them both with eyes like saucers.

"What? What is it?" Buffy asked, addressing her sister.

"There's something out there, Buffy. It's ... it's after Mom." Dawn couldn't take her eyes off of Angel who was a looming dark presence behind her sister's shoulder.

"Don't leave this room!" Buffy ordered, and she and Angel were out of the door once again.

She hadn't quite closed it when something large and heavy dropped down from the ceiling and right onto Angel, who was trying to wrestle with it, but failed and he and the unknown assailant were tumbling down the stairs, Buffy racing after them.

"Angel!" she called, before she found him downstairs, thankfully unharmed. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," he whispered. "Where did it go?"

"I don't know," she whispered back. "But we'll find it." With that she turned towards the kitchen, trying to see something in the darkness, and finally her eyes fell on the meat knife on the counter. Taking it firmly in her hand she turned and almost bumped into Angel who had followed her as usual. "Sorry," she said.

"No problem. Just don't use that one on me."

"I didn't plan to," she told him, and they shared a quick grin. It felt a little unreal, but Buffy didn't mind. Not one bit.

It was over the next five minutes. The thing, whatever it was, jumped Angel and Buffy killed it. Three well placed stabs with the knife and it was history.

Angel helped her to her feet and they were still holding hands when the door burst open, and a bunch of commandos, lead by one Riley Finn, stormed into the house as if World War II was still on. Riley was on Buffy's side instantly. "Buffy, you okay?" he asked, reaching for her, and glaring at the dark-haired vampire at the same time. Angel knew Riley was dying to ask why Angel was here, but didn't dare.

It brought the vampire great pleasure when Buffy didn't spare her boyfriend a second glance, just turned towards the stairs to check on her mother and Dawn. Instead Angel looked at the blond man he'd met once before.

"You just missed a real nice time," was all he said before he turned away.

"Can I use your phone?"

Buffy looked up from folding the wash and nodded. "Sure. It's still where it was before." She saw him turn away and called out. "Angel?" He stopped and turned back to her. "Thanks. I'm really glad you came."

"What about Riley?"

"Let me handle Riley. You're here because you're my friend, right?"

"Yes," he confirmed, smiling a little. He pointed at the kitchen door, "I'll be right back, okay."

"Yeah."

She didn't want to overhear his call, but she still did. "What do you mean Darla's disappeared? ... I see. ... And nobody knows where ... Uh-huh. Okay. You've got my phone number. Call me if ... Thanks."

Buffy didn't look up when he returned to the living room, but she couldn't help asking, "So, Darla's gone."

He was quiet for a moment, "Seems like it. I just needed to check. Things have been pretty tense."

"Sounds that way." She folded the last pullover and picked the pile up. "This goes in my room, so if you wanna..." She nodded at the stairs and he turned to follow her up.

Her room had changed, he noticed. Gone were the pink ribbons, the girly stuff, he'd seen before. Also gone was the pig. "Where did Mr. Gordo go?"

"In the closet," she replied with a grin. "I would never give him away."

He grinned back, "Good to know."

"So," she put the clothes into a drawer, and turned to face him. "About Darla."

He sighed and sat down on her bed. "She was brought back. Human." He nodded when she gasped. "There's this evil law firm in L.A. that's really getting to me."

"Hence the leather pants."

He shrugged, not sure how to react to that. "I kind of ... It's difficult. Things are complicated. I've been trying to make her see that being human, having a soul is ... She's got a responsibility now."

She sat down beside him, then scooped back, leaning against the headboard, her legs fully lying on the bed. Angel watched her, then assumed the same position. It was oddly intimate, but neither cared. "It must be hard," Buffy said. "I mean, you killed her to ... to save my life. I guess she's still pissed because of that."

He laughed, a quick, sharp sound. "You have no idea." He cleared his throat. "So, what about your mom? When's the surgery going to take place?"

"Very early tomorrow." She paused, then took a deep breath. "I'm so scared, Angel."

His arm instantly came around her shoulders. "I can't be at the hospital with you," he said. "It's daylight, and well-"

"Riley."

"Riley," he confirmed. "He's your boyfriend. But ... I'll be around. If you should need me."

"Where are you going to stay?"

"Xander said the mansion is a ruin now, but I suppose it'll do for a few hours."

"Okay." She leaned her head against his shoulder. "Thanks for being here."

"You're welcome."

Right that moment the door swung open, revealing Dawn. Buffy shot her a lethal glare, "What did I tell you about knocking before entering?"

But Dawn didn't respond to that. She simply stared at the two people on her sister's bed and finally turned her accusing gaze on Buffy. "But," she stammered, "what about Riley?"

He hadn't planned to come here. Not by a long shot. But he'd been walking the dark streets of Sunnydale while following a vampire for the last half hour and somehow ended up here. It was a part of the town he didn't remember. He'd been here before, he was sure of it. Old abandoned warehouses, dark alleys, just the right place for a bunch of bloodsuckers.

Angel shook his head over himself. He had enough problems at home, but he was still here, even though Joyce was going to be fine and Buffy was much better. He was a sorry case...

... who could hardly believe what was happening right before his eyes when he saw a well known shape enter an old, run-down building.

What the hell was Riley Finn doing around here? Did the guy have a death wish? With his current luck Angel would end up saving the fool's life. Angel wondered if maybe dealing with Darla wasn't the worst thing that could happen.

"I don't believe it."

Angel stopped dead in his tracks. Buffy had told him that the bleached blond vampire was hanging out in Sunnydale, even helping them from time to time, but hearing her talk about Spike was one thing. Meeting the annoying whelp was an entirely different matter altogether.

Not turning around, he hissed, "What the hell are you doing here?"

"Nice to meet you, too, pal. And if you're wondering where soldier boy just went. This is the town's vampire whorehouse."

"I beg your pardon?"

"Nice, huh?" Angel heard Spike light a cigarette, heard him draw in deeply. "You'd think shagging the Slayer would satisfy him. But no."

Spike went on talking, but the dark-haired vampire had stopped listening. There was a roaring in his ears and a red mist in front of his eyes.

Riley didn't know what had hit him. His head was swimming and there was a terrible pressure on his windpipe while his body was dragged down the stairs with brute force and finally hurled out of the door and in the dirt.

He blinked, and when his vision cleared he couldn't believe his eyes. "What the hell are you doing here?" he shouted.

Angel glowered down at him, his eyes gleaming amber. "I could ask you the same question. In fact, I'm doing it. So, what the hell are you doing here?"

"Good question."

He whirled around, glaring at his annoying grand-childe. "And why are you still around? No, rewind that. I can just guess. Probably your usual playground."

"Hey!" Spike cried in indignation. "I resent that. I," he looked at Riley who was sitting on the ground, wiping his bloody nose, "do have some class."

Angel didn't spare him a second glance. "Get lost."

"But-"

"Now!"

Spike took one look into those gleaming eyes and decided a tactic retreat was in order if he didn't want to end up at the wrong end of a wooden stake. Grumbling under his breath about not being allowed to have some fun, he ambled away.

Riley wiped his face again before he heaved himself up, ignoring his pounding head. He glared at his attacker. "As much fun as it is listening to your banter-"Before he was able to finish his sentence, he found himself back on the ground, and his nose had started dripping again.

"Don't. Get. Up," Angel warned, his voice a growl.

"You don't order me-"

"Stay down," the vampire hissed, "or I'm going to show you what kind of damage I'm capable of. You don't want to try me, boy."

"I'm not your boy."

"No, you're a man, which makes this so much worse."

"You have no idea what you're talking about." Riley raised his upper body and glared up at Angel.

Angel stared at him, hard. "Instead of wallowing in self-pity you should support your actual girlfriend." He muttered something under his breath, but Riley couldn't hear what it was.

"You self-righteous bastard, you have no idea what it's like."

The vampire took a threatening step towards him, and Riley found himself involuntarily shrinking away. "What?" Angel growled. "Holding her? Being with her? Loving her? Believe me, I know."

"Still, you left her."

"Because I wanted her to have a life. But looking at you right now," Angel's eyes flickered to the blood that had dried on Riley's arm where the vampire had bitten him, "I'm not so sure she wouldn't have been better off with me after all. At least she wouldn't have to worry about her boyfriend being more concerned about himself than supporting the woman he claims to love when she needs him."

Riley didn't know why, but he heard himself laugh. "You really don't have the slightest idea what you're talking about, vampire. Do you know when her mother was diagnosed with a brain tumor, my so called girlfriend didn't even think I needed to know? It was Spike who finally told me what was going on. Spike." He laughed again, even though he felt as if he heart was ripped from his chest.

Angel shook his head in disbelief. "What, you want me to feel sorry for you now? Poor little Riley Finn, not important enough to be on her mind 24/7. Sorry, pal, wrong address. If you were the man to deserve her, you'd make it your business to know what's going on in her life. But no. Instead you're letting vampire whores suck your blood to ... what? Feel needed?"

Riley stared right into the other man's eyes. "You're a vampire. You know what it's like. Don't tell me you don't enjoy a little blood-play."

Angel's face morphed back into his human form, but instantly contorted in disgust, "You're sick. You really need help."

"What I need is for you to disappear." Not that he actually thought Angel leaving would solve any of his problems, but he still wanted the vampire gone as soon as possible. "Why did you come in the first place?"

"Because, unlike you, I make it my business to know what's going on around here." With a last disgusted look, the vampire disappeared in the night, while Riley was left sitting on the ground, wiping his nose.

... to be continued

So tell me if this is crappy or worth continuing. The second part is in my head ... just waiting to be written. Thanks for reading.