The Fourth of July on Crack
Disclaimer: I do NOT own Naruto or any of it's characters or any of the stores or items used in this story...all characters belong to Masashi Kishimoto and all stores and items belong to their respective owners...
WARNING! Explicit Language and veeery OOC characters! This is a CRACK FIC! You have been WARNED!
Happy Fourth of July!
"I can't find a fuckin parking spot!" screamed Sasuke Uchiha, banging his forehead on the steering wheel.
"Don't worry honey, you'll find one," said newly wed Sakura Uchiha. This was their fifteenth time circling their hotel's parking lot.
"There! There's one right there!" he shouted, slamming his foot on the gas peddle and lurching forward. Sakura's eyes widened.
"Sasuke watch the car!"
Sasuke slammed on the breaks fast and pounded on the horn belonging to his brand new, red Chevrolet Silverado. He growled as his sharingan eyes glared at the old woman in the lime green punch buggy that just stole his spot.
"Where the hell is Temari! She said she would be staying at the hotel and you didn't bother asking which one! Great going Konkouro! Now we are stuck here in Panama City going from hotel to hotel looking for her! Our damn plane to New Mexico leaves in an hour!" yelled a very angry Gaara, tapping his fingers on the steering wheel of his neon blue Porsche.
"I'm sorry, she sounded in a hurry. And I tried calling her, but her cell phone is off," his brother apologized for the millionth time.
"Shut up! Lets try this one. You, sit here. I'll go inside," Gaara explained, kicking the door open and stomping inside the next hotel alongside the beach strip.
"Hell yeah Hinata!" Naruto yelled, looking over at his girlfriend that was yelling the lyrics to the song, with her head out the window, at people passing by.
"N-Naruto-kun," she blushed, pulling her violet hair from her eyes. Naruto turned to the people in the truck bed of his jacked-up white Ford F.150.
"Jiraiya, keep it easy on the sake!" he yelled. Jiraiya just smiled widely as Ino, Ten-Ten, and Temari danced all around him to the truck's blaring music as they rode along the beach strip.
"Guy Sensei! Where are you Guy Sensei!" Lee yelled out the window. The lime green lights glowing underneath his white Ford Mustang, blaring the beach boys. "I will find you Guy Sensei! For I have the power of youth!"
"Just Sake," mumbled Kakashi from underneath his mask.
"Oh come on Kakashi, live a little. I didn't take you to 'La Vela', the largest nightclub in the U.S.A. for nothing!" Guy stated, making his signature pose.
"I just want sake," Kakashi said once again.
"Ah, trying to act mature. This is why you are my number one rival! How about we have a drink off? I bet I could drink way more than you," smirked the infamous Guy.
Kakashi just smirked from underneath his mask.
"Hey Shikamaru, pass me another cigarette will ya?" Asuma said, stretching his hand toward his student who was lying quietly in the back of their rented Dune Buggy.
Kurenai laughed at Shikamaru's antics.
The lazy boy sighed," All I wanted to do was take a nice peaceful ride down the beach and look at the stars. But that was obviously to much to ask for."
"Woo-hoo! Bar-B-Que!" Choji yelled, cramming a wad of chips into his mouth and chugging down his seventh beer.
Shikamaru just sighed.
"The plan is working Kabuto. The old-lady-in-a-lime-green-punch-buggy plan went perfect. At this rate operation restore-Uchiha-clan will surely fail," Orochimaru laughed, from his spot in the passenger seat of the old tye-dyed bug bus.
"Yes, but why did you rent this piece of crap?" Kabuto questioned, staring at the fuzzy dice hanging from the rear-view mirror.
Orochimaru frowned, "I told you before, the Dune Buggy was already taken."
"I'm really hungry, are you?" Shino asked the beetle placed on his index finder.
He rose from his spot on the couch in the hotel room and approached the elevator. Stepping inside and pressing the first floor, he waited. He watched the numbers change as the elevator descended, but it suddenly stopped at the fourth floor.
Shino lifted his eyebrow, the doors opened, and Shino's jaw hit the floor.
"Can anyone hear me! Is there anybody out there! A little help would be nice!" Genma shouted, watching the ocean's waves tow him further out to sea.
"Stupid jet-ski guy. He takes me out here and then leaves me stranded in a freakin banana boat! And at night!" the Jounin shouted, throwing his hands into the air.
"My mission is simple. They have to be gone by the end of the night. Every one of them gone on the Fourth of July. So many people to choose from, who will my first victim be?" Itachi questioned. Staring out, he spotted a blonde in a Ford.
With a smirk on his face he rode into action, on his bicycle, and blaring 'Lollipop' from his Ipod.
"I will accomplish this mission. I will sell all these sun dials!"
"Asuma, why on earth does our Dune Buggy have a playboy bunny on it? And why is it pink?" Shikamaru shouted over the drunk and screaming Choji beside him. Asuma smiled and put his arm around the sober Kurenai.
"It reminded me of her," he smirked.
"Hell yeah! Bar-B-Que dude! Eat some Shikamaru." Choji grabbed a hand full of chips and shoved them into his friend's mouth.
"I finally found a fuckin parking spot! Remind me to thank Naruto dearly for booking our honeymoon suit at the most crowded place in Panama!" an extremely pissed Sasuke explained.
Sakura eyed the spot, "Umm, are we gonna be able to pull in there?"
"Yes, Sakura we will fit. If I have to tear the other car's doors off we will fit," he sneered, backing his truck into the free spot. Sakura closed her eyes and bit her lip, awaiting their doom.
Shino couldn't even focus on the fact that his stomach was still growling. For right there in front of him, walking drunkily into the elevator was a completely naked blonde.
Shino averted his eyes. How was he suppose to deal with this? This had to be the worst moment of his life. And what's worse, the warning sign on the elevator just lit up.
They were stuck. Just Shino, his beetle, and the naked lady, stuck in an elevator on floor three.
"Freakin jet-ski guy, stupid banana boat, gay ass mosquitoes!" Genma's angry shouts echoed.
His eyes suddenly widened when a small fish hopped onto the boat with him. He stared with wide eyes as the little fish flopped around. He growled loudly and sprung toward the fish, grabbing its tail and shaking it wildly.
"You stupid fish! Your weighing the boat down! This banana can only take so much!" he screamed, throwing the little fish back into the ocean.
"I swear I love Panama City! I gotta tell Kakashi about this place. 'Le Vela' looks like a place he would like to go to," Naruto said to himself, still driving the dancing girls and the drunk Jiraiya around.
Hinata screamed in the seat next to him, making Naruto turn his attention to the silhouette in the middle of the rode. Naruto slammed on his breaks, but it was to no avail, the dark figure flew onto the windshield.
"What the hell!" he yelled. The figure's face came into view.
"Wanna buy a sun dial?" Itachi asked, opening his coat to reveal the small objects.
"Dude! Get off my truck!" Naruto shouted, splashing windshield wiper fluid onto his face.
"Oh my-why is everyone waiting in line!" Gaara fumed, walking in front of everyone. He pushed to the front and found the source, an old women was counting quarters.
"Oh for the love of God! I don't have time for this! My plane leaves soon!" he shouted. The receptionist looked toward him.
"Sir, you will have to wait your turn," she smiled.
"Lady, I don't have time for MY TURN! This is crucial!" he yelled again.
The receptionist frowned, "Sir, do I have to get security?"
Gaara smirked, "Lady, I would love to see you try."
"Umm Kakashi, maybe you've had enough," Guy suggested.
Kakashi laughed, "No! You can never have enough!"
Guy rolled his eyes and sipped his coke, he lost the challenge an hour ago and Kakashi was still going strong.
"Hey baby, watch this!" he shouted, pulling off his Jounin vest and undershirt and then tossing it to the bartender, who just sighed and continued to wipe the counter.
"Guy Sensei is really starting to piss me off!" Lee yelled, fed up with his father figure who was nowhere in sight. He sped past a man on a bicycle and took off down the rode. The sound of sirens filled his ears.
"Oh great, the coppers," he mumbled, thinking quickly of a plan. He pulled to the curb and waited. The chubby cop stepped out and approached Lee, but when he was halfway there, Lee sped off leaving the cop in his dust and blaring 'Kokomo.'
"The hell was with Itachi? Why is he even in Panama?" Naruto questioned to himself. Hinata just shrugged, them being the only sober people aboard the Ford.
"I like big butts and I cannot lie!" Jiraiya sang from the back.
"Jiraiya, sit down! Your tippin over my truck!" Naruto yelled angrily.
Temari laughed drunkily, "It's a good think Gaara thinks I'm staying at a hotel. Screw New Mexico."
Naruto and Hinata exchanged worried glances.
"I can't believe you got kicked out of the hotel. And by a security guard nonetheless," Konkouro snickered, earning himself a glare from his red-headed brother.
As they once again took off down the highway they could hear the blaring of a radio. Gaara squinted his eyes as a white Ford came into view. He could see three girls dancing in the back and as they drove by, one flashed them.
"Holy hell! She was hot!" exclaimed Konkouro from the passenger seat, straining his neck to get another look.
"That was our sister you moron!" Gaara yelled, knocking his brother in the head.
He turned into an abandoned parking lot, ran over a cat, and hauled ass after the truck.
"Oh my-screw this! I can't fit in the fuckin spot! Apparently we are gonna have our honeymoon in the car honey!" Sasuke yelled angrily, squalling his tires out of the parking lot.
"Sasuke, chill out. Just look again, you will find a spot," Sakura tried to encourage. Sasuke ignored his new wife and continued down the highway. He came to a red light in front of 'Le Vela.'
"Hey, isn't that Kakashi's crotch rocket, and isn't that Guy's?" Sasuke questioned.
Sakura rolled her eyes, "Your paranoid Sasuke, why would Kakashi be in Panama? Everyone is suppose to still be at home. We left them when we drove away for our honeymoon. How could they have gotten here already when we just arrived?"
Sasuke nodded, but deep down, he had a suspicious feeling about that nightclub.
"Kakashi! Seriously I think you've had-too late," Guy mumbled, watching as Kakashi danced on a tabletop and threw his pants on the bartender's head, who once again sighed and threw the pants in a pile full of Kakashi's other clothing.
"I shouldn't have cheated by using coke. I thought Kakashi would have given up, but I was wrong," Guy sulked, peering over at the still stripping Kakashi.
"Stupid cop, thought he could catch me! Lee! Sure, I have the power of youth you fat man!" Lee screamed.
"Wanna buy a sun dial?" someone questioned. Lee turned to see the man from the bike he passed earlier, who was apparently Itachi, sitting on his passenger seat.
"What the! How did you get in here?" Lee asked, still startled.
"Oh, I jumped in while you were waiting for the cop," he explained.
"Get out!" filled the air as Itachi was thrown from the car and into a parking lot.
Looking up, he read the sign. 'Le Vela.' Itachi smirked.
"Hey there cutie," the girl whispered huskily. Shino just stood frozen. He was trapped and she was naked. "What are you doing?" she cooed. Shino gulped and held his stomach.
"Food," was his simple reply.
She took one step forward and shino took two steps back. How was he gonna get out of this situation?
"Ok, someone get out and hold a sign that says, 'will work for ramen.' I have no money since I'm spending it all on gas to ride you guys around," Naruto explained.
"Get off the road ya road hog!" Jiraiya yelled from the back. Naruto turned his head to see a blue Porsche coming up fast.
"What in the world? I think he wants to race. Well, if he wants a race, then I'll sure as hell give him one!" shouted the blonde happily.
"And if you look to your left, you will see some screaming beach comers running from our playboy bunny Dune Buggy. And in front of me, a drunk Asuma running over their radio while laughing wickedly. And to our right the peaceful ocean with- hey! Is that a banana boat!" Shikamaru questioned, pointing to the lone yellow speck.
Everyone else was too drunk to notice, including Kurenai who had decided to join in on the drinking a while ago.
"I don't know, but lets give him some chips!" Choji yelled, throwing a handful of potato chips into the ocean.
"You know what, Naruto wouldn't have given up. He would have found a way into that parking spot. I can't let him out do me! We are going back!" Sasuke yelled, doing an immediate illegal u-turn and speeding back to the hotel.
"It's probably gone," Sakura said, leaning her forehead against the window.
"No! Look there it is!" he screamed turning quickly and heading back to the spot.
As he rounded the corner happily, a red car pulled into his spot. Sakura turned to her husband and bit her lip.
"I will fuckin kill him! That was my spot! You asshole! I hope you drown in the pool!" Sasuke ranted, throwing his hands into the air and unbuckling his seatbelt.
Sakura grabbed his arm, "Sasuke, don't start. There's a spot over there." He looked to where she pointed and buckled back up.
"Fine we will park there. But I still hope that guy drowns," he pouted.
"Haha! Brilliant! We have once again prevented Sasuke Uchiha from doing what he desires!" Orochimaru laughed.
Kabuto rolled his eyes, "You don't think this bug bus is a little obvious following him around in? He's bound to notice."
Orochimaru ignored him and continued to laugh.
"Come here ladies!" Kakashi yelled, dancing on his tabletop, two girls under both arms. Guy just ignored his rivals shouts.
"Wanna buy a sun dial?" Itachi's voice asked.
Kakashi looked down at him, "Yea, hand me one of them bad boys!"
Itachi smiled and handed him one, collecting his money, then quickly walked out the club's exit doors and toward the jet-ski rentals.
"You are never gonna catch him! He's leaving you in his dust! Gaara your getting creamed by a dude in a truck! You have a Porsche!" Konkouro laughed, amused by the fact that his little brother couldn't get their sister.
"Shut up! Is that Naruto driving!" Gaara exclaimed, trying to get a better look at the blonde driver. Konkouro squinted and then confirmed Gaara's suspicion by nodding.
Gaara's eyes turned to flames as he chased after his sister.
"I swear to God! This is the worst night ever! First I can't find Guy Sensei, then a cop chases me, then some idiot jumps in my car, and now the power of youth inside me is exhausted," Lee sighed.
He turned the corner and stomped his breaks to the floor. Some long-haired guy was jumping in and out of traffic laughing.
"Is that Neji? And is he LAUGHING! How is this possible!" Lee questioned, continuing on his search for his beloved Guy Sensei.
"So, you from around here?" the naked blonde questioned. Shino gulped, but shook his head. She smiled, "Oh, an out-of-towner. Well, what's your name there cutie?"
Shino stood frozen but managed to choke out a small squeaky, "S-Shino." The blonde's smile got wider.
"Well Shino, how about I show you a good time?" she whispered, stepping closer to the shaking boy.
"You got your bags honey?" Sakura questioned walking towards their huge, Ocean-Front Beach Resort. She heard her husband grunt and smiled to herself when he emerged holding five suitcases. She giggled and managed a small smile.
"Laugh all you want. Nothing has went crazy for you tonight," he griped.
"I can just control myself more than you can," she smiled.
"Hey sexy! Why don't you leave that big-foreheaded slut and come with me for some real action!" some blonde shouted from the road. Sakura dropped her bags and smiled sweetly.
"I will be right back honey."
The next thing Sasuke saw was his wife…well never mind. The next thing Sasuke saw was something he NEVER wanted to see again.
"I haven't eaten in nine hours. I'm gonna die. I should've kept that fish from earlier," Genma sighed sadly.
He continued to float in his banana boat farther out to sea. But during his despair, a familiar sound filled his ears.
"A jet-ski!" he exclaimed, watching it draw nearer and nearer. "Thank God! You have come to save me! I owe you my life!" Genma smiled.
"Wanna buy a sun dial?" Itachi asked, hiding his face from the Jounin.
Genma's smile fell, "Umm, I don't have any money."
Itachi closed his cloak and rode away, leaving Genma yelling after him, still stranded in his banana boat.
"Sorry! We will pay you back somehow!" Shikamaru loudly apologized to the people who's marshmellows and hotdogs just got taken out by the pink Dune Buggy.
"Thanks for the food!" Choji yelled, chucking down another beer.
"Shikamaru, you need a beer and a women and you would be happier. How about Ino? Where is she at tonight?" Asuma asked, slurping down another swallow of his Bud Light.
Shikamaru snorted, "I have no clue where that troublesome women is! She better be at home. And I don't drink, it's to much of a drag."
Asuma sighed and handed his beer to Kurenai, who took a gulp of it. "Even the women have you beat."
"Naruto, want me to put a stop to this guy?" Jiraiya asked, gathering his chakra into his palm to form a Rasengan attack.
"No! I'm whooping his ass!" Naruto laughed, rounding another corner, sending all the girls into a shrieking fit.
A black Ford F.150 pulled up next to Naruto blaring his hip-hop music, beeped loudly, then sped off with lots of girls in the back and a large white dog in the passenger seat.
"Was that Kiba?" Naruto yelled in exasperation, turning another corner to avoid the blue Porsche tailing him still.
"Looked like him and Akamaru huh?" Hinata questioned, trying to get a second look, but then she spotted the angry driver of the Porsche behind them. "Umm, Naruto? We might have a little problem," she squeaked.
"Kakashi, what is that thing?" Guy asked, pointing to the small device around his rival's neck.
Kakashi shrugged, "I don't know, some really nice little boy gave it to me."
Guy frowned, "Little boy? How is that even possible, we are in a nightclub. You are half naked. Why would any little boy in his right mind come up to you?"
"Come on Guy, live a little! Drink with us!" Kakashi sang, copying Guy's earlier choice of vocabulary.
The green-clad man just frowned.
"Guy Sensei must be in here!" Lee shouted jumping from his Mustang and into the little store called 'Alvin's Island.' He bounded through the front door, catching everyone's attention.
"Guy Sensei! The green beast of youthfulness is here!" he proclaimed, making people slowly inch their way toward the exit.
After looking around and scanning the area, Lee sulked back to his car.
"I must find Guy Sensei! No matter the cost of gas! I will drive around until he is found!" Lee declared.
"I will freakin ring Naruto's neck if he doesn't come back here with my sister! We have 30 minutes till our plane leaves!" Gaara growled.
Konkouro blinked, "Yea, and I really want a sombrero." Gaara rolled his eyes and sped past another driver.
"Well, I don't have a sombrero, but do you wanna buy a sun dial?" Itachi asked from the backseat.
"Holy hell Akatsuki!" Gaara screamed, swerving off the road and into a ditch.
"Out of the Porsche!" the red-headed boy yelled, sending Itachi retreating into the woods still listening to 'Lollipop.'
"Great, now we lost Naruto." Gaara growled turning to his brother and rolling his eyes.
"This thing is awesome!" Konkouro exclaimed, toying with his newly purchased sun dial.
Shino was DOOMED. He had never in his LIFE kissed a girl, much less a naked one while locked in a elevator! Oh, how he was cursing the crappy elevators in the hotel right now.
He averted his eyes to the beetle who had currently been occupying his shoulder, but he was gone. Shino mentally reminded himself to kill the damn bug later.
But right now, the task at hand was getting closer….and closer….and closer….until finally…..their LIPS TOUCHED!
Shino's face was the same color as Sasuke's favorite food.
"For the last time Sasuke, I was not mad, I was just teaching her a lesson about yelling to newly wed men with pink-haired wives. It's a very common lesson to be learned," Sakura smiled.
Sasuke smirked as he walked toward the hotel's elevator. 'Out of Order, In Repair Now' was what the infuriating sign read back to the new couple.
"What! You mean I'm gonna have to carry all these bags upstairs!" Sasuke yelled completely outraged.
"Wait, listen. There's a noise coming from inside the elevator," Sakura explained. Sasuke put his ear against the door. The sound of kissing echoed back.
Sasuke pulled away, "I don't even want to know. Lets just take the stairs," he instructed, taking his wife's small hand in his.
"Orochimaru sir. Can we please take the dice off the rearview mirror, they keep hitting my glasses," Kabuto begged, parking the bug bus next to Sasuke's truck.
"No! Those fuzzy things grow on you. So they're staying. And thanks to us ruining the elevators earlier, Uchiha's ambitions will be delayed even more! This plan is brilliant, brilliant, brilliant!" Orochimaru laughed.
"This is the last time! I mean the absolute last time I will lose!" Genma shouted.
The seagull currently occupying the banana boat with him just stared at him again.
"Ok, just because you won the staring contest like 20 times doesn't mean anything!" he argued. The bird just cocked its head to the side.
"You are mine bird! I will not lose again! Now, face me like a man!" Genma yelled, his voice echoing over the empty water surrounding him and his banana boat.
"I'm going to kill myself. So far we have hit 3 crabs, 2 people, and 1 dog. And we ran over 4 campfires. We are gonna get arrested for sure, " mumbled the tired Shikamaru.
"Don't worry Shika. We know you just miss Ino," Choji smiled, still tightly holding onto a beer and potato chips.
Shikamaru huffed, "I do not miss her! She hasn't crossed my mind once."
Choji smiled, "Yea, ok. I'm waisted and I know you miss her. You aren't fooling anyone Shika."
"What is it Hinata? What's the problem? Did Jiraiya puke in the truck!" Naruto yelled, turning to strangle the old perv.
"No, umm, never mind," squeaked Hinata seeing Gaara disappear suddenly.
"I miss Shikamaru! I should have invited him to come with me," Ino said sadly.
"Same here. I miss Neji a lot," Ten-Ten mused.
"Jiraiya frowned, "What! Am I not good enough!"
"No! Your old pervy sage!" Naruto yelled.
"Wow, you're a good kisser," the blonde smiled.
Shino stood shocked, not moving and barely breathing. They both heard a rattling sound from above and looked up.
"Wanna buy a sun dial?" Itachi asked, popping his head out of the emergency exit from above.
"No. Get us out," Shino ordered.
Itachi just huffed and closed the exit door, and then they heard the drill closing them back up inside.
"Where did he go! Stupid Akatsuki!" Gaara shouted, swerving his car around everyone while looking for his sister.
"Well I thought it was very cool how he got in here without you noticing," Konkouro defended, still fiddling with his sun dial.
"Shut up! You are so stupid! You didn't notice him either! Look, there's Naruto! I found him! Now, time to rescue our sister and get to the airport, we got 15 minutes," proclaimed Gaara, swerving around the last car that separated him from his prize.
"You know, we could just leave her here. I mean, she doesn't even like me, and I don't miss her at all," Konkouro pleaded, hoping his brother would agree with him for once, but Gaara just glared, so Konkouro knew that his answer was a no.
"Ok, Kakashi, lets go. You are going to get yourself kicked out," Guy explained. The girls surrounding him booed Guy and threw their drinks on him.
"Well girls, I must go, but how about a parting gift for each and everyone of you," Kakashi smirked. Guy watched as his friend's hand moved to the only piece of clothing still clad to him. His underwear.
"Ok! Time to go now!" Guy intervened, snatching Kakashi before he could remove the clothing. He grabbed Kakashi's clothes from the bartender's anticipating hands and proceeded out the door with a yelping Kakashi.
"He is worth it. It doesn't matter that I just spent forty dollars filling up my tank. Guy Sensei is so worth it!" Lee yelled happily jumping into his mustang and doing a burnout out of the 'Texico' station.
He looked left and right, store to store, car to truck, but no matter where he laid his eyes, there was no Guy Sensei to be found.
"Ok, I'm starting to think he isn't worth my money or all this gas I'm using up," Lee mumbled, turning another corner, continuing his search.
Sasuke and Sakura had one floor left, they were almost there, but yet another obstacle stood in their way.
"What is that?" Sasuke asked, inspecting the blob blocking the staircase.
"Excuse me son, I seem to be a little stuck. Some kind man with really long hair and some very defining purple makeup, offered me some cake, and I just couldn't resist," the woman smiled behind her wrinkles.
"Holy heck! It's a lady!" Sasuke screeched, jumping behind Sakura.
She sighed and dropped her bags, "Now what?"
Sasuke picked her up bridal style and grabbed their bags and then jumped over the woman.
"That's why I love being a ninja," he smiled.
"I'm seriously tired of riding around with you people," Shikamaru sighed.
"Wanna buy a sun dial?" Itachi asked, appearing beside the lazy boy. Asuma screeched to a stop in the pink Dune Buggy.
"I want one!" Choji yelled, handing Itachi some money and taking a sun dial, then Itachi disappeared.
"How did that just happen?" Shikamaru asked.
"I've been drinking to much," Asuma sighed.
"What's that?" Kurenai asked, pointing to a yellow speck floating aimlessly in the ocean. Shikamaru sighed and took out his trusty binoculars.
"I told you people about that earlier, but of course you didn't listen to me. It's Genma," he huffed.
"We must save him from the ocean of doom!" Choji yelled.
"Oh my gosh! It's my brother!" Temari shouted, pointing at the blue Porsche that had once again caught up with them.
"What! That was Gaara chasing me? He's gonna kill me!" Naruto exclaimed.
"Stop the truck Naruto!" Ino yelled, shaking his shoulder from the backseat.
"I can't he'll kill me!" he yelled, sweat pouring from his forehead.
Temari glared, "Then how am I suppose to get out!"
"Like this," Jiraiya smiled, kicking her out of the truck.
"Oh my-Go Naruto go!" Ten-Ten screamed.
Naruto punched the gas, leaving Temari to Gaara.
"Who was that?" the blonde asked.
Shino fixed his glasses, "Itachi."
The girl nodded and looked at Shino expectantly.
"How about another kiss?" she smiled. Shino answered her question by kissing her once more.
And at that moment, the elevator began to move again.
"That is the absolute last time I take you to a nightclub Kakashi," Guy mumbled, helping his rival onto his crotch rocket.
"Wee! I get to ride the shiny one!" Kakashi giggled. Guy opened his mouth to protest, but shut it and hopped onto his own ride.
"Ok Kakashi, lets go. And please keep up and stay on. I don't wanna have to take you to the hospital later," Guy sighed.
Gaara slammed on his breaks as his sister hit the windshield.
Konkouro's jaw dropped, "T-Temari!"
Gaara helped his sister into the backseat and turned around quickly to speed off to the airport.
"Look at my sun dial!" Konkouro laughed, showing his sister who ignored him.
Gaara parted his lips, "Would you like to explain why you were in Naruto's truck dancing with an old guy?" Temari shook her head. "Then how about why you flashed us?" Gaara questioned.
Temari's eyes widened.
"Guy Sensei!" Lee yelled once again.
He still had the beach boys blaring and his money was slowly disappearing as he kept having to fill up his tank over and over again. His eyes widened as two crotch rockets sped past him.
"Guy Sensei!" he screamed, turning around and chasing down his sensei and his drunk friend.
"The damn key isn't working!" Sasuke shouted, trying to unlock their honeymoon suit's door.
"Maybe your doing it to fast," Sakura suggested.
"Screw it!" he yelled as he kicked the door in.
"Ok, here we go Sasuke. I bet its beautiful! And the fridge is filled with champagne and strawberries and the bed has silky red sheets," Sakura smiled, stepping inside.
Sasuke flicked on the light switch.
"I'm gonna kill him," he muttered. The whole room was orange. Peace signs filled the walls. Lava lamps and fuzzy orange lamps adorned the dressers and nightstands, and the fridge was filled with ramen.
Sakura sat down on the water bed, "Well, at least it can't get any worse."
Sasuke sat beside her, "Yea, I guess your right." Just then the water bed exploded from underneath them.
"Naruto!" Sasuke yelled.
"Haha and to think that blonde did that on his own," Orochimaru laughed.
"Ok, so now what? Why are we on the beach?" Kabuto asked confused.
Orochimaru smirked, "You know how Sasuke-kun hates loud noises. Well as soon as he gets comfortable, I will ruin the silence with these!" Kabuto inspected the items in Orochimaru's hand.
"M-100 firecrackers?" Kabuto questioned.
"Yes Kabuto! I light them, throw them in the ocean, and when they explode, the noise is to die for!" Orochimaru smirked.
"Wanna buy a sun dial?" Itachi asked.
"No! Get out of here! I'm trying to do my evil laugh!" Orochimaru complained.
Itachi frowned and walked away slowly.
"Thank you! Thank you so much for saving me!" Genma shouted, hugging Shikamaru tightly. He gasped for air while patting the thankful man on the back.
"I am so keeping this thing," Choji smiled, inspecting the banana boat.
"You can have it! I will never in my life ride in one again," Genma promised.
"Ok, how about we all go for a ride?" Asuma suggested. Genma immediately hopped into the Dune Buggy.
"Here we go again," Shikamaru sighed.
The elevator doors opened and Shino grabbed the blonde's hand.
"Thank you Shino," she smiled.
"How about you come with me to my hotel and I get you some clothes, then I can introduce you to some of my friends?" Shino asked.
The girl smiled, "Absolutely!" Boy was she in for the surprise of a lifetime.
Naruto dropped Jiraiya, Ino, and Ten-Ten off at the hotel and sighed, "I could have been killed tonight." Hinata smiled at him as he pulled out of the parking lot.
"Hey there's Sasuke's truck! I hope he likes the honeymoon suit I got him," Naruto grinned.
Hinata rolled her eyes, "I bet they are dying in their excitement."
Naruto grinned, "Lets go eat Hinata." The girl nodded as they rode off to their destination.
"Flight 202 to New Mexico!" the intercom announced.
"That's us!" Konkouro jumped up waving.
"Nobody cares stupid," Temari sighed.
Konkouro glared, "See! Now its like two Gaara's! No offense Gaara."
The red head grabbed his brother and threw him into the plane. Konkouro pouted and sat down, and Gaara sat down next to him. They held the arms of their chairs as the plane took off.
"Hey Gaara, where's Temari?"
Gaara looked to the empty seat beside him, "Dammit!"
Temari giggled as she jumped into the playboy bunny Dune Buggy with Asuma.
"Lee! Is that you!" Guy shouted. Kakashi slumped to the ground snoring.
"Guy Sensei, I have been looking everywhere for you!" Lee shouted, embracing his sensei and lifting an eyebrow at Kakashi's sleeping form.
Guy slapped his forehead, "Don't ask. But why did you drive all the way to Panama City to find me Lee?" Guy questioned.
Lee smiled, "Well, that's easy! You forgot your dry cleaning!" Lee shouted holding up Guy's green jumpsuit.
"It's not that bad. You get used to the orange," Sakura sighed. Sasuke sat next to her on the floor.
"Screw the room and forget the bed, this is our honeymoon," he smiled leaning closer to her.
BOOM!
The room shook.
"What the hell was that?" Sasuke shouted.
BOOM!
He ran to the window to see someone throwing firecrackers.
"That is it," he mumbled. He picked up the broken water bed and threw it out the window at the figures. Sakura heard two people scream and then the loud noises ceased.
"That sounded like Orochimaru and Kabuto," she mumbled.
"I don't care who it was! Come here!" Sasuke screamed, grabbing his wife and kissing her.
A knock interrupted them.
"Oh for the love of God! What now!" Sasuke shouted, throwing the door open to see who was knocking.
"Wanna buy a sun dial?"
A/N: Happy Fourth of July my readers! Hope you enjoyed the story! This was written like 4 years ago, so sorry if it isn't as well detailed as my other stories. Also, this is a CRACK FIC! So, I don't want any stupid flames on this story. All the events in this story were based off of true events that happened while my friend and I were on vacation in Panama for the Fourth of July. I got all my ideas from the crazy stuff we saw from our balcony at night. Anyways, hope you enjoyed! Reviews make me write ;D