Moment ruined
By Komillia

Author's notes: First Gundam SEED fanfic here, so I hope it's okay. It has very small spoilers for both SEED and SEED Destiny, so click the back button right away if you absolutely don't want to be spoiled at all. :)
This is based on what my conclusions from Murdoch and Miriallia's short conversation in SEED Destiny when Miriallia returns to Archangel. With the conversation being "How's Elthman?" "I dumped him." I couldn't help writing this after I saw it. I'm a huge fan of Dearka/Miriallia though, so I'm still hoping for a happy ending for them at the end of SEED Destiny.
In the mean time, enjoy!

Awakening from the strong rays of sunlight shining onto his face, Dearka shut his eyes harder and groaned. Cursing all that was light and hurt his eyes, he attempted to make things better by first burying his face in the soft pillow but upon feeling the warmth of another person's skin, he opened his eye just slightly. There she was, lying on the other side of the bed just a few inches away from him. She was lying with her back against him and he could not see her face, but at the moment he was too selfish to see if she was awake or not. Placing the hand on the curve of her hip, he quickly pulled her close to his own body and buried his face in her hair.

There, much better.

Her hair had a faint smell of peaches. By now he should have grown used to it, grown used to her. But every time he woke up next to her, every morning he buried his face in her hair to shield his eyes from the sun he would notice how she smelled of peaches and how for a while the chaotic world they lived in was suddenly wonderful.

"Hey... it's not fair to wake me up just because you can't sleep," she protested.

"You had no problem doing that to me last night," Dearka murmured but opened his eyes a little more just in time to see her blush spread to her neck.

He closed his eyes again and tried to go back to sleep. If only she could be quiet, relax and just enjoy the moment a little...

"I have to go."

And there it was. Moment ruined.

"Go where?" Dearka asked.

He felt her move away from him slightly but his arms were still around her waist and he had no intention of giving up his wonderful moment. When she tried to sit up she failed miserably as Dearka decided at that moment to pull her back down and on top of him. She struggled against his hold at first, but then yielded when her eyes met his.

"Dearka," she said sternly.

"Miriallia," Dearka mimicked her tone.

"I have to go," she repeated.

"I know."

He raised his head from the pillow, his hand moving to the back of her neck and his lips capturing hers in an unexpected kiss. She made some sort of sound, he assumed that it was a last attempt at protesting but she gave into the kiss soon enough. Sunlight and the fact that she wanted to leaving seemed to fade away all at once and his world consisted of nothing but the two of them. Dearka could not help thinking that suddenly everything was good again.

In the midst of all this he made one mistake.

He pulled away to allow both of them a few seconds to breathe.

But the few seconds were long enough for Miriallia to stop panting, regain her senses and sit up. At once Dearka felt her absence and the cold from no longer having her body pressed against his. He tried to reach for her but it was too late.

"As much as I would like to continue this... I have to go. The shuttle won't be waiting for me to depart."

Still lying down, Dearka quietly stared upwards although his mind was on anything but the lamp right above him. It was always the same with her. They would have fun, spend the night together but in the end she would always have a reason for why she had to leave, one far more important than him. Never mind that he always tried to convince his superiors to rearrange his schedule so that he could spend more time with her when she was available, it was always her and, this time, her stupid shuttle...

Suddenly Dearka sat up and stared at her.

"Shuttle!" he repeated. "Where are you going?"

"Earth. I'm going back to Orb."

She said all of this very casually while getting dressed, not even bothering to look at him. Dearka stared at her blankly. Her words told him that she was leaving for her but the tone of her voice could might as well been used to inform him that it was Monday.

"What... why?" Dearka questioned, feeling utterly confused.

"I thought that it was about time," she explained and picked up her shirt from the floor where it had been carelessly thrown aside last night. "I've been staying at PLANT for two months now, time to get back to Orb."

At that moment Dearka was not sure of how he was supposed to react, although there was no doubt in the many emotions he felt upon seeing her walk about so casually and picking up her things.

Disappointment? Check.

Anger? Check.

Confusion? Definitely check.

Hurt? ...check.

"Were you even going to tell me?"

He watched her closely and noticed at least some sort of reaction when he asked her that question. There was a brief moment of guilt and perhaps pain but just a moment later she was back to being good old Miriallia.

"Since when am I obligated to tell you?" she retorted defensively, finally showing a little emotion.

Dearka opened his mouth to answer, but not a single word came out. In his mind he knew that there was truth in what she had said. They were not a couple and at times Dearka even wondered if they were friends. She did not have to tell him but despite what his mind was saying his heart was damn upset with her.

"So this is it, huh?" he said bitterly and leaned back against the headboard with his hands behind his head. "I guess I won't see you again."

She looked up from the floor, where she had knelt down to gather her things in a duffle bag.

"Don't be like that. I'll see you next time I stop by PLANT and..."

"...feel like sharing my bed because you are too afraid to have something more again."

The first time Dearka had said the wrong thing to Miriallia it had become pretty apparent that was a big mistake when she had grabbed a scalpel and tried to stab him with it. Although this time it was not as extreme, he could tell by the look on her face that he had definitely said the wrong thing. Rather than attempting to stab him, Miriallia just picked up her bag and walked out the door.

Dearka cursed quietly, wrapped a sheet around his body and then ran after him as fast as he could. He caught up with her just before she reached the front door.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be so stupid..." he apologized and felt as if he was doing it automatically. After all, he was only repeating the same words from the last fight they had had. And the one before that. And the other one before that. Naturally, those were all about the same thing. Either Miriallia had grown weary of his reused apologies or she was just weary of the reason behind their fights because his words did nothing to soften the anger she displayed.

"Don't act like you are the victim here!" she yelled. "You knew, you know perfectly well what... this, we are all about! Don't come complaining now because it's not enough for you!"

"You're right, it's not enough!" Dearka shot back, forgetting all about apologies. "I don't want you to just show up whenever you feel like it and then just take off! I don't to be just a rebound, Miri!"

He calmed down slightly and took a deep breath.

"...and I know you don't want me to be either."

Whether it was the wrong thing to say or not, at least now he had said it. The ball was in her court, it was up to her to decide how things would go now. Then again it had always been up to her, he had just been there and catered to her needs.

Miriallia stood still, eyes looking away from him and not saying a word. He could only imagine what was going on in her head right now but the one thing he was sure of was her never-ending conflict with herself. There was guilt felt for perhaps being able to feel for someone and letting go of the past. But she had to let go, there was no way she could walk around not wanting to love for the rest of her life. Dearka knew this, but no matter how many times he had said it, Miriallia didn't.

Her only answer to his ultimatum was to simply push past him and head for the front door.

"Miri...!" he called out.

"Don't," she cut off. "I'll see you around."

With that she disappeared out the front door and slammed it shut. Knowing how futile it would be to chase after her and the fact that her last words might not occur at all, it took all the power Dearka could muster to resist slamming his forehead against the wall repeatedly.

"Damn it..."

Another moment ruined.