Sigh
The Sequel to Independence Day
by Mav, the co-creator of Batman meets Evil Dead
President Bill Pullman walked through the newly constructed white house, after the destruction of the other white house on
Independence Day, he decided to make it out of a new type of alloy developed by the aliens from the first movie.
He sat down at his desk, and started sighing, then his new wife, simply known as Robo-Wife walked in, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?"
she screamed, he jumped up and kicked the black haired woman under the desk. "Uh..nothing..honey." He said, trying to cover up. Robowife
cried, and suddenly she short circuited and died. Then Pullman did a jig, "I.... Love... This... Job." He grinned and sat
down, putting his hands behind his back.
Meanwhile...in California...
Will Smith was unable to be cast in the movie due to the small budget, so the producers got Chris Rock drunk and casted
him.
Chris Rock jumped outside his house while his Stripper Wife screamed at him, "SCREW YOU CHRIS ROCK!!" and threw a plate at him,
"Crazy Bitch." he said, he walked over to his '01 Porsche Boxter and jumped in, he started up and drove away. "DAMN IT GIMME
MY FRICKING CAR BACK YOU LOUSY CHEATING SON OF A BI....." she was unable to continue as he drove away. He grinned as
he drove down the street grinning at his neighbors, they smiled back waving, "Yeah they want me..." Chris thought to himself, unfortunately
he was unable to realize that they were looking at the car..and had no idea there was a person in the car.
He stopped the car at the train station and said, "I'm ditchin' this pot hole." he said hopping on the train to Hawaii. As he left the
car 3 old drunk looking fools jumped in the porsche and drove off.
Meanwhile....at Microsoft HQ....
"And that my friends, is why Apple will go out of business next year." Bill Gates continued, then he saw the guy from
Jurassic Park walk up, "Everyone this our new partner, the Hax0r who saved the world a few years ago when those ugly alien dudes attacked."
Ian Malcom grinned and waved, "Yes.. I used a Mac to hack them, however I was unable to realize that i could have stayed on Earth
and would have been able to hax0r them with a standard Windows powered laptop."
Bill Gates grinned, thinking, "Oh yes.. this will definately get me another 30 billion." he just nodded in agreement with
the Jurassic Park guy.
Ian looked around the crowd and a guy ran up to him and whispered in his ear.. "Uh..boss theres something you might want to see.."
Ian excused himself from the press conference and entered his secret lab in the sewers below Microsoft HQ.
he looked at the computer screen.. "Ah shit not again." he sighed, "Get me Bill Pullman on the phone. Its time for
a cheaper made sequel."
The assistant looked at Ian, "Uh..Bill pullman was unavailable..so we got Bill Paxton instead.."
Ian sighed and said, "Fine..." But wasn't he just here? he thought to himsel
"..Mr. President.. We got a problem!" Ian said on the phone, "What now?" Bill said, "I'm kinda..busy here..." he faded off for a second.."Monica..
hold on a second k?"
"We've got an Alien attack force inbound! They appear to be Cat like, and our researchers are calling them Kilrathi!"
"Well I don't care Ian to be honest, i only got like 20 days till the next president replaces me." Paxton said.
"Fine!" Ian shouted, "Where's Will Smith?"
"Uh.. Will Smith was too expensive.." Paxton said.
"So..who replaced him?" Ian asked.
"We got Chris Rock when he was drunk." Paxton continued.
"So I'm the only fricking actor returning from the first movie?" Ian said.
"Yep." Paxton said.
"Sigh.. I wonder if they'll cast me in Jurassic Park 4."
Ian hung up with the President and walked over to his holographic projection communication device from Star Trek.
"Computer, Open a communication link with Chris Rock." he said.
"Link opened!" the Computer chirped back, "But I'm getting tired of you Dave."
"I'm Ian Malcom, I changed my name because of you! So start calling me Ian!"
"Alright Dave."
"Thank you."
"Yo! Bitch wass up? Chris Rock here!"
"Uh.. so you replaced Will Smith?"
"Hell yeah! that foo got no actin' skill with him and his rappin' and his bad singin'"
"Right.."
"So wassup foo?" Rock continued.
"Uh we have an alien attack force inbound and we need your super piloting skills to kill them all! Like Will Smith did in the first movie."
"Well foo, listen here.. I be better then that Will Smith guy by 10 times alright? Now I don't do any of that flying shit, I only know how to use
a .45! thanks to the Bronx."
"Right.." Ian sighed, then Ian thought... Who are the greatest heroes of all time? and can they help us?
Then the door flew open and the shadows of 2 men were visible..a man in a bat suit, and the other a guy with a chainsaw arm.
"BATMAN! ASH!" Ian exclaimed!
"Groovy." Ash said.
"Yes it is I.. Batman." Batman said.
"Yeah we'll help you with your little problem, even though it doesn't concern me." Ash said, "All I want is to go home."
"You are home Ash, we've had this conversation before." Batman said.
"Oh... Nevermind then..We better stop those alien dudes."
"So..who's your writer?" Ian asked.
"That doesn't concern you." Batman said in a dark voice.
Then Puma slid in through the doors, "That would be me!" wearing a geeky superhero outfit and holding a bunch of needles.
"...and me!" Maverick said walking in, looking all cool in his black leather jacket, sunglasses and slicked back hair.
"So we're going to save the world again?" Ian asked.
"No. We're going to save the world." said Ash turning on his chainsaw, "I don't see how you can be involved at all... You sold everyone out
for Bill Gates."
Ian gulped realizing he had made a mistake in signing that contract with Gates, that was his last thought.
"MORTALS! This is the guy who does the voice of god! You've probably seen me in Galaxy Quest!" said a voice from no where.
Everyone nodded, "Good movie! Yeah.." everyone cheered.
"Right.. Anyway, God says that you guys have to save the world.. The 13th Apostle is in Hawaii... He shall help you acquire the MEGA DRAGON! a super
alien killing spaceship. Once acquired you shall be launched into space where you shall destroy the Kilrathi... Batman, Ash you two are the Prophets..
and not to mention the greatest crime fighters the world has ever seen!"
"I HATE YOU GOD! WHY WHY ME?!" Ash screamed, "I never wanted to fight Deadites for my entire life! What did I do to deserve this?!" Ash cried.
Batman rolled his eyes, and slapped Ash, "Sorry Batman.." Ash said.
"If you two are done bickering we shall get underway immediately. Head to Hawaii. Meet Chris Rock, save the world..again, and try to do it cheaply..
this movie has a very small budget..oh and uh Maverick it turns out you have the ability to alter the past.. and um Puma you can throw really sharp needles."
Maverick grinned as a magical eraser magically appeared in his pocket. Puma grinned as really sharp needles magically appeared in his pocket.
The four then walked to Hawaii.
They walked into a small hut, "Uh..13th Apostle?"
"WHAT?" Chris Rock yelled, "I'm trying to relax here its my vacation."
"Not anymore." Ash said.
"Yeah." Batman grinned, Ash finally said something somewhat intelligent.
Maverick pulled out a letter, and then did a small trumpet thing... "Thirteenth Apostle... By order of God you are to be returned to active duty immediately."
The Apostle yelled, "When do we leave?"
Maverick said, "Oh.. Your suppost to arrange for a Mega Dragon so we can fight off some really ugly aliens who look kinda like frogs."
"oh yeah..those guys again.." Chris Rock said, "Yeah I saw that movie, pretty dumb, mixing a WWII flick with Star Wars.. oh well."
Puma said, "okay Apostle dude, we need that Dragon."
"Hold your horses bro, I got the mega dragon parked outside.. I got it after that stripper wife kicked me out."
Puma, Mav, Batman, and ash look at each other and shrug, "We need it. NOW!" Batman ordered the Apostle.
MEANWHILE IN SPACE...
"Thrakhath, We have arrived in Earth orbit and are preparing to launch the assault."
"Excellent Melek, take out Washington D.C. then take out Area 51 and then 52." Thrakhath ordered.
Several Dralthi class fighters launched from the Kilrathi Mothership and flew down to Earth. They began bombing Washington D.C., Area 51 and Area 52.
all exploded in a very cheap effect.
"EXCELLENT!" Thrakhath purred, "We must now destroy the Mega Dragon before it attacks us."
"Uh Thrakhath my liege.. The Mega Dragon has already attacked, and destroyed all of our support vessels."
"WHAT?! Why was I not informed?!" Thrakhath ordered.
"It just happened.." Melek mumbled.
"DAMN IT MELEK! We're screwed now.. Lets just go back to Kilrah before they circle around and kill us."
"Thrakhath.. They're already beginning the assault.."
"No wonder we were so easy to kill in Wing Commander 1 through Prophecy, we aren't informed of any developments...Uh Melek?" Thrakhath
turned to realize he was the only Kilrathi remaining on the ship, "Ah christ."
Batman lined the Mothership up in his sights and fired a single shot! The Mothership exploded in the most expensive shot of the film.
(they had a piece of styrafoam and a fire cracker.)
They all went home and did the Macarena.
The Sequel to Independence Day
by Mav, the co-creator of Batman meets Evil Dead
President Bill Pullman walked through the newly constructed white house, after the destruction of the other white house on
Independence Day, he decided to make it out of a new type of alloy developed by the aliens from the first movie.
He sat down at his desk, and started sighing, then his new wife, simply known as Robo-Wife walked in, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?"
she screamed, he jumped up and kicked the black haired woman under the desk. "Uh..nothing..honey." He said, trying to cover up. Robowife
cried, and suddenly she short circuited and died. Then Pullman did a jig, "I.... Love... This... Job." He grinned and sat
down, putting his hands behind his back.
Meanwhile...in California...
Will Smith was unable to be cast in the movie due to the small budget, so the producers got Chris Rock drunk and casted
him.
Chris Rock jumped outside his house while his Stripper Wife screamed at him, "SCREW YOU CHRIS ROCK!!" and threw a plate at him,
"Crazy Bitch." he said, he walked over to his '01 Porsche Boxter and jumped in, he started up and drove away. "DAMN IT GIMME
MY FRICKING CAR BACK YOU LOUSY CHEATING SON OF A BI....." she was unable to continue as he drove away. He grinned as
he drove down the street grinning at his neighbors, they smiled back waving, "Yeah they want me..." Chris thought to himself, unfortunately
he was unable to realize that they were looking at the car..and had no idea there was a person in the car.
He stopped the car at the train station and said, "I'm ditchin' this pot hole." he said hopping on the train to Hawaii. As he left the
car 3 old drunk looking fools jumped in the porsche and drove off.
Meanwhile....at Microsoft HQ....
"And that my friends, is why Apple will go out of business next year." Bill Gates continued, then he saw the guy from
Jurassic Park walk up, "Everyone this our new partner, the Hax0r who saved the world a few years ago when those ugly alien dudes attacked."
Ian Malcom grinned and waved, "Yes.. I used a Mac to hack them, however I was unable to realize that i could have stayed on Earth
and would have been able to hax0r them with a standard Windows powered laptop."
Bill Gates grinned, thinking, "Oh yes.. this will definately get me another 30 billion." he just nodded in agreement with
the Jurassic Park guy.
Ian looked around the crowd and a guy ran up to him and whispered in his ear.. "Uh..boss theres something you might want to see.."
Ian excused himself from the press conference and entered his secret lab in the sewers below Microsoft HQ.
he looked at the computer screen.. "Ah shit not again." he sighed, "Get me Bill Pullman on the phone. Its time for
a cheaper made sequel."
The assistant looked at Ian, "Uh..Bill pullman was unavailable..so we got Bill Paxton instead.."
Ian sighed and said, "Fine..." But wasn't he just here? he thought to himsel
"..Mr. President.. We got a problem!" Ian said on the phone, "What now?" Bill said, "I'm kinda..busy here..." he faded off for a second.."Monica..
hold on a second k?"
"We've got an Alien attack force inbound! They appear to be Cat like, and our researchers are calling them Kilrathi!"
"Well I don't care Ian to be honest, i only got like 20 days till the next president replaces me." Paxton said.
"Fine!" Ian shouted, "Where's Will Smith?"
"Uh.. Will Smith was too expensive.." Paxton said.
"So..who replaced him?" Ian asked.
"We got Chris Rock when he was drunk." Paxton continued.
"So I'm the only fricking actor returning from the first movie?" Ian said.
"Yep." Paxton said.
"Sigh.. I wonder if they'll cast me in Jurassic Park 4."
Ian hung up with the President and walked over to his holographic projection communication device from Star Trek.
"Computer, Open a communication link with Chris Rock." he said.
"Link opened!" the Computer chirped back, "But I'm getting tired of you Dave."
"I'm Ian Malcom, I changed my name because of you! So start calling me Ian!"
"Alright Dave."
"Thank you."
"Yo! Bitch wass up? Chris Rock here!"
"Uh.. so you replaced Will Smith?"
"Hell yeah! that foo got no actin' skill with him and his rappin' and his bad singin'"
"Right.."
"So wassup foo?" Rock continued.
"Uh we have an alien attack force inbound and we need your super piloting skills to kill them all! Like Will Smith did in the first movie."
"Well foo, listen here.. I be better then that Will Smith guy by 10 times alright? Now I don't do any of that flying shit, I only know how to use
a .45! thanks to the Bronx."
"Right.." Ian sighed, then Ian thought... Who are the greatest heroes of all time? and can they help us?
Then the door flew open and the shadows of 2 men were visible..a man in a bat suit, and the other a guy with a chainsaw arm.
"BATMAN! ASH!" Ian exclaimed!
"Groovy." Ash said.
"Yes it is I.. Batman." Batman said.
"Yeah we'll help you with your little problem, even though it doesn't concern me." Ash said, "All I want is to go home."
"You are home Ash, we've had this conversation before." Batman said.
"Oh... Nevermind then..We better stop those alien dudes."
"So..who's your writer?" Ian asked.
"That doesn't concern you." Batman said in a dark voice.
Then Puma slid in through the doors, "That would be me!" wearing a geeky superhero outfit and holding a bunch of needles.
"...and me!" Maverick said walking in, looking all cool in his black leather jacket, sunglasses and slicked back hair.
"So we're going to save the world again?" Ian asked.
"No. We're going to save the world." said Ash turning on his chainsaw, "I don't see how you can be involved at all... You sold everyone out
for Bill Gates."
Ian gulped realizing he had made a mistake in signing that contract with Gates, that was his last thought.
"MORTALS! This is the guy who does the voice of god! You've probably seen me in Galaxy Quest!" said a voice from no where.
Everyone nodded, "Good movie! Yeah.." everyone cheered.
"Right.. Anyway, God says that you guys have to save the world.. The 13th Apostle is in Hawaii... He shall help you acquire the MEGA DRAGON! a super
alien killing spaceship. Once acquired you shall be launched into space where you shall destroy the Kilrathi... Batman, Ash you two are the Prophets..
and not to mention the greatest crime fighters the world has ever seen!"
"I HATE YOU GOD! WHY WHY ME?!" Ash screamed, "I never wanted to fight Deadites for my entire life! What did I do to deserve this?!" Ash cried.
Batman rolled his eyes, and slapped Ash, "Sorry Batman.." Ash said.
"If you two are done bickering we shall get underway immediately. Head to Hawaii. Meet Chris Rock, save the world..again, and try to do it cheaply..
this movie has a very small budget..oh and uh Maverick it turns out you have the ability to alter the past.. and um Puma you can throw really sharp needles."
Maverick grinned as a magical eraser magically appeared in his pocket. Puma grinned as really sharp needles magically appeared in his pocket.
The four then walked to Hawaii.
They walked into a small hut, "Uh..13th Apostle?"
"WHAT?" Chris Rock yelled, "I'm trying to relax here its my vacation."
"Not anymore." Ash said.
"Yeah." Batman grinned, Ash finally said something somewhat intelligent.
Maverick pulled out a letter, and then did a small trumpet thing... "Thirteenth Apostle... By order of God you are to be returned to active duty immediately."
The Apostle yelled, "When do we leave?"
Maverick said, "Oh.. Your suppost to arrange for a Mega Dragon so we can fight off some really ugly aliens who look kinda like frogs."
"oh yeah..those guys again.." Chris Rock said, "Yeah I saw that movie, pretty dumb, mixing a WWII flick with Star Wars.. oh well."
Puma said, "okay Apostle dude, we need that Dragon."
"Hold your horses bro, I got the mega dragon parked outside.. I got it after that stripper wife kicked me out."
Puma, Mav, Batman, and ash look at each other and shrug, "We need it. NOW!" Batman ordered the Apostle.
MEANWHILE IN SPACE...
"Thrakhath, We have arrived in Earth orbit and are preparing to launch the assault."
"Excellent Melek, take out Washington D.C. then take out Area 51 and then 52." Thrakhath ordered.
Several Dralthi class fighters launched from the Kilrathi Mothership and flew down to Earth. They began bombing Washington D.C., Area 51 and Area 52.
all exploded in a very cheap effect.
"EXCELLENT!" Thrakhath purred, "We must now destroy the Mega Dragon before it attacks us."
"Uh Thrakhath my liege.. The Mega Dragon has already attacked, and destroyed all of our support vessels."
"WHAT?! Why was I not informed?!" Thrakhath ordered.
"It just happened.." Melek mumbled.
"DAMN IT MELEK! We're screwed now.. Lets just go back to Kilrah before they circle around and kill us."
"Thrakhath.. They're already beginning the assault.."
"No wonder we were so easy to kill in Wing Commander 1 through Prophecy, we aren't informed of any developments...Uh Melek?" Thrakhath
turned to realize he was the only Kilrathi remaining on the ship, "Ah christ."
Batman lined the Mothership up in his sights and fired a single shot! The Mothership exploded in the most expensive shot of the film.
(they had a piece of styrafoam and a fire cracker.)
They all went home and did the Macarena.