Disclaimer: I'm not making any money off this… if only… sigh…

I wish I could say that this tale wasn't real-- complete fiction. Unfortunately I can't. everything that is written here is the 'the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth,' to quote American law. I plead with you to read this account with on open mind. I hope not that you will judge us, for we believed we were ding nothing but the best for our world-- our survival.

There is no black and white in war, no perfectly right and absolutely wrong. Neither side is innocent, both are corrupt. They will do whatever it costs to win regardless of the sacrifices, the risks.

I watched what seems now like thousands of people be slain before my eyes. I have worn the blood of my brother and sister warriors, we were no longer civilians, innocent and just, we were killing machines. I have worn the blood of my enemies, no longer were they people, but objects that hurt and destroyed, obviously we ignored the fact that we ourselves did the same and needed to be obliterated.

I stopped counting and thinking of the dead. There was no point in causing myself more pain than I endured daily. Remembering only sent your heart spiraling into a dark abyss. I stopped caring if I was coming back anymore. I was so numb to the suffering and death around me, we all had to be to survive I fought with a bloodthirsty vengeance that quickly rose through the ranks of our army. I was one of the best generals, despite the fact that I was female.

One man led us, he was a mere twenty when he took command of the troops. Under his rule we excelled and defeated our enemies battle after battle. He was our small glimmer of hope at the end of the tunnel, he led with so much passion and promise many could not help but be swayed and hypnotized by his words and actions.

I still refused to believe that we were anywhere near the end. Every time I saw another young man or women die at the hands of the enemy I lost a little more hope. Despite many optimism I would not get my hopes up. I grew more and more close to the man who we all longed to be our savior, so close that most nights my bed would be found empty and his the home of two. We lost ourselves to the passion and pleasure. I can not say I did not love him, if I was even capable of that particular feeling at the time, but I knew it would only end in sorrow, anguish when one of us was struck down or went missing, never to be seen or heard from again.

I remember laying next to him sweaty and out of breath, his wise emerald eyes locking onto my mocha almond ones. Out of everything that I had expected him to say at that moment what followed next was not what I would have guessed. The words still ring in my ears to this day, many years later. "When this is all over, this war, when we win and take victory over the dark, marry me. Be mine. I love you and you are my one bright light in this sea of darkness. Let me be yours forever." there was nothing but undying love and passion in those eyes, in his unwavering voice and I could not keep the tears that had not been shed since the death of our mentor from falling. I could only weep with sorrow, which he thought were from pure joy, as he held me. I knew there was no future, no hope.

I did not tell him what had made me cry with such abandon. He needed his hope, his light, if that light was me than so be it, I would stand beside him for as long as I was needed. Against my better judgment I accepted his proposal, fully aware that I would never walk down the aisle in a beautiful white dress toward this courageous man, this perfect man. I knew I would never hold our child for the first time and be able to look up at him and see the tears of pride he shed as he looked upon myself and our baby boy or girl. The perfect world we had created could never last, it would never last. Yet, selfishly I savored every second of it.

At night I got a taste of paradise, happiness. In the daylight I fought beside my leader, we killed and rampaged the dark side. We slaughtered and destroyed everything that was around us. Our lives at the time seemed to be on repeat. I saw my comrades fall without a flinch on my part, I saw man slain in the worst of ways and didn't blink an eye. I gave as well as I got.

We were monsters regardless of our cause. We were just as ruthless and our enemies, we were bloodthirsty and vengeful. We had not seen what we had become.

In the blink of an eye, at least that's what it felt like our world was changed forever. I watched with a since of numbness as their leader came forth through the masses of our enemies. Never before had this creature, for he was no longer solely man, graced the battlefield with his presence. Preferring to send his minions to do his dirty work. The numbness started to fad as I watched the prophesized savior of mine step forward. The numbness transformed into a blinding fear. I ran as fast as I could, not fast enough. Before I reached him the worst was done. The enemy leader lay in ever expending pool of blood and my love stood holding a young man who had jumped in front of him to save him so he could end the war for them all. Our savior slowly slumped to the ground grasping the man for dear life, sick realization was the only emotion on his face. Before I had time to breath he clutched his chest, he drew away his hand covered in blood, my heart stopped, protruding from his strong chest which I had fallen asleep on so many nights was a bone handled knife. His eyes sought out mine as he let out a small chuckle and mouthed his affection for me before closing his eyes.

I didn't even notice the thousands of people around me as they one by one stepped forward to show their respects for their beloved heroes. The young man who had jumped in front of our commander was honored over and beyond so many. But high on the dais lay the tomb of a man I would never forget. A man who saved our world and my heart.

I never believed I would live to see this future. I never believed in hope or real happiness. Yet now I see what he was trying to get me to see along. There is always a light in the darkness. I was his in the war. I watch mine now sleeping soundly in his bed. Beneath those lids lies the wise eyes of his father, the eyes that chased away the numbness all those nights ago.

Once again I beseech you to not judge us. We only did what was necessary to reach what we have reached today. There is no black and white in war. There is only pain and loss but we must look past the here and now and hold hope for the future.