SUMMARY: Naruto, Sakura, Rock Lee, Hinata, and Shikamaru are assigned a mission to gather info from 3 select siblings of the Sand.
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto… not yet, anyway.
Inception: Leaf Shinobi Style
Tsunade sat behind her desk, glancing back up at Rock Lee, Hinata, and Sakura, who'd arrived on time.
If u read the SUMMARY above, you know which two Konoha ninja are late. And if you don't know, that's okay. Shikamaru and Naruto. There, now you know.
While waiting for the knuckle-headed-ninja of the Leaf, and the lazy one with the cloud envy, Lee was determined to bear hug Ton Ton (the pig), but the little Ton Ton was a super awesome ninja pig, and kept escaping his green armed grasp.
Tsunade and Sakura's eyebrow twitches were in sync, and Hinata, poor, quiet Hinata, was inching away from her pink haired friend, afraid of the kunoichi's powerful new taijutsu ability.
Right as Tsunade was about to explode on Lee, who was still perusing Ton Ton with the fire and determination of youth, Naruto burst in the Hokage office, a big smile on his face. Sakura punched him on the head, but well, he was used to it.
Shikamaru followed Naruto, less dramatic. "Sorry we're late. But everything has been such a drag…."
Lee stopped perusing Ton Ton and stood back respectfully in line with the others. Ton Ton (the pig) hid under Tsunade's desk, having a Piggy Melt Down.
Tsunade sighed, leaning back in her chair. So comfy…. "First order of business-"
"We-eeeeeeeeeee!" Ton Ton squealed from under the desk. Hinata looked toward the desk with concern and Sakura rolled her eyes.
"First order of business." Tsunade began again after being rudely interrupted. "I have called you all to-"
"Tell us we get to go on a mission to rescue a princess?" Naruto called out dreamily, and loudly. Hinata whimpered. Sakura closed her eyes.
Tsunade frowned. "No-"
"We-eeeeeeeeeee!" Ton Ton squealed again.
"Ton Ton!" Rock Lee sang. Sakura rolled her eyes. Hinata was compelled to use her Byakugan to see if the little pig was okay.
"It sounds like Ton Ton's on the edge of glory." Naruto chuckled. Sakura hit Naruto on the head.
"Anyway!" Tsunade started again. "I have assigned you a mission to go to the Hidden-"
"We-eeeeeeeeeee!" Ton Ton interrupted again.
"SHIZUNE!" Tsunade screamed.
The one who's called Shizune ran in. "Yes, Lady Tsunade?"
"Take Ton Ton and shut her up!" Tsunade said angrily, grabbing the pig and chucking at the surprised small Shizune who didn't like it when Tsunade gambled or drank.
When the pig that was 'on the edge of glory' was gone, Tsunade stood up, making her self be seen. "Go to the Sand and try to gather Intel from its villagers. I expect a full report by the time you get back."
"But aren't the Sand are friends?" Naruto asked. "Why are we stealing information from them?"
"Because," Tsunade said. "Keomi-Sage sucks at writing relevant stories."
AN: it's not my fault, 'I was born this way, baby I was born this way, I'm on the right track!'
"Oh."
AN: who wants to read the 3 day trip to the Sand village in cookie crumb detail? Not me! (Skip from Konoha to Suna)
…K~S
Temari walked down the streets of the Suna singing Poker Face under her breath. It was an especially hot day, but she was okay.
Really, anyone born in the Sand would be okay with the desert heat. Anyone outside would suffer, especially if they were already faint hearted.
While Temari walked, she tried to think of anyone who would faint on a day like this… The little sunflower Hinata Hyuga. That's who.
Temari laughed and walked a little giddier, switching to Paparazzi now. "We'll be plastic but we'll still have fun, baby you're the only superstar you know that I'll be, your papa-paparazzi."
…K~S
Hinata fainted.
"Great," Sakura whined, "Now what do we do?"
"Burry her alive!" Naruto suggested.
Sakura hit him on the head before turning away. "Geez, the poor girl loves you and you want to burry her. I don't know what she sees in you!"
Naruto, who didn't hear what Pinky said, slapped Shikamaru in the face and pointed to a certain blond wind user who was walking down the street, singing Love Game.
"Go, this is you're chance, you lazy hermit!" Naruto encouraged.
Shika cursed the blond ninja before randomly walking up to Temari.
"I wanna take a ride on your disco stick… hey, Shika?" Temari said, surprised to see the lazy-butt ninja.
AN: Oh my goodness gracious, I just realized how wrong that part of the song sounded. No wonder Australia made that song illegal. Well, it's not ridiculed in America, so I'm keeping that part of the lyrics there.
"Yeah, it's me I guess. So, you wanna talk about how Suna's been doing?"
Temari shrugged. "Sure, I have nothing better to do." The two walked off, Temari abandoning her singing to explain things going on in Suna.
…K~S
Gaara rubbed his head. He thought that Poker Face was annoying, but somehow 'Judas' was even worse. It was like "Jud-as, Juda-a-as, Jud-as, Juda-a-as" was playing over and over again in his head. He thought Shukaku was an annoying drunken headache in a tasteful banana smoothie-
AN: I don't know why, but that does not sound tasteful to me
- was bad!
Damn Temari!
Suddenly he was hugged by a smallish man with a beard and afro died strawberry blonde.
Gaara sand attacked the random stranger before moving quickly away and to the laundry mat. Earlier he'd trained for a few hours, then walked around in the sun and managed to get a little color, and now he was getting his laundry. Total GTL (Gym Tan Laundry). He had to quit watching MTV with Kankuro.
…K~S
Naruto and a bruised and sand beaten Lee looked through the glass to where Gaara, the Ultimate weapon of the Sand, container of the one-tail Shukaku, picked up his laundry, giving the little old lady a generous tip, and making sure to pet the little elderly dog on the way out.
Before he could be spotted, Naruto jumped to the shadows. A very abused Rock Lee couldn't even move. Gaara saw him, a weird expression passing over his face.
Then Gaara smacked the still in 'disguise' Rock Lee with his laundry and ran away, Naruto following him from the shadows.
…K~S
Kankuro reclined back on the chair, in only, very ironic, (though I'm not sure how) faded blue boxers and fuzzy zebra feet moisturizing socks. His feet needed some moisture.
Sakura gazed in awe, glad that poor little Hinata was already fainted. She sighed, about to turn away. All Kankuro was doing was watching kinda attractive orange people on TV. That was hardly worth reporting.
Suddenly Kankuro turned to face the kunoichi, his face red. "Hot Salsa!" he screamed, jumping at Sakura, still almost naked, and tackled her to the ground. Little did Sakura know, poor Kankuro was house-written due to an annoying case of desert madness.
"Oh, Iwa!" Kankuro whispered, cupping Sakura's face in is hands. "I love you." He kissed Sakura with a passion, and, for some reason that I cant explain, Sakura kissed him back.
…K~S
Hinata sat up, looked over to see Sakura and Kankuro tongue wrestling, and fainted.
…K~S
Temari fanned herself lightly with a miniature baby fan. Shikamaru layed back against the sandy ground and watched the sun hang high in the sky.
"So, was what I told you enough info for your report for the Hokage?" Temari asked, looking over to where Shikamaru lounged.
"Yes." He answered curtly.
Temari cut her eyes at him before sighing. "Anything you'd like to tell me?"
Shikamaru yawned and rolled his eyes. "Thanks."
Temari smiled. "You're welcome."
"How troublesome."
Temari giggled.
…K~S
Naruto sighed as he watched Gaara chivalrously sign autographs for the fan girls that came from the near future to see him. The bastard. And the fan girls weren't even the annoying ugly ones. Finally once the future targets of fan girl haters left, Naruto sprang out of his hiding spot, and right in front of his friend.
"Tell me! What are some juicy secrets of your village?" Naruto pleaded.
"There was a Lady Gaga epidemic." Gaara offered.
"Lady Who-ha?" Naruto asked, looking like an idiot, oh, and confused too.
"You know, "Just dance, gonna be okay, da-do do, just dance, spin that record babe, da-do-do, just dance-""
"STOP!" Naruto screamed. "No Gaara, my psychotic friend. My brotha from another sacrificed motha."
Gaara's eye twitched. He didn't like people talking about his mother. It was a very sensitive subject.
"It's too late," Gaara told him. "Don't be a drag, just be a queen-"
"Can't I just be both?" Naruto asked.
"Then you'd be a drag queen. Lets go see Kankuro, he knows more about it."
…K~S
Kankuro fingered the collar of Sakura's dress, pulling the zipper down until he could kiss the skin of her collarbone, and breath in her floral scent.
"Mmm," Sakura hummed, gripping Kankuro's shoulders. She opened an eye as he brought his lips back to hers in a warm kiss.
She didn't understand why he was generally seen as the one that would never get any girls. His kisses were so great!
"KANKURO!"
…K~S
Gaara stood in the doorway of the Sand Sibling's living room, watching in horror as his older brother wrestled over Pinky in nothing but baby blue boxers and amusing but just plain wrong: zebra foot moisture socks.
Kankuro smiled up drunkenly at his younger brother and Naruto, and Sakura slid from under the larger ninja, blushing so that her hair and her face began to disappear into each other. Hinata was still passed out.
"Kankuro, dude, man, buddy…." Naruto rambled, looking at Kankuro with hate and a new type of respect.
"Don't idealize him." Gaara said. "He's sick. He probably wouldn't have even… done that with Pinky if he hadn't been sick with Desert Madness. It's in season, like this Lady Gaga craze."
"Aw." Naruto mumbled. "I see." Then he kicked Kanuro where it hurt and watched as Kankuro passed out. Hinata woke up, resisted a faint, and went to get a Canada Dry.
…K~S
"Well, I looked over your reports," Tsunade said, not looking happy. "It seems only Shikamaru's was accurate!"
"Hey!" Naruto exploded (not literally), "did you even read my report? The Sand is in the middle of a Lady Gaga craze!"
"Why would I care?" Tsunade asked, sniffing. Naruto took great offense in this, because he really, really did work hard on that report.
"Don't worry Naruto," Sakura said, playing it sweet so he wouldn't tell anyone about her, uh, affair with a certain puppet master. "Tsunade's just being bitter because she remembered her bad romance with that Dan person."
"Oh yeah, she was 'Caught in a bad romance." Shizune said.
"Oooooooooh oh oho ooh we-eeeeeeeeeee!" Ton Ton squealed randomly.
"Caught in a bad romance?" Tsunade repeated.
Shikamaru yawned. "Yraw yraw, ah ah aah, Yro-mah, oo la la, Gaga, oo lala"
"Want your bad romance!" Sakura whispered, thinking about Kankuro.
Aaaw, the Inappropriate content! Shout out to Lady Gaga, sorry about possible character smashing, and misspellings. I seriously finished this thing at 2 o clock in the morning, editing and writing and thinking about the plot, and when I'm awake at 2 o clock I get loopy, like Tobi. Hopefully my insaneness worked for the story: also the story was kinda out of place, Naruto isn't supposed to be there and all that, and also sorry about Spoilers- me needs to go to bed! Happy 4 of July and who doesn't like zebra pattern fuzzy moisturizing socks? I have a pair at home! – Keomi~Sage (is loopy and sleepy)