Symphony: Essentially, this is a rebuttal to all the fantards who think that Edward is such a badass. That he can beat anyone. Well, I started this to prove you wrong.
Chapter 1
Edward vs Voldemort
So I dropped out Bella at her house promising to pick her up in the morning. Or something like that… She smells so good, I can't think straight.
Suddenly, someone in a black cloak jumped out of nowhere!
Even though I'm perfect and flawless, my car isn't. So I almost hit the guy. Not that I particulary cared. I just didn't feel like dealing with bloodlust.
I swerved out of the way, my sparkly body looking sexy as I did so. Wait… I always look like that.
I got out and prepared to yell at the guy for almost raising my insurance bill, but then…
"So, you're one of those faeries."
I am shocked.
"I'm a freaking vampire!" I snarl.
"You sparkle. You don't require blood to live. You have no fangs. The sun does nothing to you. You are basically an immortal human with super powers."
Le gasp! He found out my secret!
"Fine." I grumble. "I'm a freaking faerie. Vampire just sounds more badass."
"Alright then. To business."
"Huh?"
"I wanted to ask for your help to take over England. I can offer your race just about anything you've been neglected, I can-"
"I'm an emo bastard, and I don't care about my race." I said bluntly.
"Shouldn't I be discussing this with your leader?"
"No! Die!" I jump at him and prepare to snap his neck in 0.016 seconds.
"…"
Suddenly, I was flipped up-side down! I was hanging in mid-air, rather stupidly.
"Tell me where your leader is."
"uhhh… No!"
I tried using my super-powers to read his mind, but then… I was blocked!
"Huh? That's Bella's special abilty that I'm never, ever, ever going to bother to find out where it came from!" I exclaim.
"Huh?" He asked, confuzzled. "Since I'm a murdering physcopath, I may as well kill you."
"Ahahaha… You can't kill me!" I laugh.
"I could. And I will. AVADA KEDRAVA! BITCH!"
…
Symphony: Voldemort was so OOC here it was hiliarious…