Heaven Can't Wait
Dark Side of the Moon (5:16)
Jus in Bellos (3:12)
I suppose you'll have to watch (or have seen) both of these episodes in order to understand my story. It's about Dean and Nancy. I really like them together. I think Nancy and Dean had a bit of chemistry, so I would have loved to see them together. It broke my heart when she died. I feel a bit dirty writing this, but I think that a moment for Nancy and Dean is worth sharing. Please forgive any grammatical errors.
Xxx
"Dean, where are we? Who's heaven are we in now? Is this one of your memories?"
"I…I don't know," Dean's voice was uncertain. He remembered this. He remembered it very well, but he wasn't about to admit that to Sam. Besides, he would see it soon enough.
Sam questioned, "Is this that police station? You know, the one we were in two, three years ago? The one with Henriksen and the virgin secretary?" They stood in a corridor lined with jail cells. It was dimly lit and the main door was locked. Dean ran a nervous hand through his hair. He knew what was happening and he sure as hell didn't want Sam to see it. This moment had meant something to him. It wasn't supposed to be shared with anyone else…anyone but her.
"Dean, please," they heard the familiar voice of a woman. Dean was the first to turn. He stared into the occupied cell, recalling the scene that they were about to witness.
Xxx
"Dean?" Nancy's voice shook as she called out to him. She had followed him down the long corridor decorated with holding cells. She had been secretary to this police station for two years, but she had never quite gotten used to the cells. It sounded silly. Of course there were cells. It was a police station. Where else would the criminals be held? But she still couldn't get used to it. She was in the actual holding area of criminals. Men and women who broke the law. Men and women who committed selfish and heinous acts. She would never master this feeling.
"In here," Dean's bold voice forced her to abandon her own thoughts. She followed his voice and found him in the next to last cell. He was trying, to no avail, to rebandage his shoulder.
She joined him, "Why are you in here?" It was an irrelevant question. She knew why he was in there. He was tending his wound.
"It looks pretty rough. Didn't wanna scare anyone, so I came in here."
"You could have asked me to help you," she sat gingerly behind him on the small cot and took the gauze from his outstretched hand. "It doesn't look too bad. Nothing I can't fix." She smiled shyly when he turned to meet her eyes. She didn't have any real practice in speaking to men, especially very handsome, very dangerous men, so the way his eyes flashed, the way her lips trembled caused a swarm of butterflies deep within her stomach. Dean faced forward once again. Her delicate fingers removed the old wrapping from his shoulder, and she felt him shiver beneath her fingertips. She liked the feeling so much so that she took the liberty of caressing his bare shoulder, careful of the bullet wound. She wasn't really thinking as she did so. His skin was soft and warm in her hand. She had never touched anyone so intimately.
After a few minutes of this, Dean caught her lingering hand in his. She jumped at the sudden contact, "Are you finished?"
"Uh…uh…just…just a few more minutes. I'll hurry," Nancy was embarrassed that he had caught her. She bit hard on her lower lip, and she was glad that Dean was facing away from her.
"All finished," Nancy declared.
"Thanks." Dean stood to leave, but Nancy gently reached out for his hand.
"Wait," he stopped, feeling her hold on him. He sat down again.
"Yeah?"
"It's just that today," she was having trouble articulating her thoughts, "It's just that today…today was scary, Dean. I almost died. Everyone almost died. Some people did die," she added quietly.
"Hey, hey, you're okay," Dean cupped her cheek in his hand. He could see her eyes glazing with tears, "Everything is okay now. We did it."
Nancy shook her head, "I never realized how fragile my life was until today. I've always been such a good girl. I've never even gotten a speeding ticket," she offered a soft, silly smile, "There are so many things I want to do, Dean."
"And now you can do them. You have your whole life ahead of you, Nancy," Dean was still holding her face in his hand. She was soft and innocent. Her brown eyes closed briefly, and she turned her head slightly to kiss his palm.
"I don't want to be a virgin anymore," she whispered.
"What?" He knew what she was implying.
It was her turn to touch his face. She looked at him with all seriousness, "Please, Dean?"
"I thought it was a choice."
"I lied," she admitted. "Well, kind of. I mean, it is a choice. I would have chosen to wait until marriage, but I've never had the opportunity to choose. No one has ever proposed that I have sex with them."
Dean could see the vulnerability Nancy possessed. She was picking at her skirt now, not willing to look at him after her confession. "You've got to be kidding me," he stated.
Nancy shook her head, "It's not just that, though. I've never done anything. Not even kissed."
This was getting crazier and crazier. Dean ran his hand through his hair and sighed so deeply that Nancy whimpered in embarrassment.
"Dean?" She turned towards him, "Please? I know I'm not beautiful, and I know I'm not experienced-at all-but I have to start somewhere. Right? Why not you?"
"You don't want me, Nancy," he pulled her a bit closer once he saw the hurt in her eyes. He needed to explain his rejection, "You want someone who will still be here in the morning, someone to hold you and who cares about you. You want someone to treat you right. You're a great girl. You deserve a great guy. I'm not even a good guy."
"Don't talk to me like I'm a child, Dean. I want you," she cried. "You care about me. Otherwise you wouldn't be hesitant about being my first." Nancy sighed. She saw that she was getting nowhere, "What if…what if you just kiss me? If only once, I want to be kissed."
Her big brown eyes begged him. Dean almost chuckled at how cute she was, sitting there nibbling on her lower lip. She was trying very hard to gain a bit of confidence beneath his intense gaze, but it wasn't working.
"Just kissing. One kiss, Nancy," he warned.
She nodded enthusiastically, "Okay."
Dean was slow about it. He pulled Nancy onto his lap. She sat with her legs dangling over his right thigh.
He wrapped his arms around her waist, "You sure about this? It's not how most girls imagine their first kiss."
Nancy smiled bashfully, "What girl doesn't want to be kissed by a bad boy?"
"What girl wants to be kissed in a jail cell by some guy she won't see in six hours?" He countered.
"This girl," she breathed.
Her words broke him. In that moment he knew he would do more than kiss her, but he tried to deny it. Nancy wasn't his type. She was shy and unsure; she was a brunette. Sure he'd dated a few brunettes, and sure, he'd fucked a few, but he always preferred blondes; Nancy didn't wear tight jeans or mini skirts; and she was a virgin! She was definitely not his type, but he had to admit. There was something about her. She was kind and caring. She was brave and smart. She was beautiful (even if she didn't think so). And those big brown eyes coupled with her sweet, truthful disposition could probably get him to do anything.
He kissed her forehead and peppered light kisses across her nose and cheeks. She mewled cutely. His fingers found their way underneath her shirt, grazing the bare skin of her stomach and back. Finally, his lips pressed cautiously against hers, capturing the sudden gasp she elicited.
Nancy's arms found their way around Dean's neck. She tangled her fingers in the hair at the nape of his neck, making him involuntarily groan. He felt her smile against his lips at her small triumph.
Dean ran his tongue across Nancy's lower lip. She allowed him entrance. After a few moments of kissing, Dean had to admit, Nancy was a fast learner. She was good at this, and god did she taste good. She tasted sweet and airy-like the honeysuckles he used to have as a kid. He broke their kiss, allowing them both some much needed air.
Their foreheads were pressed together, "You're a fast learner," Dean's voice was husky and hot against Nancy's face.
"You're a good teacher." She kissed him lightly.
Dean noticed her cheeks begin to glow, "What?" His question was a bit sharper than he had intended.
She stammered, "Can we…can we continue the lesson? I like kissing you."
"I'll keep going, but only kissing," he pecked her cheek, but his voice was completely serious.
Nancy nodded in understanding, but she maneuvered so that she was facing him, one leg on either side of his lap, "Only kissing." Her hands were pressed firmly upon his chest, "Only kissing, Dean. I know." she rubbed her nose affectionately against his.
Dean licked her lips, causing her to giggle.
"Kiss me."
He obeyed, kissing her fervently. This kiss wasn't like the last one. Nancy kissed him desperately, no longer concerned with the mechanics associated with it. She was more interested in the feeling of his hands, the feeling of his lips, the emotions involved.
As Nancy kissed and touched him, Dean's body was having a hard time obeying his earlier command. Just kissing this girl was going to prove challenging. He felt his body responding to the slight way Nancy wiggled atop him. He grabbed her ass, pulling her down against him. Nancy moaned loudly as she felt his hardened body pressed into her. Her hand traveled down his body, wanting to feel him.
"Nancy, no. Just kissing."
"You started it," she panted breathlessly. "You're saying you only want to kiss me, but your body is disagreeing." She wiggled purposefully against him.
"My body is being stupid right now." Dean realized as soon as he said it, that he had said it wrong.
"It's stupid that you want me?" Nancy's voice quivered.
Dean sighed, "Nancy, you know that's not what I meant. I just meant that my body can't think. It only reacts. And right now it's reacting in a way that would take advantage of you."
"No, it isn't. You won't take advantage of me. I want this. Please! No one has ever wanted me the way your body is saying you want me. Dean, this may never happen again."
Dean pulled her closer. He held her affectionately and kissed her temple, "That's not true. The way you kiss, those sounds you make, that little wiggle you do, any guy would respond the way I am."
"Dean, I know you think I'm rushing this. I know you think I should wait, but I don't want to wait. I've been waiting for twenty-three years. I want it to be with you."
Her words were his undoing (or maybe it was the delicious way she was now grinding against him). Whatever it was, Dean knew that he couldn't hold out any longer. He pushed her skirt up her legs, his hands exploring her creamy thighs. Nancy's hands found the hem of his shirt. In one swift movement, she pulled it over his head. Dean laughed at the look on her face at seeing his bare chest.
"Don't laugh at me," she pushed him lightly, "this is all new. I can't help my reaction."
"Nah," Dean continued rubbing her thighs, "I think it's kinda cute." He had to admit, being with a virgin wasn't so bad. He didn't care that she was pretty much clueless; he didn't care she had been shy initially (and would probably become increasingly shy as clothing was shed). He liked the feeling of her body pressed against his, the prospect of being inside her.
Nancy pouted, "I don't want to be cute. I want to be sexy."
That pout she was doing was incredibly sexy, "Baby, if you get any sexier I'm not gonna be able to take it. Believe me. This," he bucked against her a couple of times, "is hard evidence that you are sexy. Contrary to popular belief, not every girl does this to me, Nancy."
She turned a brilliant shade of red and nodded, unable to speak. Dean began to unbutton her blouse. She stared with intense concentration at his hands, "This okay?" He asked.
Her only sign of a response was the vigorous nod she offered. She lifted her own hands and began to unbraid her hair. Dean was finished with her blouse, though he hadn't removed it. The way her breasts were held by her very plain white bra was as sexy as any lingerie he had ever seen on a girl. He resisted the urge to grab her. Dean tore his eyes away from her chest and watched her with fascination as she removed her hair-tie and bobby pins. Once she was finished her hair tumbled down. It was longer than Dean had expected. It fell in soft black waves several inches below her shoulders. Without thinking, he ran his fingers through her hair, causing her to smile.
Dean buried his face in her neck, sucking gently and relishing the smell of her hair "You're beautiful, Nancy." The words came out muffled, but they were clear to her. Her breathing hitched as he nibbled lightly on the pulse in her neck.
Nancy began to remove her own shirt at the same moment Dean's hand found her breasts. He slid his hands beneath her bra, his thumbs rubbing slow circles against her nipples. She leaned into his touch. His hot fingers made her body respond greedily. She wiggled on his lap, "Dean, please."
He was surprised, most girls liked foreplay. Besides that cuddling shit that came afterwards, he thought that foreplay was the "romantic" stuff girls yearned for. If it were up to him-and it kind of was-he would be inside her in seconds, but he contained himself. If this was any other girl, he wouldn't have hesitated to take her quickly, but not Nancy. She was new to all of this. Her first time should be memorable. It should be good, and he should think about her feelings.
"Trust me," his fingers were hooked in the sides of her panties, "just wait a little bit. It's worth it."
"Okay," she moaned, "I trust you."
"Good," Dean pulled her panties down as far as he could without removing her from his lap. Then, he twisted so that he could lie her on the cot. He sat at her feet, pulling her shoes and socks off, followed closely by her panties. All she was left in was a skirt, pushed up to her waist, and a bra.
Nancy panted, "I don't want to be the only naked one."
Dean chuckled and took off his own shoes, socks, and pants. Nancy was propped up on her elbows, examining him all the while.
"Hey," Dean scoffed, "don't look at me like that. I'm not a piece of meat."
Nancy giggled happily before sitting up and throwing her arms around Dean's neck. He grabbed her beneath her skirt and kissed her. He pulled one of her legs up to wrap around his waist, and the luscious heat of her arousal against his erection caused his head to spin. With lips still connected, he laid her back down on the cot, one hand traveling to her inner thigh. His fingers journeyed higher and higher until he heard Nancy gasp at the penetration. Her hips twisted slightly, and Dean recognized the movement as eagerness. Slowly, he slipped another finger in, watching as Nancy's back arched pleasurably. He felt her walls clench against his fingers. As her orgasm was building, Dean removed his fingers.
Nancy cried out for him, begging him to continue.
"Sorry, baby," he apologized whilst pulling her skirt off and removing her bra. She was completely naked, and completely at his disposal now, though he didn't plan on getting rid of her anytime soon. She looked like a vixen sprawled out beneath him. A hot, bothered vixen. He took off his boxers, giving Nancy something very new to stare at. She stared for a long time, a blush creeping to her pretty face.
"Dean, it's going to hurt isn't it?"
"A little bit. At first anyway. I'll try to go slow, to be gentle."
She nodded as Dean positioned himself between her legs. He dropped a few kisses on her breasts and rubbed her knee.
"Wrap your legs around my waist." She did as instructed and in one smooth movement Dean was fully inside of her. He caught her cry in his lips, and he kissed the couple of tears that streamed down her cheek, "Sorry."
Her breathing was erratic and she didn't respond. She simply waited for Dean to move, which he did. After a few moments her body adjusted. After a few more moments, her body responded.
"Is this okay?" He asked.
She couldn't speak. All she could do was stare at his eyes and try to breath. She had never felt anything remotely like this. She wanted to tell him to continue. To never, ever stop. She wanted to beg him to make love to her for the rest of her life. The feeling of his body working in and out of her, the feeling of his hands, his breath, it was all too much, and still not enough. She attempted to tell him she wanted more, but all that escaped her lips was a deep-rooted, primitive moan.
Dean seemed to understand because he pulled Nancy up onto his lap and flush against his chest. He felt her breast rub sensually against him, her nipples grazing his.
Their arms were wrapped around one another, each hanging on for dear life. Nancy's nails scraped against Dean's bandage, but he ignored it, more concerned with the way her tight, wet walls cradled his erection.
It was like he couldn't get enough of her. He was kissing her, and he was touching her, and he was joined with her, but it wasn't enough.
Nancy moved atop him in a way he would not expect a virgin to know how to move. She regained a bit of her voice, "Dean…Dean…Dean," she repeated his name for what seemed like hours. He recalled her saying that no one had ever wanted her the way he wanted her, but in this moment, he realized that no one had ever wanted him the way she did. His name had never sounded so good on anyone else's tongue.
He felt her body shudder as it readied itself for the impending orgasm. It wasn't until he felt her shake in his arms that he realized they had both reached their peak. The simultaneous orgasm was something Dean couldn't describe. He wondered if it would have been so perfect, felt so amazingly good with anyone else, and as he looked at Nancy's face, flushed with joy, he knew it wouldn't have been.
Xxx
Dean and Sam stood silently together. Dean was pissed that Sam had just witnessed one of the most intimate moments of his life. He had loved being with Nancy. She was special and important to him. That night with her had been something he tucked in the back of his memory, pulling it forward every so often, just to relive the beauty she had brought to his life. Now it was over. Sam had seen it.
"Dean, is this your heaven?" Sam interrupted the silence.
"No, you idiot. It's Nancy's. We're in her heaven." As soon as the words were said, they looked around to find that the scene had changed.
"There you are," it was Nancy's voice. Dean looked up to see her sitting in a large bed covered with white linens. Her black hair spilled down her shoulders and the sunlight from the windows shined on her like she was an angel. She was holding her arms out towards him, and she was breathtaking, "come here." She laughed.
Dean realized that it was him she was speaking to. Unlike the last memory in her heaven, he was not an onlooker. He walked to her, ignoring Sam. She enveloped him in a hug. It wasn't until he felt her warm hands against his back that he noticed he wasn't wearing a shirt. They were both in pajamas. He wore only boxers, and she wore a shirt that he realized was his.
"Come back to bed."
Dean did as Nancy said. She cuddled close to him in bed, pressing her lips to his neck.
"I love you," she told him.
His voice was shaking and he couldn't quite grasp the fact that she was actually dead. She certainly didn't feel dead. Dean didn't know what he was supposed to do, but he did what he knew he had to do, what he wanted to do. He kissed her and told her that he loved her too. He told her that he loved her so much. He had wanted to tell her for a long time.
She looked up at him, her big brown eyes peering deeply into his soul, "You're the first person to ever make me feel beautiful. Did you know that?" She had laced her fingers with his, and was paying special attention to each one as she kissed them.
"Did you know you're the first person to make me feel truly wanted?" He asked her in return. She blushed, looking up from his fingers. She had stopped on his left hand; she had stopped on the finger that bore a gold band. Married! Nancy had envisioned them as married.
Dean met her lips with his own in a slow dance, taking pleasure in the fact that Nancy wanted him. She wanted him forever. The ring said so. Her heaven said so. She said so.
"Make love to me," She panted, and it was all Dean needed. He lifted her shirt from her body and laid her back on the bed.
Dean wholly forgot that his brother was witnessing yet another moment of tender exchange between himself and sweet Nancy. All he could concentrate on was her soft curvy body pushed into his, her delightful mewls, her roaming hands.
Blissfully, Dean made love to Nancy. Afterwards, he held her, peppering her body with kisses. He hadn't gotten to hold her for more than fifteen minutes the first time. On quiet nights, left alone with his thoughts, he often regretted that. He wouldn't regret it this time. He would hold her for as long as possible.
"I have to tell you something," she looked up.
Dean pushed her hair out of her face and off of her shoulder, exposing freckles, "I didn't know you had these," He smiled, ignoring her previous statement, preferring to graze her shoulder with his lips.
"Dean, you say that every time you see them," she caressed his cheek, and smiled magnificently, "did you hear me? I have to tell you something."
"What is it, baby?"
"Baby," she whispered, more so to herself than to Dean.
Dean cocked his head, "Yeah. I called you 'baby.' What's the matter?"
Nancy cuddled closer (if possible) to Dean, "Nothing's the matter. Everything is perfect. Dean," she took his hand and placed it beneath the blankets and on her naked stomach, "I'm pregnant. We're going to have a baby."
Dean's jaw dropped, but before he could speak he heard Sam scream his name. Then, bright white light engulfed them.
Xxx
Sam and Dean gasped loudly, life refilling their bodies. They examined their bodies, trying to make sense of the situation and everything Joshua had said. They discussed the whole crazy message Joshua delivered and then they were silent for a long time.
"So," Sam began, "care to explain what all that was up there?"
"No," was the only reply Dean gave. "It's none of your damn business."
Sam met this statement with a look of amusement, "What? Are you serious? Dean, not once have you ever even mentioned this girl after that night, but you see her again and it's like-"
"What?" Dean cut his brother off angrily. He didn't want to hear any of this. He didn't want to discuss Nancy with anyone. She was his special memory. She meant something to him, "What's it like, Sam?" he challenged.
"It's like you loved her," Sam spoke cautiously, softly.
"Whatever."
"No. Not whatever. Dean, you barely knew this girl. You meet her one night, sleep with her once and you're in love? It doesn't make any sense. And what was that whole bedroom scene?"
"Look, man," Dean stared at Sam, "don't push this 'cause I'm not gonna talk about it. What I had with Nancy is none of your business. It's no one's business, and what memories or possibilities she relives in her heaven are her business."
"She obviously loved you. She wanted to marry you, have children with you," Sam continued.
This set Dean off. He was up and across the room in no more than two seconds. He was in Sam's face. It was almost scary, "I said leave it, Sam! Don't you think that I know she loves me? Hell, how could I miss it? I knew it the first night. The way she looked at me, the way she trusted me. I knew she loved me the moment I touched her," he breathed harshly, "and I was stupid. She loved me and I left her. Then she died. She died before I even got to tell her I loved her too," Dean wasn't yelling anymore, and he wasn't in Sam's face. He was walking back to the chair he had previously occupied.
"I was gonna call her. You know, a few days later, but-" Dean trailed off.
"Sorry, man." Sam offered.
"Shut up." Dean reclined the chair and largely ignored Sam for the rest of the night, choosing instead to imagine heaven and taking comfort in the fact that Nancy was happy. Maybe one day he could be happy with her.