By Ukyou
Dedicated to Elena Wu
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They say that at the very moment before you die, your whole life flashes before your eyes. All the small bits and pieces come racing from all directions only to explode in a rainbow of colors. Anyone else would've expected them to see the billion and one different experiences they had lived through.
I guess I was the exception.
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Introduction
"Look at me Syaoran." she said, kneeling down right in front of me. For some reason, when I looked at her, I still had that feeling inside of me. Her eyes, still beautiful, glowed like raindrops bathing in an eternal sunshine. "Don't worry about it."
"I'm looking at you." I replied, taking a breath. "And I've thought about it."
"Okay … so, do you want to do it?" she asked me, her head tilting to the side. "I mean, are you seriously willing to do this? I mean, maybe I'm just being impulsive again like you al-"
"Listen to me." I interrupted. "I'll do it. I don't believe in this stuff, but if it makes you happy, then I'll do it."
"Okay, then lie down Syaoran." she said. She put a cup of tea next to me for me to swallow it down with. "If this all works out, well … you know what'll happen."
"You're not going to do it are you?" I asked her, getting on my back.
"Syaoran … yes, I probably am."
"Promise me something." I said as I held her hand. "Don't."
"Okay, I promise."
She was such a liar.
"Syaoran, close your eyes."
Okay.
Chapter One - Falling Out of Love
It was like pressing your face against the window with the year's first snowfall outside. It was the feeling of holding someone near an open fire. It was the warmth of the freedom of flying in the air. Being with Sakura was like scanning a photo album at a million images a second. Just before I could tell her that I truly loved her, it was over.
And through everything that we had been through, just like that, it was gone.
It's strange how when you mutually agree to these kinds of things, you say you'll move on, but you never do. None of us ever do. We just easily presume that if we never see that person again, well, I guess you'd be starting with a brand new piece of paper with new people and a whole new environment. That's why I ran from Tomoeda. It's run-of-the-mill idiocy, I'm sure - but at the time, I felt like it was the best thing I could do. I had been around her for too long and she was too crucial a piece of my life that I needed to start over. Now that I say it out loud though, I just can't see the rationale in that. Heartbreak makes you do crazy things.
I remember how it started too. It had to do with those wind chimes I gave to her so long ago.
There were times when I woke up right there under them, their silhouettes imprinted by the late afternoon light of her window. Whenever either one of us moved around, these wind chimes would always go off. Sakura was a heavy sleeper and I'd always wake up before her. Then I'd be in this awkward situation with her holding me tightly and me not daring to move. So, I'd just lie down there and watch these wind chimes.
It's not like I minded it though. It was one of those moments in which you're on the beach and all you want to do is lay in the sand. Like floating in the ocean without a single care in the world.
And then there was one day in which those wind chimes just weren't there. They decided one day to sprout wings and soar out the window. I woke up wondering where the chimes had gone, and then turned my head to realize that Sakura was sleeping looking the other way. Something was wrong. Whenever I reached towards her, it seemed like unconsciously, she was inching away. Like she was being swept away by the ocean.
Five hours later, I found myself holding the phone and freezing on the seventh digit. There was a silence on the line. My finger touched the final number, a four. Then I pressed it, hoping that I wasn't about to make the biggest mistake of my life.
God, I wish I didn't do that. If there was one thing I wished I had never done, it was that right there.
In that thirty four minute conversation, she explained to me how I had never loved her. I didn't fight it, I felt like this was it and I should've just accepted it.
I'm always an idiot in situations where intelligence and common sense are valuable assets.
The next day, she came back. Her cheeks were pale, but the rest of her was a powder blue. She handed me a small box, wrapped in dragon whiskers. Then we had one of those moments where someone just needed to break an awkward silence, but she quickly turned around and began to walk away.
"Wait." I said to her.
She turned her head back at me, her hair concealed under her pink hat.
"Wait for what?" she asked, her voice delicate, so delicate that I felt like it could just disappear at any second.
I leaned against the frame of my door, looking up towards the sky as if it was the only way I could get a clear thought into my head.
"I don't know Sakura, just … wait for me to think of something to say." I responded, followed by a deep sigh.
"Syaoran. I gave you so much time already. Look … " she edged in closer to me. " … Syaoran, I have to go. Just don't go and throw that box away like most guys would. Just promise me that much."
But she didn't wait for a response, she just started walking home from there.
"I promise"
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I woke up on my couch, facing the ceiling. I looked around, wondering if someone was here. Nothing. Checking the floor, I found a cold cup of tea on the floor. I had been sleeping for awhile. Funny, I didn't remember falling asleep here.
And sitting in an empty apartment was something new to me.
I just wanted her to come running through that door again and jump onto the couch. It used to annoy me so much, but god, I would've done anything for her to do it again. Just the thought of her being here gave me so much comfort. Sakura.
The television became a box of moving images and I laid down on my couch staring at the ceiling. There were no stars this time, no dock. Just a white ceiling in front of me.
I turned off the tv, my tea still untouched on the floor. I took a deep sigh, wondering what I should do now. Life was so unscripted now. The weirdest part was that I felt like life was unscripted my entire life, but I guess you don't really know what that means until it really happens. That radical change that comes with your past two years being stored in an old shoebox.
I needed to get out of there. I had no reason to stay here anymore. I just needed some escape from that environment.
So, with a bag on my back, four sandwiches, and twenty four dollars, I jumped onto my motorcycle and drove far, far away. I always planned to come back, but I never did. I just kept going, the freedom of a paved highway having consumed whatever had been on my mind earlier.
And I really don't know why I didn't come back. Really, I guess it was just an impulse. Kind of like, when you see something one day and you know you just want it. I saw a movie once about a guy who traveled around South America with his best friend on a motorcycle and decided that he needed to change the world. Maybe I just craved that kind of adventure and used this as the perfect reason to start doing so.
Or maybe I was so desperate to change my life after losing her that I needed to take this giant leap of faith of something. I don't know. Something was calling me at the other end of this highway.
I was a hundred miles away, soaring with the wind racing behind me.
to be continued
Author's Note: I sat up late tonight. I looked at my old ffnet account and realized, it was about time to write a new story. One that was actually completed.
It's weird how you start off a story, but then you get crazy ideas as it goes on. This story, now completed as I write this, has turned into something much more different than what I originally planned.
This was going to be a revision of my past story Careful Where You Stand (which I thought was really terribly written). Thankfully, I decided to change the story midway.
Anyways, reviews are the greatest gift in the whole world you can give to an author. And be sure to keep up to date with this story, I plan on releasing chapters every two days.