'Run away and join the military!'
I thought to myself as I ran naked down the street. Each step was met with freezing cold stone and every small rock would be a torture to step on but I didn't care. I ran and ran and kept running til I came in contact with a river. I frantically began to wash myself as I cried. However, no matter how many times I scrubbed myself, I felt filthy. I stayed at that river for several minutes, looking at my reflection on the water under the moonlight.
That very night, I broke into a nearby house and helped myself to some new clothes. There had been a soup near the stove, left to cool. I remember even after all these years because even to this day it was the best soup I've ever tasted. I reflected on what I had just done in the past few hours, more importantly on why I had done it. I suppose I was just tired really. I had grown sick and tired of being used. This horrible feeling of deja Vu didn't help either. It ate at me worse than any stomach ache and attacked me at random moments.
I would have dreams too. Sometimes I would dream of a pair of twins. One would resemble a death good, a shinigami, the other appeared to be an angle of some sort. I didn't care that one was bad and the other good, I just wanted one of them to save me. But each time I would reach out for help I would be denied. The Shinigami would, without hesitation, slice my head off. The angle would take a moment to think, but would ultimately shoot a hole through my heart.
I took that dream as a sign. I was unworthy of any form of help. If I wanted to move on forward I would have to do it myself. I was always going to be alone.
"Run away and join the Survey Corps."
I said to myself. I picked myself of the floor and silently walked out of the house. I held my head up higher, looking out in front of me instead of the ground below. It took me all night to find it but I walked my ass all the way to military registration. But looking back it was the best decision I made in my life.