AN: So obviously we all wanted to hear about Emily's first kiss right? Right. So I decided to explore that idea a bit with this fic. The alternative title to which could have been Emily's First Kiss(es), because yes there is more than one. Actual title is in reference to the Hozier song, and speaking of references: emily/ben, emily/maya, emily/paige, emily/talia, (emily/alison) & (emily/liars) are all here present and accounted for. Hope you all enjoy. ALSO. Thank you to all the people who have left nice comments on my past fics, I'm sorry I suck and haven't messaged you all personally. I really appreciate the love though. :)
Disclaimer: PLL is owned by /someone/ else. [Insert tears here.]
"Okay. Your turn. Tell me something."
"Uh, my first kiss? I don't know if we can bike there from here."
A thousand thoughts go through Emily's mind the moment she thinks Talia wants to know about her first kiss. It's not that much of an unexpected question given the conversation they're having – nor is it one that's out of line, really – but for Emily it's a bit more complicated than that, because she feels like she's had more than one.
She sometimes forgets that her first kiss was actually with Ben Coogan, the summer before freshman year. There was a party, mostly members of the swim team with a few other jocks around. Emily was hesitant about going, but being new on the team she felt obligated to start spending time with whom she hoped would be her teammates for the next four years.
A game of spin the bottle happens, Ben's spin lands on Emily. He smiles, leans over and kisses her and that's it.
It's easy to forget.
She ends up dating him and a few months later they become an "it" couple when rumors fly that they slept together.
(Her real first kiss, the one she counts in her head – the one that comes to mind first the moment Talia asks Emily to tell her something – involves a hot day, spray paint, the kissing rock, and the bluest eyes she's ever seen.
She doesn't think she could ever forget it, nor does she think she would ever want to.)
(There's another first kiss with Alison and it involves a cold night, a love confession, a large bed, and still the bluest eyes she's ever seen.
It's hard to let go of, no matter how much she wishes she could.)
Her first kiss with someone that not only means something to her, but that she actually dates happens in a photobooth. Emily doesn't think she'll ever experience something quite like it again.
She wanted Maya in a way she's not sure she's ever wanted anybody else. Lust is the word that perhaps best describes her yearning for her, but still it falls short – it leaves out the look in Maya's eyes when the words I love you, Emily come out of her mouth.
She still sometimes hears them in her sleep.
They're impossible to forget.
(After Maya dies, she shuts down. The only thing that keeps her going is the countdown in her mother's kitchen calendar until she departs for Haiti.
The night before she's set to leave though, she heads to the school's pool. She has a key, one of the few swimmers who does. She does a few laps, before she feels someone's presence. She reaches the wall and pulls off her goggles. She's met with the sight of Spencer undressing, a swimsuit hidden beneath her clothes.
She doesn't say anything, just gets in the pool quietly and starts to swim laps in the lane next to Emily's. Emily looks at her for a minute before she goes back to swimming.
After their laps, they head to the showers – not a single word spoken still. Emily takes longer than usual, lost in thought while under the spray of the shower-head.
Spencer is waiting for her on one of the locker room benches when she finally comes out.
"Melting. It's when a solid object changes into its liquid form, but that's basic science – you probably already know that." Spencer says looking at her feet as Emily stands by the lockers unsure of what to say.
Spencer finally looks up and locks eyes with Emily. She gets up slowly, as if afraid a sudden movement would scare Emily off. She walks up to her and stands closer than she ever has before.
A beat passes before Spencer's hands are suddenly cupping Emily's face. Before she knows it, her back hits the lockers that were at her side just a second ago and Spencer's lips are meeting hers with bruising force.
Spencer pulls back just enough so that her forehead rests against Emily's, but she keeps her eyes closed.
"Freezing. It's when that liquid turns back into its solid form." Spencer says her voice chocked with feelings Emily wishes she could ignore. "Don't slip through our fingers."
And Emily's heart aches because she gets it. Ever since that night it's like she's lost herself – let herself melt – almost as if the strength to stay solid had left her the moment she'd heard her mother speak.
"They found a body. They think it's... It's Maya."
And now here is Spencer begging her to stay with them, to come back into herself.
Emily's hands move from where they've been at her side and grip Spencer's hips.
"Okay."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah.")
She counts three first kisses with Paige.
The first – in her car, a rush of panic and anger and fear.
The second – outside the karaoke bar, the rush of excitement and joy and hope.
The third – by Paige's pool, the rush of determination and contentment and love.
She makes a promise to herself to never ever even consider forgetting them.
(A few days after Thanksgiving, Hanna texts her.
Sleepover, tonight.
Emily arrives and finds that she's the only one there. She and Hanna share a look and Emily knows what it means.
She considers all the girls her best friends, but it's no secret that each relationship is different and that they all connect with each other in different ways. Despite being probably the most different, she and Hanna connect on an emotional level – always have.
She remembers during sophomore year how she would seek out Spencer, because she knew the girl needed to be reminded that she wasn't alone, but with Hanna just a look across the room was enough for them to understand each other.
They put on a movie downstairs and Emily sits on the couch with Hanna's legs on her lap.
Halfway through the movie, Hanna pushes herself up and slides herself to fully sit on Emily's lap. Emily's arms automatically wrap around the blonde's waist, while Hanna's go around her neck, as they look at each other.
Hanna leans in slowly. They kiss softly for a few minutes.
"I always wanted to do that." Hanna says as she pulls back. There are tears in her eyes and Emily knows that with Mona's death their own mortality has been at the forefront of all their minds. Emily tightens her grip for a second before relaxing.
Hanna gets up and grabs their cups to go get a refill. She pauses by the doorway, her back still to Emily before speaking again.
"By the way, now I know why all the girls go crazy for you." Hanna looks over her shoulder, her mischievous smirk back in place. "You're a good kisser, Em."
Emily groans and flops on her side on the couch.
Hanna laughs all the way to the kitchen.)
When she first kisses Talia it's mostly to prove something to her, about courage and confidence and taking a chance.
If she's honest about it, it's also to prove something to herself, about respecting choices and moving on and going for it.
She doesn't regret it, but she might forget it.
(After standing in the snow for what feels like forever, Spencer demands that they take down at the very least the light show that's invaded her backyard. They all work together to destroy -A's latest message and then pile inside to drown their worries in hot chocolate.
Emily stays behind on Spencer's back porch for a bit longer though. She thinks about how different this Christmas has been and how it's bound to mark a change for all future holidays for them.
The door behind her opens and suddenly Aria is standing by her side.
"Em? You okay?"
"Yeah. Just wanted to see the snow for a little longer."
"You know, you shouldn't let -A ruin your favorite holiday. You can still enjoy what's left of Christmas."
Emily glances at Aria then and they share a smile. She likes to think that Aria and her are the kind of friends who could spend years without seeing each other and then meet up again and fall right back into it. It's happened before, with Iceland, and the thought fills Emily with a warmth better than any drink could.
A breeze suddenly hits them, snow from the gutters falling between them along with something else Emily can't identify. Aria bends down to pick it up.
It's mistletoe.
Emily lets out a chuckle before speaking, "Want me to go get Ezra?"
Aria stares at the mistletoe in her hand before she turns to address Emily.
"That be cheating and I know you wouldn't want to break any traditions." She says, a soft smile forming on her lips.
Emily's eyes widen a bit and she lets out a nervous laugh.
"I guess you're right."
They stare at each other awkwardly for a few more seconds before Aria laughs and effectively breaks the tension.
"Come here." She says even as she herself is the one to take a step and lean up onto her tiptoes. She places her hands on Emily's shoulders to balance herself and presses a short, tender kiss to Emily's lips. She backs away for a second, locks eyes with Emily, and leans in again with a firmer kiss.
They part and smile at each other. They turn to look out into the backyard again as the doors behind them open.
Emily feels someone come and grab a hold of her arm and cuddle into her.
"What are you guys still doing out here? It's freezing." Hanna says.
"Toby's making some coffee in case you'd rather have that instead of the hot chocolate." Spencer adds, standing on the other side of Aria.
"Thanks, Spence. We're just..." Emily says as she trails off, unsure of how to express the meaning of this moment that the girls have now joined.
"We're just enjoying each other's company." Aria finishes, her right arm reaching around Emily's waist to pull both her and Hanna into her; Spencer's arm already thrown over her shoulder.
"Sounds nice." Spencer says.
"Yeah."
A beat passes.
"Sounds cold. Can we go be mushy inside please?" Hanna asks.
Maybe some traditions are meant to be broken.)
She's packing up the last of her things in the trunk of Spencer's SUV.
"Do we have everything?" Aria asks.
"I'm sure we do, seeing as Hanna packed everything but the kitchen sink." Spencer replies.
"It's a cross-country roadtrip, Spencer. Which, in case you've forgotten, is supposed to take us a few weeks if we follow your schedule. Excuse me for wanting to make sure I have the right shoes for any occasion." Hanna huffs.
Spencer and Aria shake their heads in amusement as they head back inside Spencer's house one last time. Hanna trails behind them, complaining about Spencer's scheduled bathroom breaks.
Emily laughs as she watches them go, her hand on the trunk of the car.
"Got room for one more?" A voice asks behind her.
Emily turns around and is met with still the bluest eyes she's ever seen.
"Of course." She steps aside and let's Alison put her bags in the space next to hers.
Once she's satisfied, she reaches over and shuts the trunk. Ali then turns to look at Emily.
"This is going to be a disaster."
Emily laughs because she knows it will be. The five of them going on a roadtrip to rekindle their friendship before they all go their separate ways for college – it'll be a miracle if the all come out of it alive.
"Sounds perfect to me." Emily says.
Alison smiles before she leans in and presses a kiss to Emily's lips.
"Me too."
Emily smiles as they pull apart, the voices of the other three girls reaching them once more.
"Alison, tell Spencer that scheduling bathroom breaks 4 hours apart is insane!"
"Oh, no. Do not drag me into this."
"Emily!"
"I'm going to go get my last bag."
"Aria!"
"Oh, I think my Mom's calling me."
"Your phone's not even ringing! Ugh, you guys!"
(Just after she's thrown her cap in the air, she feels her phone vibrate in her dress pocket under her graduation robe. Emily reaches in and reads the text on her screen.
How about forever? -A
Emily looks to her left and sees the bluest eyes she's ever seen. Her heart skips a beat at the gorgeous smile that accompanies them. Emily moves away from the crowd of graduates all cheering and celebrating and makes it to Alison.
"I know you wanna kiss me." Emily says, fighting the huge smile that's threatening to overtake her face.
Alison rolls her eyes at her, but her smile's still in place, not even pretending to be actually bothered by Emily's teasing words.
Alison doesn't bother to reply though either, just reaches over and yanks Emily to her by her robes.
Emily will always count that as her third first kiss with Alison.
Somehow she's sure she won't have trouble remembering this one.)
"What was that for?"
"Do over."