Based on a kink meme prompt: Jarvis gets Steve and Tony together in order to make sure that Tony doesn't slip back into unhealthy habits.
AUGUST 15, JARVIS' INTERNAL LOGS
Mr Stark seems to have formalized his relationship with Ms Potts exactly one week ago. Test panels on him indicate greater amount of nutrition, and it is estimated that his lung capacity should increase to optimum levels within the month, possibly as a result of Ms Potts' insistence that he sleep at least four hours a night.
SEPTEMBER 12, JARVIS' INTERNAL LOGS
Optimum lung capacity has been reached by Mr Stark. In addition, notes from Stark Industries indicate a greater productivity from Sir when it comes to viable designs submitted to the patent office.
Rumours suspect the hand of Ms Potts in Mr Stark's slow turnaround, and after close examination of the interactions between Sir and Ms Potts, I must concur.
SEPTEMBER 20, STARK INDUSTRIES' PHYSICAL REPORT ON ANTHONY STARK
Mr Stark's lung capacity is now 95% of the optimal, up 10% from his last physical. Abdominal and upper body strength is also up by 15% from last year.
Most impressive are his improvements in the flexibility test – flexibility is up by 25% from last year.
(Private note for Ms Potts: While we do not know exactly what has prompted Mr Stark's sudden devotion to his health, we would advise that he keep on with his new regime. Last year's concerns about Mr Stark's ability to survive on his regimen of what seemed to be nothing more than alcohol and party snacks have been almost completely eradicated. As requested, the liver test was performed without Mr Stark knowing the details, and reports indicate that his liver is much healthier than it was before. Detailed test results are enclosed.)
NOVEMBER 18, VIDEO RECORDING STORED IN TONY STARK'S HIDDEN FILES
Screaming.
A crash.
Inaudible voices raised, a redheaded woman throwing what seems to be a vase at a brunet man.
The redhead stalks away into a room.
The brunet makes his way to what seems to be a high-tech workspace, pulls out a new bottle of tequila from a hidden drawer.
Tape forwards to two hours later.
The brunet is asleep on a table. The bottle is empty.
NOVEMBER 11, JARVIS' INTERNAL LOGS
As yesterday's fight shows, any discontent within the relationship between Ms Potts and Mr Stark leads to a significant downturn in Mr Stark's health. In order to better anticipate any new needs that might come up, I will be running a longitudinal study to help discover the likelihood of a complete breakdown of a relationship between Sir and Ms Potts.
(Private note: I do admit to hoping – as much as it is capable for me to hope – that the probability is rather low. I do not particularly look forward to Mr Stark's return to his old, self-destructive ways.)
FEBRUARY 25, JARVIS' INTERNAL LOGS
(Private note: Longitudinal study indicates that due to a variety of factors – including Mr Stark's duties as Iron Man and Ms Potts' constant travel in order to look after Stark Industries' interests – the probability of a spilt in the person and romantic relationship within the next six months is extremely high, that is to say, 95.8%.
I must admit to being disappointed, however, I will also be starting a search for an adequate replacement for Mr Stark's personal life from his close friends and acquaintances. As previously noted, I am worried about a possibility of Mr Stark returning to his old ways, and will be doing everything possible to make sure that that doesn't happen.)
JUNE 12, JARVIS' INTERNAL LOGS
Due to the recent battle of Manhattan, I estimate that the relationship between Mr Stark and Ms Potts will last for another few months. After Mr Stark's heroic – and simultaneously, reckless – rush to transport the nuclear device into outer space, Ms Potts seems to making a dedicated effort to restoring their relationship.
JULY 30, JARVIS' INTERNAL LOGS
As previously noted, I have been making a concentrated effort towards finding another suitable partner for Mr Stark after his relationship with Ms Potts inevitably self-destructs.
After Sir's offer to house the Avengers in Stark Tower – now renamed the Avengers Tower – Sir has been spending a greater amount of time in New York than usual. This has prompted me to look for a partner among the aforementioned Avengers.
Though Sir insists that he is solely heterosexual – in other words, a 0 on Kinsey Scale – constant observation and sensors indicate that Mr Stark would not be averse to a relationship with a male. Indeed, his covert glances towards his mostly male teammates indicate that he has some amount of attraction towards them. In order to see if one of them would make a suitable partner, I shall be shifting most of my efforts towards monitoring Mr Stark's interactions with his new team.
AUGUST 20, JARVIS' INTERNAL LOGS
As expected, Mr Stark and Ms Potts' relationship has reached its unavoidable end. Mr Stark has currently locked himself in his laboratory, and has overridden my controls over the doors leading into it to make sure that he is not disturbed in his effort to consume all of the alcohol stored inside it's walls.
Mr Banner's concerned remarks for Mr Stark only serve to increase my worry. As the tests I have conducted have recently concluded that Mr Stark's perfect mate is not only one of the Avengers, but his childhood hero, Mr Rogers, I will be starting the campaign to ensure that they begin a romantic relationship once Sir sobers up.
SEPTEMBER 10, JARVIS' INTERNAL LOGS
Now that Sir has finally stopped his drinking and his sobered up, I have begun my campaign to ensure that he begins a new romantic relationship.
As Mr Rogers seems as determined as I am to make sure that Mr Stark does not return to his state of depression, my job is made significantly easier. Lack of a corporeal body has forced me to confide my plans to Dr Banner, who is willing to help in pushing the two men together where the reality of my existence would prevent me from doing so.
NOVEMBER 12, JARVIS' INTERNAL LOGS
Mr Stark has been in near constant state of irritation for the last two months, however, I find myself pleased with the results of my actions. While Mr Stark is now constantly on the lookout for more failures in the mechanics in the Tower, Dr Banner assures me that my overriding the opening mechanisms for doors when Mr Stark and Mr Rogers are alone in a room is doing more good than I am able to see.
While Mr Stark has not yet entered into a relationship with Mr Rogers, he has being paying more attention to his nutrition than I would have expected after his break-up with Ms Potts. Due to their increased interaction, I am tentatively attributing this to Mr Rogers.
DECEMBER 26, JARVIS' INTERNAL LOGS
Video footage indicates that Mr Stark and Mr Rogers shared a kiss under the mistletoe at the S.H.I.E.L.D Christmas party. I am extremely pleased with how things are going – hopefully, it will not take much longer for a romantic bond to be formed.
(Bruce Banner's note, hidden within Jarvis' internal logs: As Jarvis has stated, Tony and Steve's relationship is progressing at a good – if unexpected – pace. I had not believed Tony to be capable to moving past his self-constructed image of ladies' man so quickly, especially not after his break-up with Pepper, however Steve seems to bring out the best in him. All photographs of yesterday's party have been pulled to Jarvis' hard drives, and security firewalls ensure that none will make their way online or into the hands of the press. The last thing we need right now is for the paparazzi to disrupt the delicate process that is convincing Tony to start a new relationship.)
JANUARY 2, VIDEO RECORDING STORED IN TONY STARK'S PERSONAL FILES
Loud cheers as a ball falls on a huge television screen. People start grabbing each other.
Two young men – one blond and the other brunet – look at each other shyly. After a second that feels like an eternity, the brunet makes a tentative move towards the blond, reaching out a trembling hand to touch his cheek.
It's like a spark has been set off in that moment, and suddenly – the two men are in each other's arms, connected at the lips and lost in each other.
No one notices, lost in the revelry, as the two of them make their way over to the nearest bedroom without cameras in a rush.
(Bruce Banner's note, hidden within Jarvis' internal logs: As Jarvis is a bit too smug at his success at matchmaking, let me just point out that while I am thrilled for Steve and Tony, I, along with the rest of the team, have petitioned that any area in which the two of them are alone for more than half an hour have soundproofing systems go up automatically. None of us wants to spend any more time listening to screams that were rather disturbing – I know more about the tastes of Captain America than I ever wanted to. Tony, of course, has never been good at keeping things private, so his tastes are well known by anyone who reads the papers or watches the news.)
(Personal note: I must reiterate that I am not smug, merely please at the success of my plans.
On a different note, I suspect that I may have some sort of talent for matchmaking, one that Mr Stark did not intend to programme in me. I think further testing is required in order to reach a definitive conclusion – I happened to notice that Agent Barton is spending quite a lot of time in the company of Agent Coulson ever since his surprising resurrection…)
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