For Trevor:

My precious one, I love you so

And every day that love will grow

Until it does reach the sky

And even then it will not die

The Princess Slave

When Morgenstern opens the original Princess Bride, he begins with a brief history of women who were deemed the most beautiful. The Princess Slave starts the same way before going on to introduce the heroine. Both of these passages are pointless, seeing how none of the women described had an impact on the actions of Buttercup and Sonnet. In Princess Bride, Buttercup makes a quick transition from a somewhat slovenly creature to the most beautiful woman of her time. In the original and abriged versions of Princess Slave, Sonnet is already radiant.

Sonnet was the daughter of a lord and his mistress, but raised as a proper young lady with no complaining from the lord's wife. She had no brothers or sisters, meaning that she was alone most of the time. When she wasn't reading, writing, or riding one of her many ponies, she was playing with the children of the servants. Her closest friends were two boys named Julio and Sprinz. "When I get older, I'll be married to a man with a lot of money. After that, I'll give what's left of my dowry to you," she promised them. Both boys were poor, but their dreams were grand. Julio wanted to fence and Sprinz wanted to study. Travel was included in both visions of the future, and that was something that they couldn't afford, no matter how much money they saved.

As for Sonnet, she dreamed of her true love. She never thought of seeing the world outside of Spain, for she assumed that her true love would come to her. And when she was seventeen, her predictions were realized. Potential husbands from all walks of life came to court her, but none of them were quite what she wanted. This never bothered her. "Good things come to those who wait," she'd say to herself with a smile.

But what broke her heart was the way her two best friends began to act.

In just a short time, they transformed from the casual, joking boys to stuttering, awkward young men. What made her sad was having to break their hearts. "To say that you are not my brothers and then marry one of you would be an insult to foster parents and brothers bound by honor," she said before leaving, wanting to hide her tears. (Sonnet was as sensitive and emotional as she was beautiful.)

She felt so guilty about hurting the feelings of her childhood companions that she began to avoid them and started to spend more time with her suitors.

And then she found him.

Or, at least, he found her.

Sonnet had read many fairy tales during her childhood, but never, not in her most romantic dreams, did she expect to find a real prince. But one day, it was announced that Prince Guillermo Alfonso del Mundo would be touring the local villages and towns of his kingdom. Despite the claims made to the residents of Spain, many knew that his real reason was to see the Spanish beauty that rivaled all others.

It's me again. I think it's safe to say that Morgenstern's worst writing comes in the form of events that lead up to the much bigger announcement or event that gets the rest of the story in motion. In Princess Bride, the most pretentious and unnedded section is about Buttercup's transformation from a milkmaid to the Princess of Hammersmith. Here in Princess Slave, at least sixty pages are dedicated to Sonnet picking flowers for her bouquet, trying on her dress, and trying to convince Julio and Sprinz to come to the wedding. After they reject her invitation, she parts ways with them, leaving both men with the money she promised them.

Meanwhile, two local nations begin to fight over the rights to some islands off the coast of Patagonia. This does show the origins of the conflict between Florin and Guilder, but is told in such a satirical style that it takes up twenty pages. The simple backstory to the world Buttercup lived in could have been told in at least two paragraphs.

As the date of the wedding gets closer, Guillermo seems distracted and anxious. Sonnet speaks to him the night before they are to be married, and here is where the story begins to move forward.

Sonnet knocked on the door, an uncharacteristic smirk appearing on her lovely face. She was wearing her wedding dress, and she was wondering if the groom would be surprised to see her in that attire. (Growing up with two naughty boys did give her some traits that can be found in a prankster.) But now she frowned. What if he was not amused? Was she contributing to the stress? She contemplated walking away and letting him rest, but the door opened.

"Why, Sonnet," Guillermo gasped, gaping at her. "Don't you know that it's bad luck for me to see you in your dress?"

"Nothing terrible is going to happen to us," Sonnet smiled, pecking his lips. "We are going to have a wonderful wedding tomorrow." He nodded, and she decided not to be coy or subtle. "You're not getting cold feet, are you?"

"Oh, no, of course not!" He reassured her, and she relaxed. He always told the truth. How could she have doubted him? "But I fear that you will be unhappy when I tell you that we may have to call off our wedding."

She stiffened in his arms. "I'm sorry, what did you say?"

"At least, it will have to be rescheduled," he corrected himself. "You are aware of the tensions between Florin and Guilder?"

"What do they have to do with us?" Sonnet cried, ready to burst into tears or curse the warring nations.

"Peace negotiations have been arranged, and both leaders of the countries want for me to act as a neutral presence. The only problem is that if I want to be present, then I'm going to leave immediately after the wedding." He took her hands in his and looked into her deep brown eyes. "Are you angry?"

"No," Sonnet replied, looking down at her hands. She was wearing the ring that her future husband had made for her. She took a deep breath. "There's no way around it. You have to go."

Guillermo's eyes widened. "Are you sure, my love?"

"Couldn't I go with you?" She asked. Her heart sank when his head shook.

"If things don't go as planned, I don't want for you to be on a battlefield," he explained. She sighed, agreeing with him that he knew best before she retired to her chambers, only partially unaware that her life was about to change for better...and worse...

While Sonnet was sleeping, the majority of Spainards slept too, in their own homes, in their own beds, with their own dreams and worries. But there were a few who did not sleep. Some were too excited about the wedding; others had to be awake to oversee the final preparations for the grand ceremony.

But there were five men planning to start a war.

A ship had sailed for days without stopping and was now concluding a long voyage in Spain. Three men stepped off and found allies: two others that they had been in contact with for some months now. And they could begin their plot to kidnap the newest princess of Spain. Their leader was the most ruthless, merciless, and fearsome of them all. He was dressed in black from head to toe and always kept his right hand on his sword.

The wedding was a brief thing: the vows were rushed, the reception was cut off early, and Sonnet's wonderful wedding night never happened because her new husband left her without even having a slice of the cake. And when she woke up on her first morning as a new bride, she was not in the bridal suite. Instead, she was looking up into the faces of five men, and she couldn't decide which was more surprising: the fact that she had not seen two of them for such a long time and thought she never would again, or that the other three were complete and total strangers. "Are you coming around?" One asked in a mocking voice, and Sonnet became aware that she was very nauseous. She felt like she had twirled around in circles for hours before collapsing on a hard, wooden floor.

"I...are we at sea? Is this ship going to Florin?" Nobody answered, and she turned to the two she thought she could trust. "Julio, Sprinz, what are you doing here? You weren't at the wedding."

"The real question you should be asking is who he is," Sprinz said, avoiding her question and pointing to a masked man wearing black.

"I am the Dread Pirate Roberts, and you should consider yourself very lucky to be alive. And, unfortunately for you, nobody is going to be looking for you. They all think you're dead." The man smirked and stepped closer to her. "You're in a dangerous place, princess, and I am not to be trifled with."

"Get away from me!" She stammered, pulling away when he reached a hand out to touch her hair. "Now, it's obvious to say that you've kidnapped me, but I want to know why! And how in the world did you manage to pull it off?" Sonnet wondered, her curiosity getting the better of her.

"We each had a role," Calvino began, shrugging. "It was really Sprinz and Julio that made it all a success." For a pirate, he sure was modest. And for that matter, he looked too old to be sailing the seven seas with a criminal. And his accent was so unfamiliar to Sonnet. She would later learn that it was Italian. Wilhelm was his total opposite: a young, deaf German boy, probably no older than fourteen. "Thanks to the evidence planted at the scene of your kidnapping, your dearest darling husband will be convinced that both Florin and Guilder were behind the assassination of his beloved bride. And then while their treasuries are drained from the war, we'll be able to steal the treasures that they leave unguarded!"

"And what seduced you boys into this way of living?" Sonnet demanded of her former friends. "I gave you the money to go into the world! I thought that you would do the right thing!"

"Money-wise, this is the right thing," Julio shrugged. "With the money we make from our conquests, we can accomplish more than we ever planned to do!"

"We also feel like we should pay you back one of these days," Sprinz added. "You've been so generous with us, and we shouldn't have to be in your debt."

"You aren't making money from your conquests; you're stealing," Sonnet huffed, sullen and bitter. "And I won't take money that you didn't earn on your own."

"Not like you need it, anyway," Roberts spat. "You were born with a shiny silver spoon in your mouth. Now you're a princess." He stepped close to her, his eyes flashing. "You know nothing of labor or money. But that's going to change very soon."

Following the interesting bit of banter is a droll and dry debate between Sonnet and Roberts that covers the following issues: is piracy ethical, is the money that they're stealing hard-earned, and are the politicians of their world corrupt? Morgenstern hated politicians almost as much as he despised doctors, and he is ruthless as he critiques the government in this passage. Anyway, Sonnet insists that stealing is wrong, especially is it is from those who protect the country. Roberts says that politicians, aristocracy, and diplomats are corrupt and flaunting their power and the wealth that should belong to the peasants. This section has been removed because it also makes the character of Roberts look too sympathetic.

Sonnet is ordered to work for the pirates as a cleaning girl until they reach Florin. During the voyage, Sonnet rekindles her friendship with Sprinz and Julio and bonds with the other two men on the ship.

After about a month at sea, Sonnet realizes that she is attracted to Roberts, but she doesn't admit that for a long time because she tries to convince herself that she is still in love with her husband. But as time marches on, she begins to forget about Guillermo and hints to everyone on board the ship that she likes, even loves, her captor. But the actual declaration of love isn't made until the very end of the story, when Roberts visits her one morning and says to her this:

"We're taking you back."

She froze. "Back? Back to where?"

"To Spain. To your kingdom. And to your husband." He said it simply. She couldn't believe it.

"But does this mean that I'm not going to be working for you anymore?"

He nodded. "This is goodbye, my dear."

The tears came, faster and hotter than any she had shed in the past. "Don't you...aren't you pleased with me...with my work?"

"You're my favorite crew woman."

"I'm your only crew woman! I'm the only woman on your ship!"

"That's why you're my favorite." His smile was wry and his words were making her cry harder now.

"Why are you doing this, then?" She sobbed.

"You've served us well, but we just cannot afford to take a woman with us into Florin. Especially if she is a rare beauty. Especially if said beauty is a princess."

"Nobody would have to know!" She exploded into a fit of hysterics. "I'll disguise myself as a man! You can keep me hidden! I'll never leave the ship! Anything! Just don't send me away!"

"How badly do you want this?" He wondered, in awe of how beautiful she looked, even in mourning. She hiccupped before getting on her knees and crawling towards him.

"I'll do anything," she whimpered. And then she closed her eyes. "Oh, God..."

"What?"

"I think I'm really in love with you...and I'm scared..." She looked at him, afraid of his reaction and what he might say. "Are you mad at me?"

"What you said is enough...no, more than enough, you can continue if you want to. But I can say I feel the same way. I know the feelng of waking up to your daily 'Good Mornings' and I also look forward to the end, when you say, 'I love you' and you think that I can't hear you. The middle doesn't matter as much to me, as being able to speak with you. You are extraordinary, kind, gentle, smart, loyal, caring, joyful. You are beautiful, wonderful, loving, the pure essence of perfection."

They fell into each others' arms and stayed like that until they reached the land of Florin. Roberts stayed ashore long enough to start the war between three nations and then the two sailed away to Patagonia, never to return to the world that would not accept their love. And it has been said that they had many children and lived to a ripe old age, and when Roberts retired from the Dread Pirate Roberts, he passed the title on to his oldest son, who passed it on to his first mate.

Review, please! :)