SCENE 1 – IN THE HOUSE /MASTER BEDROOM – DAY - INT.
GEORGE, 46, is well dressed up and looks at himself through the mirror and tries to smile. He has black-grey hair, blue eyes and average body type. MELANIE, 40, enters. She is blonde with blue eyes and nice body. Her clothes are modern but formal
MELANIE
Are you nervous?
GEORGE
I'm fine.
MELANIE
Are you fine fine or Ross fine? You're very nervous, George. I mean, relax, at last!
GEORGE
I think you are the one who's nervous, Melanie.
MELANIE
You're right, you're right. I just wish we could keep this house, you know?
GEORGE
I hope things with work could go back to normal. But I can't do much now, can I?
MELANIE
Well now no but a couple of months ago...
GEORGE
Please don't start again with that job offer! It was too risky!
MELANIE
Oh and now we are in the safest place in the world, right? God, George, if only you listened to me for once. You're such a loser.
(Doorbell rings) Oh my God!
They open up and it's a young couple.
MELANIE
Hello, welcome to our humble home.
GEORGE
I'm George Wellington and this is my wife, Melanie.
MRS. KINGSTON
Hi! I'm Nora and this is Jonathan.
(While going on a tour around the house)
We really loved the exterior of your house and I think this is the best place to start our marriage. We want to be sure that the environment is suitable for a family.
IN MONA'S BEDROOM. They enter and it's a mess.
MELANIE
And here's my daughter's bedroom. It's a bit messy.
(she hides some thongs and sex toys)
MRS. KINGSTON
Don't worry, we understand teenagers. (they go to the window)
GEORGE (WHISPERS)
Are you sure this is our daughter Mona's bedroom? it looks like Taz messed up a teenage Kardashian's bedroom.
(they see TONY, 18, helping MONA, 16, climb down the tree outside the window. She's a trendy teenager with brown hair, hazel eyes and nice body)
GEORGE
What the...? Who is this guy?
(he starts yelling while Melanie drives the couple outside the room)
Take your hands off my daughter, you scum! Mona, you're forever and ever and ever grounded! (Mona gets on his motorbike) Mona!
IN JUSTIN'S BEDROOM. They enter and George comes in a bit later.
MELANIE
We are so sorry about that incident.
MRS. KINGSTON
It's alright. Wow, this room will need a lot of work.
(the room is really messy, furniture is destroyed and the walls are painted horribly)
GEORGE
What the...? How long ago was it when I last came in here?
MR. KINGSTON
Honey, you do realize we'll need a lot of money to repair this house?
MELANIE
Look, Mr. Kingston, I know this needs time and money, but look at it as an investment. It's just the perfect house to keep your family united and happy.
(a SOUND comes from the wardrobe. they open it and they SEE their son JUSTIN, 17, making out with Mike, 17. Justin is blonde, fit, trendy with blue eyes)
GEORGE
NO NO NO! JUSTIN! What...who...? Oh my God!
JUSTIN
Dad, I can explain! Mike is just a friend and we were just playing a game!
GEORGE
Really? What game?
JUSTIN
Seven minutes in heaven?
MRS. KINGSTON
Yea, I think we should go…
MELANIE
Don't you want to see the master bedroom? (they walk away embarrassed)
GEORGE
I can't believe it! Justin, I'm so disappointed in you! So, you're gay? Why? WHY?
JUSTIN
Dad, I love Mike! And we have a serious relationship. I'm like Ricky Martin meeting Carlos Gonzalez!
MIKE
Why do you get to be Ricky?
JUSTIN
He was the one who came out first, so now that my parents know, I'm Ricky!
GEORGE
This is your fault, Melanie!
MELANIE
How is it my fault? if you paid some attention to your family, you'd know what is going on!
GEORGE
Sorry for working too hard so that you could have the perfect house, the perfect car, the perfect clothes...
MELANIE
Oh my God, I bought that Prada dress like ages ago and you keep blaming me for that? You know what? I don't want to see your face right now.
SCENE 2 –IN THE HOUSE/ LIVING ROOM - NIGHT - INT.
George is lain on the couch without being able to sleep. He stands up
SCENE 3 – IN THE STREET – NIGHT – EXT.
George walks around disappointed. He then sits on a bench. After awhile, a HOMELESS LADY, 50, sits next to him.
HOMELESS LADY
Problems with your perfect family? You won't fix this by whining.
GEORGE
Will you leave me alone, please? There are a lot of benches around.
HOMELESS LADY
You are in my house, sir. I can sit wherever I want.
GEORGE
Ha ha funny. (ironically) Will you leave me alone now? Oh screw it... (he stands up ready to leave)
HOMELESS LADY
Whoa, mate, you're so crabbed! Seriously, how long has it been since you last had sex with your wife? (George turns around angry)
GEORGE
Hey, it's not my fault her menopause came earlier! That shit drives her crazy, alright?
HOMELESS LADY
Do you want to change things? Take this. (she gives him a ring)
GEORGE
Is this a proposal? I don't think marrying another woman will make things better!
HOMELESS LADY
No no, you wouldn't afford me, dear. But no, this is not an engagement ring. If you make a wish to the ring, it will come true. (he looks closer at the ring)
GEORGE
A wish? Is this the ring from the Lord of the rings? this is stupid...I'm not going to...(he realizes the homeless lady is gone)
SCENE 4 - IN THE HOUSE - AFTERNOON – INT.
George returns home to see his family arguing out loud
MELANIE
I said no, Mona! You can't go out tonight! You have to study!
MONA
I don't need to study! I will go to X-factor and be the next Britney Spears, okay?
MELANIE
Okay, here's your father, ask him.
MONA
Dad, please, can I go out tonight? I promise we won't ride the motorbike! (Justin enters ready to leave) Hey, where's Justin going?
JUSTIN
Out with Mike? Why do you care?
MONA
Oh, so you let him go out with his boyfriend just because he came out of the closet?
JUSTIN
Shut up, slut, I'm 17 years old, you're 16! That's why I can go out!
MONA
You're not even 18, you arsehole!
MELANIE
I can't deal with this! George, will you PLEASE say something?
(George desperate goes to the master bedroom without saying anything)
MASTER BEDROOM. he looks sad. He then takes the ring out and stares at it.
GEORGE
No, this is stupid. I won't talk to a ring! (he leaves it on the end table. he looks at it for awhile and then decides to make a wish. he holds it and talks to it)Okay, I wish...I wish my family was perfect. My wife, my son, my daughter…just perfect! Did you get it? Of course you didn't, you're a freakin' ring! This will never come true.
SCENE 5 - IN THE HOUSE/ KITCHEN - MORNING - INT.
George enters the kitchen and sees a table full of breakfast. When she sees him she kisses him happy
MELANIE
George! Oh darling, I made perfect breakfast for you and the kids!
GEORGE
Wow! Melanie? It's been years since you last made breakfast! I'm surprised! Where are the kids? Did you wake them up or should I go?
(the kids appear. They're formally dressed and their hair is geeky. They sit on the table and start reading books. George stares at them)
Is it Halloween? What's going on? Is this a joke? Mona? Justin?
MONA
Yes, father? Can I do anything to please you? You know how much I respect you.
GEORGE
Are you rehearsing a play for school?
MONA
Play? No! I don't have time for this. I have a lot to study.
GEORGE
Study? (he starts laughing) sorry, this was impulsive. You? Study? And you, Justin?
JUSTIN
Now I'm just making a revision. Oh, and I also came up with some plans to improve the incomes and save that company you work at.
GEORGE
That's weird. (Melanie packs their lunch and kisses them in the cheek)
MONA
Thanks, mother. Bye, mother. Bye, father. (they go)
GEORGE
Can you believe that, Melanie?
MELANIE
Our children are perfect because we raised them the proper way, darling.
GEORGE
Since when do you call me "darling"? (Melanie kisses him)
MELANIE
Darling, now I would like to have sex with you, if you aren't in a rush to go to work.
GEORGE
To hell with work, they'll go bankrupt anyways. (they start making out) Thank you, ring! thank you, homeless lady!
SCENE 6 - OUTSIDE THE HOUSE - AFTERNOON - EXT.
George arrives and SEES girls jumping on Justin and shouting his name
GEORGE
Did they catch Justin Bieber? Wait, no! (He helps him IN THE HOUSE) Son, are you alright?
JUSTIN
My whole body hurts! Girls have gone crazy all day, you know? CRAZY!
SCENE 7 - IN THE HOUSE / MONA'S BEDROOM - AFTERNOON - INT.
George enters and SEES Mona examining some human feces on the table with OSAMA, 16
GEORGE
What's going on here? What are you doing? Who's that?
MONA
Hello, father. This is Osama from science class.
GEORGE
OH GOD, is this shit on the table?
MONA
Yes, it's human feces or stool. We're trying to find whether it has the bacteria.
GEORGE
Oh God, it smells so bad! Whose shit is that?
MONA
Osama's? It was hard for him to pass because, you know, according to the Bristol Stool Chart it is the 2nd type of feces, the sausage-shaped but lumpy?
GEORGE
I can see that! Jesus, Mona! Why are you examining shit? What were you thinking?
MONA
What? I decided to find a new dream and become a scientist.
GEORGE
Scientist of shit? I prefer Britney Spears to that! God no! (he goes to: the KITCHEN where Melanie cooks)
GEORGE
Hey, did you know Mona is literally examining some guy's shit in her room?
MELANIE
Oh yes! I helped her too! She found out I have Yersinia.
GEORGE
Oh my God, Melanie, please! Would you join me in panicking?
MELANIE
Okay. Dang it. (she continues smiling) Oh darling, you have nothing to be afraid of. (she kisses him) Now I would like to have sex with you as the perfect wife I am.
GEORGE
Melanie, do you even want to do it? (she doesn't react) This isn't right! come on, react! Say I'm a loser! Something! You're a freaking robot! (he goes to Justin's room)
MELANIE
A robot? (smile fades away)
IN JUSTIN'S BEDROOM. He sees Justin looking at him serious
JUSTIN
Hello, George. Sit. I was waiting for you. (George sits intrigued) I talked to your boss, Mr. Loo, and we decided to get you fired. It seems I'm more…um…what's the word…? Right, PERFECT. More perfect than you. (George is speechless) Oh, and don't think you can get me fired in any ways. Mr. Loo's daughter, Sylvia, is my new girlfriend and she can do everything for me. Aren't you proud of your son now? (George doesn't reply anything and instantly calls Mike)
GEORGE
Mike, hey! This is Justin's father. Could you please come over and convince him to go gay again? Please? [...] No, I'm not drunk, son. I'm serious! I prefer him a gay goof to a straight asshole! […] We can play the heaven game! (suddenly we HEAR Mona's screaming outside. George runs off to: THE HALL, and SEES Mona covered in shit) WHAT THE…?
MONA
I accidentally fell into the bucket of my diarrhea! (Osama runs away crying)
GEORGE
Okay, that's it. (he dials a number) Hey, Tony, this is Mona's father. Could you please ask Mona out? […] Hey don't call her geeky shit, okay? please, Tony, I'm begging you! Please make her popular again! (fire alarm sets off. George runs off to: the KITCHEN, while girls break inside for Justin. He sees Melanie trying to turn out a small fire) What happened? (she throws a fire blanket to the oven)
MELANIE
I was thinking about what you said and I forgot about the food! I'm a robot to you?
GEORGE
This is NOT what I meant, babes. I meant you are...too perfect for me.
MELANIE
You know what, you're right! And I'm afraid that's your problem, darling…I'm sorry but you don't belong here anymore! (he doesn't reply and runs away desperate)
SCENE 8 - IN THE STREET - EVENING - EXT.
GEORGE
Homeless lady? Umm, ma'am? Ring woman! (she appears behind him)
HOMELESS LADY
Problems with your perfect family?
GEORGE
YOU! Why did you give me this ring? You totally destroyed me!
HOMELESS LADY
You wished for a perfect family, didn't you? (he nods positively) But did you wish for a perfect you? (George seems disappointed)
HOMELESS LADY
Now make a wish that you really mean, George! (he looks at the ring; she disappears)
SCENE 9 – IN THE HOUSE/ HALL – EVENING – INT.
George goes away holding his luggage while the others –who are dressed as they used to be now- look at him disappointed. AFTER SOME MINUTES, doorbell rings. Justin opens up and it's Mike with Tony
JUSTIN
Mike? What are you doing here?
MONA
Oh my God, Tony!
MIKE
Your father called us to ask you two out...(they get shocked. Melanie runs away)
SCENE 10 – OUTSIDE THE TRAIN STATION – NIGHT – EXT.
George is sad and sits on the stairs. Melanie appears
MELANIE
Hey, loser.
GEORGE
Melanie! (he smiles) I love it when you call me that.
MELANIE
I saw what you did with Tony and Mike.
GEORGE
Well, I realized that if you can't accept and love your family the way they are, you can only cause a huge explosion of shit, right?
MELANIE
Aww you said it just perfect… (she kisses him) Oh and George? I love you.
GEORGE
I love you. And you know, after all, it's better that we're not perfect. You know, any system would fail if we didn't have our flaws and our weaknesses… (they start walking away happy) Babe, have I ever told you that I love this dress? Like it's so imperfect that becomes perfect? You know what I'm saying?
MELANIE
Whoa, mister, calling me imperfect is okay. Calling my styling so? Not so good!
GEORGE
Oh God, sorry… I can still catch the train, you know… (she laughs)
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