I dream a lot, I know you say
I've got to get away.
"The world is not yours for the taking"
Is all you ever say.
Blaine had run out into the rain after yet another argument with his father. It was all falling apart. The rain was pouring down, of course. Buckets of it. It just seemed appropriate. Blaine's hair was a sopping mess, but for once the polished prep school boy didn't care. For once, he just didn't care.
There wasn't a lot that could break Blaine. After everything, the bullying, his father's refusual to accept him, he'd had to develop a thick skin.
And then he'd met Kurt.
Kurt was the single most strong, beautiful person he'd ever met. It made sense that he'd gotten out of Lima. He'd survived it without having his spirit broken. He deserved to be somewhere else. Away from all the homophobia and pain. As far away from it as he could get.
I know I'm not the best for you,
But promise that you'll stay.
Cause if I watch you go,
You'll see me wasting, you'll see me wasting away
He'd snapped at the last moment. Gotten weak. Begged Kurt to stay at the last moment. It was the wrong thing to do, he'd known that. It had been as if someone else was in his body. Someone weak, and pathetic and just not strong enough, and he'd been powerless to do anything about it, because Blaine and this inhabitant of his body both wanted the same thing. Kurt.
Cause today, you walked out of my life
Cause today, your words felt like a knife
I'm not living this life.
Then it had ended. They'd broken up, and Blaine was forced back into his body to feel all the pain. It had sinced reduced to a dull ache that flared into a pain so intense he had trouble breathing each time he did anything . Opened his eyes. Tried to talk. Anything. And Kurt had walked away. Boarded the plane. Blaine was completely certain he would never see the perfect boy who walked into his life then walked right back out of it again.
Goodbyes are meant for lonely people standing in the rain
And no matter where I go it's always pouring all the same.
Somehow, the rain began to pour even harder. Blaine didn't know that was possible. He'd thought that the rain had reached maximum pour. But no, things could always be worse. He was drenched to his bones in a matter of seconds.
These streets are filled with memories
Both perfect and in pain
And all I wanna do is love you
But I'm the only one to blame.
Everywhere Blaine looked there were memories. Lima was not a big town. It was tiny, actually, and everywhere he looked, there was a memory. There was the park bench where they'd sat and talked. There was the coffee bar where they'd had their first date. It was too much to take in. Too much. Blaine had no idea how he was going to survive the next five minutes, let alone the next year.
Cause today, you walked out of my life
Cause today, your words felt like a knife
I'm not living this life.
Blaine dropped onto a parkbench. It was soaked, but so was he. The words 'what now' repeated in his mind like a mantra. What now. What now. What now.And the truth… The truth was, he had no idea. It was very possible that Kurt was the love of his life. He'd read books, seen movies about this kind of love, but the books and movies don't prepare you for what to do when it's gone. Do you just… Break?
But what do I know, if you're leaving
All you did was stop the bleeding.
But these scars will stay forever,
These scars will stay forever
He had to find a way to move on. Blaine knew this. But not now. He just didn't have the strength. Everything he wanted had been destroyed in a single moment of weakness, and the pain… It would never go away. Not really. He could bury it, meet someone else. Hell, maybe even get married. But he would never forget.
And these words they have no meaning
If we cannot find the feeling
That we held on to together
Try your hardest to remember
Knowing what he needed to do, Blaine pulled his phone from his pocket. Rain and tears were clouding his vision, but he could see well enough to do the thing he had to do. Shaking from cold and pain, Blaine found the number he would never again see pop up on his screen, and pressed the delete button. When prompted… "Do you really want to delete this information?" Blaine hesitated, shook his head, because no, he did not want to delete this information. He had to. To avoid making the mistake that every ex did. Calling Kurt just because he missed him so much. So against what he really wanted, Blaine pressed 'yes'.
Stay with me,
Or watch me bleed,
I need you just to breathe.
It was done. The ex warbler let out a breath he wasn't even aware he'd been holding, and it came out jagged and broken. No surprise really, it reflected how he felt, inside and out. Blaine roughly shoved his phone back in his pocket. He didn't want to see it. Didn't want to think about it. How his last call had been Kurt. How he still used Candles as Kurt's ringtone.
Cause today, you walked out of my life
(Stay with me, or watch me bleed)
Cause today, your words felt like a knife
(I need you just to breathe.)
I'm not living this life
Blaine began the walk back home at a snail's pace. He didn't want to be there. He didn't want to be out in the rain. He didn't want to be anywhere. He didn't want to be conscious. Blaine knew that when he got home he would climb into bed and not get out until he absoloutley had to, because being unconsious was the only way to not be in pain.