Author's Note: Another head canon/drabble I wrote. I'm not even sorry for writing this.
I'm a bad person, right...?
Rating: T (still, death talk, lots of it)
Pairing: Wolfstar (Sirius/Remus, Remus/Sirius)
Genre: Angst, romance.

The Harry Potter series and it's character is J.K. Rowling's, and hers only. I'm simply playing with her characters without asking for permission.

You know, Sirius, at first I thought you left me.

Like you simply couldn't find another way to get rid of me, so you died. As if I was such a pain, such a poison to your life.

Then I realised that of course, it's not always about me. We all realise that at some point in our lives, don't we? I know you did, a lot of times.

I'm not sure if you can remember - but when I tell you, I know you will - that time when we were fighting. We almost never fought with each other, you know that. But once, we did. That was the same time you threw plates at me, and burned all my plants.

Afterwards, you thought I'd be angry with you.

I never got to tell you this, so I will now - I wasn't angry with you. I never ever have been, really.

Now, that is a lie.

You're not supposed to lie in these kinds of letters, right? I don't think so. I need to explain myself now.

Once, I was very angry with you, but I don't think you knew. You couldn't have known. You weren't alive. You were actually recently... not alive at that moment. Then again, will you ever be?

The moment I thought you had left me, was the first moment I understood that you were dead. Dead as can be, and disappeared you had, too.

I couldn't scream at then, because your Godson was sort of doing that for me.

When I got back home - to our home - I couldn't, well, not scream. I had to scream. You weren't there, and I had, by reasons I cannot explain even to myself, imagined you would be.

I had imagined that when I arrived at our door step, you would be running to the door, just like you used to, and you'd open it before I even had the chance. Then you'd demand a kiss, before letting me enter our home.

But you weren't there to do all those things.

I had to open the door myself, without giving or getting a kiss, and then I had to walk into the hallway, without hearing any running footsteps.

Nobody was waiting for me, Sirius. And that made me completely out of my mind with anger.

I just wish I could be with you now, in heaven, or wherever you are.

There's no hurry, but I'm looking forward to coming there, and hearing you run across the clouds, and before I get to enter that place, you will demand a kiss. I will kiss you then, and we'll go inside together.

That would, truly, be my heaven.