Jack

"Nikki, hey!" I answer my phone in delight.

"Hi! I'm back!" she cheerfully responds.

My heart leaps when I hear her voice. Her flight has landed – she's back in England.

She's back with me.

"Good flight?" I ask.

"Delayed. But I slept all the way."

Instantly my mind is filled with images of her sleeping. I've watched her sleep many times. And now I have to ask because it's the right thing to do. It won't do to give her a reason to him I'm not ok with her and him.

"What about Matt? He ok? All well?"

"Yeah, Never long enough though."

My aching heart can't help but sink slightly at that, but I shake it off quickly. Act cool, Jack. Act cool.

"I'm going to to drop my stuff at home and then come straight in, yeah?" she continues. Yeah. Definitely.

She's coming straight to work and only stopping to drop her bags off. She's literally running back to me and I can't wait. It's light years away from where we were all those months ago after the events of Mexico.

"Ok." I agree, trying to keep the ecstasy at bay. I mean she's my best friend – surely it's normal for me to be excited that she's back, but it's a line in the sand that grows ever more blurry. Exactly how thrilled would a normal best friend be?

"Where are you?" She asks, apparently mistaking my grunted 'ok' as disinterest which suggests I have more important things to be getting on with. That is not so – I talk to Nikki all day – and night, if I could, vbut where I am right now, doesn't matter.

"Hmm. No where special." I mutter, my mind wandering. Not where I want to be, anyway. My special place is with her.

"Sorry?" She sounds slightly confused but I decide I had better go as the room is filling up for Thomas' lecture. I doubt the latter would be impressed if he'd heard me refer to his lecture as 'no where special'.

"Look, I better go. I'll catch up with you later, ok?" We need lots of pizza nights. "Welcome home, Nikki." I add before I reproachfully hang up. I can almost feel her smile as she answers.

"Thanks."

This is her home – over here with us. With me.

I'm so excited when I put the phone down. The first thing she did when she landed was call me – well that's what I tell myself anyway.

The truth is, she probably rang Matt first to tell him she'd landed safely, but I can pretend, can't I – because that's what I really want.

I want to be her number one.

I'm glad she's got him – I am...honest. They're a good match and she's happy, but there's always a part of me that wants her all to myself. I wouldn't go as far to say that I'm jealous because I'm not (- or at least I can still convince myself that I'm not!) but every now and then I see a flicker of hope for the future we might have had and the flame flares up. I can't stop it.

I could have had her. She was open to 'me and her' after Mexico – and actually there was even a moment in Mexico, before she went missing. If I had kissed her then...but I didn't and even when we got back on track, I pushed her towards Matt because I couldn't bring myself to allow her to love me. I convinced myself it was for the best – and I convinced her - and well...I've missed that chance now, haven't I. She seems so happy with Matt and I can't ruin that for her, so instead I have to live my own story in my head.

Nikki rang me first.