FOREST FOR THE TREES
By Hilliard MacKenzie
Show: ER
Characters: Kerry Weaver and Kim Legaspi
Rating: PG-13 (Innuendo)
Spoilers: After Season 7 episode "A Walk In the Woods"
The tears came quietly as she rode. The tears in Kim's eyes had set her off. But she'd had to say it, not to be hurtful, but to be honest. I am not like them, she thought. I don't want to be like them.
She watched the blocks go by in silence. This cabby obviously spoke English and was good at following orders. Thank God, she thought. He had been driving to no place in particular for over half an hour as she thought about Kim.
I don't know what you were trying to tell her tonight, Weaver, but you failed. She wiped her tears away and took a deep breath. What she did know was that the past weeks with Kim had been an oasis. Kim was everything she was looking for in a mate - granted the package was a bit different than she'd imagined, but God - Kim was beautiful.
She remembered the first time she'd seen Kim undressed. It took her breath away. In that moment she said a silent thanks to God for making such a perfect woman. And that face, the eyes that searched out the remotest parts of Kerry, places no one had been for such along time...
"Um, turn left up here and head south please," she instructed the cabby. And he did just that. She knew what she wanted. She wanted to see that face.
* * *
At the door she stopped. No lights were on but she knocked anyway. She waited, shivering in the cold. The lengths she went through for this woman! She had a shift in about seven hours...
The cab had gone and it occurred to her if Kim wasn't there or didn't answer she'd be stuck. She knocked again but still nothing. Her spirits faded. She wanted to straighten things out with Kim before she went to sleep.
She turned to go and lost her balance at the sight of Kim just behind her. Kim caught her arm silently, eyes downcast. "You startled me," Kerry smiled recovering.
"Sorry," Kim said with a forced smirky grin, then the serious look returned.
"I was just -" they both began in unison. Kerry smiled, Kim did not.
"Kim, I want to talk about this."
Kim produced a key ring and soon they were inside the house. Kerry reached for the lamp on the table and turned it on before removing her coat and hanging it familiarly in the front hall closet. She reached for Kim's coat and did the same with it, stuffing it into the crowded closet as well.
Then she noticed Kim's gaze, felt it even. Blue eyes like laser beams. "Guess I feel at home here," Kerry admitted.
The blonde removed her scarf. "Do you?" she asked, earnestly. The scarf had snaked its way through her hair leaving Kim resembling a blonde Bride of Frankenstein.
"What I said I meant," Kerry told her, "I was being honest with you, but I did not intend for my words to hurt you." Kerry's eyes strayed to Kim's incredibly frizzed hair and she smiled. Kim followed her gaze and began trying to smooth it down.
"Your words did hurt," Kim said soberly. "I care so much for you, Kerry, God knows. And I have loved being with you. And I think we could really make this work, but I'm a woman. And you're a woman and if we're lovers that makes us lesbians."
Kerry nodded, unable to stop a smile. Kim's smoothing of her hair had only made it worse and she now looked like a blonde Globetrotter, big staticky afro halo around her beautiful face. "What is it?" Kim asked, eyes fiery.
"I'm sorry but you're hair - " she broke off, choking back a laugh. Kim moved a few steps to look in the hall mirror.
"Oh God, it gets like this sometimes," Kim sighed.
"Do you have a brush?" Kerry asked.
"That makes it worse, I'll just take a shower-"
"Give me a brush and some hairspray -" Kerry interrupted. Kim's eyebrows arched. "Mousse? Gel?" Kim nodded. "And I'll fix it."
As Kim retreated to the bathroom for the supplies, Kerry made her way over to the gas fireplace and lit it expertly. As she moved the stack of magazines and medical journals from the couch opposite the fire and settled down on it, Kim returned. She gazed at Kerry, holding out the requests.
Kerry took them in one hand and Kim's hand in the other. She dropped the brush and gel on the couch beside her and removed one of the overstuffed pillows, placing it between her feet on the floor in front of her. Then Kerry lightly pulled Kim down, seating her between her knees facing the fire.
Kerry squeezed some gel into her palms and lightly worked it into the long blond curls. "Did it light for you alright tonight?" Kim asked, gazing into the fire.
"Yes," Kerry smiled remembering the trouble she'd had the other night. She'd spent nearly thirty minutes trying to light the damned thing. "I can repair a broken blood vessel but I can't figure out that the gas isn't turned on."
Kim smiled too remembering how tempered Kerry had become in frustration. Her fingers worked another light layer of gel into the slowly settling hair, Kerry's strong hands working down to Kim's scalp, massaging. Kim leaned into it and groaned in pleasure, "You know how much I love this."
"Um-hmm," Kerry smiled, knowing all too well.
"But I still think we should talk," Kim said forcing herself not to relax.
Kerry stopped massaging and picked up the brush. She combed the long locks several times trying to formulate what she wanted to say. She wanted to avoid the hurtful words she'd said earlier.
"You know the first time you walked into the ER the hairs on the back of my neck stood up," Kerry said, remembering. "I hadn't ever had that reaction to a human before. In fact I'd only had that feeling once in my life, but for an entirely different reason."
Kerry lost herself in Kim's hair and the memory. "That time it was also a blonde but a feline. A large tiger in Africa who was after me." Kim wanted to know more but didn't want to interrupt. "And after that whenever you were around it was as if some invisible pair of hands would grab me by the sides of my face and make me look at you. It was strange, I was hyper-aware of you. You were like a magnet and I was drawn and I didn't know why. But every time you were around I felt like that, and then when we'd speak - forget it, my concentration was shot. That never happens to me at work. In life it happens, but not at work."
Kim struggled to balance her listening with the amazing feeling of Kerry brushing her hair. "Looking back on it I can see that the attraction to you, these feelings were there from the start. But I didn't see myself as being gay because of them. I just knew what I felt for you, that I wanted to be with you."
Kim's face softened at the words. "And I do... But I can't honestly say I'm gay, Kim. I have literally never felt this way about ANYONE before - man, woman, mineral, vegetable."
Kim smiled, her hands finding Kerry's feet, holding them. "You left out `animal'," Kim said.
"On purpose. Remember the tiger?" Kerry asked. Kim laughed, that wild and abandoned laugh that inspired so many seductive thoughts in her mind. She ran her fingers through the hair, savoring the feeling and the closeness, feeling the heat coming from Kim's back.
No, she needed to say this. "I'm not ready to label myself and I'm not ready for anyone else to either. All I know is that I love you and want to be with you."
"I'm not asking you to label yourself, Kerry," Kim said quickly, turning to face her. Kerry smoothed over Kim's static-free hair with her hands. "But I am gay. People know I'm gay, people at the hospital know I'm gay and I like it that way. I'm just very open about my life. I have all these feelings for you and I'm dying to shout them to everyone. I adore you and I am so happy to be with you - I just want everyone to know. I want you to know that I love you too."
Kim smiled up at her, now on her knees, her hands around the outside of the redhead's thighs. "I know. You have millions of ways of letting me know and I appreciate that. I'm just not `out' at work about anyone I'm seeing. It's not just you."
"We have nothing to be ashamed of," Kim said.
"I know that but not being ashamed and renting a billboard are two different things." Kim nodded once, getting the point but not happy about the message. "You know I think you are so beautiful," Kerry cupped Kim's upturned face in her hands. "In fact I feel like my feelings for you are written all over me and everyone can see them and that scares the hell out of me."
"Kerry, it scares me too but we have such a great thing going here. This kind of thing doesn't happen every day for me either, " Kim told her.
"Yeah but it's happened to you a lot more often than it has for me," Kerry said.
Kim paused, "Christy and Kate are old friends. I don't even think of them as exes, but they were being tremendously cliché and catty tonight. They can get like that sometimes, but -"
"I can handle them. This is about us," Kerry said. "I want more than anything to be with you. But I'm not ready to be out to everyone yet. And if that holds you back or in some way angers you - "
"That isn't it, sweetie. If you need more time to process this, then you need more time. I'm staying right here." Kim's arms flexed around Kerry's legs.
"Thank you."
"And if I push too hard, like tonight - "
"I'll tell you," Kerry agreed. They both smiled. Kerry brought Kim's hands to her lips and kissed them. "Actually I was thinking I'd love to have a little dinner party this weekend, if you're up for it."
"You cooking?" Kim asked, mischievous look in her eye.
"Yes but with clothes on this time," Kerry returned.
Kim laughed, "Damn."
Kerry grabbed her chin playfully, then said, "I want you to meet my friends Jay and Robert."
"Okay," Kim purred.
"And I'll tell you now I haven't slept with either of them."
Kim's eyebrows shot up in mock shock, "Hey now!"
"You had that one coming," Kerry laughed. They both just looked at eachother a moment, enjoying the closeness.
Kim broke the silence, "Earlier when you arrived and I wasn't here I was on your doorstep waiting for you to get home."
Kerry's eyes lit up, "You were?" Kim nodded, wrapping her arms around Kerry's waist, laying her head in her lap. Kerry again ran her fingers lightly through the hair, "And here I was, waiting for you, thinking I was already home."
Kim looked up at her, eyes glassy with tears. She gently brought Kim's lips to her own in a sweet kiss. Kerry stood, pulling Kim to her feet. With one hand laced in Kim's, Kerry reached with the other and turned off the fire. She led Kim back toward the front door.
Kim pulled Kerry's hand toward her lips, kissing it, a smoldering eyebrow arched. Kerry smiled and turned the deadbolt, fastened the chain, turned out the light.
In the dark, they started for the bedroom. "Ooops, damn it." Kerry felt Kim's arm pull down after a few muted thuds. "I've fallen -"
"Don't get up," Kerry said wryly. "I'll just be Tarzan and drag you. Or better yet, I'll just take you here on the ground."
"Be Jane and you've got a deal."
By Hilliard MacKenzie
Show: ER
Characters: Kerry Weaver and Kim Legaspi
Rating: PG-13 (Innuendo)
Spoilers: After Season 7 episode "A Walk In the Woods"
The tears came quietly as she rode. The tears in Kim's eyes had set her off. But she'd had to say it, not to be hurtful, but to be honest. I am not like them, she thought. I don't want to be like them.
She watched the blocks go by in silence. This cabby obviously spoke English and was good at following orders. Thank God, she thought. He had been driving to no place in particular for over half an hour as she thought about Kim.
I don't know what you were trying to tell her tonight, Weaver, but you failed. She wiped her tears away and took a deep breath. What she did know was that the past weeks with Kim had been an oasis. Kim was everything she was looking for in a mate - granted the package was a bit different than she'd imagined, but God - Kim was beautiful.
She remembered the first time she'd seen Kim undressed. It took her breath away. In that moment she said a silent thanks to God for making such a perfect woman. And that face, the eyes that searched out the remotest parts of Kerry, places no one had been for such along time...
"Um, turn left up here and head south please," she instructed the cabby. And he did just that. She knew what she wanted. She wanted to see that face.
* * *
At the door she stopped. No lights were on but she knocked anyway. She waited, shivering in the cold. The lengths she went through for this woman! She had a shift in about seven hours...
The cab had gone and it occurred to her if Kim wasn't there or didn't answer she'd be stuck. She knocked again but still nothing. Her spirits faded. She wanted to straighten things out with Kim before she went to sleep.
She turned to go and lost her balance at the sight of Kim just behind her. Kim caught her arm silently, eyes downcast. "You startled me," Kerry smiled recovering.
"Sorry," Kim said with a forced smirky grin, then the serious look returned.
"I was just -" they both began in unison. Kerry smiled, Kim did not.
"Kim, I want to talk about this."
Kim produced a key ring and soon they were inside the house. Kerry reached for the lamp on the table and turned it on before removing her coat and hanging it familiarly in the front hall closet. She reached for Kim's coat and did the same with it, stuffing it into the crowded closet as well.
Then she noticed Kim's gaze, felt it even. Blue eyes like laser beams. "Guess I feel at home here," Kerry admitted.
The blonde removed her scarf. "Do you?" she asked, earnestly. The scarf had snaked its way through her hair leaving Kim resembling a blonde Bride of Frankenstein.
"What I said I meant," Kerry told her, "I was being honest with you, but I did not intend for my words to hurt you." Kerry's eyes strayed to Kim's incredibly frizzed hair and she smiled. Kim followed her gaze and began trying to smooth it down.
"Your words did hurt," Kim said soberly. "I care so much for you, Kerry, God knows. And I have loved being with you. And I think we could really make this work, but I'm a woman. And you're a woman and if we're lovers that makes us lesbians."
Kerry nodded, unable to stop a smile. Kim's smoothing of her hair had only made it worse and she now looked like a blonde Globetrotter, big staticky afro halo around her beautiful face. "What is it?" Kim asked, eyes fiery.
"I'm sorry but you're hair - " she broke off, choking back a laugh. Kim moved a few steps to look in the hall mirror.
"Oh God, it gets like this sometimes," Kim sighed.
"Do you have a brush?" Kerry asked.
"That makes it worse, I'll just take a shower-"
"Give me a brush and some hairspray -" Kerry interrupted. Kim's eyebrows arched. "Mousse? Gel?" Kim nodded. "And I'll fix it."
As Kim retreated to the bathroom for the supplies, Kerry made her way over to the gas fireplace and lit it expertly. As she moved the stack of magazines and medical journals from the couch opposite the fire and settled down on it, Kim returned. She gazed at Kerry, holding out the requests.
Kerry took them in one hand and Kim's hand in the other. She dropped the brush and gel on the couch beside her and removed one of the overstuffed pillows, placing it between her feet on the floor in front of her. Then Kerry lightly pulled Kim down, seating her between her knees facing the fire.
Kerry squeezed some gel into her palms and lightly worked it into the long blond curls. "Did it light for you alright tonight?" Kim asked, gazing into the fire.
"Yes," Kerry smiled remembering the trouble she'd had the other night. She'd spent nearly thirty minutes trying to light the damned thing. "I can repair a broken blood vessel but I can't figure out that the gas isn't turned on."
Kim smiled too remembering how tempered Kerry had become in frustration. Her fingers worked another light layer of gel into the slowly settling hair, Kerry's strong hands working down to Kim's scalp, massaging. Kim leaned into it and groaned in pleasure, "You know how much I love this."
"Um-hmm," Kerry smiled, knowing all too well.
"But I still think we should talk," Kim said forcing herself not to relax.
Kerry stopped massaging and picked up the brush. She combed the long locks several times trying to formulate what she wanted to say. She wanted to avoid the hurtful words she'd said earlier.
"You know the first time you walked into the ER the hairs on the back of my neck stood up," Kerry said, remembering. "I hadn't ever had that reaction to a human before. In fact I'd only had that feeling once in my life, but for an entirely different reason."
Kerry lost herself in Kim's hair and the memory. "That time it was also a blonde but a feline. A large tiger in Africa who was after me." Kim wanted to know more but didn't want to interrupt. "And after that whenever you were around it was as if some invisible pair of hands would grab me by the sides of my face and make me look at you. It was strange, I was hyper-aware of you. You were like a magnet and I was drawn and I didn't know why. But every time you were around I felt like that, and then when we'd speak - forget it, my concentration was shot. That never happens to me at work. In life it happens, but not at work."
Kim struggled to balance her listening with the amazing feeling of Kerry brushing her hair. "Looking back on it I can see that the attraction to you, these feelings were there from the start. But I didn't see myself as being gay because of them. I just knew what I felt for you, that I wanted to be with you."
Kim's face softened at the words. "And I do... But I can't honestly say I'm gay, Kim. I have literally never felt this way about ANYONE before - man, woman, mineral, vegetable."
Kim smiled, her hands finding Kerry's feet, holding them. "You left out `animal'," Kim said.
"On purpose. Remember the tiger?" Kerry asked. Kim laughed, that wild and abandoned laugh that inspired so many seductive thoughts in her mind. She ran her fingers through the hair, savoring the feeling and the closeness, feeling the heat coming from Kim's back.
No, she needed to say this. "I'm not ready to label myself and I'm not ready for anyone else to either. All I know is that I love you and want to be with you."
"I'm not asking you to label yourself, Kerry," Kim said quickly, turning to face her. Kerry smoothed over Kim's static-free hair with her hands. "But I am gay. People know I'm gay, people at the hospital know I'm gay and I like it that way. I'm just very open about my life. I have all these feelings for you and I'm dying to shout them to everyone. I adore you and I am so happy to be with you - I just want everyone to know. I want you to know that I love you too."
Kim smiled up at her, now on her knees, her hands around the outside of the redhead's thighs. "I know. You have millions of ways of letting me know and I appreciate that. I'm just not `out' at work about anyone I'm seeing. It's not just you."
"We have nothing to be ashamed of," Kim said.
"I know that but not being ashamed and renting a billboard are two different things." Kim nodded once, getting the point but not happy about the message. "You know I think you are so beautiful," Kerry cupped Kim's upturned face in her hands. "In fact I feel like my feelings for you are written all over me and everyone can see them and that scares the hell out of me."
"Kerry, it scares me too but we have such a great thing going here. This kind of thing doesn't happen every day for me either, " Kim told her.
"Yeah but it's happened to you a lot more often than it has for me," Kerry said.
Kim paused, "Christy and Kate are old friends. I don't even think of them as exes, but they were being tremendously cliché and catty tonight. They can get like that sometimes, but -"
"I can handle them. This is about us," Kerry said. "I want more than anything to be with you. But I'm not ready to be out to everyone yet. And if that holds you back or in some way angers you - "
"That isn't it, sweetie. If you need more time to process this, then you need more time. I'm staying right here." Kim's arms flexed around Kerry's legs.
"Thank you."
"And if I push too hard, like tonight - "
"I'll tell you," Kerry agreed. They both smiled. Kerry brought Kim's hands to her lips and kissed them. "Actually I was thinking I'd love to have a little dinner party this weekend, if you're up for it."
"You cooking?" Kim asked, mischievous look in her eye.
"Yes but with clothes on this time," Kerry returned.
Kim laughed, "Damn."
Kerry grabbed her chin playfully, then said, "I want you to meet my friends Jay and Robert."
"Okay," Kim purred.
"And I'll tell you now I haven't slept with either of them."
Kim's eyebrows shot up in mock shock, "Hey now!"
"You had that one coming," Kerry laughed. They both just looked at eachother a moment, enjoying the closeness.
Kim broke the silence, "Earlier when you arrived and I wasn't here I was on your doorstep waiting for you to get home."
Kerry's eyes lit up, "You were?" Kim nodded, wrapping her arms around Kerry's waist, laying her head in her lap. Kerry again ran her fingers lightly through the hair, "And here I was, waiting for you, thinking I was already home."
Kim looked up at her, eyes glassy with tears. She gently brought Kim's lips to her own in a sweet kiss. Kerry stood, pulling Kim to her feet. With one hand laced in Kim's, Kerry reached with the other and turned off the fire. She led Kim back toward the front door.
Kim pulled Kerry's hand toward her lips, kissing it, a smoldering eyebrow arched. Kerry smiled and turned the deadbolt, fastened the chain, turned out the light.
In the dark, they started for the bedroom. "Ooops, damn it." Kerry felt Kim's arm pull down after a few muted thuds. "I've fallen -"
"Don't get up," Kerry said wryly. "I'll just be Tarzan and drag you. Or better yet, I'll just take you here on the ground."
"Be Jane and you've got a deal."