A/N: Haha, so I wrote this in about an hour this morning because I was bored. Don't ask how I began writing a story like this, because I honestly have no idea. I figured someone out there might find some sort of enjoyment in this, so here it is! I'm still working on Paperclip and a new chapter will be up soon. Enjoy this little . . . well, I don't really know what this is! :D
Ye Olde Deception Detectors
Once upon a time there was a brave knight with a name that's not important at the moment. The knight wasn't the tallest or the most politically, socially or emotionally correct, but he always got the job done so every royal court in the land requested his assistance in matters grand and, well, not so grand.
While privileged in the eyes of royalty, the knight's life was no piece of cake. A few short years ago, the knight had been married to a well-respected woman and together they had a beautiful daughter when a king called upon him to slay a mighty dragon. The king's name was Roger. The knight accepted the task eagerly, hoping a few days away from home might magically fix the numerous holes littering the walls of his cottage home. Sometimes the wife liked to throw things in fits of passionate anger.
The king presented the challenge to the knight, who was at first confused by the royal man's words. The king spoke of a mighty beast capable of breathing deadly fire with sharp claws as piercing as an eagle's talons, but the beast was also a shape shifter capable of taking on the form of whatever it pleased. Even a human. The knight was supposed to interview the townspeople to find out if the dragon was lurking amongst the villagers. The knight accepted the task, taking his sword along with him as further motivation for the interviewees to cooperate.
Many days passed and the knight's task was beginning to seem hopeless. None of the townspeople he interviewed seemed remotely capable of becoming a monstrous beast. In fact, the knight doubted the lot of them could spell the word 'monstrous'. Sighing with defeat, he delivered his news to the king, who dismissed him with disappointment in his eyes.
That night, the knight returned home--walls still attempting to masquerade as holy pieces of Swiss cheese--to deliver the news of his failure to his family. Suddenly, his mind snapped back to the wedding day of him and his wife, more specifically that night, when his wife had accidentally torn through his heavy chain-mail armor in a fit of passion on their honeymoon. With her nails alone.
Realization dawning, the knight asked his wife if she was a murderous fire-breathing dragon. She grew angry and said, "No!" with a puff of black smoke escaping her mouth. Something told the knight she was lying.
The knight immediately told the king and after much deliberation, the knight decided that dragon or not, he could not bring himself to kill his own wife. None of the other knights of the land were brave enough to challenger her, so the king spent many nights pondering his new dilemma. Eventually, he decided if you can't beat 'em, join 'em.
That was the day the knight's wife left him for the much richer, much taller King Roger.
Now, the knight was devastated by this development and turned to his best friend in the land, a beautiful woman who was the daughter of a privileged servant of the king. The knight had known for a long time that he loved this woman unlike any other, even his fire-breathing ex-wife, but while gushing this to a tavern worker one night after one too many ales, he was assured this was called 'platonic love'. At least, that's what the man had told him to tell everyone else in case word got back to his wife. The knight had not gotten around to checking out a dictionary since then, so he stuck to the term 'platonic'.
After awhile, the knight and the servant's daughter set up a company just outside the king's castle called Ye Olde Deception Detectors and they made a career of their natural talents of being able to spot the lies of average people. The company grew and so did their friendship. The servant's daughter would often help the knight when his daughter misbehaved or his ex-wife stirred up trouble in the land, and the knight would in return help her move furniture and other 'man stuff' of the time. Sometimes the knight was confused by his friend. She would laugh and joke with him at the tavern, but when another woman came to say hello to the knight, he swore he could see the same fire in his friend's eyes that had been in his ex-wife's. He hoped he didn't have a habit of falling for deadly shape shifting dragons.
Still, the knight's friend was the kindest woman he had ever met and one night, in the grand gardens of the castle during a spring festival celebration, the knight looked up the word 'platonic' and decided it was time for a change in the relationship. Taking the servant's daughter by the hand, he pulled her to him for a kiss. The knight had caught his friend by surprise and she kicked the knight in the shin. Realizing who he was, the servant's daughter helped her friend up and apologized. The knight just smiled like an elated schoolboy, all pain forgotten. He saw the blush cover his friend's cheeks as she noticed the large group of people surrounding them. Taking the knight by the hand, she pulled him out of the crowd of people and away from the din of the celebration.
In a secluded part of the gardens lit only by moonlight, the knight apologized to the servant's daughter for his exuberance. The servant's daughter merely laughed at him and he felt his heart sink. Finally, regaining her composure, she grabbed his face in her hands and kissed him, the curve of her smiling lips pressed against his own stunned pair. The knight realized he didn't care anymore if every woman in the whole damn world was a shape shifting dragon, this woman in his arms was his shape shifting dragon.
The knight pulled back and smiled at the servant's daughter. She had never looked more beautiful to him before.
"I love you," the knight declared, and the servant's daughter grinned brightly. "Not just platonically, either. I looked that up today and when I find that tavern keeper . . ."
The servant's daughter just laughed and pulled her knight forward in another sweet kiss, and they lived happily ever after.