(silver_phoenix@usa.net)
Erm, yes. Though I aspire to do a darkfic or at least fic about another coupling, *this* is still a pointlessly weird piece with mush mixed in at intervals. Please forgive me and I still hope some people enjoy this. C&C, onegai!
Stuck In A Moment
a yami no matsuei fic
--------------------------------------------------------
Sensation becomes apparent - your face is warm, a little overmuch for comfort. Reluctantly you emerge from the cool depths of oblivion, and blink painfully as blinding light assails your eyes, making them water. You stumble out of bed, pausing to yank the shades down over the windows. A glance at the clock shows it is well past morning. //I'm *so* screwed,// is the first thought that makes it through the dull pounding of your slumber-and-alcohol fogged brain, until another impacts - it is the weekend. Your day off. No mad rush to the office without food. No Tatsumi and Kachou screaming at you for tardiness.
You slump your shoulders in profound relief before slouching off to the bathroom, mentally thanking Enma Daiou for small blessings. Your head and stomach give near-synchronised growls, and you wince. Maybe you need to cut down the midnight rounds of booze. No fun in drinking alone, anyway.
----
You dump the brunch dishes into the sink, thinking it's lucky that neither Hisoka nor Tatsumi are here to protest. Housework, that menial routine of clearing up and tidying, has never been a thing you could claim affinity with. Especially now, so soon after the Kyoto trip-
The mere *thinking* of it makes an involuntary shudder run through you; a plate drops out of your fingers. Fortunately it's plastic and only produces a muffled thud upon meeting the ground. You stoop to pick it up, and decide to leave the house before perpetrating more incidents of a similar nature.
Just before you reach the door, you hesitate, then snatch up your favourite pair of black shades from a small table. You put them on, staring into the sky as you exit, and think that you were right to do so.
...The sun has been hurting your eyes of late.
----
Tsuzuki did not want company today; that, he knew, was strange given his gregarious nature. But it was a preference that looked to be taking precedence in his warped idiosyncrasies as referred to by the Gushoshin, whatever that meant. Yet even then perhaps it was not so much that he did not desire company, as being unwilling to seek them out. He was aware that most of his colleagues, or even some of his shiki, would not have minded spending a free afternoon with him if he had asked them to, but he would not.
He would not, because with them he would have to don the mask of facetiousness, to smile when he did not feel like smiling and hope that they would not be able to see its fragility. It was the only way he would not worry them; but though he was grateful for their concern he did not want it, did not want the pity in their eyes and their delicate restraint when speaking to him. Even Tatsumi, as great a source of comfort as he was, could not manage to do away with those entirely.
So he pulled back as much as possible to prevent his shields from crumbling. Shied away and hated himself, still haunted by lingering ghosts of Mariko and his inability to control the shiki.
Sometimes it was hard to think of not thinking.
----
With nothing to do in the Meikai, he went into the world of the living for a few hours, amusing himself by visiting a new cake shop that had opened in a Tokyo district and walking around a few shopping centres. Maybe it had been a bad idea to wear all black as was his custom - he had been attracting stares, mostly feminine ones, wherever he went. Still, he did manage to genuinely enjoy himself, which was something. Tokyo cafes were more than worth their depletion of one's money.
Yappari, good food always went a long way in improving his mood. He spent his last dollars on a strawberry-and-chocolate cheesecake for tomorrow's breakfast as the sun's rays were turning to molten amber, and decided to head back after that.
----
Upon reaching home, he was surprised to detect a familiar presence that had not been expected. Strolling around to the turf behind his house, he came upon his partner, sprawled in a graceless tangle of adolescent limbs under the shade of a large tree. A gaijin book by some Tolstoy person lay open on his stomach, rising and falling ever so slightly with his even breathing. Tsuzuki smiled indulgently at the sight - Hisoka always used his day off to catch up on lost sleep. That was good. His partner didn't function well without adequate rest. And he definitely didn't want the Secretary From Hell giving him another lecture on How To Look After Youngsters With Delicate Constitutions.
He sat down beside the slumbering boy, wondering why he had chosen to sleep here instead of in his own much softer bed. Hisoka puzzled him at times. But he treasured this partner immensely, all the more so because he was the only one who had never needed him to be anything other than himself.
Tsuzuki took off his sunglasses. Looked at finely cut features relaxed in unconsciousness. Was aware of warmth filling some of the void within.
Sunlight filtering through the verdant canopy overhead touched wheat-hued hair and turned it to warm copper. Slowly, almost as if moving through water, he put out a hand and touched the brightness, feeling it slide through his fingers like strands of cornsilk. It was a nice feeling. All this felt good, locked in a moment where it was possible to imagine that peace was a reality. It mattered not how ephemeral it was; the important thing was that he had known it.
"...You took long enough getting back." The voice was sleep-roughened and grumpy. He withdrew his hand and glanced down into drowsy green eyes, mouth twitching. "I'm sorry. I didn't know you were going to visit."
"I didn't plan to." Hisoka sat up, looking away in obvious discomfort, and he had to bite off a laugh. First Terazuma, now him...why were the fierce ones always terrible liars?
"I went to Tokyo just now," he said conversationally, pointing to the bag containing the dessert. "Want some cheesecake?"
An irritated glare. "No."
"You should eat more sugar - maybe you'd become sweeter." He ducked a violent blow, thanking the gods that Hisoka's reflexes were still slightly sleep-fogged. Silence prevailed, but it was a comfortable quiet, one that seemed to luxuriate in soaking up thick rays of gold.
"Na..."
"What?"
"Why *did* you come to see me? Is anything wrong?"
Emerald eyes regarded him soberly. "No."
"Then-"
"I just thought you might want company," his partner said calmly. "But knowing you, you'd be too lazy to look for it yourself."
...Dear gods, it was *so* easy to smile around him, so easy to want to enfold this green-gold spirit because it was so precious and just might be taken away and he would be alone again and-
"...Thanks," he said finally, that being all he could manage. "Want to stay for dinner?"
A slightly pained look. "Only if you're not cooking."
----
You lie down and rest your head against the roughness of jean-clad legs, ignoring their owner's threats of decapitation. And sure enough, he ceases to protest after a while. The sun is sinking beneath the horizon, but you care not; there is time enough to remain outside before nightfall. You listen to the quiet breaths of the one beside you with your eyes shut, and you are at ease, because the ghosts have left for now and you are not alone, and you have the knowledge that you will never be alone as long as he stays.
You are happy. All this, all this feels good.
...The sun does not hurt anymore.
~ owari ~
Many, many thanks to Thea-neesama for the wonderfulous pre-read! She helped a lot in making the first paragraphs readable. XD
Erm, yes. Though I aspire to do a darkfic or at least fic about another coupling, *this* is still a pointlessly weird piece with mush mixed in at intervals. Please forgive me and I still hope some people enjoy this. C&C, onegai!
Stuck In A Moment
a yami no matsuei fic
--------------------------------------------------------
Sensation becomes apparent - your face is warm, a little overmuch for comfort. Reluctantly you emerge from the cool depths of oblivion, and blink painfully as blinding light assails your eyes, making them water. You stumble out of bed, pausing to yank the shades down over the windows. A glance at the clock shows it is well past morning. //I'm *so* screwed,// is the first thought that makes it through the dull pounding of your slumber-and-alcohol fogged brain, until another impacts - it is the weekend. Your day off. No mad rush to the office without food. No Tatsumi and Kachou screaming at you for tardiness.
You slump your shoulders in profound relief before slouching off to the bathroom, mentally thanking Enma Daiou for small blessings. Your head and stomach give near-synchronised growls, and you wince. Maybe you need to cut down the midnight rounds of booze. No fun in drinking alone, anyway.
----
You dump the brunch dishes into the sink, thinking it's lucky that neither Hisoka nor Tatsumi are here to protest. Housework, that menial routine of clearing up and tidying, has never been a thing you could claim affinity with. Especially now, so soon after the Kyoto trip-
The mere *thinking* of it makes an involuntary shudder run through you; a plate drops out of your fingers. Fortunately it's plastic and only produces a muffled thud upon meeting the ground. You stoop to pick it up, and decide to leave the house before perpetrating more incidents of a similar nature.
Just before you reach the door, you hesitate, then snatch up your favourite pair of black shades from a small table. You put them on, staring into the sky as you exit, and think that you were right to do so.
...The sun has been hurting your eyes of late.
----
Tsuzuki did not want company today; that, he knew, was strange given his gregarious nature. But it was a preference that looked to be taking precedence in his warped idiosyncrasies as referred to by the Gushoshin, whatever that meant. Yet even then perhaps it was not so much that he did not desire company, as being unwilling to seek them out. He was aware that most of his colleagues, or even some of his shiki, would not have minded spending a free afternoon with him if he had asked them to, but he would not.
He would not, because with them he would have to don the mask of facetiousness, to smile when he did not feel like smiling and hope that they would not be able to see its fragility. It was the only way he would not worry them; but though he was grateful for their concern he did not want it, did not want the pity in their eyes and their delicate restraint when speaking to him. Even Tatsumi, as great a source of comfort as he was, could not manage to do away with those entirely.
So he pulled back as much as possible to prevent his shields from crumbling. Shied away and hated himself, still haunted by lingering ghosts of Mariko and his inability to control the shiki.
Sometimes it was hard to think of not thinking.
----
With nothing to do in the Meikai, he went into the world of the living for a few hours, amusing himself by visiting a new cake shop that had opened in a Tokyo district and walking around a few shopping centres. Maybe it had been a bad idea to wear all black as was his custom - he had been attracting stares, mostly feminine ones, wherever he went. Still, he did manage to genuinely enjoy himself, which was something. Tokyo cafes were more than worth their depletion of one's money.
Yappari, good food always went a long way in improving his mood. He spent his last dollars on a strawberry-and-chocolate cheesecake for tomorrow's breakfast as the sun's rays were turning to molten amber, and decided to head back after that.
----
Upon reaching home, he was surprised to detect a familiar presence that had not been expected. Strolling around to the turf behind his house, he came upon his partner, sprawled in a graceless tangle of adolescent limbs under the shade of a large tree. A gaijin book by some Tolstoy person lay open on his stomach, rising and falling ever so slightly with his even breathing. Tsuzuki smiled indulgently at the sight - Hisoka always used his day off to catch up on lost sleep. That was good. His partner didn't function well without adequate rest. And he definitely didn't want the Secretary From Hell giving him another lecture on How To Look After Youngsters With Delicate Constitutions.
He sat down beside the slumbering boy, wondering why he had chosen to sleep here instead of in his own much softer bed. Hisoka puzzled him at times. But he treasured this partner immensely, all the more so because he was the only one who had never needed him to be anything other than himself.
Tsuzuki took off his sunglasses. Looked at finely cut features relaxed in unconsciousness. Was aware of warmth filling some of the void within.
Sunlight filtering through the verdant canopy overhead touched wheat-hued hair and turned it to warm copper. Slowly, almost as if moving through water, he put out a hand and touched the brightness, feeling it slide through his fingers like strands of cornsilk. It was a nice feeling. All this felt good, locked in a moment where it was possible to imagine that peace was a reality. It mattered not how ephemeral it was; the important thing was that he had known it.
"...You took long enough getting back." The voice was sleep-roughened and grumpy. He withdrew his hand and glanced down into drowsy green eyes, mouth twitching. "I'm sorry. I didn't know you were going to visit."
"I didn't plan to." Hisoka sat up, looking away in obvious discomfort, and he had to bite off a laugh. First Terazuma, now him...why were the fierce ones always terrible liars?
"I went to Tokyo just now," he said conversationally, pointing to the bag containing the dessert. "Want some cheesecake?"
An irritated glare. "No."
"You should eat more sugar - maybe you'd become sweeter." He ducked a violent blow, thanking the gods that Hisoka's reflexes were still slightly sleep-fogged. Silence prevailed, but it was a comfortable quiet, one that seemed to luxuriate in soaking up thick rays of gold.
"Na..."
"What?"
"Why *did* you come to see me? Is anything wrong?"
Emerald eyes regarded him soberly. "No."
"Then-"
"I just thought you might want company," his partner said calmly. "But knowing you, you'd be too lazy to look for it yourself."
...Dear gods, it was *so* easy to smile around him, so easy to want to enfold this green-gold spirit because it was so precious and just might be taken away and he would be alone again and-
"...Thanks," he said finally, that being all he could manage. "Want to stay for dinner?"
A slightly pained look. "Only if you're not cooking."
----
You lie down and rest your head against the roughness of jean-clad legs, ignoring their owner's threats of decapitation. And sure enough, he ceases to protest after a while. The sun is sinking beneath the horizon, but you care not; there is time enough to remain outside before nightfall. You listen to the quiet breaths of the one beside you with your eyes shut, and you are at ease, because the ghosts have left for now and you are not alone, and you have the knowledge that you will never be alone as long as he stays.
You are happy. All this, all this feels good.
...The sun does not hurt anymore.
~ owari ~
Many, many thanks to Thea-neesama for the wonderfulous pre-read! She helped a lot in making the first paragraphs readable. XD