Summary:
Post-s8, Sam and Cas resume their relationship, but it feels different now that Cas is human.
Prayers I Can't Define
Castiel doesn't have the strength he used to, but Sam is always so gentle, it's like nothing's changed.
Sam still looks at him with such awe, still breathes his name with such reverence, but it feels different now. More intense. Or less, perhaps, depending on one's perspective.
He can't quite sense Sam's soul anymore, but Sam's caress now feels like sparks along his skin. Sometimes, when they're near, he gets a strange feeling inside, like he wants something he can't define. It seems demeaning to call it lust, overly simplistic to call it attraction, too physical to call it love.
He does love Sam though.
Sam who kisses his attempted apologies into silence, who always places his hands so precisely between Castiel's shoulder blades, as if he can still feel the wings that once were there, who understands so much more than the whispered words or desperate touches can convey.
When Sam is beside him, he doesn't dream.
Sometimes, when he comes in for the night, Sam holds out his arms, and he no longer hesitates to close the distance between them. He twines his fingers in Sam's soft, long hair and lets Sam undress him. Sam mouths at his skin, cradles his body and sucks hard, and every touch is like an act of worship, every pleasured moan a prayer.
Sam loves to prepare him with his tongue, to hold his legs apart and open him slowly till he can't think straight, till his thoughts run into blasphemy. And though they started before things broke, Sam still asks if he's allowed, still worries he hasn't earned his place, still thanks Castiel as he takes them both as close to the Heaven Cas remembers from his fledgling days as living humans can get.
"It's less than you deserve," he finally says once.
And Sam only replies, "Nonsense. I have you."