Characters and dialogue from Our Girl are the property of Tony Grounds and BBC.
The sun is filtering through the mesh windows of the tent. It's not that hot yet. Behind the curtain the lads put round my bunk I can hear sounds of life. Snorts, snuffles and other noises it's best not to think about.
"Oi, Molls, you awake yet?" from Smurf.
"Yeah, what is it"
"It's R&R day, when you and I get to spend 14 hours on a plane together. Have you given any more thought to my offer of the mile high club?"
"Like you'd last 14 hours, 2 minutes more like"
A chorus of laughs, whistles and "good one Molls!" "Rinsed you good and proper" explodes from behind the screen.
I don't really know if I'm handling this Smurf thing right. I like him, he's a good mate, but he had his chance. He seems to think that he's going to charm my knickers off again, which ain't happening. Being around these blokes has shown me that most of it's a front. They act all tough but something like a girl rejecting them really hurts them. Baz had a girlfriend at the start of the tour. Just before Christmas he got a letter saying she had got a new bloke cos she couldn't handle him being away. He was strutting around saying good riddance and calling her a slapper, but next day he was in my med tent, crying on my shoulder saying he loved her and what would he do without her.
I need to tread carefully with Smurf. I value his friendship, I really do. How do I make it clear to him that friendship is all I want? I don't want to hurt him. He's been so keen to 'be there for me' since he got back, but he seems to think that means being my boyfriend. I know we shagged once, but that's never going to happen again, boyfriend is not an option. I hope for his sake he's just laying it on for the lads. Maybe he'll get laid when he's back in Newport and get it out of his system. Then I won't have to think about this stuff.
It's time to get up, finish packing. Today Smurf and I are off on our mid-tour R&R. It will be great to see mum and all the others, but weird to leave everyone behind at the FOB. What if something happens when we're away? What if Bashira's Dad comes back? I don't like the idea of the lads getting into trouble while we're off sitting in a pub somewhere killing time. We stick together out here. Going off home for 2 weeks is nuts.
The lads head to the showers, leaving me some privacy to get dressed. I chuck on a clean t shirt and shorts, grab my box of coco pops and head to the mess for breakfast.
I've been up for an hour or so, dressed and ready for the day when I hear some commotion. Sounds like 2 section's tent. I hear shouts of "good one Molly" and smile to myself. Dawes is clearly holding her own with this bunch.
I rub my eyes, I've been staring into the gloom of the green canvas too long. Preparing myself for the day ahead. The day Molly leaves. With Smurf of all people. We will all feel her absence, she's a good medic, a crucial part of the team. She knows the area, she has a good rapport with the Afghan forces. Who am I kidding? I'm going to miss her. The idea of 2 weeks here without her is something I've avoided thinking about. Two weeks without listening to her mangling the English language, her beautiful green eyes, her brown hair falling over her shoulders, her ridiculously tiny shorts, her beaming smile, the delicate smell of her that lingers in the med tent, swirling around me as she treats my blisters. I'm a bloody fool. Only a few more hours to get through. I need to get past this. This infatuation. It can only be an infatuation. Being on tour is like a pressure cooker. Life is condensed. Feelings flare up, hopefully they will diminish and I can get some perspective when I no longer see her every day.
I make my way to the mess for some breakfast. Dawes walks past, head in her bowl of cereal. She stops as Sohail passes her, and they glare at each other. I wonder what that's about? She sits and I sneak up behind her. I feel like a prep school boy. Leaning over I quickly dip my spoon in her bowl.
"Oi!" she yells. I can't help sniggering. She's like some little girl guarding her sweets.
"Sorry boss, I thought you were Sohail". Seriously? I can't imagine Sohail would go anywhere near Dawes, let alone her coco pops."You wouldn't share your breakfast with Sohail" I say in mock indignation. She cracks on about not letting him dip his spoon in her bowl. I can't help but laugh. I don't know whether she's caught the double meaning to what she said. It's too good an opportunity to pass up. "I take it that's not a euphemism" I say, teasing her more.
I can't stop myself. I'm like some poor lovesick boy, tease, retreat, tease, retreat. Anything rather than stick my neck out and make my feelings clear, or as clear as army protocol will allow. I envy those around her, their free and easy friendships, they don't need to hold back and preserve rank. This teasing, my seeking Dawes out for a spot of banter, or some quiet time in the privacy of the med tent has become a part of my life here. I find I want it more and more, I can relax with her. I want to spend time with her, I find I'm making up reasons to do so. I need some damn perspective.
"I haven't had coco pops in bloody ages" I say, going in for another spoonful, Dawes laughs, watching me make a mess of something as simple as putting a spoon to my mouth. It's lamentable, even by my standards, which are pretty rubbish. I've never been that good at flirting. Well not without a few pints under my belt.
Dawes must be taking pity on me, if any of the others tried this on she would have read them the riot act. Maybe it's because I'm her CO; she isn't in the habit of tolerating this sort of thing from the lads. Over last few months I've seen her make short work of a couple of the troops who have taken a shine to her.
"Captain James" shouts Azizi from the ops tent.
Was he just flirting with me? He was, I'm sure of it. Normally I only feel like this after I've treated his blisters. I mean those boots have been well worn in for weeks now. At first I thought he was just coming to see me so we could discuss the platoon stuff in private. I know some COs like to have formal briefings with the company medic, but bossman doesn't really do formal. Over the weeks the medical grounds for his visits have been a bit flimsy, and we don't talk about the lads much either. I know if I have any concerns that I can go to him anyway. But he seems to just like to talk, or to listen to me talk more like it.
But this, he's never behaved like that outside the med tent. Yeah, he'll get involved in some of the banter around the FOB and when we're on a patrol, but those smiles, that coming so close to me, that happens out of sight of the others.
Before I know what's happening he's called away to the ops tent. It must be serious, there's a helicopter landing outside the FOB which can only mean the ASF. Eggy is called out of the showers, he turns back telling 2 section to get ready, full kit. Looks like we're off.