This is just a oneshot that describes Meegatron's feelings toward his little brother Optimus. I decided it would be an entry from his diary/journal/log/whatever when he's thinking back on him and OP as brothers. Hope you like.
Note, all Cybertronian language words are made up by me. They are numbered and defined at the end of the story. Amhriel is the family name here.
I do not, and as much as I want to, never will own Transformers.
Diary of Megatron Amhriel, Decepticon. Location: Earth, after the Battle of Sentinel's Pillars.
Optimus. My little brother. I've felt so many different things for you in my life, most of which you knew nothing about. But everything was from deep within my spark. I lie not about any of this.
When N'anye(1) said I would soon have a new brother, I was afraid. I was afraid, as most young sparklings are, that this newcomer was a replacement for me. I admit, I ran away once, claiming N'anye no longer loved me. Of course, having only the mind of a little child, I could not imagine loving more than one sparkling at any one time. I knew she loved Nasutn'on(2), but to a child, that is only natural. I prayed to Primus every night that N'anye wasn't serious, that she still loved me and would remember she had me. I often had nightmares of being left out on the streets once N'anye had another sparkling. Often times, I would cry myself to sleep, and at one point I literally made myself sick with worry. I was determined to do whatever it took to stop this other sparkling from coming and replacing me.
But then came the day of your birth. Nasutn'on was gone for the day, so I had to go with N'anye to the medical center. I didn't know much of what was going on, as I was made to wait while she was in the sparkling ward. I busied myself flipping through the picture books they had for children, and playing with the toys they had there. It seemed like forever before a nurse came out to retrieve me. I followed her back to the room where the newborn sparklings were taken for examination and observation.
"Your mum didn't want to even look at him," she said, "so I thought you might like to. Let him meet his big brother." She lifted up a bundle of cloth that I knew held the dreaded sparkling. But I couldn't tell her no. Reluctantly, I held out my arms to receive the bundle, and be the first to hold you.
As soon as I did, my spark was gone, stolen by you before I could even blink. You were so tiny, so small and warm in my arms. Never before had I seen such a sweet, innocent little face. You didn't even cry as I sat down with you in my arms, a sleepy smile on your tiny faceplates. In those few moments, you became my world, my everything. I held you close to my spark, hugging your warm little body tight. I couldn't help but smile at the beautiful treasure I held. I didn't understand then, and even today I still don't know, how something so small and fragile could have such a powerful effect on me. Right then and there, I vowed to myself never to let anyone hurt you, or cause you any sort of pain. I vowed I would protect you from harm and be there when you needed me. I would love you like you deserved to be loved.
When it came time, I gave you your first drink of energon, specially formulated for newborn sparklings. Your little hands reached up and caught one of my fingers, which you then pulled down and held against your cheek. It was the first thing you ever said to me, and without any words at all. But the meaning of your gesture needed no words. I could tell you were saying "I love you."
When we finally took you home, neither N'anye, nor Nasutn'on wanted anything to do with you, unless absolutely necessary. You didn't know it, but I was sad for you. I cried at night, thinking of how much it hurt me before your birth, when I thought N'anye didn't love me. But seeing that actually happen to you hurt a thousand times as much. I was angry because of it. I would not allow your little spark to be broken this way, by the two who were supposed to love you more than anything. It was a cruel hand dealt to a helpless baby who didn't deserve it. My spark ached for you, my little one, my brother. Many a night, I would sit on my berth and watch you sleep, your little optics flickering with your dreams, your tiny hands squeezing your blankets. You were so lovely in sleep, a little seraph sent by Primus himself.
And it was I who helped you take your first steps and learn your first words. For the very first word you ever spoke was "T'alnyón(3)", the word for "brother". Never had I felt so proud as when I heard you repeating your new word over and over as you raised your arms to me, your way of asking to be picked up and held. I did without hesitation, kissing your forehelm gently and holding you close to my spark. You were so excited that I was proud of you. Our parents never noticed when you showed off your new talent in front of them, but I praised you every time. I was there, too, when you were learning to walk. I stood at one end of our room and held my arms out to you. You took small, shaky steps toward me, until you lost your balance and fell down. You started crying, not only because the fall hurt, but because you were disappointed. I rushed to your side and brushed away your tears. I gave you a small hug, then helped you stand again. This continued until the day finally came when you made it all the way across the room and into my arms without falling. I remember you had the biggest smile on your little face. After that, you wanted to walk everywhere, but on one condition...that you got to hold my hand if we left the house.
You grew quickly, my little one, but so did I. Before I knew it, I was forced to leave you every day to attend school. It hurt me to do so, especially when you tugged at my had and begged me not to go. I could only free myself by promising my return, a promise I never failed to keep. Soon enough, you were at the age when you could accompany me. You were scared, as many of the little ones were, but I promised you nothing bad would happen. And for the first few days, it didn't. Until some older students cornered you in the play area. You were tiny, even for a sparkling your age, and thus you were an easy target. I should have seen it coming, should have watched you closer. I was on the other side of the area when I heard you cry out. I immediately raced towards your pained cries, only to behold a terrible sight.
Six large mechs stood in a semicircle. Each had some form of a club or weapon in his hand. And inside their circle, you lay, helpless and frightened, tears streaming down your face. Anger boiled up inside me. How dare they hurt you! How dare they harm my baby, my sweet little Optimus. I shoved past them all to get to your side. My spark broke as I saw how they had hurt you. They jeered insults at you, and swung at you again, but I placed myself in front of you and took the blows myself. At the same time, I took you in my arms and held you close, my arms a shield from their stinging blows and awful words. I drowned them out, saying how much I loved you, and how good and sweet and kind you were. You clung to me for dear life, even after your tormentors left. I held you until it was time to leave, then I took you to the medic to be sure they hadn't seriously hurt you. What sickened me was when we came home, and you were covered in bruises and wounds, and neither of our parents so much as looked at you, even when you tried to get N'anye's attention. You started to cry, until I took you to our room and just held you. I sang softly the bits and pieces of songs that I knew, until you fell soundly asleep in my arms. I then laid you on your berth and covered you with your blankets. I then gave you a soft kiss before going to my berth to recharge.
About a year later our city was hit with a string of viruses. And who should be unfortunate enough to be among the most severe cases, but my darling Optimus. I knew the moment I laid optics on you that morning that you were sick. But Nasutn'on wouldn't hear it, so you were forced to endure several days of school, your illness left untreated and getting worse. Every night you complained to me of your head hurting, or just that you didn't feel good. It killed me that I could do nothing to ease your suffering. Only when you fell unconscious on the play area did anyone believe something was wrong. I was called from my classes to accompany you to a medical center. To you, this idea was new and scary, but I saw you give a weak smile when you came to a little and saw me holding your hand. They had loaded you onto a moving bed and loaded you into the back of a medical transport. I was seated beside you, holding your hand, scared because I had never seen anyone so sick as you were and I didn't know what was wrong. You looked so small and frail laying on the crisp sterile white sheets, and the same kind covering your body. Only two straps were needed to secure your tiny frame to the bed. As we drove, you awoke a little and moaned weakly. I squeezed your hand and planted a little kiss on top of your helm.
It seemed I waited an eternity before I was allowed to see you. When I was, I rushed into your room, only to almost glitch at what I saw. Various cables and wires and lines connected you to a number of machines including an energon circulator, a fluid regulator, and (my breath caught at this) a spark monitor. But worse than all this was seeing something far more familiar to me, something I knew all too well. You had been, and still were, crying. I quickly crawled up onto your berth and hugged you tight. I knew instantly from looking into your teary blue optics what was wrong. You were scared. You didn't understand what was happening to you, what was wrong with you. You even asked a sad question, though the way you said it so sweetly, so innocently, softened it a bit.
"Megs?" you asked, "Am I going to die?" It brought tears to my optics to even think of such a thing. I made sure I answered to the best of my ability based on what I'd been told.
"No, Optimus-t'ana(4). You're just very sick. You're gonna stay here so the medics can help you get better. I'll be here, too, don't worry." I didn't tell you that I too was ill with the virus. I was treated before you ever found out, since I was the only one who could get you to take your medicine.
Years passed, and I grew into an adolescent, almost teenage mech. It amazed me how much you had grown and yet, you had lost none of your childhood innocence. You'd kept your sweet face and soft optics, and of course, your kind spark. You spoke no ill words about anyone, even those who deserved it. You harmed no one and nothing, not even the scraplets you were so afraid of. It was this unending kindness in you that sometimes angered me, because I could not repay it. But that will never excuse what I did one terrible night.
I had come home angry. Angry at my peers, angry at my teachers, angry at the Decepticons who captured and tortured us and nearly killed you, angry at our parents, for they had long since abandoned us on the Autobots' doorstep. It was to our shared room I had returned in such a fury. You were laying on the ground drawing or writing something, but you stopped the instant I came in.
"Megatron!" you had said, "Are you all right? You look-"
"I'm fine. Go away." had been my response, and I failed to acknowledge the hurt in your optics as I heard you whisper "I just wanna help." By this time, my rage was ready to burst, and your innocent, sincere words freed it.
"Then DISAPPEAR!" I had yelled in your face, taking you by surprise and even frightening you some. But you gathered your courage, while I raved and ranted, insulted you, and tried to blame my problems on you somehow, and you spoke the words that could normally melt my spark.
"I love you, Megs." Ordinarily, I would have stopped right there. But so consumed was I by my rage that your attempt at comfort fell on deaf, cold ears. Try as I might, I could never have forseen what happened next.
"I DON'T CARE! GET OUT OF HERE!" I was hitting you and throwing things at you as I said this. Then came the death blow to your spark.
"I HATE YOU!" I screamed. There was a dead silence then as you stared at me, your shock and pain written all over your bruised face, your optics filling with tears. Then you turned and ran out, crying and sobbing. And I did nothing to stop you.
I still remember, when my rage subsided, walking back in and seeing your drawing still laying on the floor, right where you'd left it. I picked it up and felt my optics sting. You had drawn the two of us, wrapped in a tight embrace, your head on my shoulder and my arms wrapped around you. I held it against my spark as the evening's events came rushing back to me, and I realized, to my horror, what I had done. I almost glitched when I saw the energon splatters on the wall that screamed what I already knew.
You had been hurt. By me.
It was almost twenty hours before I found you. Frantic with worry, I had begged and pleaded with every Autobot I met to help me find you. I had told them you were little and that you were hurt and bleeding. I ran down every hall screaming your name. It was in the storage areas that I finally found you, hugging your little knees, crying weakly.
"Optimus!" I screamed as I rushed forward and gathered you in my arms, "Oh, Optimus, you had me so worried!" Your words shouldn't have surprised me, but they did.
"You said you h-h-hate m-me." I gently brushed tears off your face and hugged you tighter.
"I'm sorry, Oppy. I'm so sorry!" I said as I held you, not wanting to let you go again, "I didn't mean that. I love you, t'ana, I love you so much, and I'm so, so sorry I hurt you." I knew I was forgiven when I felt your little arms wrap around my neck, your head burrowing into my shoulder. I sat there, with you in my arms and just let you cry. I vowed then and there never to let my own feelings come between us again, a promise that, unfortunately, I would not keep.
I soon became a grown mech, and you entered your teenage years. I began to see how quickly my little one was growing. Already, I was helping you dress for a dance at your school. You were so excited; the one you'd been dating for quite some time had asked you to go. You stood on a block of steel as I fastened your many silver adornments in place. When I finished, I stood back just to admire you. You looked so beautiful, glittering in the moonlight, your every move throwing light around. You seemed to glow with a light all your own, as I carefully helped you down like the precious treasure you were. Even your date was stunned into silence by your beauty. I stood in the door and watched you leave, tears glistening in my optics.
A few hours later, you hadn't returned home, so I thought I'd come to pick you up. On my way, I heard muffled screams coming from an alleyway. I ducked into it and horrorstruck by what I saw. Five mechs were in a circle around a sixth, who lay on top of something on the ground. I moved closer and reeled back when I saw that not only was he violating another mech, but the mech he was violating...was you.
I lunged forward and thrust a hard kick into his side. The mech screamed and rolled off of you. I stood protectively over you and fought off the rest until they left. Then I gently lifted you into my arms and held you. You shook and cried as you threw your arms around my neck. I remember you telling me how ugly and dirty you felt, and I assured you that you were still beautiful and good. I carried you home as it started to rain, and helped you undress when we got there. Then I lay with you on your berth as you held on to me and cried. I promised I wouldn't let anyone hurt you again.
We went our separate ways when one known as the Fallen, though at the time he was called Laius, awaked a lust for power I didn't know I had. And he fed that lust, clouding my thoughts and convincing me that you would be proud of me when I took over and ruled all of Cybertron. And I let him. I became blind to everything, but especially blind to what I was doing to you. How I was hurting you. I remember, when I officially joined the Decepticons and you were still officially neutral, you came to my quarters and tried to make me see reason. But Laius' leechcraft was so powerful, not even you could break through. You left, brokensparked, and that was the last I saw of you for a long time.
Then came my first major battle in the war. At the time, we would both have been adults for quite a while. It was the first battle for the new Autobot leader. A mech named Optimus Prime.
When I first laid optics on this Prime, I was awestruck. He was tall, strong, and radiated power like a sun. He was brave and confident and wise, the perfect image of a hero. He had battle scars but he wore them with pride. His optics showed no fear of us. And it was then, when I looked in his optics, I knew.
Optimus Prime was my baby brother.
For years on end, I was brainwashed to hate you and loathe you. And for eons, I did. Laius left with his energon harvester and fell to the Primes, and I rose to power as the Decepticon leader. Many time we fought, and one of us or the other would almost die. In all my time as a Con, though, I had yet to kill anyone. That is, until a fateful day on Earth.
You were fleeing from me. Protecting the human boy you cared about. My soldiers followed you and attacked without mercy, forcing you to transform in order to defend yourself. They came from all sides, wounding you as much as they could, making you weaker for when I came to face you. I still shudder when I think of it. You were low on energon, running on fumes, but true to your nature, you gave it everything you had to protect the one you cared about. But it was your undoing brother. For when you stopped to look for him, my sword found its mark. Its blade erupted from your chest as you cried out in pain. But I showed you no mercy. Laius wanted you dead, therefore, you would die. Sword still in you, I fired a cannon blast. You didn't even have time to scream as your spark was damaged. I yanked my sword out, and you stood for a few seconds longer before you fell, bending your audial when you hit the ground. I watched as you lay there, the boy coming out of hiding and running to your side. Your last breath was spent telling him to run. You hadn't even finished your sentence before the light faded from your optics and you lay dead where you fell.
But something happened in me then. Something that had lain dormant for a long time suddenly found the stregth it needed to breeak free. Suddenly, it wasn't my enemy I saw laying there, but my little brother. I froze. My energon ran cold as I took in the situation. While the Autobots and Decepticons fought, I knelt at your side, not daring to believe it until I touched your already cooling faceplates.
"Oh, little t'ana, what have I done?" You lay in my arms, your sweet, fair face now frozen forever in death. Though you were grown now, I still saw my baby, my sweet helpless little baby. I held you against me, gently rocking u s back and forth, as though I were merely rocking you to sleep. I allowed myself to cry for you, my little one. You did not deserve this, you did not deserve to die. You were the purest, most innocent spark I ever knew, which made me all the more sickened by what Laius' leechcraft and my own weakness led me to do. I had destroyed something beautiful, something truly precious. I had taken my baby brother's life.
I was reluctant to leave you, even when I heard the Autobots coming. But I had no choice. I knew you wouldn't want me to stay and let them kill me. So, gently as I could, I laid you back down, and with a final kiss on your helm, I was gone.
I was overjoyed when you were brought back, though I couldn't show it at the time. I was so proud though, when you defeated Laius and it was you that appeared beside the Sphinx and not he. And I was proud of you when you stood up and fought your own father, Sentinel Prime, something I could never have done. And even though you were badly injured, your arm missing and bleeding profusely, you were more concerned with the welfare of others. It was this small kindness that pushed me over the edge and made me call the truce that ended this war.
Now all is as it should be again. We are together, my little one, as we should be always. As I watch you now, I see the years and battle scars lift. As we celebrate the war's end, together, Autobots and Decepticons, I watch you singing and dancing as though you are a child again. And I smile, because you are smiling, so my world is right again. I love you, my little t'ana, and now I am once again free to show it. You are so beautiful now, the red and blue flames on your armor seeming to flicker as though they are real, as you dance in and out of the crowd. You approach me now, your hand held out, inviting me to join you, to step back in time, back into my childhood. And without hesitation, I set down my writing and stand to embrace you and join you. My sweet baby brother, my kind sparked Optimus. My precious Little Spark.
Cybertronian words
1. N'anye - "mother"
2. Nasutn'on - "father" (in my stories, Megatron and Optimus' father is Sentinel Prime)
3. T'alnyon - "brother"
4. t'ana - term of endearment specifically for a younger sibling, can occur by itself or as a suffix to a name, translates roughly to "little love"