Orokid: A short angst filled ficlet I wrote based off the song "A Little Bit Stronger" by Sara Evans. It's not much, but I did want to see this finished, and I did want to show perhaps the truth of where I think Santana will likely be after her confession to Brittany. I hope you enjoy.
Disclaimer: I do not own Glee or the characters within the show. I do own the ideas used to create the fan fiction for which I am writing, but nothing else. I'm poor, and as much as I'd like to work for Fox on the writing staff for this show, reality tells me that's not in my future (so far).
Stronger
The morning sun crept stealth fully in through the nearby window, inching closer and closer with each ticking second until the strong rays had finally hit their mark. The curvaceous form of a young woman stirred from beneath the warmth and comfort of her quilted sheets, groaning at the light licking at her face with insistence. Turning onto her back, the tanned skinned girl heaved a defeated sigh, opening her brown eyes to see the ceiling staring back at her, cold and barren save a few cobwebs here and there. Without a word or whimper, the Latina rose from her bed, taking a moment to sit on the edge before setting her feet onto the rug that had been chilled overnight by the autumn air.
A pang of regret moved through her, and the young woman simply pressed a soft hand upon her chest where her heart would be. It was in shambles, much like it had been since that moment she had finally opened herself up to the one person she thought, hoped more than anything, would accept her and the affections she felt toward them, but it hadn't been enough. Her love denied, she took immediately to denying herself, her thoughts and feelings that had and would always be there. While it wasn't her best choice of action, it had been the only thing she could think to do as she fought within herself over things that had been bubbling beneath the surface for too long. Biting her bottom lip, she forced down the dull ache that was in her chest, feet touch the cold floor, moving into the same autopilot mode that had only helped her survive through the hours, days, weeks. Simply choosing an outfit that would turn all the heads except the one she wanted to turn, she dressed, brushed her teeth, moved through her morning duties just like she always did. Last but not least, she pained a smile upon her lips, unable to keep it bright and cheerful without the liner and gloss to hide the imperfections lining her broken heart.
It was when she picked up her things as she moved out from her bedroom that the jangle of her car keys had nearly distracted her from the fact that the screen of her cell phone showed numerous missed calls, and she was more than positive that the small envelope at the top of the screen meant that she likely had as many or more messages waiting for her eyes to scan over. A small, saddened smile crossed her shined lips, and the pain she had pushed deeply inside moments before retuned with vengeance. With a sigh, her forced smile fell from her features, and the dark haired girl simply pressed the end call button so to ignore the urgency of the blinking note. It was then, as the screen cleared from the clutter, that she finally saw the time. Close to noon, and she was still missing, still no where close to school. 'Figures,' the Latina thought with a hint of bitterness, marching quietly down the stairs of her empty home to the front door. 'I'll probably make it for the second half of the day. Have to tell papi something later so he'll excuse the partial absence.'
Out the door and into the comfy leather seat of her convertible, she revved the engine to life, watching as everything responded to the key's turn. The lights on the dashboard telling her that nothing was wrong this morning, the radio humming light a song she could barely hear since the volume ha been turned down low the day prior… Before taking her car out of the drive, she flipped out the sound, hoping to drown the thoughts within her restless and confused mind in music as she had several times before.
Gritting her teeth, she decided that God was taunting and teasing her, the tune playing reminding her of everything she didn't- no, couldn't have. It had been her favorite song, the one who had cursed her into the depths of depression which she currently waded unhappily in. But she was stronger, she told herself stubbornly, hands tightly gripping the wheel as she tried to simply sing along. After all, it wasn't anything more than a set of chords with words attached. Nothing more than just that. Nothing-
The ride to school ended up silent. It was safest that way.
The Latina had made her way successfully to her final classes, teachers barely bating an eye at her prior absenteeism or at the fact that she had finally graced them with her presence. She tried to pay attention, tried to force herself to participate in discussions when her name was called and she was asked to give an opinion or venture a guess to why this and that happened, yet her mind was elsewhere. Always far from the seat she was in, although her chocolate colored orbs remained on the board, trying to remember if the teacher had always written that small. But sitting far in the back had it's consequences, ones that she had been dealing with ever since that day. Her heart beat mournfully in her chest, catching the familiar tint of blond near the front of the classroom, and Santana simply lowered her gaze, feigning interest in her notes filled with squiggles and written regrets she'd never let the world see. The minute the bell had rung, she had forced her way out the doors first, never stopping to look back, not even as she felt the memorable heat of blue eyes upon her back as she charged through throngs of people who were in her way.
It wasn't long until Santana found herself in her usual predicament, swallowing down the tears that formed what felt like a stone in her throat, brows furrowing into anger instead of sadness. Her steps were strong, stronger than they had been in the month since that day, the day her world had fallen apart. She caramel skinned young woman mused silently to herself how it had already been a month- thirty days in which she had somehow forgotten how it felt to let go and cry, forgotten how to not hold back the hurt.
But she was stronger. That was all she needed.
She was gone from her locker when she had felt the presence of the blond coming closer, escaping from the loneliness and from the emotions that wanted to do nothing more than remind her of the things she had forced herself to forget. Biting back the comments she wanted to make at the freshmen who didn't know their place, who didn't scatter when she came into view, she simply moved as fast as she could, exiting from the situation that was likely to begin if she stayed around. She fought the twitch in her eyes, as well as the sting in the corners, making her way to the bathroom just as she had many time before so to freshen up.
She tried not to think of how she had always been there to help her kiss away her worries, the fears that the world might see the things that she'd always tried to hide.
Santana barely made it into a stall before she found herself backed up against a wall, sliding down as the tears she'd been holding back came at full force, falling down her cheeks in a painful reminder of the things she'd never be able to have again. The sweet lady kisses, the midnight cuddles, the meaningful gazes from across the room that said more than come hither and spoke words she couldn't say aloud…
Santana Lopez wasn't stronger at all. She was still just as weak and hurt as she had been that day. She was still too proud to admit it.
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Orokid: Not much to say about this fanfic, other than that I really do hope that you liked it. I'm back in an angsty mood, although I'm currently flip flopping between happy and sad personally due to things going on in my life. That aside, it helps me write.
If you guys have anything you want to say about the fic, I'm all ears, and I'm looking forward to hearing from you.