It seems strange that it bothers me so much that my life is changing. Which is strange considering I don't remember anything before Bud brought me home here from the hospital after I crashed our truck in Seattle. But still it bothers me real bad. Maybe because the life I have grown accustomed to is about to change forever? Mary's niece is coming to live here on the ranch with us, her father died in a car crash and she was badly injured, she doesn't remember a thing, just like me Mary says, but I don't think so. We've been preparing the house for the past two weeks making all of the changes specified on the list the Doctors gave Mary and I've hated every moment of it. This place, Mary, Bud, Blue and the others is all I have, it's all I know.
Blue's yelling breaks into my train of thought all of a sudden. "Doesn't that mule of yours go any faster? I could walk quicker than this". Cloud, Blues grey mount is pawing at the ground as impatient as her rider.
I kick my horse, today it's Sunny one of the palomino brood mares into a gallop to catch up with Blue and Cloud before I slow her to a lope once more.
Blue's eager to get back, Bud made us promise that we would be back before Angel, that's Mary's nieces name arrived. As we head back up the hill to the barn where the horses are stabled I can already see the ambulance parked in front of the house. I rein in Sunny watching as the ramp comes down and Mary rushes forwards flinging her arms warmly about the girl seated in the wheelchair, Bud and Marina are next, followed closely by Blue who is wiping his hands on his pant leg in the hope appearing vaguely clean and presentable. Sunny fidgets drawing my attention back to her, she is eager to join Cloud who is standing munching a haynet with her reins looped over the fence post.
Cloud whickers at us as we draw up along side her and I unhitch her to lead her to the barn behind Sunny. As we move off Bud looks up and I can see from his expression he is not pleased that we were late.
Slowly, I un-tack the horses, rub them down, put them in their stalls and fork in some hay, I make the job last as long as I possibly can even making sure all of the tack is cleaned before I put it away. I know I am only avoiding the inevitable, but part of me is willing to risk Bud and Mary's quiet disappointment in me so that I can avoid meeting her, the girl who has changed my life, Angel for a few minutes longer
I can here the noisy chatter coming from the kitchen even before my hand reaches for the door knob. I take a deep breath as I try to gain control of emotions that I don't understand, I turn the door knob and step inside. My eyes are drawn to her as if I cannot help it, the first thing I notice is the wheelchair, the supports and straps trigger a long forgotten memory somewhere beyond my reach hidden deep inside my brain, its as if I can feel someone stabbing me in the eye with a red hot poker, I lean back against the door as the pain fades away. Her hair hangs in chocolatey waves past her shoulders, her form is slender even in the sweats she is wearing, her skin a peachy cream colour and her eyes overly large and a mixture of blues, browns, greys and greens. She looks exhausted, there are large purple shadows underneath her eyes and as her concentration on the conversation wanders, she glances up at straight at me, her lips curl into a slow smile, her eyes sparkle even though she is tired and yet I find myself unable to return her smile. Instead I go to the sink and wash my hands before taking my seat at the table.
"Hey, what took you so long?" Blue asks. "You're even slower than that mule you ride". He's grinning now.
"Maybe it was cos you'd abandoned Cloud? So I had to take care of two horses instead of one? Wait, let me think. Yeah, that was it". I answer back bitingly.
"Boys". Mary says reprovingly as though the two of us were ten and not full grown men. Although as she reaches out to offer me a freshly baked bread roll I can tell she is secretly suppressing a smile. I watch as Angel stares at the bowl of soup in front of her before she slowly, awkwardly takes one spoonful after another. As she sets her spoon down her elbow catches her cup without thinking I reach out and steady it so that its contents don't spill over the tablecloth, I can sense the others holding their breath and there is an emotion I cannot read in Angel's eyes as she looks away. When we have finished the meal all of help clear the things away, all of us but Angel who sits in her chair at alone at the table.
Supper is just as weird because although Angel is resting in her room I can still feel her presence in the house and that's going to take some getting used too.
That night I lay awake gazing at the ceiling unable to sleep, I can hear Bud's snoring and Teagan's music where she has fallen asleep with her earphones on. Finally just after everything becomes silent and peaceful somebody starts to cough, the coughing gets more frequent and eventually I get up and go and investigate. I pause as I get to Angel's room, the coughing is definitely coming from inside although I don't know why I thought it would be anyone else's because if it had been I would have reconignised it. I open the door quietly and slip inside, even though it is dark I can make out Angel lying in the bed her hand over her mouth as she tries to stifle the coughing, I watch for a second as another coughing fit involuntarily shakes her body, before I go to her, remembering how Mary had looked after Teagan when she had a chest infection I lean over and lift Angel into a sitting position, she tenses as I touch her but as the coughing subsides she begins to relax, I loosen my grip slightly and am shocked when she slumps against me almost instantly I realise it's because she can't sit up on her own and adjust my position so that I am supporting her again before I lower her back against the pillows and as if she had never stirred she was asleep. I watch her for a few minutes just to reassure myself that she is ok before I make my way back to my own room.