A/N: Ok, I know this is crackish. Please forgive me. XD And it's not really a Jesse/Johan bashing fic. It's just for fun. I love Johan to pieces…but it's really fun to write stuff like this. It's relaxing especially after having to work so hard at being IC and logical and serious and stuff. I enjoy a good smile as much as the next person…though it really takes a lot for me to do so. Anyway, just don't take it too seriously. : P Enjoy.
Disclaimer: I do not own GX. Angel Duelist 153 and I came up with this idea randomly whilst being bored in preparation for going to church…we bugged the hell out of our parents shouting the lines…-.- Oh, and it's partially based off a true story of my hellish prom night this year.
Weeks of preparation had taken place, hundreds of dollars wasted, and everything was ready. It was the most long awaited night at Duel Academy; prom had finally arrived. Everyone was scrambling to get ready. And a certain teal haired transfer student was no exception. In fact, perhaps he was the one who was doing the most preparation. After all, he had to look hot, right?
At that moment, he was squeezing his muscular figure into a tight, strapless sapphire blue evening gown. It wasn't easy, especially since he'd been disgusted at the thought of getting a size bigger and refused. Really, what had that saleslady been thinking to suggest that he might be too big for a size 0? He was model material, baby. All the same, he did manage to do it without tearing any seams.
Next, he slipped his feet into a pair of strappy silver heels, and waltzed around for a moment, doing his model walk. Yep, left, right, left right, twirl…perfect. He turned, his skirt whirling around dramatically and posed with a sexy pout in front of the mirror. Ah, yes, beautiful.
He grabbed a brush lying nearby on the dresser and ran it through his gorgeous teal locks, batting his eyelashes seductively at his reflection. Irresistible. He made a kissy face, practicing for the moment that his crush finally told him how he felt. That wouldn't be too hard. Jesse Andresen had the looks, the talent, and the motivation. He just had to be bold, fearless, exotic. Well, he already possessed all those qualities. The difficulty lay in making the Slifer he'd had eyes on for what felt like years realize their true love.
Placing a tiara atop his head was the finishing touch. He beamed at his reflection. Now all that was needed was a tad bit of makeup. Just enough to bring out the stunning sea green color of his eyes. He dabbed on a little mascara to lengthen his eyelashes, and a little eyeliner to emphasize his delicate, girlish features. Then, he picked up his sparkly, sequined clutch. It was time to go to the gym and meet his date. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. Ok, so maybe Jaden didn't know he was his date yet…but he would soon!
"Yep," He sighed, gazing at his reflection confidently, "It won't be long now. Jaden will realize we're meant to be!" He winked, then turned and sashayed out.
Even though the gym was a short walk away, he'd rented a limousine all the same. He wanted to dazzle everyone with his arrival. He wanted to amaze his friends, most importantly, Jaden. And that wouldn't be too hard when he had a limo that stretched to the length of several neighborhood blocks. Climbing in, he smiled in satisfaction at the interior. There were red velvet curtains lining the windows, a hot tub, a plasma screen T.V., and a refrigerator. He leaned back in the seat and put his feet up. Ah, yes, this was the life. He closed his eyes and imagined Jaden's reaction. It caused him to giggle with glee.
When he arrived, he burst out of the doors, ready to meet his friends at the entrance. His countenance glowed with the joy of a thousand newlywed brides. It was almost as though he were walking down the aisle to his wedding. People turned their heads to stare at him as he passed by. He sure was making quite an entrance. He merely smiled at them and waved. Some of the girls turned their heads, trying to hide their smiles. Some of the boys covered their eyes and groaned in disgust. They were all embarrassed for Jesse. But he didn't seem to notice. He was too preoccupied with his daydream.
"Oh, JESSE!" Jaden groaned, grabbing his hands and squeezing them, his dark eyes shimmering with tears of love in the moonlight, "I've never felt this way about anyone before! Please forgive me for being so sudden but…will you marry me? Please? I just can't help myself around you."
Jesse smiled shyly at the Slifer, blushing. "Well…maybe it'd be all right. Let me think about it…"
"Oh, please, Jes! I must have you as mine NOW." Jaden got on his knees, groveling.
"Well, since you're that eager and desperate…all right." Jesse grinned at him.
Jaden leapt to his feet, crying out joyfully. He grabbed Jesse's face and captured his lips in a passionate lip lock, acting as though he couldn't get enough. Each time he emerged to gulp air, he breathed a sighed 'thank you' or told Jesse how beautiful he was or how much he loved him. They kissed until the sun came up, spreading colors like an artist's palette over the horizon.
Ok, so Jesse knew that gay marriage wasn't legal in Japan. But, hell, he didn't care! They could just pack up and move to California. It really wasn't that hard.
When he entered the gym, he found that it was already packed with students. They were all either standing awkwardly at the entrance, or sitting at scattered tables in groups. As he passed by a poor unfortunate soul that sat alone, he cringed and felt grateful to know that he'd never be like that boy. He was at the top of the world! There was no way his friends would let him down. And he had the hottest date in the school. What could possibly go wrong?
"Um…Jesse?" Came an uncertain female voice.
He turned to see Blaire standing by the white railing, which had roses entwining around the banisters. Grinning, he held up a hand in greeting. "How's it goin'?"
"Uh…" Her brown eyes scanned his figure, her nose wrinkled in distaste. "Why are you crossdressing?"
He blinked. "Well, one of us had to be the girl! And Jaden has to be the girl so much, I decided to give him a break."
"What are you talking about?" Blaire asked, frowning, "Jaden's your date? WHAT?!" She grabbed him by the front of the dress and stood on a chair, so she could press their noses together and look him dead in the eyes with a vicious glare. Then, leaning closer, she hissed, "Jaden's mine, and don't forget it. If you lay even ONE finger on him…I'll tear you to shreds like I did to Chazz. Got that?"
Jesse frowned. "I don't have to listen to you. What can a little girl like yourself do anyway?"
Blaire smirked and snapped her fingers. "Fine. I guess I'll just have to take care of this the hard way." She jumped down from the chair and disappeared into the crowd, leaving Jesse to stand there, confused.
Scratching his head, he thought aloud to himself, "Now I wonder what in tar nation she was talking about…" Shrugging, he dared to turn his back.
He scanned the room from wall to wall. Where could Jaden be? As he looked over the students, he spotted several he knew. Atticus was off in a corner, dancing with Jasmine. Bastion and Mindy were chatting in the middle of the dance floor, holding cups of punch. Momentarily, Jesse was distracted.
"Ooo, I like that dress," He muttered, staring at Mindy's cream colored halter gown, "That's from Italian designer--Jaden!"
He leaned over the railing, staring at said Slifer, drool practically dripping from his mouth. He licked his lips in anticipation. Damn, that boy looked hot! The brunette was wearing a black tuxedo, which Jesse found both strange to see him in, and irresistibly sexy. Why, it was already like they had the proper attire on for a wedding! Now, if only they could catch a flight to California…
Wait…What was this? Jesse gripped the railing, leaning over it until his stomach was perched precariously atop the metal and his feet were hanging off the ground. Peering closer, he gasped. Was that Alexis walking towards his precious Jaden? How dare she! He was absolutely flabbergasted! Well, Jaden had some explaining to do.
He was about to go marching down to the dance floor when he took the time to think about it. Suppose Alexis was merely going to talk to him. Suppose Alexis had another date somewhere else? Well, who could she be with then? Was she with Chazz? He looked around, wondering where exactly Chazz was. Thinking back, Blaire had mentioned something about tearing Chazz to shreds. Who knew what that was about? Unless Chazz was her date. Yes, that had to be it. But then, who was Alexis' date? Confused, he leaned over the railing again.
He watched as Alexis and Jaden talked and laughed. It made him feel a bit lonely to be watching from so far away. They sure did seem to be having fun. But why had they not tried to find him? Why were they standing alone in a dark corner? And why was Alexis taking Jaden's hand and dragging him out onto the dance floor despite his efforts to escape? His eyes narrowed. That must be it. Alexis was forcing Jaden to be her date! How evil! He could've sworn that he saw Alexis smirking smugly at him.
Oh, that was it. It was war, now, sister! And Jesse Andersen was NOT going to be outdone by some "Queen of Obelisk Blue." She could not warm Jaden's heart like he could! She could not make him smile like he could! He was going to have to put an end to this little ordeal right there and right then.
Unfortunately, he didn't get the chance. He felt someone tapping him on the shoulder. Well, the arm really. He turned and looked around. There was no one there. Scratching his head, he wondered if he'd been tricked.
"NO!" A whiny voice commanded, "Down HERE."
His gaze dropped to the midget on the floor. Or rather, to Syrus. The blunette was, surprisingly, dressed in a tuxedo. He glared furiously up at Jesse.
"So, you're after Jaden, eh?" He demanded to know.
Jesse put his hands on his hips and tried to look threatening. The best he did was look like a PMSing girl. "Yeah, so? He's my date, so you'd better back off."
"Um, I don't think so," Syrus pointed out, looking peeved, "He already has a date, and it's not you."
"Let me guess, it's you."
"Actually no. I'm with Dark Magician Girl. Isn't that right, sweetie?" He turned to the empty space beside him. "Yes, I know! Now, run along and get us some punch."
Jesse raised an eyebrow. He kept his mouth shut, however.
"Anyway," Syrus continued, frowning and looking like a pouty child, "Jaden's MINE. No one else can be his best friend. No one else can hang around him. I've already beaten up and gagged Hassleberry once. Don't make me take you down too! Let this be known as your warning…"
"What's wrong with you?" Jesse shouted, grabbing him and yanking him closer, "You can't keep him from his friends!"
Syrus scowled. "He's my best friend, not yours!" He shouted, shaking his fist.
"WHAT?! Oh, it's on." Jesse lunged at Syrus.
That was when the Sho-down began. They hurled a few harmless insults such as 'meanie' and 'jerk' at each other. Then, they got into a little slap fight. They really didn't want to hurt each other. That was, until Syrus crossed the line.
"You'd better stay away from him, Johan! He's my aniki and I love him with all my heart!"
Jesse's eyes widened. "Why you little…You used Japanese references! Everyone knows that makes what you say 917,583,759,284,578,402,728,063,052,546 percent more accurate! Jaden's mine and that's final! That's it! You're going DOWN, pipsqueak!"
Jesse expected to easily win their little spat. But, no, he'd gotten Syrus angry. Syrus' face turned red as a tomato. He shoved Jesse to the ground and flicked him on the nose. He poked and tickled Jesse to death. The poor Crystal Beast duelist thrashed so much, he hurt himself. He rolled into tables and knocked them over on himself, then accidentally sent himself down the stairs, Syrus still straddling him. Even though Jesse might've looked stronger, Syrus was taking him out.
"You baka!" Syrus snapped, "How dare you try to take my aniki from me! Niisan doesn't care so--"
Before he could even finish his sentence, the lights turned red. A shrill alarm rang through the gym area, causing people to cover their ears then stop, drop, and roll. Somehow, the alarm gave off the same frequency as the fire alarm. And the wonderful Chancellor had taught them that when this happened, they needed to perform this procedure 'just to be safe.' But, oh, no, this wasn't as harmless as a fire. This was much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much worse. This was worse than a terrorist attack. This was worse than the apocalypse. This was worse than if Hillary Clinton had won the presidency.
The double doors busted down, and a thick, heavy, suffocating fog erupted. Syrus lay on top of Jesse, beginning to tremble. Even though they'd been angry with each other, the sight was so horrifying, that they knew they'd better make up, and quickly.
"I'm sorry, Syrus!" Jesse shouted, hugging the blunette tightly.
"I'm sorry too, Jesse! I don't know what I was thinking!" Syrus clung to Jesse, tears of fear stinging his eyes.
The smoke cleared and a squad of men dressed in bulletproof vests and combat boots rushed in. The first wave dropped to their knees, holding out plastic shields in front of them. The second wave stopped behind them, their guns aimed. A single man with a pleasant smile and an obviously fake hairpiece stepped out and approached the two boys lying on the floor.
"Now, children," The man told them very calmly, as though they didn't have the entire 4Kids control squad aiming their hypocritical weapons at them, "we're going to pretend that America is the only country in the world. So you need to cut out the Japanese references and terms. You've exceeded the limit that we allow...which is mostly just showing chopsticks. Anyway, you don't understand how SCARRING it is for kids to know about cultures other than their own. And how horrible it would be if they learned geography!" As if to emphasize this point, he shuddered, then continued, "And God forbid that people thought that anime wasn't for kids. Especially one about a children's card game. Now, normally, I would be nice and let it go, but you've caught me on a very bad day. I've just spent my entire morning rewriting the entire script for GX and cutting out Professor Stein's suicide scene--"
"Wait, you mean to tell me he JUMPED?!" Jesse asked in horror.
"Um, that's classified information," The man told him, "Now, Syrus, you're being far too violent. Take your hands off of Jesse and stand up slowly, with your hands raised in the air. Now, come over here, we have some questions for you."
Syrus nodded weakly and stepped over to the man, still shaking. He stared up into the man's seemingly innocent face, though he knew better. Evil lurked in his eyes.
"Now, tell me where you heard the name 'Johan.'" His features twisted in disdain; his expression darkened.
"On Y-Youtube," Syrus whimpered, tears falling from his stormy gray eyes.
"Then I'll be sure to call the director of YouTube and tell them to take those atrocious lies down! I can't forgive myself if I expose another generation to evil that can only be compared with nuclear energy and Agent Orange!" He clenched his fist, his eyes burning with a newfound resolution.
"Um, excuse me, sir, but…" Jesse stood to his feet, "Aren't they already scarred by being overprotected then going off and buying Grand Theft Auto? And what about Naruto? What does that do to a child's mind? And what about all the yaoi and sexual references in GX? Isn't that a little scarring too?"
The man gasped. "You naughty, NAUGHTY child!" He fainted at the mention of yaoi and sex.
The members of the 4Kids control squad looked at each other. They didn't know what to do! This boy must be really powerful to be able to take their leader down. So, they just grabbed Syrus and their dictator, and retreated. The lights went back to normal.
"Well, that was awkward…" Jesse muttered, still shaken, "Now I feel really bad about myself…My life is a LIIIEEEE!!"
Before he could go into a fit that would eventually bring the OOCness Action Squad into attention, he noticed Jaden again. Immediately, he leaned on the railing. At that moment, Jaden was slow dancing with Alexis. He seemed as though he wasn't quite sure what he was doing. In fact, Alexis had to lead him. They were having a good laugh over it, though. Jesse narrowed his eyes.
"Why," He hissed through clenched teeth, "Is he with HER?!"
Jaden started to lean over. Jesse leaned farther over the railing to get a better look. He pulled a pair of binoculars out of a plothole and adjusted them. Just then, someone trying to squeeze by his luscious ass "accidentally" gave him a little shove. He scrambled to catch his balance, but instead went hurtling to his doom over the edge.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!" He screamed as he fell on his head.
The impact almost knocked him out. Almost. But he had more important things to do than lie unconsciously on the floor whilst people stomped all over him in high heels. He was on a mission. A mission to win his man.
Looking up, he noticed a wire hanging loosely from the ceiling. How convenient. His brain began to conjure up a most delicious plan. Grinning impishly, he crossed his fingers and prayed to Ra that it worked. Then, he plucked a rose from the railing and clenched it tightly in his teeth. Taking the cord in his hands, he gave it a tug. It felt secure enough. He shimmied up it a ways, ignoring the guy that was staring up his skirt and nosebleeding over his lacy thong.
"It's now or never," He muttered, climbing up to the first tier of railing.
He balanced himself for a moment, took a deep breath, then gripped the cord and swung out over the crowd. Oh how glorious! The feeling of rushing wind through his beautiful hair! The feeling of the admiration of the crowd! The feeling of swinging closer to his love! Yes, he was flying, flying, FLYING….falling…
Quickly, he sighted in on his target and dropped just as the cord broke. Just as he'd hoped, he landed on top of Jaden. They collapsed to the floor. Alexis stared on with wide eyes, her hands over her mouth. Jesse ignored her and grabbed Jaden's wrists, jerking him to his feet.
"Jesse? What are you--?" Jaden began, however, Jesse would not let him finish.
"Don't speak," Jesse said dramatically, putting a finger to his lips, "Don't say another word. Just shut up and dance. Let's tango!"
"What?!" Jaden's eyes widened as he stammered, "T-tango? I c-can't dance!"
"I'm willing to teach you!" Jesse shouted over the roar of the music and the crowd, "If you'll just give me a chance! You have no idea…I've been waiting for this moment all my life!"
Having said that, he seized Jaden's hand, then placed his other hand on Jaden's shoulder. His expression grew serious. They walked up and down the dance floor, switching off in jerky motions. Jaden kept trying to protest the whole time, but Jesse merely shushed him and yanked him around like a puppet. He leaned back in Jaden's arms, forcing the other boy to dip him. He leapt into the air, forcing Jaden to lift him lest he fall. Then, he twisted back and forth in a rhythmic motion, completely out of synch with the music. A large grin came across his face as the people crowded around the pair and cheered. It was a dream come true!
In reality, the people weren't cheering. They were jeering at them. And pointing their fingers. And laughing. But soon they were cringing because Jesse began to twirl faster and faster. Jaden seized the opportunity and let him go, sending him flying towards the refreshments table. The bystanders fled for their lives as the teal haired boy landed butt-down in the punch bowl. Everyone laughed.
Alexis sighed heavily and stepped over to the table and the embarrassed boy. He suddenly realized what a fool he had been. What had come over him to behave so…so…arrogantly? So impulsively? So…unlike him? He grinned sheepishly at the laughing crowd and waved weakly, trying to be good natured about it. The joke was on him. It was all his fault, after all. He'd brought it on himself.
He gazed at Alexis, his cheeks blazing. He was afraid she might yell at him. For a moment, she looked like she might. Instead, she just held out a hand to him. He stared at it momentarily, then took it. She pulled him out of the punch bowl and led him to the bathroom. As they walked, he noticed the laughter grow louder, and people started to imitate him. Jaden looked uncomfortable with the whole matter himself. He grabbed Jesse's arm and stopped them.
"You really embarrassed me," Jaden told him, his entire face bright red, "Why would you do that?" He shook his head, "I don't really know what to say but…I really thought you were better than that. I hate to say it but…that makes me not want to talk to you anymore." He walked away, hiding his face in his hands. Jesse felt horrible.
He rushed into the girls' bathroom, tears stinging his eyes. Soon, the tears were running down his face in a torrent. He collapsed on the counter, occasionally wiping at his eyes and sobbing. Alexis soon came in the bathroom as well, followed by Jasmine and Mindy.
"Jesse," Alexis said softly, placing a hand on his shoulder and rubbing it, "It's Ok…"
"No, it's not!" Jesse sniffed, "Jaden hates me now because I was so stupid…I've messed up a wonderful friendship and made a laughingstock of myself…all in one night! How am I ever going to fix this? How can I ever get Jaden to forgive me? I just went a little insane because…because…I love him!"
Alexis glanced at her friends. Mindy and Jasmine were soon by Jesse's side as well, petting him and trying to comfort him.
"Awwwwww!" Mindy sighed, "You're SO sweet! I mean, yes, it was overboard but…I would've gone out with you anyway if you'd done that for me."
"Even if I was embarrassed," Jasmine agreed.
Alexis dabbed at Jesse's smeared makeup with a tissue. She sighed heavily. "Jes, Jaden and I just came as friends. I mean, I do like him a lot but…he'd never like me the same way."
"Are you kidding?" Jesse sniffed, crumpling the tissue and wringing it in his hands, "He does like you! Couldn't you tell by the way he was holding you? The way he sacrificed for you? He risked humiliation for you, as far as his dancing was concerned. People were laughing a little at him and he--"
"Didn't care." Alexis finished, "You know, Jesse, you could learn something from him. He may be really upset with you now, but that's because he probably thinks you were out to sabotage his evening. He didn't want to come to prom in the first place. I had to beg him! And now that you've made it more miserable for him, he probably thinks you hate him! He doesn't hate you. You know Jaden. He's just upset right now. You know, he's probably over it by now and wishing he could take back what he said. Come on. Let's go talk to him, Ok? And you tell him why you did those things."
"I can't go back out there!" Jesse protested as the girls began to drag him towards the door, "I can never face Jaden again!"
"Yes, you can," Alexis insisted soothingly, "We're going to help you. Come on!"
As much as he tried to resist, they managed to drag him out into the hall anyway. And sure enough, Jaden was pacing around the hallway anxiously, looking like a lost puppy. He gazed up at Jesse with sorrowful brown eyes.
"Jesse!" He lunged and attacked the other boy in a hug, "I'm sorry I said I didn't want to talk to you anymore. I didn't mean it. I know you have a good reason for what you did. And you know, it was actually kind of funny. It's Ok."
Jesse could've cried all over again. He clung to the Slifer, crushing him against his chest, "I'm sorry too! I was just upset and desperate for you attention…I kinda went about it the wrong way, huh?" He grinned sheepishly.
Jaden just laughed weakly and pulled away, much sooner than Jesse would've liked. "It's Ok. Let's just forget about this…But first…why did you do it exactly? I'm still confused…"
Jesse blushed. "Well, I, um…" He glanced over at Alexis, who nodded at him encouragingly. He began to toy with some of the fabric of his skirt, "It's just that, I really, really like you and I wanted to go to prom with you but I was afraid to ask you and afraid that the chaperones might not allow it…And the truth is…" He took a deep breath and let it out in a sigh, "I love you, Jay."
The girls giggled as they watched Jaden's expression. His eyes widened. He seemed completely caught off guard. Finally, he grinned a little, looking sheepish.
"Aw, Jes…" He laughed nervously, which caused Jesse's heart to sink. It wasn't a good sign. "You're my best friend and I knew you really cared about me but…I didn't know it was this much." He sighed heavily and snickered a little, looking at Jesse's attire, "And you DID go to all this trouble…"
Jesse bit his lip. He was hoping with all his heart that Jaden wouldn't say that he didn't like him. The very thought of it hurt him to no end. He couldn't bear it. He started to turn away.
"Well, I guess one dance at least shouldn't hurt, right?" Jaden beamed at the other boy, "And if the chaperones have anything to say about it, we can just laugh and run."
Jesse looked up in surprise. "Do you mean it?"
Jaden nodded, holding his arm out, "Of course! Shall we?"
"We shall!" Jesse agreed, hooking his arm through Jaden's.
The two skipped off into the gym, ignoring the crowd of teasing students. It didn't matter what anyone else thought. They had good friends, and they had each other. And even if they did make mistakes at times--that might prompt the OOCness Action Squad to punish them later--it didn't matter because those trials showed them who their true friends were. They merely tuned out the din and held each other as close as they dared, oblivious to the angry shouts of the chaperones.
A/N: REAAAALLLLY cracky, I know. But it was SOOOOOOOOOOO much fun to write. XDD I hope you enjoyed it despite my raping of the characters.-.-; And NO I did not embarrass myself like that…What happened was that all my friends abandoned me and rubbed their dates in my face…and I ended up in the bathroom crying because I'd been given some snide remarks from cats who were looking for an easy target…probably just to feel better about themselves. -.- I would've had a date but…he called me a bitch so I was done with him before prom. DX Anyway, yeah, that's what happened…I would've killed myself if I'd done what Jesse did. XDD