That's right. Another Twilight story. Simply because I'm waiting for a reply from my beta on OB&NE (growls). :) Kidding, she really does rock my socks off. So this is kinda canon, kinda not. Kinda EB, kinda JB. And yep, it's a songfic. © Katy Perry!
A/N 2: I don't like writing Bella. I simply don't. I know I'm nothing compared to Stephanie Meyer, but for a moment, just go with me and imagine this happening. I think Use Your Love is the ultimate JB songfic; it gets Bella's feelings for him perfectly.
I know you know my boyfriend is out of town
Edward was out of town – hunting – for the weekend. I was still with Charlie.
so have a drink, let's talk it over
So many things I shouldn't be sayin now
You know I like my boys a little bit older
I don't know why I decided to drive to Jake's. I simply got in my truck and drove.
I just wanna use your love
tonight, tonight, tonight. tonight, tonight
I don't wanna lose your love tonight
"Hey," Jake said as he opened the door. Shock was evident on his face.
"Hey," I replied.
"I… uh, it's been a while." He looked around nervously, as if he expected a trap.
"Yeah. Could I come in for a little while? I need to talk to someone…"
"Sure, Billy's not here," he said, letting the door swing open. I followed him inside and sat down on the couch next to him.
All my girls are no where to be found
They all split when I'm in trouble
But I'll tell you all my secrets if you stick around
The 'undercover-lovers' under the covers
I just wanna use your love
Tonight, tonight, tonight. tonight, tonight
I don't wanna lose your love tonight
"So, what did you need to talk about?" he asked, brushing a stray hair out of his face.
"Everything. I… I don't want to lose you, I guess," I replied, avoiding his eyes.
"Bella, you chose death over me," his words are harsh.
"You don't understand, Jake! It's so much more than that," I said, defensive.
"Really? It's more than being someone's soul mate? More than being perfectly happy? More than knowing you can live, have a family? More than having everything?" Jake spat back.
"Please don't do this… I've made my decision. I chose him."
"Yeah, I know." He sighed. "Did you just come over here to rub it in my face?"
"No, Jake, I didn't. I wanted to see if there was anything I could do to keep some things the same…"
"Bella, we can't. Nothing will be the same. You'll be dead. You won't have those beautiful eyes," he said, moving to cup my face in his hands. I didn't shy away from his touch – it felt so good.
I just wanna use your love l-o-v-e, l-o-v-e
I just wanna use your love l-o-v-e, l-o-v-e
I just wanna use your love l-o-v-e, l-o-v-e, l-o-v-e
"Jake…" I whisper, but he's too close. Soon his lips are on mine, gently at first, but soon hungry. For some reason I don't know, I responded. It felt so good, his warmth.
Try to keep my head from spinning
Too much to drink - not making sense
Been a while since I've been with someone new
But I can't stop the way I'm feeling
Everything else is forgotten. I can only think of him, this moment. Nothing else matters.
It doesn't matter that I'm cheating on Edward.
It doesn't matter that I can't stay.
It doesn't matter that I don't love him like I should.
Soon his hands were everywhere at once, and I found myself following suit. It just felt so good, to be able to kiss someone so fully without the risk of death. I found myself deepening the kiss.
Now that I was finally able to fully appreciate his kiss, I realized he kisses like a god. A warm god. A god who won't kill me.
As you leave please would you just close the door
Now that our love affair is over
You're exactly what I was looking for
Well go find a shoulder to cry upon
I have no idea how long we were like that, just making out on the couch. All I knew is that when he finally broke the kiss, it was much too soon.
"Bella, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that," he said, moving as far away from me as he could and not meeting my eyes.
"No, Jake, please don't regret it. It was… nice," I replied, trying to make him not feel bad about himself.
"Sure. But not nice enough to make you want to stay."
"I could, you know… I haven't been changed yet…" Lies. They sounded so pathetic. I never was a good liar.
He laughed. "Yeah, but you love him. Or are you just addicted to him? I've never been able to figure it out, Bells. You're the one for me, you hear? The one." Jacob looked my straight in the eyes when he said that, and I felt like I was about to break.
No, not possible. It can't be. He couldn't have imprinted on me, no. If he did, I would be able to feel it, too, right? Right, I told myself. I found no comfort in my words, however.
"You think it's not possible. How many times have I told you how much I love you? You never felt it because you were too 'in love' with your leech."
"He's not a leech…" I whispered.
I'm hurting him even more than I thought…
"Whatever you say. You should go. Nothing good will come out of this if you stay any longer. Nothing good has come out of it…" Jake mumbled.
"Please, Jake… I'm so sorry…"
"Sorry doesn't cover it this time." I could tell his decision was final. Numbly, I stood up. I still was having a hard time processing everything.
"I would have been healthier for you, the air, the sun."
I walked to the door, Jake following at a careful distance. I couldn't bring myself to say goodbye – it would feel to final. I simply walked to my truck and got in. I drove for a little while before I started crying so badly I couldn't see the road. I pulled over, stopped the car, and let myself bawl.
I just wanna use your love
tonight, tonight, tonight, tonight - tonight!
I don't wanna lose your love tonight
I just wanna use your love
tonight, tonight, tonight, tonight - tonight!
I don't wanna lose your love tonight
I just wanna use your love
tonight, tonight, tonight, tonight - tonight!
I don't wanna lose your love tonight
Jake meant so much to me. He put me back together – he's always going to be with me. I loved him, but not like I should. Not like he deserved. I wanted to, so freaking much, but I couldn't. I couldn't love Edward and Jacob the same way. It was simply different. Jake was like my rebound, and I hated that fact. He should have a girl who would never hurt him, and that's all I seemed to do.
I wanted it, the family that I had seen before. I wanted it almost as much as I wanted to be with Edward. I couldn't have both, though.
I had a choice.
I could turn around, tell him I wanted him, wanted it, and know that I would be happy.
I could keep going, acting like tonight never happened, and know that I would be blissful with Edward.
I wiped my eyes, and started the car.
You don't mean nothing at all to me
You don't mean nothing at all to me
You don't mean nothing at all to me
You don't mean nothing at all to me
You don't mean nothing at all
I think I'm done fuck'n singing this song
That last line is kinda like a "the end!!" So, did you like it or not? I'm feeling a little drained right now, but I had this idea and I just had to write it and when I'm feeling more inspired I'll come back and retouch it. And no, I'm not telling you the ending. Make it up for yourself. If you want a JB, she turned around. If you want EB, she goes straight. If you want anything else… Well, I don't know why you're reading this story. :)
Toodles! (R&R please; they keep me alive!!)