Cats Don't Dance – Darla's Revenge
Author's Note
OMGHAI! It's been so long since I've even LOOKED at this fiction that I was beginning to forget about it. So, I was browsing the Misc. stories and came across this, and I was like, "Oh yeah, I remember that!" Then I did a re-read and well…read the AN at the end of this chapter, that will explain this to you. Either way, I remember being dissatisfied with this chappy when I originally wrote it, so this is a way of me putting my soul to rest (despite me not even believing in souls XD).
Disclaimers: I do not own Cats Don't Dance, nor any of the characters associated. The franchise (has it been franchised?) is owned exclusively by Turner Animation (requiescant in pace). I do not, (repeat: do not) accept responsibility for any chauvinist language which offends the reader in this story. This takes place during the 1940's and possibly 50's, and therefore it is a reflection of the times. This is, therefore, before we started using the words "their" in replacement for "his" in the general sense, along with other gender-specific generalities. In other words, I apologise if the language in here is read as sexist, but I guarantee that is not the case.
Chapter 1: Ah, Young Love
Grauman's Chinese Theatre had flourished in recent years. The addition of animal actors to humans had provided massive income for agencies all over Hollywood, and the numbers just kept going up and up and up. Animal actors flocked in from all over the world; from Jackal Chan to Kangaroo Jack to Gary the Giraffe. After the first year of 'animal equality', however, a tradition had been started: an original number would be performed by professional animal actors in Grauman's Chinese Theatre.
So it was that the voice of a young woman rang through the air in a harpsichord soprano. "…Ooh and it's love, without a doubt…" A female Persian cat was draped across a table, staring deeply into the eyes of an orange Tabby.
The young Tabby's voice was tinged with ecstasy as he carried on the song. "Oh, I've got someone I'm CRAZY about!" The Persian raised her voice in unison with the Tabby's, "Nothing's gonna stop us now!"
The two main performers were Daniel 'Danny' O'Tabby and Sawyer Agrin, performing their world-famous song and dance number, "Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now," along with several of their animal friends. It was this very number that had earned the animal actors the respect that they'd longed for from the human population.
And through the whole thing Danny couldn't keep his eyes off Sawyer. Ventriloquism being one of his many talents, Danny threw his voice so that his turned his head wouldn't affect his voice reaching the audience, but he'd be hell-bound before he took his eyes off his girlfriend. My girlfriend, Danny thought. A wave of pride took him and he had to struggle to keep the face necessary for the performance. But her eyes…they were so captivating. The way she gazed back made Danny hunger for her, wishing he could do nothing but take her away from the world and love her in the most intimate ways forever. Oh, what it would be like to forget about the world and worry only about them.
It was with a dazzling flourish of special effects and a great cannon blast that signalled the end of the production, followed promptly by a roaring applause. Still, it was unsatisfactory; the eternity of intimacy between the feline lovers had been driven away in an instant, taken from them by the audience. Danny and Sawyer gave each other an affectionate gaze before bowing gracefully to the audience alongside their comrades.
It was ten minutes after the performance, and several of the animals were standing backstage. Tilly Hippo, Cranston Goat, Frances Albacore, Woolie Mammoth, Peebo 'Pudge' Pudgemeyer, and T.W. Turtle were huddled together with Sawyer, trying to figure out why Danny had left them invitations in their dressing rooms. None of the letters had anything aside from "Please meet me behind the stage after the show". And of course, Cranston was becoming cantankerous.
"What's this all about?" Cranston fumed. The old goat huffed hotly and shot a look at Sawyer. "What is that boyfriend of yours up to now? Figuring out a way to get us all thrown out of Hollywood again?"
"How should I know?" Sawyer replied indignantly, moving forward and jabbing the crank in the chest. "I'm as confused as you. And don't even go there with me, you stuffy old goat." She poked him again. "If it weren't for Danny, we wouldn't be here in the first place." Foolish though Danny was, Sawyer's pride was offended on hearing Cranston insult him, and she felt the need to stand up for her man. Still, she really was as clueless as the others. Releasing her indignity, she sighed and simply said, "He never told me anything." I wonder what Danny's up to, she thought. What could he be doing? He'd always enjoyed surprising her and their friends, so the fact of the invitations weren't overly unpredictable, but Danny always gave some sort of information on the happenings. Whether there'd be food and drink (he hated going out to fancy expensive restaurants), or what the occasion was, or other such little tidbits. Never had he asked them to just meet him somewhere. It made Sawyer nervous.
She jumped a little when a voice rang out from the catwalks above. "Excuse me, could I have your attention please?" The animals looked up to see Danny leaning over the metal crosswalk, staring down at the assembly from high above the floor. "I have an announcement to make!" Danny called. As he turned to descend, the crosswalk tilted and sent him flying into space. With a great yelp, he grabbed onto the curtains, sliding down as he yelled to the high heavens.
When he landed, his eyes were contracted with fear and his claws were hooked into the fabric. He quickly composed himself, smoothing his fur and his green tuxedo. "As I was saying," he continued, completely unabashed, "I have an announcement." Sawyer couldn't help but giggle a bit. That was something she loved about Danny; no matter what happened, he'd always get back on his feet. She'd never met such a great optimist before.
"It won't take all night, will it? Ow!" Cranston's cheek earned him a sound cuff upside the head by Tilly. Naturally, the blow from the hippopotamus bent his spine a little, and he grunted in frustration as he snapped it back into place.
"Hush, you," she hissed. "Let him speak! Go on Danny."
"Thanks, Tilly." Danny cleared his throat before continuing to address the crowd. "As you know, Sawyer and I have been dating for some time. You were all there when we started off. I'm sure you remember as well as I do how much Sawyer loathed me." Chuckles reverberated through the room, and there were general murmurs of agreement before Danny continued.
"Well, we've come a long way since then. Yeah, we've had our share of fights, but we've smoothed them over every time. That's why I want to ask…"
Throughout Danny's speech, Sawyer's heartbeat rose steadily with anticipation. Could he be? No, there was no way. He'd always implied it before, but it turned out to be nothing but a false hope. So why now? Was something different? Then, as Danny reached into his pocket and looked at her straight in the eye, she was sure of his question. Excitement took her, and she struggled to keep her composure as Danny moved towards her.
As soon as Danny reached her, he took one of her hands and drew a little red box out of his pocket with the other, flipping it open with a smooth flick of the thumb. Inside was a simple, beautiful wedding band. A solitary small diamond graced the center of the golden band, but its size only complemented its beauty. The fold of the band glimmered beneath the stagelights in the blue velvet lining, making Sawyer think back to her childhood nights staring up at the stars. A rush took her as her mind raced forward, and flashes of a possible future of being Mrs. O'Tabby came unbidden to her mind. Sawyer was so engrossed that she almost missed Danny's simple, yet oh-so-hopeful question.
"Sawyer, will you marry me?"
Immediately following Danny's words, a respectful hush fell over the group, and many held their breath despite the fact that they knew Sawyer's answer. The only sound was that of Tilly's feet clacking against the ground anxiously. The pause persisted, and Danny began to sweat. Was it too soon? He'd been working up to this for months, leaving all the hints and subtleties, all for this one moment. But Sawyer's silence was making him second-guess the decision, and he had to struggle to keep himself from panting to cool his rapidly-increasing body temperature.
After what seemed like an eternity, Sawyer launched herself on Danny, completely bowling him over in a tackling hug. She pulled her head back and replied softly, "I will!" Her voice was strained from holding back the giddy excitement, but all of that was released as they shared a deep kiss, drowning out all of the inevitable applause.
A blonde young woman stood on the hulking shoulders of a giant man. Her dress was ragged and worn, her eyes like two sinkholes. The teeth that were clenched in loathing were yellowed, though not decayed, and her speckled nose sucked in and out in a silent fury.
"Look at them, Max," the woman gritted, speaking in harsh tones to her giant servant. "All happy and joyful while we're out working ourselves like pack mules." She glared through the window at Danny, who was heartily shaking hands with his friends.
"It's all that stupid cat's fault!" she screamed. "I had it made; Darla Dimple, child actress extraordinaire! But then that cat came and everything fell apart."
"Yes, Miss Dimple…" Max spoke in deep tones, teeth perpetually clenched. He was as loyal to Darla as ever, regardless of their wretched predicament.
"HEY YOU!" a voice screeched through the night. Darla screamed in terror and clung to Max's ragged tuxedo as he whirled around.
"What are you doing here?!" Darla screeched, more out of indignity than anything. Facing them was an angry-faced Kong, star of the King Kong movies.
"What are you doing here?" the large ape snapped back. He glared at the both of them. His night-guard badge glinted in the moonlight, so his purpose was no mystery. Darla gulped and changed her direction right away, tugging on Max's tuxedo to get him to stand down; the hulking giant was getting ready to fight the ape.
"Why, Mister Kong," Darla said sweetly, "We were just listening to our cat friends. They're getting married!"
"Danny and Sawyer? Well, it's about time!" Kong shook his head in wonderment, absentmindedly pushing Max and Darla off the grounds as he bantered on and on. "I mean, they've been going out for forever, and Sawyer's been getting antsy for ages." When he got to the gates, he broke out of his reverie. "Ahem," he recovered, "you still aren't allowed here, so let's go."
Though Darla put up a fuss, Kong continued to push Max and Darla to the street. Both Max and Kong were of similar size, so this expulsion was no difficult task.
"And don't come back!" the ape said, glaring at both of them in turn. He turned around and returned to his patrol, muttering bewilderedly to himself. "Danny and Sawyer…finally…it was bound to happen…"
When Kong had escaped earshot, Darla cursed Danny once more. "I'll get him, Max, you'll see…One day, he will pay, and Darla Dimple will once again be the biggest name in Mammoth Studios!" Max stalked off into the night, with Darla muttering incessantly on his shoulder.
Danny huffed and dropped onto the couch he'd just taken out of Sawyer's apartment. As soon as they'd untangled themselves from each other on the stage floor, Sawyer pulled Danny into the side and asked him straight away if they could live together. Danny had been thrilled of course, but it came on so quickly. When he'd asked if she was sure she wanted to right away, she'd just given him a look which plainly said, "Oh, hell yes!" The next ten minutes had been spent discussing where they should live. It would have been more, but Danny was dead set on Sawyer coming to live with him, and not the other way around. How would it look for a guy to be leeching off his girl? Sawyer was visibly frustrated, but gave in. Even Danny was prone to some episodes of chauvinism, but she could put up with the rare male posturing; he was too cute not too put up with it.
After that had been settled on, they'd promptly said their goodbyes to the cast and headed for Sawyer's house. It was these days that made Danny glad he had a pick-up truck instead of a car; cars couldn't hold anything like a decent pick-up truck, no matter that they were better looking. So here Danny was, flopped down on Sawyer's couch after lifting the end and dragging it onto the truck. What in the world did she have that huge thing for anyways?
Danny was about to call out to Sawyer when a box overflowing with dresses smacked into him and laid him out flat on the couch. Heaving the box off himself, he pushed himself into a sitting position and nudged it into a corner with his foot. Danny got up and hopped down from the truck, lifting another box into a relatively stable position beside the dresses. "Sawyer," he called, "Are you sure you need this many dresses? You look beautiful with just a few!"
"Sweet, but nice try," Sawyer replied from inside the apartment. "I need at least one for every day, and then two for every occasion, and then another two for funerals and another two for weddings. I can't be seen in the same dress twice, Danny." She said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world. That was something Danny never really understood about women: why they needed so many dresses. What was it with fashion, anyways? A couple pairs of pants, some decent shirts, and that really was all that was needed. Dress pants, a white shirt, and a black jacket for the more sombre occasions were necessary, he supposed, but there were few enough of those.
Danny huffed and caught a small box that was heaved bodily out of the window. "You really should just bring them down, Sawyer; it would be much easier on both of us if we just made trips up and down the stairs."
"But you don't know my space like I do," she said, sticking her head out the window. "I know where everything is and where everything goes, and there's no way I'm just letting you go through all my stuff. I've got private things in here!"
Danny just laughed, catching another box. "Oh, I know exactly what kind of private things you have in th – OOF!" He was cut off mid-sentence, sent sprawling by a bag of dirty laundry hitting him in the stomach.
Sawyer watched with her head in her hands as Danny poked his head out from the heap of laundry, a pair of panties hanging from his nose. He snorted them off, and Sawyer waved at him impishly from the window.
"Hey now, watch it," Danny called up in mock-indignity. "I know where you sleep!"
"Yeah, with you," Sawyer said suggestively. That did it. Danny had been holding himself back as long as he could, but no longer. Everything about her…it was intoxicating. Her wit, her feminine strength…he had to be with her! He grabbed a plastic tube from the pile of dirty laundry (not once, mind you, thinking of how in the blazes it got in there) and ascended the outer grating to her window, tackling her as he jumped through the window. It paid to be a cat sometimes.
Danny woke and stretched about in his bed, only to be pecked on the cheek by Sawyer. He relaxed immediately and returned the kiss, bypassing the cheek and going straight for the lips. It was several seconds before Sawyer broke the kiss. "Danny," she said against his lips, "You know we should get up and start making plans."
Danny still held on to her back, pulling her against him. "But do we have to do it right away? I've been waiting for months for us to be together like this, and now that we have it, it's a total waste to just move on. Can't we just have a day with the two of us?"
Sawyer laughed, but persisted. "Sorry, babe, but we should get on this right away. I wonder where we should have it…what about that church just up the street? Or maybe we could…" Sawyer continued to speculate, but a few seconds into her spiel she realized Danny had grown tense against her, and he'd let her go. "Danny?" she said tenderly. "What's wrong? Oh no, you aren't having second thoughts, are you? I knew we were going too fast, maybe we should –"
"What?! No way!" Danny said quickly. His eyes flashed fear, and Sawyer immediately stopped talking. Quietly, Danny said, "I'll never have second thoughts about it; not ever. I was hoping…nah, it's probably stupid."
"I guarantee that if you thought it up, it's not stupid." Sawyer kept her words light and flippant, making sure to withhold any bite from them. "Silly, maybe, or possibly even doomed to get us all killed, but never stupid."
Danny chuckled, but quickly became solemn. "Well…I was wondering if we could have a quiet wedding…maybe in Kokomo?"
Sawyer looked at him with an intense, thoughtful frown on her face. Since when did Danny – Daniel O'Tabby, the glamour-hog – ever do anything quietly? It defied almost everything that she knew about her boyfriend. He never did like fancy things, so she could understand simplicity, but he always enjoyed the glamour and fame that came with being a star of Hollywood. He used them to his advantage, too; every flashy sequence that he ever got himself into was undeniably his element. So why would he want a quiet wedding?
"We don't have to if you don't want to," Danny said quickly. Sawyer's intense puzzled look was beginning to make him doubt his idea. "It was just a thought."
"Oh!" Sawyer snapped out of her trance and quickly amended herself. "Oh Danny, I don't think it's a bad idea. I just wonder…don't you like the glamour and fame of Hollywood? You're always going on and on about how this is your town, that this is where you were meant to be."
"Yeah," Danny admitted, not meeting Sawyer's eyes. "But weddings are private affairs. I don't want to keep you a secret, but I don't want people comin' in and ruining our special day, and that always happens at Hollywood weddings."
"We can't just elope," Sawyer said tentatively.
"What? Of course not. Obviously we'd have a proper wedding with guests and family and all that, but there's no reason we have to have the paparazzi crashing it."
Sawyer pushed herself up against the head of the bed and crossed her arms. "I'm not against it, Danny; it just seems so strange. You're really sure about it?"
Danny pulled her back down to him. "I've only ever been more sure of one thing."
Sawyer cocked her head quizzically. He answered her look by plastering his lips against hers.
Butter sizzled in the pan as Danny moved to the fridge. "So, Sawyer, what'll it be? Eggs and bacon? Or do we want to mix it up with pancakes and waffles?"
"Definitely pancakes and waffles," she replied, placing the plates and silverware out. "What's your secret to those waffles, anyways? They're better than Belgian waffles!"
Danny smiled at Sawyer, waving a carton in each hand. "Why the secret, my feisty fiancé, is a mixture of milk and cream in the batter." He flicked a cupboard open with his foot, deposited the cartons on the counter, and bent underneath it. He resurfaced with two large clear glass mixing bowls and immediately began to pour mixtures into each, humming to himself as he did.
Sawyer blinked as she watched him pour liquids and flour and spices in without measuring them. "Danny…don't you need a measuring cup?"
Danny didn't look away from his task as he answered. "Nope. Been doing this for so many years that I know exactly how much to put in it. Ah, darn; Sawyer, could you pass me the cinnamon over there?" Sawyer handed him a little shaker of cinnamon. "Thanks."
"Is there anything else you need?" Sawyer asked cautiously; Danny's hands were whirring, and he seemed to be twisting every which way at once. Farbeit from Sawyer to move too close and get thrown to the side by accident. At her question, he stopped. Scratching a batter-covered hand against his chin, he did a quick mental checklist. After a few seconds, he shook his head. Sawyer put her hands on her hips. "There must be something I can do!"
A humourless grin traced its way across Danny's face as he looked at her. "Go have a look at the script that Mister Mammoth sent me the other day; tell me what you think of my lines." Something in Danny's voice bordered on apprehension. Sawyer frowned and walked over to the counter, taking up the thick script. She flipped through the pages and read the highlighted sections.
At first, the frown simply persisted. Then it deepened. Soon enough she was so furious that her eyeridges formed a sharp V between her eyes. Aghast and furious, she turned to Danny and asked, "Mister Mammoth asked you to perform that?!"
"I know," Danny said in a tone of disgust. "I'm all for free expression…but that's just ridiculous. The gore and stuff in horror is one thing; that's neat. But that…that's not free expression, that's just looking for a way to cuss as much as possible."
Sawyer flipped the manuscript over and looked at the 'title' page. "Damian Rockwaller…who's that?"
"He's some new director and writer; met him the other day." The frying pan sizzled anew as Danny poured some of the pancake mix in. "Guess how old he is?"
Sawyer pursed her lips in annoyance. "Twenty."
Danny pulled the waffle-shaper out from under the counter. "Close. He's sixteen."
"Sixteen?!" Sawyer gasped. "He's not even old enough to drink, much less direct! What is Mammoth thinking?"
Danny shrugged, pouring the waffle batter into the shaper. "I don't know; I want to talk to him about it later. From what this Damian kid told me, though, Mammoth thinks that there's a lot of potential in kid writers. I like the idea, but it's still…I dunno Sawyer, it's like they're taking the kid out of his childhood and letting him do whatever he wants, showing him that 'that' is the real world."
"I'm glad Mammoth is our employer," Sawyer huffed, "but he can be an idiot sometimes."
Danny shrugged. "Mammoth's a businessman; he does what he can to earn money. Probably raised on that, too. I don't think we can blame him, though; times were tough during the Depression." A shudder ran through both of their bodies as they recalled their teenage years. The 1930s were embedded in their memories forever.
"I guess not," Sawyer admitted half-heartedly. She knocked her knuckles on the table roughly. "Still, that's pretty harsh, don't you think?"
Danny shrugged again. Sawyer huffed; was that all he was going to do? She was about to open her mouth and give him what for when the timer beeped on the waffle-maker. Danny's ears perked up and he turned to the contraption immediately. "You know," he said as he opened it, revealing a perfectly brown waffle, "I remember the good ol' days when we had those manual waffle-makers that you had to heat up. These new electronic ones are handy, but I miss making waffles the old way.
"Oh Danny, don't be silly. These new waffle-makers make everything so much faster. We can get more work done now, instead of sitting around waiting for waffles."
It was Danny's turn to blink. He processed the information for a minute, then ventured, "Sawyer…we're actors. Our jobs outside of the actual performance is to sit on our butts and read a script over and over again, say it out loud, and think up ways to make it sound better."
"That's not all we do," she scoffed, poking him in the chest. "You should know. You're a song and dance cat! You dance, make music, move around! It's not just about the talking, you know." Suddenly she shuddered. "Ugh…remember that Catula's Mansion movie you performed in?"
Danny smiled. "Oh yeah, I loved that one! I was like this nasty old cat." His smile turned into a knowing smirk. "You know what the best part of that movie was?"
Sawyer frowned. "Huh? No, what?" She gasped as Danny grabbed her arms and pulled her to him, sniffing her neck furiously. His voice dripped with a sensuous Hungarian accent as he re-enacted his old role.
"When I came close to you in the bed scene and said, 'I want to suck your milk…'" He laughed as Sawyer swatted his shoulder.
"Ah! Danny, don't do that! You know that sends chills down my tail."
Danny winked roguishly. "Oh, you mean like this!" He pulled her back and started sniffing again, trying not to laugh as she shivered with chills and laughter.
"Stoppit haha, stoppit!" Sawyer giggled. A slight odour caught her attention and she sniffed, only to snort and go back into a fit of giggles when Danny renewed his olfactory assault. "S-seriously Dan-n-n-n-ny," she spluttered, "I smell something!"
Danny looked down into her eyes. "What are you talking about? All I smell is…SMOKE! Ahh!" He turned around and, with a growl of frustration, started fanning the waffle-maker with a towel. "Gaahhh! My waffles are ruined!" Sawyer laughed aloud as she watched Danny. He cut a comical figure, milling a batter-soaked paw around with a towel-fan.
"I don't know what's so funny," Danny grumbled bad-temperedly. "Waffles are serious business!" Sawyer couldn't stop laughing, though, and she couldn't help but think that her life was going to get a lot more interesting.
Author's Note
Well, it's been way too long since I looked at this, and when I re-read it just a while ago, I was appalled. Oh sure, the idea's great and the structure is sound enough, but I'll be damned if I had the narrator just stand on the sidelines like some robotic twit. I did a re-do of this because I was severely unimpressed with my level of intimacy with the characters; I'm not delving deep enough.
A few notes. Sawyer's last name, Agrin, is an Iranian name for 'fiery' (if this is a mis-Romanization, please let me know!), and boy does it EVER suit Sawyer. Seriously, she's one fiery piece of work. I loved her character in the movie, so I decided to give her a name which reflected my favourite trait. Yes, I know: JON YOU BASTARD YOU'RE MARY-SUING HER. Oh well, it's not a big Sue-making thing, so suck it up buttercups :P
And just for reference, this fiction takes place in 1947, a couple of years after the end of World War II. If you're looking for evidence to the date of the original movie (1939), look on Danny's script when he is given one during the Little Ark Angel episode of the original movie.
Can anybody catch the Martin the Warrior reference in here? It's in the cooking scene.
Last little note: YES, Kong is supposed to be read as gay. Not because of the way he speaks, but because I'm using him as a comment on AIDS. I suppose I could make up a simian character for that, but why do that when I have the super-awesome King Kong at my disposal ;D And no, I do not dislike gays; I have gay friends, and I myself am not entirely sure of my sexuality. So yeah, don't go reading him as an anti-gay vendetta, because he's not _
Kong: That, and I'll throw you off the Empire State Building.
Jon: Listen to the man…er…monkey.