file?TARDISlog1+++user-?doctor-???#accesspermitted
TARDIS log 1. Location - Earth
I… don't normally do this.
This, I mean. Write things down. Although I love humans, some of the things they do are strange. No self-respecting Time Lord – or Lady, in my case – would need to write his or her thoughts down in order to make sense of them. Perhaps it's the human side of my family coming through again, or a leftover from my time as Jane Smith, hiding from that Family –
I'm not concentrating. That in itself is a cause for concern. Yes, there have been some times when I have appeared distracted on the outside, but that's just me picking up human qualities again, trying to disguise myself.
I've been distracted again…
The truth is that my mind has been shattered this past year on Earth. And it's made me remember something.
Another strange occurrence. When have I ever forgotten anything?
I think it's the nature of the event which lead me to forget it. I've never been that good with paradoxes. For instance, I'm almost certain that I've met as many as seven future versions of myself at one time, but I cannot recall the nature of our meeting, nor the particular versions present.
It was her death that made me remember. Her, struggling to breathe and determined not to, my greatest enemy shaking in my arms, dying of the bulled in her chest while at the same time laughing at me, "I win." Me, screaming at her, begging her, to save herself, to regenerate…
I thought I had saved her. I was sure I had. Sure that I'd saved her, Planet, Earth, almost everyone. So sure…
Her last blow was, to me, more cruel than the enslaving of the entire Human Race. Because she knew what she was doing, when she died. She was leaving me alone again, completely alone… but worse, now with the vain hope that another Time Lord had found a way to escape the death, as she had, the vain hope that there was another Time Lord out there somewhere.
There is, of course. And it was the nature of her death that reminded me, or rather what I felt like after her death.
It reminded me of Robert.
I remember, after we were separated by that awful wall, the one in which he'd almost disappeared into as well as the one which now separated our realities. It was like – no. I can't possibly describe it. He was alive, he existed, and yet I couldn't reach him, couldn't get to him.
I had recalled this before, of course – nothing could have made me forget, short of the extreme genetic remodelling that was required to hide from the Family of Blood. The next, however, was remembered purely through the Master's passing.
The similarities in feeling were there. The Master didn't want to live any longer, and when Robert was gone, neither did I. It was incredibly lucky that I hadn't needed to regenerate during that time. If I had, I don't think I would have managed it.
But then I had the idea.
It couldn't have worked. It shouldn't have worked, even with the energy of a dying sun to power it. But I needed to try. I needed to at least try to break through to Robert's world.
I should have died.
Luckily for me, someone else was trying to do the exact same thing at the exact same time... only from a different angle.
The other Doctor.
Log 1 complete
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