Guys, I wrote this really late at night in the span of a few minutes because I was in a weird mood. Don't judge me.

Disclaimer: I am not male, so I cannot be Rick Riordan.

"Percy, get out of the Athena cabin! Out! Now!" Malcolm bellowed as he woke up to Percy examining books at 3. In. The. Morning. Waking up early was never something Malcolm liked, but at 3? Percy was asking for death. Malcolm was willing to even ignore that fact that Percy had just led them to a huge victory in the Titan War.

"Huh?" a sleep deprived Annabeth slurred. "Wha's goin' on?"

"AHH!" A shriek came from the Demeter cabin. "Percy! You're ruining our plants! What the Hades is going on?"

"PRISSY!" roared Clarisse from the Ares cabin. "I SWEAR, YOU BETTER HAVE A GOOD REASON FOR WAKING ME UP OR I'LL PULVERISE YOU!"

"Percy!" giggled a few Aphrodite girls. "What are you doing in here?"

A half-asleep Percy Jackson opened the door of Cabin 3, confused. Why was everyone screaming his name? Were they under attack? They had just finished the Titan War. Was another war occurring?

"PERCY JACKSON! What in Apollo's name are you doing with those arrows? No! NO! OW!" Will Solace cried from the Apollo cabin.

Soon, about every camper in Camp Half Blood started screaming bloody murder. At Percy. He had no idea why. Was he starting to sleep walk? Gods, that would be terrible, he thought. First drooling, then talking. Wow. Nice work, Percy, he mentally snorted.

Percy ran a hand through his hair. Well, he was about to, until he realized that his beautiful, beautiful hair that he treasured so very much, was gone. Yep. That's right. Percy Jackson woke up one night to oh, just about everyone at camp out for his blood. And worst of all, he was bald.

"Holy Hephaestus! It actually worked!" ecstatic children of Hephaestus cried out in joy.

"OH MY GODS! OUR CLONING MACHINE HAS BEEN A SUCCESS! YES! NOW WE SHALL HAVE MORE THAN ONE SAVIOR!" cackled an insane, extremely tired Jake Mason. Now they would win every upcoming war for sure. Even better, every Capture the Flag game! Oh, this is great! This is perfect! thought the head counselor. Their plan was amazing, and all it had cost was a head full of Percy's hair.

Swaggering outside of the cabin to the loud, raucous campers, Jake never realized that instead of cheering and screaming praises, they were screaming profanities.

"Children! What is going on here? Surely your parents would not approve of this childishness you are so wound up about!" Chiron yelled.

At once, everyone shut their mouths. Percy finally poked his head out of the bathroom door he had been hiding behind.

"How come everyone is trying to kill me?" he whined.

"I don't know," answered what looked to be about 12,839,571,372,639,482,039,485,628,392,029,223,173,930 different Percys with hair.

Everyone gasped. Grover passed out. Aphrodite girls choked. Ares kids groaned. Athena kids frowned. The Hephaestus cabin cheered.

"Guys, who took his/my hair?" Around 12,839,571,372,639,482,039,485,628,392,029,223,173,931 Percys demanded at the same time.

End.

Guys, I know that there aren't that many people in the world and therefore should not be able to fit into camp, so notice how I said ABOUT that many. Yep, I'm too lazy to even type that number. Or copy and paste it. Oops. So, review? Something? This story probably doesn't make any sense. Meh. This is a crack fic.

Signing off,

The Pencil Goddess

Published May 17, 2014