Setting: Monk's Cafe
George and Jerry sitting are sitting in a booth. They watch two older men pay their bill.

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George:
Why does a man's wardrobe seem to become limited as you get older? Is it because we just don't care anymore?

Jerry:
It's B.G.S.

George:
B.G.S.?

Jerry:
Yeah, Butt-Gut Syndrome. It happens to most men as they get older. I figure you are firmly entrenched in Stage 1 and moving into Stage 2.

George:
What?

Jerry:
With Butt-Gut Syndrome, fat is lost from the butt and becomes redistributed to the abdominal region. In Stage 1, you can still treat it with a belt. But once the front-back shift starts, you've moved into Stage 2.

George:
And what's the front-back shift?

Jerry:
Watch the Stage 2 over there stand up.

(A man gets up from his chair and simultaneously pulls his waistband up in the back while pushing down in the front)

George:
Maybe he's wearing new undershorts. New underwear can be very problematic that way.

Jerry:
How would you know? When was the last time you bought new underwear? Never mind, I don't want to know.

George:
So what does B.G.S. have to do with old man clothing?

Jerry:
Well, when you get to Stage 3, there are really only three clothing options.

George:
Polyester, plaid and velor?

Jerry:
No; suspenders, Sansabelt and jumpsuit.

George:
Huh?

Jerry:
Suspenders are a great option for construction workers, lumberjacks and bankers afflicted with B.G.S. Suspenders provide constant tension on the rear of the pants, simulating an actual butt.

The Sansabelt is a total up-and-over assault. You simply move the waistline above the gut. As the B.G.S. progresses, the Sansabelt moves closer to the chin. I've seen guys at Del Boca Vista that, should they have a heart attack, paramedics would need to unzip their pants in order to perform chest compressions.

The jumpsuit is complete surrender to the B.G.S. At this point you're just trying to keep everything covered.

(Kramer walks in and sits down)

George:
Kramer, when you get older, what are you going to wear? Suspenders, Sansabelt or jumpsuit?

Kramer:
The jumpsuit, definitely the jumpsuit. Look at Elvis. When he got a little...well, paunchy, the jumpsuit kept him in the game. Oh yeah, the jumpsuit. Easy in, easy out. Zip, click and go.