*not sure if I'll ever finish this. i was more excited to explore the beginning*

*I wanted to explore a little of what might be going on with all the characters if Amy did continue to date Liam throughout the summer*

It's Weird...

Chapter 1

Summertime Sadness

Part I

"Fuck you, Karma," Amy spat bitterly through her tears. She hadn't planned on getting caught like this. She hadn't planned on anything really, not anything.

"So, that's it?!" Karma took a few steps back, but she couldn't stop staring at this person. She couldn't believe what she had just seen and just heard. Those words came out of her friend. Those words came out of Amy fucking Raudenfeld her only true friend in all the world. "I try to help you. I try to stop you. Because I KNOW you're making a mistake and that's? That's it?! Fuck me?" Karma was so confused.

"LEAVE!" Amy yelled. She couldn't look at her anymore.

"You think this has been easy for me? You really think that?!" Rage filled Karma from the tips of her toes all the way to the very top of her head. It was like she could feel the anger surround her and envelop her in a heavy cloud. There was no escaping it. It was everywhere. "When this all started I asked you if it was okay."

"KARMA!"

"NO! I did! I asked you," Karma shook. She had been angry for a second but she calmed a little with her thoughts, "Because I loved you, Amy. Because I love you. And now I have to stand here and listen. I have to hear how much you HATE me?"

"Whatever," Amy bit.

"No, Amy! Not, whatever." Karma took a step close but stopped mid-stride. This girl, her friend, she'd changed. "I never tried to hurt you. I never ONCE actually tried to hurt you Amy. Do you really not see?"

Amy sat down on the bed away from her, she couldn't listen, it hurt too much.

"When this started it was fun. It was something else we could have. It was something else that was just ours."

"And Liam's," Amy said without looking.

"Don't," Karma said, her eyes squeezing as she tried her best to keep them from closing at the pain. It wasn't about him really, none of it was.

"Don't what? Tell you what actually happened since you only seem to remember the things that you want?"

"That's not true," Karma gasped and a tear rolled out of her eyes. There was no use now, they'd all just come freely. She could never hold herself together with Amy, not really. "I remember EVERYTHING Amy. EVERYTHING." She walked closer and hovered just near. "I remember when we first kissed. I felt something, okay. I never told you but I did. And that's all I thought about last night after…"

Amy felt her stomach twist and Karma cut her sentence short because they didn't need reminding. They really didn't need reminding.

"I remember how I'd hurt you on accident. Over and over. Every time it was an accident. Every time I had no fucking clue. No fucking clue that the thing I had done was going to hurt you. I wouldn't have done it! Any of it. I would take it all back!"

"You still hurt me."

"You know what Amy, I did.. And I know that…" She shook. "But it WASN'T like this." Karma tried. She tried to make her understand but how could Amy understand. To Amy it was heartbreak no matter what. They would hurt each other now that's just what they would do.

"You were right okay?" Amy decided it would be this way. She decided right then. Hell, maybe she had decided the second she saw Liam but she didn't know it, not really. But she knew it now. She knew it now. "Is that what you wanna hear?" She asked bitterly. "You were right when you thought I was into him."

"That is BULLSHIT Amy. God, that is SUCH bullshit!" Karma yelled. It was taking all her strength to stay away and not push her. She wanted to push her, she wanted to slap her or shake her or do anything ANYTHING but this. Amy had decided to hurt her. She had decided to hurt her by sleeping with Liam. But that was okay. That first part was okay. Karma understood. She understood why she did it.. But this?

"I'm with him now. We're together."

"WHY?! This isn't about him!" Karma shook.

"I like Liam Booker."

"But you don't," Karma knew she didn't.

"It doesn't matter. Nothing matters."

"This matters Amy! We matter." Karma let her knee fall onto the bed and she caught Amy's shoulder with her hand but Amy moved, standing up to turn and look down at her shakily but as cold as she could possibly muster.

"You got what you wanted. We're popular now."

"All I ever wanted was for us to be happy," Karma confessed. "Whatever this is… This is not what I want."

"Well you got what you wanted," she laughed lightly, wiping her face. "It's too late now. We're done," Amy shrugged. She turned and walked out of her room. She knew Karma wouldn't follow. She knew Karma would just wait or leave through the window or do whatever. She knew she could escape her.

Part II

After recovering from those words and allowing herself to move again, Karma changed into a pair of Amy's sweats. She turned on some music and tucked herself into Amy's bed. The sheets smelt confusing because they were all in them, all three of them, now. Karma had spent so many nights in Amy's bed, holding her, smelling her hair. But Liam had been there as well as Amy and the bed smelt like lies but also comfort, like happiness but also pain.

After the threesome and after she kept it a secret that she had been having sex, her nights with Amy had been her favorite because for a while they had been happy again and things had been normal, simple, just them.

She sobbed a long while smelling Amy through her pillow. When Amy didn't come back for her she let herself fall asleep.

Amy came in later and noticed that Karma hadn't left. She stared at her for what felt like forever from all the way across the room. Karma was making everything hard. She always did. But she had been right. Karma never did it on purpose, not like Amy. It didn't matter now though, it was weird…

She stole a pillow and closed the door. She'd sleep on the couch.

Karma left when she woke up alone. And Amy didn't talk to her after that. She didn't even try. Not even once.

Part III

The summer went by in a blur for Karma. She followed Liam's facebook and noticed every time he had taken her out. Amy was in these nice dresses and she was wearing earring more often and more make-up than usual. There was this one picture with Liam kissing her on a wall. Someone else posted it and tagged them but Karma couldn't get it out of her head, that picture it hurt her the most. It looked like they were out at a club or something. Amy's dress was so short and Liam's hand was on her ass and that picture, God it killed her.

To try and keep sane, Karma started working the farmer's markets with her parents and helping out on the patch of land they used at a community farm. She read a lot of books and cried a lot but kept that to herself. She made some money by helping them run the truck and she tried to busy herself but also keep herself in check.

Zane came back for a week or two and that kept her really busy. He took her with him on a trip to New York. It was hot and sticky but it was magical. The whole time Karma couldn't help but wish that Amy was there. In the hotel room, at the top of the empire state building, in Bryant park after getting sushi and boba, even during Wicked when Elphie and Galinda sang their final song. Every time Karma had a second to think she thought about Amy and wished she was with her. Then she'd lose control and check facebook and see that Amy had been with him and with him and with him. She tried to not let it bother her but FUCK, it really did.

Amy didn't call. She didn't text. She didn't write. And she never came to see her. It was like they were over. Done. No longer together. No longer anything other than strangers.

It was hard to explain but to Karma this was the biggest heart-break of her life. After a summer filled with loneliness and doubt, Karma had lost all hope that she and Amy could ever be friends again…

Part IV

School started on a hot August day. Karma wanted to skip but her mother convinced her to be strong. When she passed Amy she walked slow and stared. Amy turned from her to mirror her movements; she made it impossible for their eyes to ever meet.

They only had one class together and Amy was sitting in front. There would be no way for her to look at Karma without looking back and Karma knew. Karma spent all of that class watching Amy's hair. If Amy twitched at all she would freeze and just wait. She wondered if Amy could feel how much she wanted it to happen, how much Karma wanted to see her eyes and see her face.

At lunch Karma sat alone. Across the way she watched as Amy held Liam close to her and squeezed his hips with her thighs. Amy was sitting up on a table and holding him, sometimes kissing him. It was so strange to see them like that. So fucking bizarre.

"Hey you," a sweet voice called.

"Oh," Karma said, clearing her throat. She hadn't noticed but watching them had taken her breath away. It made her feel hot in different ways, conflicting ways. She wasn't angry anymore, just sad.

"You haven't talked to her, huh," Shane asked.

"I tried. After…"

"The wedding," Shane said, he knew more than he was letting on.

"Yeah… After that."

"I know it looks like they're happy but they're not."

"What-da you mean?" She stuttered. Just one comment sparked the hope.

"She's lost something." He said.

"Please don't say: me," Karma couldn't take any cheese, not after all the shit she'd been through. "This summer has been a nightmare," she held her head.

"No, she's lost something. She's not happy like she used to be. Even with you, even when…" He stopped himself. He didn't want to say anything wrong. "Even when you didn't' know you were hurting her, she was happier than this."

"I don't get it," Karma said. All those pictures all those dates. They were kissing, they looked like lovers.

"She's drowning in him. It's obvious. It's easier than to hope. Ta try..." He was so intuitive. Karma watched as he stared off at the two them and picked at the grass absent-mindedly. She hadn't seen Amy smile. She hadn't seen Amy look at the world at all, not really. "They're being sad together. Both of them."

"I love her, ya know? I've always loved her," a tear rolled down Karma's cheek and he saw. She touched her back tooth with her tongue, wishing she could be better at keeping it all inside. Her emotions came out so easily. She should never have come back to school. She was fragile.

"Nothing's changed," he said. "Not really. She's just lost."

"So am I," Karma said.

"You've gotta fight for her."

"It hurts too much."

"It's the only way."

"No, you," she stopped herself since the anger had returned. "You don't know what it's like to watch your best friend give up on you and turn their back. That is what she did. I would never do that to her." "You don't know what it's like. And I can't-" she shook. "I can't listen to you when you're telling me to try. I can't even hear it in myself. I've tried already. She doesn't want me. You can't even imagine what that's like. How it hurts," she choked down a sob.

"I can't…" Shane smiled softly. "You're right." He took her hand and made her look at him with a finger beneath her chin, raising her eyes up so that they could see. "All I know is, she does love you."

"You can say it but all I see is what I see." Karma let her eyes trail back over to the lovers on the table. Amy's closed eyes and blank expression. Liam's nose in her hair as she loosely held him and they ignored the others who were talking and having normal days.

Shane gave up after that. He watched them and watched her. Eventually he laid back and pulled Karma into him and let her cry into his shoulder.

"You'll get through this, you both will."

"I feel so alone without her. It's like my life isn't real anymore. She's the only one who made it real."

Shane wiped a tear from his eye and tried not to move. He didn't want her to know that he'd been hurting the whole time. Pablo was gone but watching Amy and seeing her change? It was too much for him. He couldn't get behind it.

"You're real. I feel you," he smiled and took her hand since it lay on his chest anyway, afraid to let go.

Across the way Amy opened her eyes just enough to see them there and know. It was harder now that school was back. Harder to pretend it was all fine the way it was. Despite what she may have thought before, Karma was still not okay.