Um, yeah, I just needed to write a Pokeshipping fanfic (it sucks though) after that infamous Amourshipping kiss. God, that made me angry. I bet it wasn't even on the lips because a) Ash was nowhere near flustered enough (maybe because he looks at Serena in a more familial manner than romantic? Gwaah, I dunno) and b) Serena doesn't have the guts. But for the purpose of this story, it's on the lips.
WARNING: This fic is NOT for Amourshippers. Ash is very out of character. Misty is a very sad character. Ummm... Yup. It's not that great.
Please review!
Before Forevers are Never Ever Afters
Ah.
Through the rain, fluctuating between drizzles and torrents, heralded by a clap of thunder, we stood, our breaths nothing but vaporised wisps of our internal thoughts- translucent, white and uncertain as they dissipated into the air.
Through the blur of dew, the red hue that accentuated his cheeks shone with exceptional clarity, the smile on his lips effervescent- the proof of a boy in love.
But I was a girl in love, and I didn't radiate the way he did.
I didn't radiate for I was a broken girl in love, shattering into a million pieces as every drop of rain collided with my skin. A million pieces I couldn't pick up.
Would he pick them up for me? Construct them once more to present himself with a complete and beautiful girl that would love him the way the earth loved and desired the rain?
He would not. He never heard me break. If he were perhaps closer and less deluded by the luxury of a requited love, he would've been able to hear- he would've been able to hear regardless of the rain drowning out the sound of an almost inaudible cracking and wailing of a broken girl's heart.
But the fact forever remained that he hadn't.
...
Serena.
The girl who claimed Ash's first kiss.
It was beyond my expectations to collide with her -the girl of my crush's dreams- the instant before I prepared to flee from the situation, and my crush introducing her to me didn't make my futile attempts any easier.
Her initial plans to travel to Hoenn had apparently been put on hold, and she had then stalked Ash all the way back to Kanto. The boy had no complaints in regards to that; as a matter of fact, it'd have been an understatement to say that he was nothing short of ecstasy.
Oh, how the reverberant beatings of a broken heart despaired for its unrequited lov—
For its unrequited crush, I corrected.
For its unrequited crush.
...
Serena.
Eyes, bearing a blue hue resembling the oceans I loved. They were beautiful, expressive, flooded with emotion. Perhaps too much of it. They betrayed the near hazardous possession she held for Ash, the flames that ignited when another girl approached (namely, me).
And her hair, even in its drenched state, still managed to remain pretty, like a glistening river of honey that cascaded past her ears, barely grazing her shoulders.
Her skin was without a flaw, fingers slender and manicured, her figure the manifestation of every girl's dreams.
She was the epitome of beauty. It had hurt to understand that I couldn't have ever compared.
Oh, Serena.
Her presence made me realise that no matter how many times I attempted to degrade my feelings for Ash to nothing more than a mere crush (which was more than insult to both my feelings and I), my heart simply refused to progress from an essentially guaranteed rejection, and that I'd remain stuck in this Arceus-forsaken love for a little longer than forever.
And forever was not an infinite amount of time.
Forever was however long it wanted to be.
Some forevers were longer than others. Others were not.
It begged the question just how long my forever would be.
...
The beach was isolated, its population of swimmers hibernating in the comfort of their homes as they sought protection from Kanto's harsh, winter waves.
The waves: serene in all their brutality as they graced my toes in all its black (courtesy of the winter) glory, washing away the echoes of my footsteps imprinted in the sand with one, wet touch.
Time had dictated it was evening, as the hands of a clock barely approached six, and the sun drowned in the black sea, illuminating the water with hues of muted golds with its descent.
The gales, imbued with winter's wrath, bit beneath my flesh, and as a result, I shrivelled to the ground, quivering and grasping my knees, praying that if I forced my eyes open for long enough, the salty tears would naturally glaze over my viridian irises.
I was mourning for my feelings, yet the tears, each drop embodying a minute portion of the depression that my heart endured, hadn't done so much as even barricade the surface of my eyes with its glossy, wet film.
My body was devoid of their presence, and I could only sink into despair, rendered unable to release the pain I accumulated.
And how painful it proved to be, piercing my soul like the double-edged swords those damned tears were.
If I was lucky, perhaps a solitary tear might have escaped, gracing my cheek with its evaporating trail of salty moisture as it tumbled into the sea.
A single teardrop, bearing a mass physically less than a feather whilst being the heaviest thing I'd ever know, shouldering a portion of my infinite amount of hurt.
And it wouldn't have done a damn thing.
Yet it would've been all the closure I'd have ever needed.
By this point, I had abandoned my modesty and my virtues. I was reduced to nothing but my undergarments, the remainder of my clothes gathered in a wrinkled pile by my feet, giving the winter wind many an opportunity to prey on my skin, weaken my defences.
I inched a step further into the sea. Another step, followed by a few more, before my entire body was immersed under the water.
It was cold- excruciatingly so.
It was cold, but not like ice.
It was far colder, like the feeling you got when you realised the world- your world- had conspired against you; like the feeling you got when you realised that, in the life of the only person who trusted in your abilities, you were never really that significant.
A sigh remained enclosed within my lips, desiring escape.
I loved the water more than anything after all. More than anything; more than Ash.
The water took my breath away (in a far more literal sense than Ash ever did), provided me with solace, whispering everlasting words of encouragement into near-deaf ears as it enveloped me in its embrace, and it eased me into a world where everything was glowing in shades darker than black, into a reality where the horizons were never the limit.
A reality where dreams did not come true, but where life was nothing short of a dream.
...
How I prayed my consciousness eluded me.
It did not, however, for I was sprawled across the sand, viridian eyes met with an array of glistening stars against an almost black sky.
I'd have rather it rained; it would mirror my mood and follow those terribly dull cliches present in the majority of crappy shoujo mangas.
But life didn't follow cliches, and life was most certainly not a manga.
Else I would've written life so that I never fell in love with Ash in the first place; that our relationship never strayed from anything platonic, or that it never existed at all.
Psyduck emitted a cry and waddled towards me, prodding my skin with his muted yellow hands as he confirmed my consciousness. They felt wet against my skin, and a surprising thought occurred to me.
Psyduck.
That hydrophobic (yet endearing) excuse of an aquatic pokémon dove into the waters he despised to save me, despite the flaws in our relationship- despite my flaws.
I had never been so grateful for my precious Psyduck's existence, for he had made me realise that even if I was forsaken by both my family and friends, I'd always have my pokémon to support me.
Ah, if only my pokémon weren't a constant reminder of my adventures with Ash Ketchum.
...
The rain pounded the surface of my bedroom window. They were like bullets, almost, but more gentle.
It was nature's white noise, masking the silence of my room with its thriving pitter patters.
Pitter patter.
Ash, cloaked in dew, stared up at my window, his yellow companion perched on his shoulder.
Pitter patter.
The sound was all I heard as I observed his wild hand gestures, the movement of his lips, the random wandering of his eyes.
He was signalling that he was coming up, I realised.
Pitter patter.
The noise was accompanied by the knocking of brittle wood, fatigued by the incessant slamming it endured on my worst nights as each spring passed.
It was sad, really, because my worst nights always came too frequently- courtesy of being the flaw in a group of perfect sisters.
Pitter patter.
Ash welcomed himself in, ignoring my protests with a nonchalant laugh, and my insides writhed. How desperately I wanted to sink back into the water and run away.
We exchanged brief greetings, and reminisced slightly about the childhood days we couldn't discuss during our previous encounter. Pikachu nestled into my lap, and my fingers caressed his almost-fluorescent yellow fur.
The butterflies were fervent in my stomach as our conversation approached a silence, and to prevent it, I asked the boy exactly why he had come, because I was aware it wasn't to reminisce.
"I came here to ask for advice," Ash said as he settled on the floor.
"Advice for what?" I questioned in return.
"I want to plan a date with Serena."
I didn't realise my heart could break any more than it did. But it was a lot more than just my heart breaking. My thoughts were thrown into overdrive, my head refused to function right, gravity had a force on my body that suddenly surpassed the universally accepted value by numbers too large to comprehend, and forever was still too long.
The rain continued to pour, like bullets, thriving on my window pane.
Pitter patter.
Of course.
...
I had no choice but to help him. Though I didn't have any dating experience (a fact that surprised Ash), I offered what I thought Serena might have liked, my information reliable only on the basis that we were both girls.
We were both girls, yet our worlds were so different.
My eyes wandered after Ash as he took his leave, and the world still mourned.
Pitter patter—
went the murmurs of my heart.
...
I realised, my eyes trained on the crowd- where the majority identified as couples- that accumulated by the café entrance, that Ash and I weren't really as close as we perceived ourselves to be.
We hadn't seen each other in more than nine years, and if he ever had the courtesy to call, all we had ever exchanged were only a few words.
I had thought that if all failed, I still had the claim of being best friends since childhood with the boy to support me, but even that was null.
Whether we liked it or not, Ash and I were essentially reduced to strangers who simply happened to share some memories together.
Whether we liked it or not, our claim of being "best friends" was nothing more than a title we produced to satisfy ourselves.
I diverted my attention away from the crowd, and took a sip of my coffee. My brows furrowed.
Misty Waterflower was simply a female companion in the shadows, and Ash was nothing more than an idiot who damaged her bike.
That was all our relationship was.
My brows furrowed.
My coffee had turned very cold.
...
The backdrop was glistening gold behind them, complete with chandeliers, champagne and red roses; the classical prelude to an event even more romantic than the place itself.
A beautiful place, it was.
Though the only thing I noticed was her lips.
Her lips, sporting a sexy shade of wine-red, captured his in a slow, passionate kiss.
Wine-red. It was fitting, I supposed, seeing how drunk he got on her kisses, as he yearned for further contact of her wine lips.
Wine-red, indeed.
To casually intrude on their moment was never my intention. Not that it mattered, anyways. Ash and Serena hadn't even noticed I was there.
They were very bold, I decided, as I proceeded in walking past the restaurant window.
To kiss- moreover, in such a way that was no longer PG- where everyone could observe them through the windows, was a very bold move.
Serena, I could not speak for, but Ash? He was more daring than I thought. And he wasn't as innocent as he used to be back then, either.
I wondered helplessly whether we'd ever kiss like that if I was just as beautiful as Serena, if I donned the same red lip.
When I arrived home, the first thing I did was dish out a tube of wine-red lipstick.
I gazed into my reflection, viridian eyes smouldering with painful desperation, fingers prodding the dry surface of my lips, and my other hand still gripping the tube.
I wanted to replicate that same aura that Serena did, that same sexy, red lip.
But my lips were too thin, the colour was unflattering, and I looked like a child trying on a stolen stash of her mother's makeup.
I wasn't sexy at all.
And for the first time upon meeting Ash, I cried, furiously swiping at my lips as I collapsed to the floor.
Why was it that everything I did never turned out the way I wanted it to?
Why did I have to be so impeccably flawed amidst a crowd of perfects?
Yes, I was human, but being human wasn't enough in my world, where every individual who surrounded me surpassed perfection. Being human never got me anywhere.
All I ever strived for was perfection, so why was it that my life followed a sequence of disappointments?
The wine-red hues were smeared across my skin, and the tears continued to fall.
...
I was scared.
Ash had decided to delay his trip to the Alola region, it seemed.
In all honesty, I wasn't aware he was going to leave Kanto again. I thought he was going to stay- permanently.
But of course he wouldn't- it was his goal to become a Pokémon Master, and travelling from region to region was a big part for his dream to come true. He never gave up, and I always admired that.
But now, he was putting his dreams on hold for a girl- for Serena.
It left a bitter aftertaste in my mouth.
The Ash I knew nine years back would've never done that.
The Ash I liked would've never done that.
But he did.
And it scared me, because it made me question my feelings for Ash, but in a way I didn't expect. My feelings were still very alive, and they were still authentic, but it dawned upon me that they were for the wrong boy.
They were for the Ash Ketchum of the past, and not Ash of the present.
And this realisation was what scared me.
...
Too many things were changing, and I wasn't sure if I could handle it anymore.
Ash, my feelings, our relationship.
Our lack of relationship.
We really were strangers, I thought, and we weren't capable of budging our status, because he had changed too much and I had changed too little.
He was still as heroic as ever, he still wore a cap, he still adored his Pikachu, and he still desired the title of Pokémon Master.
But his chocolate eyes were devoid of that spark as we conversed about his dreams, his naïveté had abandoned him, and he was too heavily endorsed in his romantic affairs with Serena.
He reserved no time for his family and friends, for the remnants of his childhood adventures, for his beloved Pikachu. Just Serena.
I didn't want to improve our status, I realised.
All I wanted was the Ash that I knew- that the entirety of Kanto knew- back.
...
I was angry.
Dangerously so.
"You don't love him at all!" Serena exclaimed, her voice triumphant, relieved, as she confirmed her suspicions over my feelings for her boyfriend. "If you can't accept his changes, you never truly loved him in the first place!"
That wasn't it at all, I wanted to say. I loved him, and I would for the rest of my life, but Ash did more than just change. He wasn't Ash anymore, the innocent boy striving to achieve his aspirations and everything beyond, but simply Ash Ketchum, the boy who was bewitched by his possessive as hell girlfriend and cared for nothing but.
But I said nothing, because she would never understand. She didn't know him like I used to, and one meeting with him as five year olds was never going to be enough to discover the little things about him that made him the Ash we loved, whether she had a crush on him or not.
If anything, I thought, Serena didn't truly love him at all, for if she did, she'd have never tied him down the way she did, and she would have encouraged his dreams.
I was angry- dangerously so.
But I did nothing and I said nothing as her black heels tapped away on the wooden boards of the café floor, big blue eyes matching mine once more before she finally left.
I sighed.
Her eyes weren't as pretty as I initially thought them to be.
...
I needed to change, I thought to myself one day.
I needed to change myself so I could then change everything around me, because as I was now, I was simply the pathetic protagonist of a self-produced tragedy who always cried over her every flaw, and did nothing about it.
"All I ever strived for was perfection, so why was it that my life followed a sequence of disappointments?"
Because, Misty Waterflower, you always tried your hardest, but you always gave up halfway.
But that was going to change. I was going to change, and I was going to do something this time.
I would not wait for Ash, and I would not wait for Serena to return the boy that I loved, because that was the equivalent of anticipating no results.
I was going to bring the real Ash Ketchum back, and I would not give up halfway.
...
"Break up with Serena," I said, fingers trembling as the cold played into effect.
Ash glared at me with scrutiny as he inched closer, and Pikachu jumped off his shoulder.
His teeth were gritted, I observed, but I remained rooted in my place, unintimidated.
"Why?" His voice was cold, and it sent more shivers down my spine than the weather ever could. I stood my ground nonetheless.
Pikachu perched himself on my shoulder, which surprised me initially, as I thought he'd definitely be on Ash's side. Ash seemed to have thought so too, and hurt briefly crossed his visage.
"She's... not good for you." I attempted the gentle approach. Fighting fire with fire wasn't always the greatest thing to do, judging by past experiences, and I'd test rationality first to see how that goes.
"But why?"
"She's a bad influence, Ash. She's changed you for the worse, and—"
"Changed me for the worse?" His voice was incredulous. "In what way, exactly?"
"I was just about to—"
"I haven't changed one bit! It's you that's changed, Mist," Ash growled, and my heart ached the moment he used that damned nickname. "We used to be best friends! You're meant to be supporting me on this! You too, Pikachu!"
Pikachu emitted a soft cry, and I balled my fists.
"Ash, I—"
"What is everyone's problem? Seriously, they keep going on an on about how I was as a kid, but I'm older now! I'm bound to have changed. I thought you at least would've been able to understand that, Misty. But even you—"
"Just shut up!" I cried, face reddening slightly. I wasn't sure whether it was due to the cold or the anger that Ash evoked in me. Either way, it didn't matter. At that moment, it felt as if I was fire personified, and too many things were on my mind to even consider rationally speaking through things. "Who on earth are you to talk? Why did you expect me to understand? You haven't called me in over nine years, Ash. You're a stranger to me! Don't give me that "understanding best friend" bull! Where were you when I needed you? When I was breaking under the pressure everyone put on me for not being as perfect as my sisters? For not being as strong as them, for not being as pretty as them, for being so damn useless- where were you then, when I needed your support? I tried calling you, but you never picked up. You were always so fucking busy with your stupid, fucking adventures that you neglected everyone here!
"Your mother, too- did you enquire about her once after you left for Kalos? She was so worried about you these past two years, but you didn't even care! She thought you abandoned her, just like your father did! Honestly, looking at you now, I wouldn't have been surprised. What was it they said again? Ah yes, like father, like son," I hissed.
Ash's anger subsided rapidly, his expression a blank canvas as he attempted to mould his shock into words.
"Misty—"
"And that was before Serena invaded your life!" I continued. "And you know what? I actually thought it was okay at first, because you were doing it for your dream, and because I thought that one day, you'd come back to us, all smiley and proud and whatever. But now look at you. You're abandoning your dreams for a girl! All that time, and you suddenly decide to hold it off for a while, just for Serena? And even now, while you're at home, you aren't paying anyone any attention! Not even Pikachu! It's all just Serena when it comes to you nowadays! You might as well have just never come back!"
"Mist—"
That stupid nickname.
"And the most pathetic part in all of this is that I actually fell in love with an idiot like you. I don't know what I was thinking." I matched my viridian eyes to his chocolate ones, and he flinched slightly. "If you're so dead set on Serena, realise that you're cutting off your ties with everyone else, and that you're risking all your hard work for a girl who doesn't even care about you or your dreams." I released a breath, anger disappearing into the air in wisps of smoky-white. "Now, if you excuse me, I need to leave."
And I walked away, ignoring Ash as he called after me, wondering if my words had left any impact on him whatsoever.
...
Rumours circulated around Cerulean, and word of Serena's abrupt departure finally reached my ears.
It had been two weeks since I last talked to Ash, but by the sound of it, it seemed like he broke up with Serena.
It was good, I thought, sipping on my cappuccino as I studied the tactics Violet utilised against a young trainer, whose enthusiasm ebbed as more of his pokémon fainted.
"Did you see that, little sis?" Daisy whistled as she settled down beside me, her emerald orbs trailing after the devastated boy as he exited the gym.
"Yes," I droned, slightly distraught that I had finished the entirety of my cappuccino, lips still pressed against the cool surface of the cup. Daisy tutted.
"Don't just keep biting the cup! If you're done with it then you're done! Go put it back in the kitchen," she said, folding her arms as she leaned back on her seat, "and don't forget you saw in Violet's battle! It'll help you with your own when you succeed the gym."
"I know," I stressed, brows furrowing slightly. "You've told me a million times before."
"But you just don't learn, no matter how many times I've said it!"
"I've got it this time," I replied, arising from my seat with my fingers around the cup's handle. I breathed, matching Daisy's eyes. "I've got it this time."
Her gaze lingered on mine, scrutinising and somewhat perplexed, and I caught sight of her lips through my peripheral vision.
Wine-red. Like Serena's, except my heart didn't sink upon eying the cursed colour.
Daisy's lips curved into a smile, and she nodded. "Okay."
And I left for the kitchen, the cup dangling from my hands and a smile gracing my coral-hued lips.
...
I eyed the bike, stroking it's handles and it's tiny frame.
It had been two years now since I last talked to Ash, and my heart was relieved of the weight. No more restrictions, no more burdens, just freedom, and I was ecstatic.
It was a shame really, that I hadn't managed to communicate with him at all since I stormed out on him, and that I hadn't managed to bid him a farewell at the very least before his departure, but I couldn't afford the time to fret over it; I had too much to do now that I was the official gym leader of Cerulean.
The wind rustled my hair, a vibrant orange blob that was cut to flow a little past my shoulders, and I caressed the rusty surface of my bike.
It was incredibly old, a memory of my first meeting with Ash, and it was tiny.
I had outgrown it a long time ago, yet the urge to simply hop on and ride it was was simply too irresistible.
A juvenile urge, but I did it anyways.
I pedalled, with no destination in mind, relishing in the spring breeze where the cherry blossoms danced, mingling with my orange hair.
I laughed with no care, ignoring the perplexed glances from the elderly and the curious exclamations of the children.
And when the bike collapsed, I simply ran.
A destination became more vivid in my mind as the scent of the sea permeated the air, and I ran harder, adrenaline fuelling my legs.
Eventually, I collapsed too, somewhere in the golden sand, chest rising and falling as the adrenaline ebbed.
The sea whispered, its murmurs a lullaby to my ears. I hummed along, arms outstretched, eyes closed, immersed in my surroundings.
It had been a while since I had felt such a thrill- sometime during my early adolescence, if my memory served me well- and the rush was almost addicting.
I'll do it again, I decided, whenever I have the time.
Before long, dusk drowned the sun beneath the sea, and the squelching of sand echoed in my ears. It was quiet at first. I ignored it.
But as it grew louder, I cocked my head, leaving an imprint in the sand.
The wind rustled through the baggy denim that I didn't don, and the shoes in my line of vision were faded blue, fatigued and torn.
The burdens suddenly weighed more than my body itself, and I wondered whether my forever would ever end.
"Mist?"
I didn't look up.
...
I was not meant to be this easy.
Ash settled next to me, our noses almost touching, my ears tinted red as my heart fell out of rhythm.
"It's been a while, huh?" He said, and if I hadn't had the memory of his adolescent, nasal squeaks, I would've well been charmed by the masculinity present in his voice all over again.
To hell with that! I was already charmed; always had been- now, two years ago, and nine years prior to that.
I didn't respond, the desire to reconcile shoved down the back of my throat.
I wasn't meant to be this difficult either.
Ash realised that I had no intention to reply, and sat up- slowly- as he tore his chocolate gaze away from mine.
"I broke up with Serena." He still anticipated a response, and I was determined to give him none. We battled in the silence, his will versus mine.
It turned out I lost (just like I always did against him).
"I know," I said, and his eyes glowed a little at the sound of my voice.
"You were right. She wasn't good for me," Ash whispered.
"Is that why you broke up with her?"
"It is."
"But you were supposed to have loved her, regardless."
"Yeah."
"You make a horrible lover, Ash."
"I can't help it if I find someone better." His statement took me by surprise, and I sat up abruptly, elbows digging into the sand for support. His eyes matched mine again. His gaze was very soft and my heart ached.
"I'm not that easy," I said, even though I was. I was just as stubborn as I was easy, it seemed.
"I never said you were." His tone was hushed, sweet, and patient, and he spoke as if he was communicating with a child.
"I loved you, you know." My voice was almost as hushed as his, but in contrast to his, it was imbued with a sense of infuriation and urgency.
"Yeah." His head hung slightly as he acknowledged my use of the past participle. "I know."
The ache in my heart eased a little as I inhaled. "I still love you," I breathed, my tone soft and airy.
His eyes glistened and he straightened his stature. "Then—"
"But I'm not that easy," I stubbornly reiterated, earning myself a laugh from the boy.
"Yeah!" He chuckled. "I know."
I raised a brow. "You seem to know a lot of things lately. Your trip to Alola must have smartened you up," I teased, lightly punching his arm. It was an awkward punch, so it was, as he simply stared without responding to my little joke.
"I retract my statement," I decided.
Ash simply laughed once more.
As we continued to talk (about his adventures in Alola, where he'd go next, and how I succeeded the gym), I noted to myself that the stars were a lot prettier than normal.
And when I finally noticed that his fingers (rough from the layer of sand) were entwined with mine, the red hues coloured my ears and the weight lifted, freedom pumping through my veins.
I squeezed his hand lightly, and when he returned the gesture, it occurred to me that forever had only just begun.
Uuuuuh, yeah, so the ending sucked, so to speak. The whole fic sucked, but I'm fairly happy with it because it gave me the satisfaction I was looking for!
If you notice any mistakes, feel free to point them out- I'll correct them. Also, if you have any constructive criticism, I welcome it with open arms.
I wrote this all on my iPad, and when I uploaded it to fanfic, all the editing (as in the italics) got deleted, which sucks.
Uuuuuuh, please review? Pretty please?
Ummmmm... I hope you liked it? It's find if you didn't.
X's and O's,
Liberty, Love and Roses~