A/N: You'll have to forgive me, but I just couldn't resist the temptation.
The Letters She'll Never Read
Letter One
My dear Christine,
I do not know why I insist in writing down what I think, I know your heaven-blessed hands will never touch this damned paper and yet I secretly wish my words will reach you.
I think of you and I think of the world, I think of God who made us different, I think of my cursed life, my head spins around and I see everything so clear and yet so confusing at the same time. But then when fate has mercy and I'm allowed to forget the horrors of my life and I think of you it is oh heaven! A sensation so full of reality and tenderness that I begin to wonder if it lacks sin... and yet why do I worry? Have I not sinned since the day of my birth? Is not my mere existence a sin?
I believe I'm just afraid my dear, afraid of profaning your pureness with my thought.
Oh Christine! I've cursed God so many times and now I curse him and bless him the same. I do not know if its mercy or torture, and I wish... oh I wish I knew.
Without you my whole existence seems worthless, empty a vast span of time with no meaning at all. I wish oh Christine, with all my soul, if I have one soul and heaven did not forget to give me one, if I have a soul oh my angel if I have one.... I love you with every inch of it.
Your name sounds so sweet and pure that I'm afraid of saying it aloud and profaning it, and yet when I dear I find it so incalculably lovable and bitter, knowing that I'll never be able to pronounce it without remorse and loathsome for myself. Your name is music and there are no words to describe music, music sends that chilling sensation to your bones, that shiver to your spine, that heat to your blood, it accelerates your heart beats and respiration it makes you close your eyes and forget the world, it makes your mind focus on its beauty... oh Christine! Music is your name.
Not one composer can write it down, never the music sounds as in our heads and all my work now sounds so futile, nothing compared to the beauty of your name.
Your name Christine is music, your name Christine is soul, your name is heart, your name is tender, your name is everything... your name Christine is my life.
I do not know how to sign, sincerely, affectionately, lovingly all sound meaningless and despiteful, so my angel I do not sign with them but just with my name... Erik