The minute that Rey looked back she was looking into the eyes of Ben. He was kneeling, like he did at her interrogation, which seemed like a lifetime ago. So much had changed. As he knelt she observed him. She wondered if he was mad, mad that she chose differently than he wanted. However what she found was that in his eyes there held no malice, no disgust no betrayal ... just the sensitivity and loneliness she had come to associate with him. His countenance was not vengeful but, dare she say, broken. Just a boy who was lost for so many years, who slowly fell into darkness.
Though that made her question everything that occurred, she did not falter. She could not join him. That was for sure. She was SO sure that he come and join her side. She was naive to think that one meeting face to face in person was enough to move him towards the light. But that didn't mean that the light didn't exist. The light was there still, she could see it. In that one moment as they exchanged looks. It still stood its ground beneath all the darkness that engulfed him. He was not evil, not fully, just confused.
He had been called 'Ben', by this girl whom he had met briefly, and not the usual 'monster' or 'Kylo Ren', just Ben. It took him off guard when she referred to him as such, though it was not unwelcomed. When they exchanged in the elevator he was sure that she would stand with him. He was very sure, he was right, just not in the way he had thought. When he was talking with her, he did not feel as lonely as he had before. He felt... different. Nothing he could explain at the moment. When things turned and both of them refused to back down he felt the loneliness creep up on him again.
As he wandered into the room and knelt he picked up the golden dice that belonged to his mother given to her by his father, Han Solo. He held them in his hand feeling a familiar presence, he looked up. Greeted with the form of Rey he stared into her eyes. He could see that she was observing him as well. There was something left unsaid, something bruised. It wasn't broken, that he was sure of, but nonetheless it stood at the forefront in all its imperfect glory. Her usual fierceness was replaced with a tenderness coupled with ... disappointment? Hurt? He could not fully tell. He knew that she was upset over their confrontation. He had pleaded with her as tears ran down her cheeks. He knew she was just as lonely as he was. But she refused. He didn't feel the frustration he had felt at the time then as he looked upon her now. He felt, different. It was somewhat empty. The void that she had filled, the loneliness that had covered him was slowly coming undone as he spent time talking with her. He didn't realize it then, he did now. So as he looked upon her, he had nothing more to say, at least out loud.
So there lay that emptiness
Rey look upon him. Her heart felt heavy. She didn't want it to end the way it did. But there was nothing to be done, not now at least. She never broke eye contact with Ben. Those eyes ... She felt hers reflect something similar. She, however, could not dwell anymore and closed the hatch. She wondered if this really was the end of, well, their connection.
Just as she did the loneliness crept upon her once more
He watched her has she closed the door to the Falcon. His heart felt heavier than usual. He looked down towards the dice as they disappeared. Clenching his fist he remained kneeling
And so the emptiness claimed him once more.