A/N: Hey there! This is just a two-shot thought up by my friend and my brother and I, inspired by the soccer world cup hosted in my country (South Africa). Enjoy!
Disclaimer: I Do Not Own Naruto
Konoha 12 vs. The Akatsuki – Soccer style!
It was a warm sunny day in the village of Konoha, the atmosphere was electric, emotions were running high and the stadium was packed with fans all gathered to watch a game of soccer between the Konoha 12 and the Akatsuki. Suddenly, the noise in the stadium died down as the booming voice of Jiraiya, the commentator began to speak. "Welcome everyone! To the so-called match of the century!" A huge applause was to be heard from the large crowd of spectators. "Yahoo! Let us introduce you to the coaches," Maito Gai, the second commentator spoke, "For the Akatsuki we have Pein and for the Konoha 12 we have Tsu –"
"Yes that's right, it's the one, the only, super fine, super hot Tsu –"
Gai smacked Jiraiya on the back of his head for interrupting. "Nevermind," said Gai, "Let's move on to introducing the captains! For Konoha 12, the super geek Shikamaru, aka, Geekamaru!"
"Well you're a fine one to talk..." Jiraiya muttered.
"For the Akatsuki, once again its Pein!"
The camera zoomed in on Pein who appeared to be arguing with a match official.
"Wow, the match hasn't even started yet and Pein's already being a Pain in the ass. So ero-sennin, what do you have to say about the weather conditions?"
"It's Jiraiya you Fuzzy Eyebrows! Anyway, I'd say as long as Tsunade's in the stadium, it is going to be shi shi poo poo la la HOT in here..."
"I said the WEATHER, not the COACHES! How unyouthful!"
Gai began to introduce the players of Konoha 12 as they appeared on the pitch. "At the goals I see a guy who won't stop munching on his packet of chips (Chouji). The defenders are...a young man not wearing his kit but an outfit that can only be described as what a jail outfit would look like (Naruto), a boy still battling to wake up from the bench (Shikamaru), a guy with what looks like an overgrown rat on his head (Kiba), and a dude wearing shades in the shade (Shino). Moving on to the mid-fielders, it's a skinny blonde (Ino) and oh my God a huge forehead! (Sakura) we'll be seeing a lot of headers from that young lady. Let's not forget about the super genius Neji and my beautiful Green Beast, Lee!"
"Gai-sensei!"
"Lee!"
"I will win this match with the power of youth!"
"Youth!" Gai echoed as Jiraiya sucker-punched him to continue.
"Yeow, ok, ok, let's go to the strikers...we have a spaced-out young girl (Hinata) and a chicken-butt, rooster-headed, fowl-cut hairstyled guy (Sasuke). On the bench, we have my other youthful student, mistress of weapons! (Tenten), a guy who seems to be more interested in drawing (Sai), a vicious-looking emo red-head (Gaara), a guy with weird make-up (Kankuro) and a blonde with an unusual hairdo (Temari)."
Needless to say, the Konoha 12, Sai and the Sand-siblings were less than pleased with their introductions, well, apart from Neji , Lee and Tenten.
"Now for the Akatsuki," Jiraiya began, "A man that needs no introductions, obviously because we introduced him twice already (Pein). At the goals we have a pumpkin that claims to be a good boy! The defenders are, including Pein, a treacherous weasel that murdered his clan and cast his little brother into an angsty life of emo-ism (Itachi)."
Sasuke was on the other end of the pitch, being restrained by Naruto, Kiba and Chouji. "Lemme at him! Lemme at him!"
"Alrighty then...well what do you know, another blonde, looking exactly like the other one (Deidara) and a young man –" Jiraiya looked down at his script, "WHAT? He's 35 years old!(Sasori) He must let me in on his secrets... Now for the mid-fielders, ooh she should be fined for looking for looking so fine (Konan), next is...wait, why is that guy selling snacks and trying to collect ticket fees? (Kakuzu), anyway, next we got a guy here who didn't even score a goal yet but he's taken off his shirt. Not only that, he already defaced the pitch with what seems to be a Jashin symbol (Hidan), we've got a big blue guy handing water to his teammates (Kisame). Now for the strikers, first is...a two-toned individual who appears to be eyeing the spectators hungrily (Zetsu). Kyaaaaah! It's my gay pedo buddy, he finally came back, I thought I'd never see him again (Orochimaru). Okay let's go to the substitutes on the bench, we got a four-eyed freak (Kabuto), an insanely tall guy (Juugo), yet another four-eyed freak, but this time it's a girl (Karin) and she's beating the stuffing out of a white-haired, sharp-toothed guy who is emitting splashes of um, water? (Suigetsu)."
The players of Konoha 12 were dressed in navy blue shorts and t-shirts with a red spiral on the back along with their names on their backs and numbers, the front of their t-shirts had the Konoha emblem and they wore their headbands proudly. The Akatsuki had black shorts and t-shirts with the red cloud design.
"The referee for this match is my number one rival and is known as the copy-ninja!" Gai announced as Kakashi walked out onto the field with his book, wearing a bored expression.
"And the linesmen...or should I say lineswomen..."Jiraiya said, while trying to control his nosebleed, watching the two women in their shorts and t-shirts, "Are Kurenai and Anko!"
Kakashi stood in the centre of the pitch with Pein and Shikamaru, getting ready for the coin toss to see which team would start the kick-off. Between a master strategist and a guy who thought he was God, it was hard to say who would win. "Let's have a nice, fair game," said Kakashi, "Pein?"
"Heads."
Flip, flip, flip
"Tails. Konoha start," Kakashi said, "Captains, shake hands."
Pein reluctantly shook Shikamaru's hand, all the while trying to crush it, while Shikamaru yawned in his face. Hinata kicked the ball to Sasuke at the kick off line and the game had begun! "And it's the younger Uchiha with the ball for Konoha, wearing the number 9 shirt!" said Jiraiya. As Sasuke was running, ready to score for Konoha, Itachi appeared next to him. "You cannot score, foolish little brother, you will never win because you lack...hatred."
Sasuke got angry and kicked the ball hard – at Itachi's two fruit and veg to be precise.
Kakashi blew his whistle. "Oooh, that must have hurt," Jiraiya said. "Bastard! What are you doing? Get your head in the game!" Naruto yelled. "How's that for hatred!" Sasuke told Itachi, who was curled up in a ball on the ground. "Free kick to the Akatsuki," Kakashi called out.
"Awww but Kakashi-sensei!" Naruto complained.
Zetsu got ready to take the free kick for Akatsuki. "Let's kick left. No right I say, right!" Zetsu argued, which resulted in him tripping over the ball while trying to kick it in two opposite directions. The ball was brought back into play by Rock Lee, who headed for the goal, bursting with the power of the springtime of youth. "My beautiful green beast is going for goal!" Gai commentated. Tobi was jumping up and down in front of the goals, "Tobi will be a good boy and save the goal!" But as Lee sped past the Akatsuki defense, Tobi started to panic. "Take this!" Lee exclaimed, and with an almighty kick, the ball ricocheted off the goalpost and the Konoha supporters groaned. "Yay! Tobi saved it!"
"No you didn't, un! Stop cowering in the corner of the goalpost and pay attention!" Deidara reprimanded him. "Sorry Senpai," Tobi said sadly. Meanwhile, Hidan had the ball for Akatsuki and Shikamaru was challenging him for it. "C'mon Shikamaru! Show him!" Ino Yamanaka yelled to her teammate. "It's already decided by Jashin-sama that I will score and win this match," Hidan said with a feral grin. "Hah! You wish," Kiba said, tackling Hidan and sweeping the ball away, he passed it to Hinata and suddenly five Akatsuki members were converging on her. "Just give us the ball, you weak little girl, and we won't tackle you for it," Sasori told her threateningly. Hinata side-stepped him and passed the ball to Shino. Sasori was about to after the ball but saw that a ton of insects now covered it, Sasori was not a guy to scream and overreact, but Deidara was. "Danna! He's covered it with creepy insects!"
"I can see that brat, now stop pulling my shirt and go after him!"
Shino had already passed the ball to Neji but before Neji even kicked it, it deflated. "Oops, too much chakra," Neji said, but there was no emotion in his voice.
"It appears that Neji's gentle-fist, or um, should I say gentle-kick has deflated the ball!" Jiraiya informed the spectators.
A new ball was brought to the field by the ball-boy, Konohamaru. "Let's go my minions! We must score and defeat them!" Pein shouted to his team. Konan now had possession of the ball and was running trying to find their teams strikers – one was...stalking Sasuke? Everywhere Sasuke ran, Orochimaru wasn't far behind. "Orochimaru you snaky bastard, concentrate on the game!" Konan called as she passed him the ball. Orochimaru wasn't expecting that, and received a ball to the head. He was currently out cold on the grass. Kakashi blew his whistle, and signalled the medical team. Shizune and company arrived with a stretcher and removed him from play. "Oho! Man down for the Aka's, knocked out by his own teammate, very unyouthful!" Gai said. "My, my, Konan's hot and got insane strength! I'm lovin' it! This will cost the Aka's their first substitution as Kabuto Yakushi comes onto the field!" Jiraiya announced.
Kabuto sauntered onto the field with an air of arrogance that rivalled even Sasuke's. Meanwhile, Kakuzu was going for goal, having beaten Konoha's defence. Chouji was ready for him, but little did he know that Kakuzu also had a plan up his sleeve – or rather, in his pocket. Kakuzu pulled out a bag of barbeque flavoured potato chips that was leftover from his snack sales earlier. He threw it at Chouji, who obviously dived for it, forgetting that he was the goalkeeper, all that mattered right now was his beloved snack. Kakuzu cackled and shot for goal – and scored.
"Goal for the Aka's!" Gai proclaimed.
"Wait a minute there, Gai, Anko's flag has just gone up there!" said Jiraiya.
"Offside!" Anko called.
"What do you mean offside? You're off your head!" Pein yelled.
"What did you say asshole?" Anko screamed.
"Now, now," Kakashi said in his bored tone, "No fighting or I'm giving you a yellow card, Pein."
Pein was incensed, "You can take that yellow card and shove it up your - "
"Pein! Stop it and let's just keep playing, we'll show them," Konan said, with a smirk towards Anko. The game continued with Naruto kicking the ball high into the air. Sakura and Sasori were going for it, both jumped up in an attempt to head the ball, but their heads collided instead. "Ow! Had I been human you could have concussed me with that overlarge forehead of yours, girl." Sasori said, annoyed. "Oh shut it, puppet boy!" Sakura said dangerously. The tall, shark-looking Kisame had intercepted the ball and Naruto and Kiba were already chasing after the massive guy who had passed the ball to Itachi. Itachi stood with one foot on the ball and pointed his finger towards Naruto and Kiba.
"Eh, Naruto, are we at the beach?" Kiba asked.
"What? Hey, yes we are!" Naruto exclaimed.
"Why are we dressed like lifeguards?" Kiba wondered out loud.
"I dunno, and why are we running in slow motion on the shoreline?" Naruto asked.
Tsunade watched, horrified, as Kiba and Naruto were running in the same spot as though they were in a trance. Itachi must have trapped them in a genjutsu. Tsunade called Sakura over to the sideline, "Go and hit them! They're trapped in Itachi's genjutsu!"
"I'm on it!" Sakura said, running towards the boys who were running in place in slow-motion, looking very weird indeed. She decked both boys on their heads, "Idiots! Snap out of it!" Naruto and Kiba shook their heads, "We were lifeguards on the beach, Sakura-chan!"
"No you weren't, you were trapped in Itachi's genjutsu!" Sakura said, hitting Naruto again, for good measure. When Kakashi blew his whistle again, it was half time and no goals were scored. "Woohoo! Half-time already! Hopefully the second half will reveal a winner! Right now, the teams must be exhausted!" said Gai enthusiastically.
Shikamaru sat down with a sigh on the bench. He needed to come up with a strategy if Konoha was going to win this match. He was deep in concentration, sitting in his signature pose, when he heard a buzzing by his ear. He swatted it away, thinking it was one of Shino's bugs. "Shikamaru! Shikamaru!" said a small, squeaky voice.
"Yes, Hinata?" Shikamaru asked, opening his eyes, but Hinata was seated on the other end of the bench with Kiba and Shino. "Here Shikamaru! Look here dammit!" Shikamaru looked around himself, but could see nothing, until a small fly – or what he thought was a fly – zoomed right between his eyes. Shikamaru squinted, the fly-thing had a cigarette in its mouth and had a very familiar face, minus the wings. "Asuma-sensei?" Shikamaru whispered in shock. "Yep! It is I. I'm your angel, your guardian angel, I've come to help you win this match!" Angel-Asuma said. Shikamaru scratched his chin thoughtfully, "Okay, but why are you in the form of half an insect?"
"That's not important! What's important is igniting the will of fire and winning this match!"
"Right. So do you have a plan?"
"I sure do. Now listen closely..."
A/N: How was that? Tell me your thoughts. Flames are welcome! Please, please review!
If you like this story, check out my other stories Konoha's Bash – chapter 9 up and Pein's Bachelor Party! – chapter 3 up! Read and review