Warning. Boy love. Don't like it, don't read it.
Disclaimer. All rights reserved to Hiroyuki Takei.
.x.
I could still hear the echo of his voice above the ringing in my ears as I lay face down on the red dusty ground. This would be the second time today that I've been thrown to said dirt as an act of punishment for disobeying the word of the Iron Maiden.
Lyserg, don't do it! If you do, you'll destroy your spirit!
Licking my dust-covered lips, and refusing to raise my head to face the onslaught of cruel words bestowed on my lithe form by those lying lips, I sigh inaudibly. I felt so lost and alone. I had come to the X-Laws hoping to find a sense of security, to feel like I belonged with all the others out to destroy Hao. His screams keep replaying themselves like a broken record, bringing bitter tears to my eyes.
Have I failed him? I feel like I have, in such a way that my heart aches at the very thought. Behind my closed eyes, I can see how his face would fall, only to quickly be rebuilt with that goofy grin and some reassuring words. He would like to believe that no one has seen his mask falter, that everyone believes that he will even smile through the deaths of his comrades. Such a sweet child, always looking out for everyone save for himself.
Even now, he's still worrying about me. I can see it in those bottomless ebon pools, in his smile that breaks just a little every time our paths cross. And I feel guilty; I won't deny it. After all, I left his side for a bunch of adults that treat me like an annoyance, like they can't wait to get rid of me should I fuck up once more.
The berating has ended for now, though I'm not sure I want to lift myself off this sandy ground to see the disapproval in Marco's eyes, and even worse, know that Jeanne's eyes are filled with the same emotion, I just can't see them.
With every encounter with him and his group, the one I used to belong to, I wonder why I left in the first place. I never wanted to leave the spunky teen's side, he was the light of my world, and we were both after the same goal: defeat Hao at all costs. Our goal hasn't changed, yet we're fighting on different sides.
If I ran back to him now, would he take me back with open arms? Silly me, of course he would. He would ignore the protests of Len and that pseudo-comedian, allowing me to return to his side and be his friend again, not his enemy.
On shaky legs, from exhaustion or dread, I can't determine, I slowly stand, with my back turned to the iron-encased, red-eyed princess. Marco made some dry remark, but I ignored him as I headed back to the place we had ventured from on this little escapade. Not that I wanted to go back, I just don't think I could have lasted another minute knowing Yoh was so close by, and yet so out of my reach.
My flared coat brushed the back of my bare legs, a faint reminder of the life I had chosen for myself as I walked away. His cries would keep me up that night, and would continue to do so for the rest of my life if I stayed with the X-Laws. A bitter tear ran down my cheek, my feet taking me further away from the music-addicted teen as my mind toyed with the idea that he couldn't stop thinking of me, as I with him. It was a thought that crossed my psyche many a time, lingering just long enough for my heart to feel like it was breaking in a million pieces before fading to a dull ache.
Why did I need him so? I asked myself this time and time again, and still I don't have an answer. Maybe I never will. All I know is I feel empty without his presence nearby, and there's not a soul in the X-Laws with their backwards ideals that could possibly fix this troubled heart of mine.
You stole my heart, Asakura Yoh. I'll be coming back to get it, I promise. But in the meantime, please be careful with it. After all, a young boy's heart is more fragile then glass.