Title: Valentines for the Troubled
Written By: Astaldothôlwen
Point of View: Kairi
Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts. I own the picture of the one I admire - who I have admired since June – and that is enough this Valentines Day. Go to my profile, click the link to my blog and you'll see the picture of the two of us. It one of the first pictures and I love it very much (you should see a blushing blonde in an oversized blue coat with a charming looking lad beside her; I apologize, the picture is awfully blurry).
Also, I don't claim to own the brief mention of a character Janice. I didn't ask Lyphe if I could use one of her main characters as a mention, however, I didn't think she'd mind terribly. Annie, if you do mind; I'll take that portion down as soon as possible and will replace it with another name.
Oh, and I don't own the blatant Final Fantasy X hints either.
Or the hint at the Cheshire cat.
Valentines Day.
The day in which we shower our loved ones with store bought trinkets and gifts to prove our love for them. To have a Valentine on this special day is priceless and something to be cherished. A Valentine is special and rare and everything that is wonderful; but to me, Valentines Day is pointless. They call me cold hearted; not wanting to let anyone in. They say that I'm going to die alone and that no one in their right mind would want me. I say screw them all. This day has nothing to do with love anymore; it's all about consumerism therefore I refuse to give into its trivialities.
Nothing has been the same.
Ask anyone; they'll tell you exactly what I'm about to; you'll find it in any textbook, in any journal article. When the Worlds became disconnected, everything went astray, everything was a mess. But today is not the day to tell you of such trivial matters – surely we would have died without him; but today is not the day.
Every year since it passed I've shut myself from giving into the commercially-based consumerism that has befallen this holiday. My friends call me cold hearted, much like I said before. Frankly, I don't give a damn. There is no love within a box of chocolates; what does a box of chocolates prove anyways? Love is supposed to be special, everlasting, the most beautiful and sacred thing we know – chocolate is none of those things.
That is why I refuse to celebrate this day – no matter how special you try and make it; its root is all based on munny and I refuse to forget that.
I've been padding around the house for quite some time now; the clock on my wall has been screaming its noon for some time now. There is nothing to do today; Selphie is more than likely out with Tidus, Wakka with the new girl named Janice who spites me to no end with her perfection.
All in all they've all found their perfect someone's while I sit here bored out of my mind.
I can hear children all around the island screaming and giggling, little boys yelling at the tops of their lungs regarding epidemics such as cooties and girls laughing at their friends' embarrassment when they give that special someone their Valentine card.
I remember when we were that young . . .
I remember the most embarrassing thing you could do was give a Valentine to that special someone in front of all your friends. And when he'd open it, his friends would laugh and call him names – the next thing you know, your Valentines Day card would be shredded into thousands of tiny pieces before your eyes; tossed into the sea, never to be found again.
This is one of my fondest memories sadly. I know you look at me and you think to yourself, how can such a depressing moment in a child's life be so fond? Was it the innocence of childhood, once lost you can never reclaim it? Or maybe the fond memories of all of us being together again? Surely it was based on these two elements; but that is not the reason.
I remember the look in his eyes when he read my note on my card, and that alone is more then enough. The soft look in his eyes as he read the words and looked at me so softly is something I'll cherish forever.
Thinking back on his feigned disgust that alone makes me laugh; the sound foreign to my ears.
Walking outside my modest home the sun was shining, the birds singing a harmonious tune that even the angriest of people could not hate. I loved these days, though sadness often played across my features. I know they looked at me with pity; but I don't need them, I don't need any of them.
I've become accustomed to walking around the Island without my shoes; the feeling of the warm sand is almost therapeutic in nature, something so simple and wonderful; who knew it could be so wonderful? The smell of blush anthurium's and lilacs tickle my nose as I smell the passing flowers. On a blue-skied day with no clouds, only the sun kissing my skin and the birds singing for the joy of my ears, nothing can ruin my mood.
Although I feel solemn sometimes because there is no one in my life to walk hand-and-hand with down the sun parched boulevards; it is days like this I forget about the two of them and just enjoy the beauty and quaint nature that is the Destiny Islands. Although I long to be one of the ones who are blissfully unaware of everything around them; I still love to think back to that time when we were all in danger, I love knowing what he did for all of us.
The island across the channel isn't used as a play area for the children anymore. After the incident, no one really uses it anymore; everyone knew that's where it all started. Rumors and stories began to befall the tiny play island and soon everyone; including the adults found it taboo to even speak of it.
It's been years since anyone has graced it; save for the teenagers who sometimes go there on Hallow'een to tell ghost stories of the silver-haired guardian of Darkness or the copper-haired one who allegedly guards the Secret Place so no living mortal can leave this World. Like I said, many stories have erupted on this very island; no one dares to anger whatever may inhabit the island.
I know there is nothing and that their fears are for nothing; but who am I to say anything. They think of me as the one who started it all, who was the focus of Ansem; I brought upon the destruction which nearly destroyed everything.
The society I live in is fickle and quite strange; some love talking about the incidents that occurred a few years back, others look at it as something to be swept under the rug and painfully ignored. And because of these thoughts I talk to no one. I rarely even talk to my friends; they know Janice was not from one of our islands and although they don't question me for the possibilities; they look to me as though I was the one reason people have been displaced.
I've decided to paddle my way to the small island, there is nothing else left to do; the sounds of the main island are driving me to the brink of insanity. Although I haven't used my canoe in what feels like years; I quietly remind myself that it has only been a year to the day since I've last visited the island. It's become a relaxation for me to visit the island where it all started with a dream, a raft and an adventure that no one would ever forget.
I love hearing the sound of the ocean water against my boat; the taste of the ocean breeze on my lips. The taste of the salt of the sea is something I'll never grow weary of; I suppose it is yet another therapeutic element to nature I love.
The paddle I'm using is much too small for me; it was made for the arms of a child, however, it makes it much easier to steer my tiny childhood vessel. It's nothing short of a miracle that I can fit within the small confines of the boat; however I've managed for some time now.
After rowing for nearly an hour, the sound of the white powder sand scraping against the underside of my boat tells me I've finally arrived. Although weary from my long journey I walk to the small seaside shack to rest. The wood of the playground is becoming more weathered and splintered as time passes onward; and I wonder how long it will be until the island washes away like the sand on the beaches.
There is nothing around me.
Nothing but the aroma of island flowers and the cry of the birds; and I wouldn't change anything for the world. The sound of waves crashing into the shoreline is no longer heard on the main island; the sounds of industrialized technology like cars and machinery; the sounds of a modern-day metropolitan are the only things you hear there. Being able to hear the ocean once a year is enough for me; it sooths my very soul; it seems to tell me everything will be alright in the end.
I want to believe this dearly; truly I do. I want to be able to believe that one day we'll all be alright, that everything will be back to normal; though I know in my heart this will never be. I've come to accept the fact that they are dead; that my two best friends are never coming for me. There is no way that they could have survived, he gave himself to Darkness; even he could not outwit that. And my dear copper-haired love, he was strong in mind, body and heart, but when I saw him retreating from me; I knew in my heart that was the last time I'd see him.
Sometimes I feel as though I've given up on them; but I know I haven't, I've just accepted the way life is going to be. That is the way of the Destiny Islands; you take life as it comes to you.
Every year I've made a habit of going to the Secret Place; to see our long-faded pictures, barely noticeable to the untrained eye. Time stops for no one; I've accepted that much like everything else. I remember the path to the Secret Place as though I'm still a child, however, with every passing year, the brush grows over the entrance way; the tunnel growing smaller.
As I walk through the ever-shrinking tunnel as I grow larger, I sigh in relief as the tunnel grows into a full cavern. I glace around the cave; dust particles litter the sunlight, vegetation is growing over the door and all our pictures. I've grown used to this, which is why I carry a pocket knife on me, to tear away at the vines which cover the pictures.
As I cut readily at the growth, I realize my efforts are in vain – that time truly stops for no one. Our pictures are gone; time has rubbed them away like the chalk on a chalkboard. The Paopu fruit we share is the only thing that is visible now, somehow it seems to be the only thing that hasn't faded away with the passing of time; it's somewhat humbling to know that the Destiny Island's symbol of love has stood the test of time in this memory-filled cave.
Getting up off the ground and walking towards the door I notice it too is covered in immense foliage; more than I thought when looking at it from the entrance way. As I cut away at the vines I notice the remarks and messages that have been sliced into the door. Proclamations of love and phone numbers etched into the door; they're everywhere. Even a sacred place such as this has been destroyed by the modern day world; which makes me wonder why the future of our World would cut away the leaves and the vines just to carve their names into a door.
It's kind of pathetic if you think about it.
It's sort of like Valentines Day; it's fake, claiming you love this person, so you have to carve your names into the door. Well, for Valentines Day you buy something for someone at the same moment because they are the one for you; same thing with the door.
And I think I pity these fools.
Even the doorknob has been touched by time; the rust makes it look as though it will disintegrate at the touch. Reaching out for it, although it doesn't crumble into uncountable pieces, it does surprise me. It turns as though the Worlds have once again been unlocked.
Not knowing what to do, I back far away from the door, not wanting anything to do with it.
'It could be moving because it is old, the springs inside may be gone; the Worlds are still separated.' I think to myself.
What else could it be?
The door is old; it has been around for countless centuries. That must be the reason right? For all things grow old.
Walking myself slowly to the door, I place my hand over the tiny doorknob not sure if I truly want to turn it. Taking a deep breath inwards I turn the handle and press into the door, somewhat expecting to open. What happens is something I hadn't completely braced myself for, the door swung open, its old hinges screaming in pain.
Looking past the door all I saw was a tiny cobblestone road in the midst of darkness. Were the Worlds connected once more? Were they accessible even to civilians who played no part in the story?
'What is going on?'
Stepping through past the door onto the road I heard the old wooden door slam fiercely behind me; now I knew I was stuck here.
There was nothing I could see around me; everything was shrouded in darkness, save for a cobblestone road. I feel like I've been walking forever, there is nothing in front of me, nothing beside, or behind; I'm walking within an endless void. Perhaps for eternity, I don't know.
Something in my heart tells me I can never go back to the Islands after this; there's too much on the line that the villagers don't know or could even understand. Even the great thinkers would be stunned with stupidity if they knew what was going on; it is best that they don't know any of this; it would only lead to their psychological demise.
There is something moving in the distance, it appears to be walking like a cat; for a split second I worry it is a Heartless, and I can't imagine they've become tame in a few years.
As it walks closer to me, I notice it is something that looks like a child; however the child appears to be something dreamt about in a novel I once read regarding an ancient land named Spira; they called these children 'dreams of the Fayth.'
The child has a warm smile in its face; I say it because this person is dressed so outlandishly, it is impossible to tell the gender.
Stopping a meter ahead of myself it begins to talk in a strange language I've never heard of before when it finally says something I can understand, "What is up and what is down? When you look there is nothing around? The dark is everywhere that you can see. The Wielder of the Blade is close; which is where you want to be."
After this little lyrical poem the child continued walking, never looking back, just walking into oblivion; I should have said something, but I couldn't find my voice.
'The Wielder of the Blade is close; which is where you want to be.'
Where you want to be . . .
Where you want to be?
I don't understand, does this mean he's still alive?
"Sora, are you around somewhere?"
Sora. I haven't said his name in years, it feels strange saying a name I haven't thought of, a name that used to play on my lips like the bow on a well tuned violin.
Looking at the ground I really didn't know what to do; the one chance I had in finding a companion was a tiny child; and now they were gone. I continued walking and walking until I knew I was lost; turning around I decided there was nothing for me here, that I was stupid to have thought I was going to find anything.
Turning around I saw nothing, nothing except immortal darkness; where there was once a path, now there was nothing but a void. It felt when the child walked away from me, it had taken the path with it; there was no use sitting down and waiting for myself to rot away into oblivion I continued walking onward; watching the path behind me disappear into the dark.
My footsteps sounded hallow, the echoes the only noise to my ears.
Even my feet sounded as perfectly lonely as I felt; had someone told me this was possible, I would have never in a million years believed them. Here I was walking in what seemed like an endless void and for what? Because my curiosity got the best of me and now I was paying for it.
I felt absolutely dreadful right about now like I was the most foolish person that has ever graced this Earth.
"Tear lined cheeks are most tedious in a bind. When you sit here sobbing how to you expect to accomplish the man you wish you find? Get up, keep walking; look for the crossroads; your future will soon be told."
Looking up there was the tiny child, apparently not gone and out of my life as I had previously thought.
This child, speaks in all riddles, like a cat I used to know; that cat I remember was irritating than the worst mosquito within your bedroom at night, I wonder if it still lives or someone's annoyance was much too great.
With a renewed vigor, I continued walking for hours upon hours. It was an incredible journey; slow and long and is not even worth explaining. With every step I walked closer to something I didn't even know for sure if it existed; I was merely looking for something the child explained in its aggravating riddles.
I could see something in the distance; something that looked akin to a sign in the midst of crisscrossing roads. Maybe this is what the child was telling me about? Walking to the sign it had arrows pointing in several directions, all in a language I could not read. Circling the sign I finally found something I could read; down one of the paths the arrow was pointing to where Hallow Bastion allegedly was.
I decided it was better to go somewhere I was familiar with, then to lands where even their signs were written in a language I could not read. I was much too far into this journey to go somewhere I didn't know.
"Yes, so I will go to Hallow Bastion, my friends still may be there; maybe they can be of some aid to me." I thought to myself out loud, hypothetically speaking; my plan could work. Thinking back to Hallow Bastion, I realized I haven't thought of Squall, Yuffie and the others since the Worlds were disconnected.
As I walked towards the road which was suppose to lead me towards Hallow Bastion, I felt something tugging on my lavender skirt. Turning around, there was the child again.
It looked up at me and began to speak, "Bow you head and let me help, without me you will be walking for eternity." It said.
'Without me you will be walking for eternity? That doesn't exactly rhyme like everything else you've said.' I think cheekily to myself.
Bowing my head downward like the child said I heard it begin to chant something in the very same language it was talking in before. I fought to keep my eyes open, but before I knew it what felt like sleep took over and my body became very calm, I could hear and feel nothing around me.
When opening my eyes once more, I found myself standing by a familiar site. Here I was in the Hallow Bastion library; nothing had been terribly different from when I was here last looking through Sora's eyes. Looking down, there was a tiny note placed by my feet. Bending down to pick it up I recognized the writing, but I didn't know from where.
Looking at the tiny note in my hand it read, 'Walk past the doors, turn left and continue going straight.'
I began to wonder if the note was for me, or meant for someone else. Thinking that it was much too coincidental to be for anyone else, I tucked the tiny piece of paper into my pocket, doing just as it had instructed. As I walked through the set of doors I found myself in the main hall of Hallow Bastion, the tall pillars and ivory urns still sitting there as though they haven't been looked after for many years.
Walking towards the fountain, I found yet another note taped to the cement base. Bending down, slightly excited, I read this one as well.
"Walk up the right set of stairs, you will find what you seek."
Smiling to myself, I walked up the flight of stairs, looking around for what I'm apparently looking for; when I saw nothing, I felt rather disappointed.
I didn't know what it was I was looking for, however, whatever it was, I hadn't found it because it wasn't there waiting for me. I could feel my shoulders slump a bit, as I wandered farther up past the stairs, I could hear the fountain right below me. Looking down towards the fountain I felt as though there was a presence behind me.
We've all had these feelings right? Knowing that there is something behind you; turning around I saw nothing, save for a pair of doors sitting idly. Walking towards them I opened them slowly; I'm not sure why, but I felt hesitant; as though something that was in there ready to attack.
Drawing in a cautious breath I opened the door fully and could not believe my weary eyes.
Standing there was none other than the young gentleman who had ripped up my Valentines Day card numerous years prior. I couldn't help but run to him, not caring if I was crushing the orchids he held in his hands.
"It's nice to see you again Kairi."
I couldn't help but smile brightly as I tried blinking away my tears; he was even more handsome than I had remembered him.
Stepping back; I took a good look at him, his smile was warm and his embrace more welcoming than the warmest hearth.
I heard a slight cough behind me, turning around I saw my silver-haired companion; although looking much more worn than I had previously remembered him, however, I couldn't help but leave Sora for a brief moment to hug my friend who I was convinced was dead for many years.
As I continued hugging my platinum friend unable to keep my sobs from shaking my body out of pure bliss; I felt someone tapping my back. Releasing myself from Riku, I turned around to see Sora, holding a Paopu fruit, where he got it, I'll never know.
He walked towards me, extending the tiny yellow fruit to share it with me; it was all I had ever dreamt, but never imagined possible. Looking towards Riku with regret in my heart, he just looked at me and shook his head no; silver locks shaking slightly with the motion. I smiled sadly at him; knowing there was no one for him and that in a sick sense, it had been my fault.
Sitting on the floor, the one person I loved more than life itself shared a magical fruit with me while my best friend watched in silence. The fruit was sweet like the nectar of the very heavens opened up their glory for this single star-shaped item.
Looking up from the now pulpy mess I saw Sora looking at me rather intently, as he began to lean towards me I will admit for the first time in my life I felt more frightened than anything.
His kiss was soft, much like the texture of the fruit, breaking away from me he whispered something in my ear I thought I'd never hear, "Happy Valentines Day Kairi. I hope I spend more Valentines Day's with you; so long as you would accept me."
I felt my heart twist and shatter into many pieces at the thought I wouldn't love him more than I ever have.
Looking into his eyes I couldn't help but smile, "Yes, of course Sora, I will stay with you until the end of time. And you as well Riku, I love you both very much, I'm afraid I can't give you what you seek Riku; for my heart longs for another."
Riku merely nodded in reply, as his eyes shifted towards Sora; turning back towards the one I always knew I loved I felt his lips on me once more.
If this is what Valentines Day was truly all about when you got past all the commercialism and pointlessness of it all, surely I could get used to this.
Just when you think you've figured out life for all its worth; it throws you a curve ball to make sure your paying attention.
Authors Notes:
Holy crap!
This was one long one-shot (blinks).
I just kept going, and going and going. If anyone is even awake to read this, I'll be pretty damn surprised considering the notes are at the ten-page mark right now on a size twelve font.
Gods I hate the title of this one-shot. I really could not think of anything witty for this one; and I didn't really proof-read it with a fine-tooth comb; if I did that I would be doing it until tomorrow; and the fifteenth is not Valentines Day, I may just reupload it if I find any HUGE mistakes.
So yes, even though I hate this day, Happy Valentines Day everyone!
I hope this fic wasn't too gross at the end, I'm feeling perfectly cynical today so I hope you don't want to rip the strands of your eyelashes out or something like that. This fic wasn't exactly romantic or angsty; it was quite different from my usual musings. I tried my damn hardest to do something original because every fic now and days is the exact carbon-copy of everything we've seen before.
Since this is the first thing I've written since October (I think) I hope I haven't lost what minimal talent in writing I possess; school is stressful, but I have the week off for Reading Week.
Anyhow, Happy Hallmark Day everyone; I hope yours is better than my own (sticks her tongue out)
Slipping Away:
Riku of Darkness: Wow, your compliments always humble me to the point I sit there staring at my monitor to becoming a mute. You are honestly much too kind and I really have no idea how I can ever begin to thank you. You are such a lovely person and I hope you never change! I had realized about an hour or so after reviewing Need the End to Set me Free that I had already reviewed it (It was placed in a community and I was just so excited to see something by you in my inbox I thought it was new for some reason; but I mean every word I said in that review).
Katie-chan: You are my most favourite from the Maritimes and are much too kind to me! Maybe I'll have to make you another picture for Transnational Cooperation Scam Day! Gods I hate Valentines Day for what it's become. Everything at the beginning of this fic was pretty much my own musings about what today is ha.
Emerald31: You are the nicest person ever you know that? I'm glad you liked this fic considering you said yourself you don't exactly read Riku-centric fics. That makes your review all the more wonderful!
Aliasfan: Ah yes! The battle of the fun Elven-style names, how fun (laughs). Mwa ha ha, bow down to the fun nature that is dark fics. Unfortunately, I don't think I'm going to write anymore of them for a while; they've become really popular now, and they no longer feel original in my eyes; I feel like I'm writing the same words as everyone else. So I'm going to think of other styles to write, which is a shame for me because I love killing of people.
Annie: First, I hope you don't mind I used Janice a few times in this story. I meant to e-mail you about her, but I'm still writing this since I reviewed Rollercoaster, it's been what? Four hours straight I've been writing this fic. So once I finish up the replies, I'll respond to your e-mail telling you that I'm going to use her again. I hope you don't mind too much (smiles meekly) considering everything we've been talking about in our e-mails lately.
Twilight to Dawn: Ahhh! Finally someone who knows the pain involved with killing of your favourite characters; I suppose we can grieve together
Slipknotrulez: Thanks!
Zanisha: Hooray! Rocking is a wonderful thing! And if you quit school to become a computer junky, I'm joining you as well! You're much too sweet with your reviews; I think you may give me a big head with your wonderful comments.
Animefreak44: It truly is sad killing off your favourite characters isn't it? I didn't mean to make you cry! Honest I didn't! Now, now, don't force her to read things that are not particularly decent! You may scar her for life, and truly I wouldn't want that!
Silentchill: Sometimes the most effective reviews are the ones which don't say much at all. Thank you very much; you say another amazing story, but surely it was basic like all the others out there.
Angstluver: I keep making people cry! I'm sorry (offers a tissue)!
Blowing Kisses: Well, I knew this one was coming up for a while, but was dreading it. It's funny because the box says, 'Submit Review' not, 'Bitch the author out over matters that have nothing at all to do with you.' I'm not even touching this one because I like to think of myself as a composed person.
Brody: Wow, thanks, your words are quite comforting. (hugs) I hope you have a good class! I think you like it even more because it involves Sum41 ha ha! Well, I know how to get at least a review from you, make it a song-fic featuring Sum!
I really, really express my apologies if there many mistakes in here everyone. I was hoping one of the TvTomers would come on to proof-read it like he usually does, but he's still in school; so if mytenses arechanging constantly, I'm very sorry.