Hello! If you're wondering if this is actually part of RotH, it isn't. This is actually an idea that I had originally and eventually trashed for the finalized ending of RotH that we know it today. I've decided to rework it a little such that it can kind-of stand on its own as a one-short, but I've retained the characters from RoTH as well as the references to RoTH (and so if you're a little confused about certain things, I'm sorry! D:) Either way, it's a little sad, so enjoy this (mildly nsfw) short one-shot made out of a recycled idea/outtake that I had for RotH!
Evan looked through a window from within the house, watching as Jonathan danced around happily outside in the thick snow, as if he had never seen snow before in his entire life. The cold seemed to make his skin even paler and his cheeks and lips even redder than they had been before, and his nose was tinged in a soft pink as the cold bit away at it. There was nothing more perfect than watching the man prance around, collecting handfuls of snow and trying his hardest to form it into a snowball, only to frown adorably whenever it came out wrong. I wasn't wrong to bring him to Canada.
It was a perfect moment – a moment that sadly wouldn't last.
Jonathan frowned as another snowball failed to form in his hands, and the misshaped lump of snow fell apart in his hands. It wasn't surprising that he was no master at forming snowballs – after all, he couldn't even properly make his own sandcastles. He was not a master at making things with his own two hands. He was, however, frustrated at his unsuccessful efforts to even form a single perfect snowball that didn't fall apart as quickly as it was made. What compounded his frustration was the fact that Evan had continually beaten him at snowball fights in the past few weeks, pelting him with endless ammunition, as if he could magically conjure snowballs out of nowhere. He wanted badly to beat Evan at his game just once, just so he could have his way with him for just one night.
The idea excited him incredibly and he felt a rush of blood towards his cheeks. He would get to do anything he wanted to Evan for just a night, and he would make sure Evan begged him, voice strained with the intensity of his arousal, to make love to him. He would make sure Evan peered at him with glassy eyes, half-blind from love and from lust. He would make sure that he peered down at his lover as he mounted him, and he would make sure to very teasingly place Evan against his pucker, but not allow Evan to enter him unless he pleaded and moaned and groaned for it and thrust his hips upwards to try and push his way in. Jonathan wanted nothing more than to tease his lover that way.
He suddenly felt a warmth on his back as his lover wrapped his arms around him, taking him into a warm embrace from behind. This warmth, however, had something cold imbued within it, something sad, and something odd…
"Babe…" Evan whispered. "I love you."
The way he said it was as if his life depended on it – there was a melancholic quality that hung to it, that made the snow around the two of them drift slower, as if they were frozen tears from the skies above. The air around them swirled, and the falling snow whirled with it above them.
"What's wrong, Evan?" Jonathan answered, wriggling himself free from the tight embrace of his lover. Evan's arms were like solid chains around Jonathan, and his body was like a weight heavier than the mass of the planet, anchoring down to where he was. There was something wrong, something very wrong, and Jonathan needed to know what it was.
"Babe," Evan whispered again, burrowing his face firmly into the back of Jonathan's neck. Jonathan shivered as he felt the cold tip of Evan's nose brush against the skin of his neck, and he could have sworn he heard Evan sniffle slightly sadly. "Marry me."
Jonathan's mind went blank. The two words registered in his head like muted fireworks – he had wanted to hear the two words from Evan's lips for ages, ever since they had begun their life together as a couple, ever since he first realized his love for Evan, perhaps ever since he had first seen Evan in person and felt his sunshine and his warmth. The words were like music to his ears, and it was everything he wanted.
Yet, the way Evan had said it, the way Evan had asked for his hand was so forlorn, the moment was broken, shattered into a million fragments that melted into hot molten lava in his heart. Instead of making him the happiest man in the universe, the words seemed to make his heart ache and his mind burn. It was as if Evan wasn't proposing to him, but as if…
As if he was begging me to save him.
With a sudden burst of strength, Jonathan broke free of Evan's grasp, and turned around abruptly on the spot as quickly as he could, half-thinking that he would miss Evan's face and never see it again if he was any slower.
But Evan simply stood right there, lips slightly parted and his eyes sad and distant. Evan was gone, and in his place was but a sad, lost man who sought salvation from wherever he could find it.
"Marry me," he murmured, lifeless lips barely moving. "Please, Jonathan. I don't have a ring, but I want to be with you for the rest of my life."
Jonathan stared quietly at Evan, not quite comprehending for a moment what Evan meant and why he was so upset. He repeated the words over and over in his head –
Marry me…
…don't have a ring…
…be with you…
…rest of my life.
Over and over and over again, these words were repeated. It was a long, protracted moment - long enough to make him shiver and for a substantial amount of snowflakes to gather in his hair like a white, glimmering crown – before the slightest hint began to dawn upon him.
Rest of my life.
"Evan…" Jonathan began, his voice cracking.
"Babe, please say yes." Evan pleaded. "I love you so much."
"Evan…" Jonathan murmured, stepping towards the love of his life. "What – what happened…?
"Just – please say yes, Jonathan. Don't… don't you want to be with me forever…?"
"I do, Evan… but please tell me what's going on –"
"Then just say yes, Jonathan, please!" Evan snapped, his eyes shimmering sadly as the tears began to well up and brim in his eyes. A soft, tender silence fell between them both as the snow fell and gathered between them.
"How can I, Evan, when you're not telling me what's going on?" Jonathan whispered after a moment. "How can I say yes when I don't even know what you're going through? How can I call myself your husband when I don't even know why – why you're dying…?"
His voice broke, and whatever strength he had within him crumbled as he spoke. Hearing him speak the words, hearing him voice his guess at the possibility of his boyfriend dying broke him harder than the realization itself. It was as if saying it out loud made the possibility even greater and the situation even more real, when all he wanted was it all to be a bad dream, a horrific nightmare.
Evan bit his lower lip, blinking away whatever tears had gathered furiously.
"How long do we have, Evan?" Jonathan asked, his voice barely a whimper. "And what is it?"
"Liver cancer." He answered drily, barely able to finish his sentence as his voice died out. "According to the doctor… it's beginning to spread. Fast. He found two tumors –"
Jonathan could not wait for him to finish his sentence. All he needed Evan to know was that he loved him, and he simply mashed his lips onto Evan's, taking him into a long, deep kiss and feeling the heat of his mouth against the cold of his own. A wave of sadness washed over him as he kissed his man, sending heat into his eyes as teardrops gathered slowly beneath his eyelids and slid out from the confines of his sockets.
"Let's get married, Evan," he whispered, lips brushing against Evan's cheek gently as they paused to catch their breaths. "I want to marry you. I want to be there for you right till the end, even if the end is coming sooner than we want it to. I want to kiss you every night and every morning, and I want to wipe your tears away if you cry, just like you kissed mine away when we first confessed to each other in that god damned beautiful mountain cabin. I want to make you smile, and I want to hear you laugh. God, you always said my laugh was funny and crazy and beautiful – but have you ever heard yours?"
He paused for a moment, wiping the rapidly cooling tears away from his face as he forced his lips into a smile just for Evan. "God, you have the most beautiful laugh I'd ever heard. I want to make you laugh, Evan. I want to see you smile. I want to make you happy. So yes, Evan, I will marry you… so… please, babe… will you smile for me…please…?"
Evan nodded slowly, and the little grimace slowly creaked into a small, tender smile. It was a smile that was forced and devoid of genuine candor, but Jonathan simply took Evan into his arms, holding on to the man that he loved for dear life.
The weeks ahead were possibly the most grueling times of their life. Hasty weddings were difficult to plan, and after a week of deliberation and utter confusion, they settled for a simple ceremony, observed by their family members. Jonathan's parents as well as Jenn and Gina and Luke and Hannah were arranged to fly in for the ceremony, as well as to be properly acquainted with their in-laws. Gina's first experience of heavy snow was such an excitement to her that Jenn had to take it upon herself to drag the little child away from the heaps of snow that had gathered. When her efforts came to no avail, Evan's parents stepped in and gently coaxed the child, whilst Derek tried to humor her with songs and games that he came up with on the spot.
The little speck of joy that came with the upcoming wedding and the simple joy of having an innocent child in their presence was dulled by the fact that Evan was suffering incredibly under the strains of his illness. Everybody apart from Gina knew what was happening and what was going to happen, and had tried their best to stay positive in front of Gina and her soon-to-be-uncle. Warm smiles were exchanged and passed around in hopes of lightening the heavy mood that had hung upon them, and small words of optimism and encouragement were whispered whenever the two were out of earshot.
All the while whilst the wedding preparations were going on, Jonathan had busied himself with supporting Evan, going with him for every treatment, his heart breaking when he heard Evan's little grunts of pain whenever the thick needles were inserted into his skin, his eyes watering whenever Evan's eyes became weak and unfocused because of the medication, like an sickening simulation of his death. He tried his best to ease his fiancé's suffering, holding his hand through every step and giving him a kiss to hopefully tide him over whenever he couldn't.
The wedding ceremony came and passed quickly. In the middle of a snowstorm, a minister oversaw the procession in the privacy of Evan's family home. That day, Evan was weakened by the drugs in his system, and had to lean slightly on his fiancé for support, something which Jonathan had gladly provided. When the "I do"s were said and the rings were exchanged, there was a small smattering of applause from the onlookers as the two kissed each other passionately, dry pale lips against moist pink.
That night, as they retreated into their bedroom, Jonathan gently lay Evan on the bed, chewing his lower lip slightly.
"Thinking about something…?" Evan asked quietly, a tinge of playfulness summoned with the utmost amount of energy from the depths of his being.
"No – I –"Jonathan hurried blurted out, a heavy blush creeping into his cheeks.
"Tell me about it," Evan breathed, his hand reaching out and gently creeping up Jonathan's leg, fingers tracing longingly across his inner thigh.
"I –" Jonathan stopped short once more, shuddering as he felt Evan's hands creep up to meet his groin with a teasing, stroking motion. "I want you. I want to feel you, babe… But I want you to lie back and watch me as I tease you to heaven and back."
"Mmm." Evan hummed softly, fumbling gently with the zipper on Jonathan's pants. "Basically what I do to you, then, every time I win a snowball fight. How long have you been thinking about it?"
"Only after every time you win a snowball fight," Jonathan murmured, his voice low with arousal. "It's payback time, Evan."
Gently, helped Evan into a sitting position, and undressed the man, bit by bit, his fingers lingering at the spots that made Evan twitch and moan, his lips tracing over the areas that made Evan harden even further. When Evan was finally stripped down into his birthday suit, and Jonathan was panting slightly as the intense need washed over his bare body, he placed clambered up atop of Evan, mounting his lover as he did in his fantasies and gently reached behind him, teasing the tip of Evan's member playfully.
It did not take long for Evan to begin begging, and with an intensely playful smile, he positioned Evan at the entrance as he had always imagined that he would do.
"Please, babe…" Evan whispered weakly, his eyes glinting with unutterable desires. "Put it in… Let me feel you. Let me make love to you. Please, Jonathan…"
He rocked his hips upwards slightly, poking at Jonathan's hole and eliciting a moan out of him. As dissatisfied as Jonathan was with Evan's pleading, he gave in quickly, both out of need and out of a conscious thought that had entered his mind so suddenly like a shot in the dark – there's no time.
As soon as he had thought of it, the thought was quickly forced out of his mind as Jonathan lowered himself onto Evan, the familiar feeling of Evan filling him pushing just about intangible he had within him out. Another feeling had persisted, though – and it was this feeling that had made that night particularly different. It was fire – a keen, burning flame that had lit itself in their hearts, a flame that carried all their love and their emotions for each other. It wasn't simply sex – it was a consummation of their love.
It was also this feeling that made every sensation tingle much stronger than it always had, and as Jonathan rode his lover, the pleasure hiked up even further and even faster than it had before. It took mere moments for them to hit their peaks – and only a few more for them to scream out in pleasure as they exploded in release. As they collapsed into each other, spent, Jonathan felt Evan stroke his hair gently with weakened fingers.
Evan broke the tender silence that had fallen upon them, whispering softly –
"I don't know what it'd be like if I never met you. If you'd never messaged me that one time, and asked me if I wanted to play with you. I probably wouldn't have someone to tease and make fun of. My videos would probably be a little duller. I probably wouldn't be as popular. And I most definitely wouldn't have had a best friend… or a lover that I truly loved."
Jonathan gently shifted his head, opening his eyes such that they bored into Evan's, blues into browns. "I don't know what it'd be like if I never picked up the courage to message you, either. I wouldn't have had you. I wouldn't have millions of subscribers. I probably… wouldn't even pick up the courage to find love. Properly."
"I love you, Jonathan." Evan said simply, yawning as he spoke. "Till the end of time. Till death do us part…"
Click.
It was odd seeing his own face on a video. It was odd seeing his own face on a video on a channel that was not his. It was odd that he felt this way despite seeing the video for almost hundreds of times, possibly thousands ever since it went up. It almost felt like the hundreds of millions of views on the video were all his.
He heard his own voice, explaining why he was there on that channel. Explaining what had happened between him and the owner of the channel, explaining how Evan went from best friend to lover and finally to become his husband. Explaining where Evan went, and what happened to Evan.
It's nearly a year, and I still can't let you go.
His voice continued on in its narration, painfully and sorrowfully delivering an informal eulogy to the world about the man that he had grown to love. Describing briefly what had made their relationship change, and what was so amazing about the man that he loved. Speaking of what made Evan Evan.
No matter where I am… I still can't…
The voices changed. Brock's voice took over, speaking of how he met Evan and how Evan was an amazing friend. Each of the guys soon took their turns delivering their little tribute to Evan in the wake of his presence, each of them leaving a piece of them with the video that would immortalize his presence in the world.
No matter how much I look, you still won't be here.
"You're watching that video again," Luke commented gently. "It's not going to bring him back, Jonathan."
"I don't need to bring him back, Luke, you know that," he said softly. "I just need to feel like… he's still here. It wasn't so rough when he left, you know? He was smiling when he drifted off to sleep. We were still joking about how he became bald. Looking at the pictures and videos we took together while he still had hair. And I fell asleep. And when I woke up, he was gone. And I didn't have time to be sad. I had to make the funeral happen. I had to call everyone. I had to make this video. All the while that happened… it was like he was still there. Now… it's just like… there's nothing there anymore. He's gone, turned into ashes and stored in an urn in the crematorium in the outskirts of the city…"
Luke shook his head absentmindedly. "Suit yourself. You came back here because Canada was haunted for you, but you're haunting yourself, because you want his spirit to stick with you. Whatever keeps you happy, I suppose."
He exited the room, leaving Jonathan behind in the room with nothing but himself and the presence that felt like Evan. For a moment, Jonathan swore he heard Evan's voice, whispering the very words that had made everything happen.
I love you.
For the umpteenth time, Jonathan replayed Evan's tribute video on his channel. Everything went downhill after the night of their marriage. Evan grew sicker and sicker and frailer and frailer, and eventually he was confined to a bed at the hospital, waiting for the day that his sufferings would end. Sometimes he would smile, and sometimes he would laugh, but underneath the brave face that he had put on was a sadness that broke Jonathan's heart into a million more pieces. Eventually, all that energy that he had within him wore itself thin, and finally away.
It had almost been a year since he had succumbed to the illness, it had been nearly a year since Jonathan breathed and lived and loved. It almost felt like his heart had died with the love of his life.
But that night was a little different. Evan was no longer haunting him. Evan was within him, deep in his heart. He could feel Evan all around him, each kiss, each touch, and each murmur that declared their love…
And that was the night that Jonathan broke, sobbing tearfully at the thought of the one true love that he had – and he had lost.