Severus Snape The Porno King
Author: Yours truly, commonly known as Johnnys Eeyore or 'Mosher' oh and 'That weirdo'
Title: Severus Snape The Porno King
Disclaimer: (Rolls eyes) I'm telling you, I'm gonna end up with one of these things engraved on my tombstone "Joanne aka Johnny does not own this coffin, grave or headstone, she only owns her rotting corpse' I bloody hate disclaimers, they make baby Jesus cry not to mention me, especially were Severus Snape is concerned, but, it has to be done, so here goes, I don't own Severus Snape (Tears begin to flow) nor do I own his…please don't make me say this (In floods of tears) I don't own…his…his…his…penis (The world drowns in the ocean of Johnny's tears, but, how convenient, she manages to save Alan Rickman and they repopulate the world together) Yay!
More Disclaimer: I don't own the kick ass film entitled 'The Nightmare Before Christmas' which usually I would be upset about, but hey! Who can feel sad when you have repopulated the planet with Alan Rickman? (Grins) I don't own the song 'Jack The Pumpkin King' either, some random guy does, but the song is fucking great! If you haven't heard it or seen the film then you have got to check it out because it's amazing!
Authors Note: This is a product of the perverseness I house for Severus Snape, he is a sexy bastard. It is basically a song fic of 'Jack The Pumpkin King' Please read and REVIEW! Or I'll take Sev away and you'll never see him again! Muwahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! Nah, but I would…er…be…hmmmmmmm…kinda sad! Yeah that'll do! I'd be sad (Does the infamous puppy dog eyes)
Severus Snape The Porno King:
Camera spans to Severus Snape, standing outside his Potion Class room wearing nothing but a pair of skin-tight boxers (Drool). He opens his mouth and begins to sing-
"There are few who deny, at what I do I am best
For my sex skills are renowned far and wide
When it comes to shagging in the middle of the night
I make them climax without ever even trying
With the slightest little thrust of my long hard 'arm'
Every single woman lets out a shriek
Yet night after night it's the same routine
Making girl after girl let out a mighty scream
And I, Snape, the Porno King
Will never grow tired of showing off my 'thing'
Oh, somewhere deep inside my bone
My semen level begins to grow
I need to spunk and hear them moan
Give them the best sex they've ever known
I have it at my leisure for I'm a master of pleasure
And I'll hump you right out of your pants
To the girls in Kentucky I'm "Mr Hard Fucky"
And my career's known throughout England and France
And since I'm not dead, I enjoy receiving head
It is one of my sexual lusts
No animal or man can last as long as I can
With the fury of my pelvis thrusts
But who here at Hogwarts would ever understand
I'm a popular Porn Star throughout all of the land
But I love my job, if they only understood
Most of their mothers want to fuck me nice and good
Oh, somewhere deep inside my bone
My semen level begins to grow
The fame and praise come year after year
So do me a favour and get me a beer"
Sexy Sev slumps against the wall and pulls out a bottle of Budweiser
Voice: Hey Sevvie baby, you're back on in 5
Snape: No problem, I can go all night! (Winks at camera)
THE END!
Authors Note: I know that was kind of…well…very dirty but it was fun to write and put some sexy Severus images in my head. Please review, even flames are welcome! REVIEW!!!