A/N: This is my first story, and it isn't exactly even a story. It's more like an account of events that happen to my friends and I, which is probably why most of this is from Remus's point of view. You see, I have assigned my friends with characters from the Books, according to personality. I am Remus, my friend Jaime is James, Rylea is Peter, and Onna is Sirius. (We also have more, but these are the main ones.) Oh, and by the way, James is my typist, so if it seems as if James is overly sexy, that is his own doing. (But James IS sexy!!) See, that's what happens when you have a narcissistic typist. There may also seem to be an excess of little star-things, which means more of-so-beloved author's notes. They are not only fun, but informative!

Disclaimer: I own none of these characters. J.K. Rowling does...lucky bitch. I do, however, have joint custody over Peter (Rylea). We all do.

Chapter 1

The Dream

Remus and Peter sat reading their graphic novel that Peter's parents had bought him for Christmas. It had really been exciting so far; beautiful women, convenient plot twists, and not to mention the stunning, suave hero of the story. But, for better or worse, they could only read it at night out of fear of awakening the wrath of the other two marauders when they found out their friend's dorky activities.

It was about one in the morning as Remus and Peter sat up from reading…

"Can I turn the page?" asked Remus.

"Nooo…" whined Peter. "You read too fast!"

"Actually," Remus corrected, "I do not 'read too fast.' It's that you read extremely slowly."

"Oh,…great way to make me feel better about myself," Peter mumbled, staring intently at the page.

"Sorry," said Remus.

At that moment, James mumbled something in his sleep that sounded like he was arguing with a non-negotiating turtle.

Peter laughed.

"What?" asked Remus.

"James is having one of those dreams where he talks again," Peter chuckled.

"Not again," said Remus, rolling his eyes. "I just hope he'll stop."

"Why?" said Peter confusedly. "It's funny!"

"It isn't funny when Sirius wakes up and hits James for waking him up, and then we will have a whole big fight tomorrow,…ending in there remaining friendship," Remus said without taking his eyes from the page.

Strangely enough, after this was said James sat up straight, screaming, "I LOVE YOU, SEVERUS SNAPE!…COME BACK…I LOVE YOU, SEVERUS!…DON'T LEAVE ME FOR THAT WHORE OF A TURTLE!" and with a snort James fell back to sleep, dropping his head to his pillow.

Peter broke into a cry of laughter only to get shushed by a violently chuckling Remus.

It was several moments until either could breathe.

"Moony! We gotta tell Padfoot!" chuckled Wormtail.

"Wormtail! We can't!" replied the werewolf, almost looking scared.

"Why not?" asked Peter.

"Because, if we tell Sirius, then Sirius well tell his current girlfriend, (or boyfriend, whatever he's into at the moment), and she will tell her friends, and they will tell their friends, and soon it will be all over school! Then one day, James will be eavesdropping on a group of girls and hear 'Wow, he's really really super-duper incredibly cute and sexy and smart and sweet and freaky good at Quidditch, and I want to have his babies because he has the best genes in Hogwarts! Too bad he's all gay for Snape…' James' ego will boil and explode, then he will track down whoever said it to the public, leading him to Sirius, then leading him to us, therein causing our premature deaths!" said Remus with an all-knowing hint to his voice.

"Oh, or we could just hope Sirius doesn't have a chatty bird?…" said Peter.

"Or…" said Remus smiling, "we can keep this between you and me and the whore turtle."

"Okay!" said Peter with an overdramatic hand shake, and the two friends went back to reading.