Phantom Planet
Chapter One – Learn To Crawl
She had been sitting beside him for six weeks now and there was no change. Sara blamed herself for what happened. She knew that he was too tired to drive but they had a fight and she just wanted him to go, to leave her be. And he did. So now he was stuck in a hospital bed, his legs broken, his spine fractured, his mind lost somewhere that she could not reach. She was to blame, she was the one that drove him to this, she was the one that put him onto the brink of life and death. Perhaps it was because of this that she felt so protective. She didn't even allow the nurses to give him a bed bath, she insisted on doing it herself, learning through blood, sweat and tears the best way to avoid getting his casts wet. She talked to him constantly, reading chapter after chapter from his beloved books, reading newspapers and old case files. The rest of the team were constantly coming in and out but it was Sara who stayed, it was Sara who made sure that the man she loved didn't wake up without her there beside him.
Catherine had been watching from the sidelines, watching as Sara faded before her eyes. And there was nothing she could do. Sara had lost so much weight, she was tired and worn and Catherine could see that every day had traced lines over the younger woman's face. Catherine had managed to get her away from Grissom every couple of days, making her go and shower and eat something. But that was it. She remained the same, sitting, her back straight, always talking, always holding his hand. She also knew that Sara blamed herself for the car crash, even though Catherine had explained the details the best she could from Brass's report. A drunk driver, a tired Grissom and a loose sheet of gravel caused this mess, not Sara. But the stubborn woman refused to believe and continued her visual beside his bed, waiting to apologize for what she had done, for the last words that she had said. Catherine also knew something that she had yet to tell Sara. The doctors were not sure that Grissom would even be able to pull through this and if he did wake up, there were only a small number of possibilities. He could be paralyzed, could have serious brain damage or worse still, could not remember them at all. What would happen to them if he did die? Catherine was not an overly emotional person but she knew who her family was, she knew who had her back time after time when she fell. It was Grissom. He was there for her through everything, the death of Eddie and her father; he was right by her side, keeping her as sane as possible. Now it was her turn to return the favor, even if it meant looking after the woman he loved, making sure she didn't destroy herself in looking after him.
When Grissom woke up, the first thing he noticed was the pain in his throat and chest. He tried to move but found that he could not lift a finger, let alone an arm. He moaned as loud as he could, his mouth forced open by the tube he could feel with his tongue and throat. Through his blurry eyes he could see Sara, her face looming over his. He tried to say something, tried to say that none of this way her fault, that he loved and her and that everything was going to be ok. But he couldn't. All he could was moan. She left his field of vision and he resumed his ceiling examination, he could move his neck no more then an inch or so to the left and right. What the hell had happened? Another face appeared above him, this one he didn't recognize. An older woman with dark red hair and a kind smile.
"Mr. Grissom, you were in a car accident. You have a tube down your throat to help you breathe. I'm going to take it out and you may find it difficult to breathe at first but you need to remember to take slow breathes. Blink once if you understand what I am saying"
Grissom did as he was told, blinking just once. He wanted nothing more then to get that damn thing from his throat. He needed to talk to Sara. The nurse undid the tape that kept the tube in place; she got a firm grip, close to his mouth, her breath minty as she leaned over him.
"Ok Mr. Grissom, cough as hard as you can and remember to breathe slowly. 1,2,3"
He coughed as hard as he could, his eyes filling with tears as the tube scrapped the tender flesh of his throat. When it was finally out, it took a moment before he could breathe normally, trying to ignore the panicked urge that made him want to gasp lung fills of air. The nurse gave him a smile.
"I'll get the doctor."
She left his side, Sara replacing her as soon as she could.
"God Grissom, you had me worried. I love you and I'm sorry for what happened."
She was crying now, her face against his chest. He could do nothing as she sobbed, could not speak and could not move. When was someone going to tell him why he could not move?
"Mr. Grissom, welcome back. Let's get you sitting up shall we?"
As soon as the bed started moving a ferocious pain tore through his back and he screamed out as bright lights popped and zipped into his line of vision. The pain left him breathless and dizzy and it took a few minutes for it to fade and for the world to become aligned again.
"What happened to me?"
He could hardly believe that it was his voice that reached his ears, it was scratchy and tired sounding.
"Mr. Grissom, I'm John Mitchell, your doctor. You were in a pretty serious car accident and you have suffered numerous injuries, including two broken arms."
Now that he was sitting Grissom could see the casts clearly and he felt marginally relieved. That explained why he could not move.
"You also suffered a severe spinal injury"
"Then why am I sitting up?"
"Because you've been in a coma for a month and a half Mr. Grissom, the bone has healed itself. We needed to wait until you woke up before we checked the damage to your spinal cord."
"I've been unconscious for six weeks?"
"Yes. Considering the pain you should have been in, it's properly the best thing that could have happened. Do you have any pain right now?"
"Yes, but its fading."
"I'll get Amanda here to set you up with a morphine pump, then you will be able to medicate yourself. Right now, I suggest we get you something small to eat, say a jell-o cup and some ice chips. I'll be back in the morning to see how you are doing."
He waved over his shoulder before leaving the room, Amanda following close behind him. Sara came to his side again and he studied her. She looked exhausted, her hair was longer and it had tangled itself around her shoulders. She had large bags under her eyes and her face was so pale. She looked like a fragile, porcelain doll.
"You didn't leave my side, did you?"
"Yes. I even chased the nurses out of the room to give you a bed bath. After a week, they just handed me the sponges and bowl. I needed to be here when you woke up."
"Why?"
"To say sorry. This entire mess was my fault."
"How in the world is a car crash your fault?"
"You were too tired to drive, I should have driven you home. Instead, we fought over something so stupid I can't even remember what it was now, and then you drove off. Next time I saw you, you were covered in blood and barely breathing."
"I'm sorry I scared you like that. I don't remember anything beyond work that night. What happened?"
"Drunk driver, loose gravel and you. Not a very good combination apparently."
"So what have you been doing while I've been sleeping?"
"Reading you the paper, chapters from your books and old case files. Nothing much really"
"You need to go home and sleep. I'm ok now"
"I don't want to leave you."
"Sara Sidle, I order you to go home and sleep."
Sara leant down and kissed him on the lips, her hands stroking his face.
"I'll be back later tonight."
"I know you will be. I love you."
"Love you too."
She gave him one last kiss before taking her coat from the back of the chair and walking out of the room. He tried to decide what to do but his body made the decision for him. Even after weeks of sleeping, he still felt exhausted. He would have found it funny but he was asleep before the thought had even been fully processed.
When Sara arrived back at the hospital a few hours later, Grissom was not in need of any more company. Catherine, Warrick, Nick, Greg and Brass all flanked his bed, trying to talk quietly but it wasn't working. She could hear them laughing and cracking jokes from the furthest end of the hall. She gave the room a quick glance before continuing to the cafeteria. She settled for a coffee, which was only slightly better then the brew that they had at work, and a vegetarian roll. It had been a long time since she had tasted food, let alone felt the need for it, but the roll looked good and with Grissom waking up, her appetite had returned. She ate her meal quickly before returning to Grissom's room, hoping to catch him alone. She crashed into Catherine who was on her way out.
"Hey Sara, how are you holding up?"
"Better. I thought I would grab a bite to eat while you guys kept him occupied."
Catherine laughed before putting on her coat.
"He's looking much better. I have to go I need to pick Lindsey up from moms. Call me if you need anything."
"Thanks Cath."
"You're welcome."
Sara watched her go before entering Grissom's room. He looked much happier then he had when she had left him. His room was now filled with flowers, balloons and large amounts of fruit.
"Hey Gil, how are you feeling?"
"Much better. You? Have you had some rest and something to eat?"
"Yes. Don't worry about me ok? I can look after myself."
Grissom gave her a battered smile. He felt better every time he saw her.
"So I thought that I'll read you the paper, catch you up with some of the latest cases we've had."
"Sounds like fun"
"It always is."
When Sara returned the following day, she arrived just in time for the doctor to make an appearance. The rest of the team was standing in the hall, grim looks on their faces.
"What's up?"
Catherine moved forward, her hand landing on Sara's arm.
"You need to be in there."
Sara frowned before moving forward into the room.
"What's going on?"
"Miss Sidle – "
"Sara, call me Sara."
"Sara, we've just finished getting results back from the tests we preformed."
"About Gil's spine?"
"Yes. And the news is not as good as we hoped."
Sara moved closer to Grissom, her hand coming to rest on his shoulder.
"What's wrong?"
"He has some severe damage to his spinal cord."
"Which means?"
"That Grissom may remain as he is now, paralyzed from the waist down."
Sara choked down her sobs and screams that threatened to take her over. She was not going to break down in front of him.
"What does this mean? Could he walk again?"
"Would you both stop talking about me as if I'm not in the room? Talk to me not over me."
"Sorry Gil."
"What it means Sara is that the chances of him walking are slim, if any at all."
Sara glanced at Grissom who sat sedately, as if this was not news to him at all. Had he felt it, had he known that he was not going to walk? How could he just sit there like that? Knowing that his life was never going to be the same again?
"Gil, please say something"
"What would you like me to say Sara? That I'm fine with all this? Well I'm not I just need a moment to process what it means."
"So do I."
Sara turned on her heel and went running from the room. She stopped in her tracks when she met the eyes of the rest of the team. The room suddenly began to spin and she blacked out, her knees crumbling beneath her.
When she came to, her head hurt and an I.V was in her arm. Catherine was sitting beside her, reading an old forensics magazine, her glasses perched at the end of her nose. She looked up as Sara began to move in the stiff hospital bed.
"Hey sleepy head, you almost gave yourself a concussion."
"What happened?"
"You blacked out. Greg caught you before you hit the floor. Doctor said it was dehydration and poor nutrition. Translation: You are not eating and drinking properly."
Sara sank back into her bed and began to cry. Long drawn out sobs, a combination of grief and exhaustion. She didn't want this kind of future, and yet here it was. She loved Grissom, she really did but she knew that from here on in, life wasn't going to be the same. Catherine took Sara's hand, holding it in her own. She had nothing to say, could say nothing as Sara grieved over her shattered future.