Disclaimer: I own nothing (sniff) AN: Third in the series of songfics me and DementedViper are writing from putting our playlists on random, (check her version out as well). This is the Rasmus - In the Shadows, from her playlist. AN2: This one i found hard but i liked the end result, kind of came out a little shorter than i expected. Warnings: None except i suppose it a little eh dark? Maybe not right word but it not really a happy fic. Enjoy :)
No sleep until I am done with finding the answer
Won't stop before I find a cure for this cancer
Merlin doesn't sleep much anymore, how can he? More and more frequently he is having to stop Arthur from being murdered to the point that it is turning into a daily occurrence. If its not a sorcerer it is some sort of beast, and if it is not a beast, it's a member of the kitchen staff trying to off the Prince for some small pay off. Merlin is starting to see threats everywhere, seeing everything and everyone as a possible assassin to Arthur. He uses his magic with no hesitation now, never even checking that anyone is watching him. If it saves Arthur then he simply does not care. He searches and searches through his magic book at night by candle for a spell, any spell that could put a more permanent stop to the attacks, a spell that could provide a more useful form of protection. Merlin is determined that he will find something.
Sometimes
I feel I'm going down and so disconnected
Somehow
I know that I am haunted to be wantedMerlin is not careful, that much he knows even without Gaius telling him so. Merlin feels cut off from everything except the urge to protect his Prince. He barely see's Gwen as he passes her in the corridors, hardly hears Morgana as she calls to him. He does not answer when Gaius tried to get him to stop because he is getting reckless. Every other day is turning into a fight to hide his magic with Uther around every corner. The threat of execution seems to hang over his shoulder and somewhere Merlin knows he should care, that he should care that if he dies he cant protect Arthur anyway, but he doesn't. He walks through his day with only one thing on his mind that no one can snap him out of.
They say
That I must learn to kill before I can feel safe
But I
I rather kill myself then turn into their slave
It's not until Mordred comes along that Merlin realised how far from who he was he has moved. When the Dragon tells him that the boy must die and Merlin, for a second, is ready to say yes, is ready to do it. Its like a hammer to the chest that Merlin see's what he has become and it scares him. How can he even think of killing a child? The Dragon tells him that he needs to do this and he must learn to accept it and Merlin feels sick. He has never been afraid of his magic until now, until he can see what it is doing to him. He swears right there he isn't going to be a slave to it just because he can, he can save Arthur without murder, he can save himself.
I've been watching
I've been waiting
In the shadows all my time
Merlin steps back, as hard as it is for him to do, he steps back. He stops putting himself in such danger. He tries to tell himself that he does it for Arthur but he knows deep down he is doing it for himself. He does not want to die. So he stands in the shadows and protects Arthur from a far, ignoring the Dragon as it calls from below the castle, because he wont be controlled, he can do this himself.
Review? Pleaseeeeee?