Maya sits at the smoothie counter, tapping her pencil against the blank page of her sketchbook. She is one portrait away from finishing her art portfolio for class but she's stuck. The assignment is to do a set of portraits of the people in her life that captured one thing that she believed defined each of them. So far she had drawn her mom, Shawn, Riley, the Matthews, Auggie, Farkle, Zay, and Smackle. Of course, there is someone else who pops into her head but she pushes the thought away as soon as it pops up.
"So are we doing this thing or what," Zay asks, strolling up to the smoothie counter, interrupting her from her thoughts. "Get your tissues ready because we're watching The Notebook."
Maya hops from her seat, shaking her head.
"Nope, no way. We watched that the last time you picked the movie."
"Hey it's my turn to choose and I choose The Notebook."
Maya shakes her head again not backing down.
"But The Notebook," Zay says, putting on his best pout.
"But no."
The two are so caught up in their conversation that they don't notice when Lucas walks up.
"Hey guys, what's going on?" Both Maya and Zay turn to Lucas and then back to each other.
"Zay is trying to ruin our movie night by making me watch The Notebook for the 100th time," Maya says, crossing her arms over her chest and narrowing her eyes at Zay.
"Well Maya seems to forget that it's my turn to pick the movie and I can pick whatever I want," Zay says, matching her stance.
"Movie night?"
Lucas looks from Maya to Zay confused, but neither of them answer him. After about a minute though, Zay sighs, dropping his hands to his sides.
"Fine you win. We won't watch The Notebook. Happy now?"
Maya's face brakes out into grin.
"Very. Thanks Babs."
Lucas crinkles his nose at the nickname but when he makes eye contact with her he can't help but smile. Of course Zay notices that and a knowing smile spreads across his face.
"Well I'm out," Zay says, giving Lucas a slap on the back. "See you at your place Maya."
Zay heads for the door, throwing up two fingers on his way out. For a second, Maya and Lucas stand there together, an awkward silence hanging over them. She glances over at the counter to her untouched smoothie she has long since forgotten about and sighs. Being here at Topanga's alone with Lucas and a strawberry smoothie nearby brings her back to their first date.
"Want a smoothie?" she asks, breaking the awkward silence between them. He eyes the smoothie in her hand and a small smile pulls at his lips.
"You're not gonna pour that on me are you?"
Maya smiles back. "Do you want the smoothie or not Huckleberry?"
"Woah," he says, taking it from her. "It's been awhile since you've called me Huckleberry."
She shrugs, moving over to the couch and plopping down. "Well get used to it because I have a feeling it's making a comeback."
Lucas laughs, taking a seat next to her. "Whatever you say, ma'am," he says, tipping his imaginary hat. For a while they both sit there grinning like a couple of idiots but then Lucas turns serious. He is staring at her with the face only a Huckleberry could have and she can tell that he wants to say something.
"If you have something on your mind Cowboy spit it out."
Lucas shakes himself out of his trance. "It's nothing really. I guess seeing you and Zay... I knew you guys were close I just didn't realize you were that close."
"Yeah well Zay's been there for me a lot this year," she says. She doesn't know how she would have made it through the past few months without him. As much as she hates to admit it, adjusting to Riley and Lucas being a couple had been hard for her and the only person who understood that was Zay.
"Well I'm glad you guys are such good friends."
"Yeah me too."
Lucas pauses again. "Can I ask you something?"
"Sure," she says, turning to face him. "You can ask me anything."
"We're still friends, right?" Maya stares back at him confused.
"Haven't we always been," she asks, but she isn't so sure herself. She can't deny that they drifted apart when he and Riley were dating and now that they aren't dating things feel even more awkward between them. All she wants is for everything to go back to how it was before the triangle but it hasn't. Maybe it can't.
"It doesn't seem like it so much lately. I mean you haven't talked to me in months."
She narrows her eyes suddenly feeling defensive. Is he seriously trying to blame the distance between them on her?
"What are you trying to say?"
"I don't know. I just wish I didn't have to go through Zay to find out what's going on with you."
"Well instead of asking Zay about me, you could, I don't know, ask me."
Lucas shakes his head quickly sensing her change in attitude.
"I know that. It's just..."
"It's just what?"
"Never mind," he says, looking down at his hands. Maya takes in a deep breath and lets it out slowly.
"Sure okay Lucas," she says standing. "I gotta get going." She can feel his eyes on her as she grabs her coat and heads for the door, struggling to put it on as she goes. She is half way to the door when she hears him call after her but she ignores it. It isn't until she gets to the subway that she realizes she left her sketchbook book behind.
Maya's boots feel heavy as she drags herself up her fire escape. She isn't in the mood for movie night anymore and all she really wants to do is be alone. Somehow Lucas got to her like he always does. She knows he didn't mean anything by what he said. He was just being his same Huckleberry self. Still it bothers her and she can't figure out why. A part of her is afraid to figure out why. As she reaches the top of the fire escape, she is all ready to reschedule movie night but the sight of Zay makes her burst out into laughter. He is huddled into a corner with a red and green flannel blanket wrapped around him. A stack of DVDs is on one side of him and a plastic bag on the other side. He looks miserable.
"Aw darling you're shivering," she says, feeling bad that she didn't come sooner. "Why didn't you just go in? You know I leave the window unlocked."
"Yeah and you know how I feel about that," he says, scrambling to his feet. "It's beyond creepy and Zay ain't no creep. Plus it's rude and—"
"You were raised better than that. I know," she says, grabbing the bag while he grabs the DVDs. She opens her window and motions for Zay to go inside.
"Hurry before you freeze to death." Zay shakes his head, wrapping the blanket tighter around him.
"Nope, ladies first. So you hurry before I freeze to death." Maya rolls her eyes but smiles.
"Always such a gentleman," she says, as she hops through the window and then turns to help him through. He closes the window behind them.
"So what happened with you and Lucas after I left?" Maya collapses on her bed, tossing the bag near her pillows.
"What do you mean what happened? Nothing happened." Zay gives her a look.
"Oh really? Then what was with that 'everything sucks' look on your face when you were climbing up the fire escape?"
"Maybe because climbing up the fire escape sucks," she suggests, innocently. Zay isn't buying it.
"You don't wanna talk about it fine. We won't. Good thing I came prepared," he says, fanning out the DVDs like a deck of cards. "Every season of Red Planet Diaries ever."
Maya sits up on her bed. "You didn't."
"I did. Now check the bag." She reaches across her bed and grabs the bag.
"Mocha chip ice cream. What made you do all of this?"
"What a guy can't get into Red Planet Diaries? You and Riley talk about it so much I wanted to see what I was missing. Plus who doesn't love mocha chip ice cream." Maya gets up and gives Zay a hug.
"Thank you."
"No problem Blondie. Now let's get this binge watch started. How about you go grab some spoons for the ice cream and I'll put in season one."
"Sure," Maya says, heading for the kitchen, her steps lighter than before. This is exactly what she needs. Reruns of her favorite show with her favorite ice cream and one of her best friends. She opens the fridge and rummages for whatever toppings she can find. Chocolate syrup, a half empty jar of maraschino cherries and some left-over cake from Shawn's birthday is the best she can do. She has carefully balanced the cake, a couple of bowls and spoons, the chocolate syrup and the jar of cherries when there is a knock at the door. She groans, letting everything spill back onto the counter. It is probably Mrs. Rivera coming to get her spare key because she has somehow managed to lock herself out of her apartment again. She grabs the key from the drawer and heads for the door.
"I'm coming," she calls out, when there is another knock. She swings open the door and the moment she sees who is standing there, it feels like all the air has been knocked out of her.
"Dad?" she finally manages to get out, her voice small.
"Hi Maya. I'm sorry to just show up like this but can I come in?" Maya pauses, looking over the man who walked out on her and her mom all those years ago. He looks different from the last time she saw him. He is thinner and the usually warm crinkles around his eyes only make him look tired. Maya can't understand why he decided to show up on her doorstep and as much as she wants to slam the door in his face, curiosity gets the best of her.
"Sure," she says, moving out of the way so he can step inside. He practically creeps into the apartment, peeking around the door like he expects someone to jump out at him.
"Mom's not home. She's working tonight." He visibly relaxes at that and Maya can't help but mirror his relief. It's one of the only times she is actually glad that her mom isn't home. He moves further into the apartment, his eyes going over every inch of the place. Nothing much has changed since he left and she can only imagine that being here is like revisiting a perfectly preserved part of his past.
"Come sit." She moves past him over to the old couch and it creaks loudly under their weight as they both take a seat. Her father pats the worn cushion fondly, his smile uneasy.
"Ole Reliable," he says still running his hand over the mustard yellow fabric. "I spent a lot of nights on this couch." Maya flinches. She is flooded by memories of waking up in the middle of the night to check if her father was home, hoping to find him sleeping here on the couch. She remembers the relief she always felt when she found him there and how much it hurt the day he stopped coming home all together. She pushes the memory from her mind.
"So why are you here?"
"Right," he says, running a hand through his hair. "Well I've been thinking about you a lot since you wrote me that letter. I know you said you couldn't forgive me but I'm hoping that maybe that's changed. I want another chance to get to know you Maya." He holds her gaze despite the guilt on his face and it makes her blood boil. She can feel all of the anger she's felt for so long bubble back up.
"You had years to get to know me. You can't just pop up now because all of a sudden you're ready to be in my life."
"I know you're upset and I'm sorry that—"
"That what?" Maya asks, cutting him off. "That you walked out on your four year old daughter and never looked back." He looks away from her and a heavy silence settles over them. She doesn't know what more he can say to explain abandoning his family and none of it will make her feel better anyway.
"Maya?" She turns and sees Zay standing behind them. "Is everything okay?"
"Uh...yeah. My father stopped by," she says, motioning beside her. Her father stands up.
"Kermit," he says, walking over to Zay and holding out his hand. Zay looks over to Maya and then back before extending his own hand.
"Zay," he says, taking back his hand and moving over to Maya. "Should I go?"
"You don't have to," she says, hopping to her feet and catching him by the shirt to stop him from leaving. She turns to her father. "I think we've said everything we have to say to each other. Maybe you should go."
"Okay if that's what you want. I'll go," he says. "But let me say one thing first. I know there's no way I could ever make it up to you for leaving but I hope that eventually you can give me another chance to be in your life."
He seems sincere enough and somehow that makes her feel worse. Every bit of closure she thought she had gotten from their last talk disappears with one question that burns in the back of her brain. She didn't have the courage to ask him then but now she needs answers.
"Did you even love me at all?" Her voice comes out smaller than she wants and she can almost hear the little girl she used to be. She searches his eyes for the answer but he doesn't reply right away. His hesitation makes her immediately regret asking.
"For a long time after I left I tried to forget about you and your mom," he finally says, his eyes on the ground. "But the more I tried to forget about you the more I thought about you. I thought about you all the time. I loved you. I did but it's hard to love someone when you don't love yourself."
Maya shakes her head at that. Hearing her father say that he loved her is what she has wanted to hear since she was four years old but he is saying it sixteen years too late. "You don't walk away from someone you love," she says as she moves away from the couch. "I really think you should go." Her father moves toward the door in response but before going out, he turns back to her.
"Please think about what I said, okay? I meant every word of it."
"Yeah but those are just words. I need more than the words from you." He nods at that.
"I know," he says, before going out the door and closing it behind him.
Maya stands frozen near the couch, staring at where her father just stood. She hates to admit it but she wants more than anything to believe him. She just can't. Pretty words can't make up for her father being checked out of her life. It can't make up for all the years she blamed herself for him leaving and how angry she was because of that. Still, she can't squash that tiny bit of hope that makes her want to give him another chance. She is torn and confused and angry. She feels a hand on her shoulder but doesn't turn around.
"Are you okay?" She figures he probably already knows the answer to that so instead of saying anything she sinks down to the couch. Zay joins her and they sit there together quietly. She appreciates that he doesn't try to make her talk about it or try and say something to make her feel better. She's just glad that he's there.